~ Z a y n a h ~
"Do you love me?"
It took everything in me to refrain from strangling him right then and there, but I just shut my glossy eyes and let the tears flow as he showered me with his unwanted touches of aftercare.
This time was no different from the last. It hurt the same, both physically and mentally.
"I want to but I can't, yet." I lied.
And I will continue to lie until I gain his complete trust. If that's what it takes.
The moonlight that fell on us was the only source of light in this dark room.
He smiled as if he understood my situation, but I knew he didn't. He never would.
Perpetrators never know the pain they inflict on their prey.
"You'll get over it soon. We can enjoy this together someday." He tried to console me like the delusional idiot he was.
We could never enjoy this together no matter what.
I sighed. Wrapping the blanket around me, I turned around to not face him anymore, but he mistook that as a sign to wrap his arm around me in a back hug, and closed the distance between us while he was at it.
He disgusted me.
"I'm not comfortable with physical touches," I said truthfully, almost expecting him to take a hint.
He placed a kiss on my bare shoulder, "It's okay, you will be."
I took a deep breath and contemplated how long could I keep up with all this.
"How can I love you when you force yourself on me like this?" I just let it out.
"I can't help it, Snowflake. I can't wait until you willingly submit yourself to me, so I'll have to be like this until that day arrives." He continued to leave kisses on my shoulders while I shuddered silently.
How can he be so casual about assaulting me?
I wanted to know something and I wasn't going to wait for it.
"Do you trust me, Desmond?" I fiddled with my fingers.
"Hm, do I?"
I gulped nervously. I bore with everything, and still, he didn't trust me? I felt so pathetic.
"I trust you to leave you alone in this palace because I know you wouldn't try to escape. I also trust you with any man in the world because, if you had wanted a lover, then you would've had it way before I saw you. But,"
He turned me around quickly to see my face before I had any time to process it, "I don't trust you to not kill me when you have a chance."
I struggled to maintain eye contact because he was right, but I couldn't let him believe that. Because if he did, then I might never get that opportunity to do it. And for that, I needed power and then his trust.
I had some power as his queen, but gaining his trust seemed to be tougher than I thought.
I raised my hand and placed it on his face, and he quickly responded by closing his eyes.
Good.
My skin crawled as I made contact with his cheek, but my long-term plan gave me some courage to bear it.
"What should I do to gain your trust?" I caressed his face and tried to conceal my disgust.
He still didn't open his eyes, "And why would you want that?"
That caught me by surprise, "I want to be happy here because I have no other option, and for that, I need you to trust me." I lied effortlessly.
What kind of a liar had Desmond made me into?
"You've given up already?"
"I think I have. For the sake of my family." I added the last part to sound honest.
"Tsk tsk, I thought you were a fighter. That's disappointing."
I kept my rage at bay and lowered my gaze to feign submission and surrender.
He lifted my jaw, "But I still love you anyway."
"But you don't trust me," I pointed out.
He pressed my lower lip between his fingers before sticking his thumb in my mouth, much to my disgust, but thankfully, he didn't push it deeper.
"Who knows? I just might." He smirked.
I grabbed his hand and removed it from my mouth. I proceeded to leave the bed, but he held me back.
"I'm not sleepy, I want to sit on the balcony," I gave an excuse to escape from his suffocating presence.
He suddenly pulled me towards his body, leaving no space between us.
He leaned in and whispered into my ear, "You're sure about that? Because the night is still young and I just might go for another round."
I despise you, Desmond.
I quickly pulled away, "I'm feeling sleepy now." I laid back on the bed, putting as much distance as possible from him.
He laughed darkly, "Okay, good night then."