tw: This chapter contains sexual content. Read with caution.
The last thing I wanted to do was go to class. My head was pounding like a drum and I looked like a walking nightmare. Sleep hadn't been coming so easy with the thoughts racing through my brain. A few days without Draco had really put a damper on my mood— more than I had ever felt possible.
He was an escape, even though he shouldn't have been. I hadn't realized how much I looked forward to him distracting my days, if not just to pick on me and give me the slightest fraction of his attention. Just to hear his voice, see his eyes, and smell his scent that lingered in my airway for minutes after I had seen him. But when he was gone, it ached for no reason and felt like time was dragging until I'd see him again.
I rubbed some cold water over my sunken face and tightened the high ponytail that I pulled my long locks into. Messy pieces fell out around my cheeks, and I rubbed my temples to ease some of the tension building up behind my eyes.
When had I eaten last? Doesn't matter. I hadn't slept in days anyway, the crash would come sooner or later.
"Bunny?" My burning eyes widened when I heard my door click shut. "Baby, are you in here?"
I was paralyzed. If it weren't for the shiver that ran down the exposed skin above my high socks and below my skirt, I'd have thought my heart completely stopped and my body was dead.
I felt cursed. Like I couldn't resist the boy I heard walking across the wooden floors of my dorm no matter how hard I tried. He was here again after waiting for so long. And after our time apart— I felt confused.
"Ray," He crooned from the bathroom door. I turned as slow as death and met chocolate eyes that had been gone for too long; so warm and inviting like they had melted in the sun. "Hi, bunny." His glistening teeth smiled at me.
I could smell the remnants of the dark magic rolling off of his robes. It was a tang that stung my nose like nothing I had ever felt. He hadn't even bothered to change before he came back here— his first instinct was to come to me.
Now, my guilt truly consumed me.
"Graham." I breathed dreamily, blinking a few times to adjust to the sight of him in front of me.
"Rain." He took a step forward and had my jaw in his palm a second later, kissing me deeply to relieve himself from his cravings of touch. An inkling of me fluttered at the sensation, the warm and home like feeling of him spreading through my gut.
When he pulled away a small noise escaped my parted lips. Something close to a sob, and my shaky fingers moved over his chest in front of me.
"My beautiful love." He picked me up in a swift motion and placed me on the counter behind me. "You have no idea how much I missed you." He let his hands roam over me to take in every inch of my body, and I pressed my hands against the sides of my head to control the headache that was now growing.
Draco. Graham. Draco. Graham. Draco.
"I-" I laid my forehead in his shoulder, and felt his hand rub the back of my neck soothingly. My breathing was still accelerating into a panic like no other.
"Shhh. I'm here now. You're okay. It's okay." He whispered, kissing my head wherever he could reach. This was a reminder of the boy I had loved. This is why I tended to forget the other side of him that could be so evil. I was choosing to be blind because of moments like this.
"Graham, please don't leave again." I clinched the fabric of his black robes to tug him closer. "Don't leave me again." I looked up at him and shook my head.
"Not for a while, love." He smiled softly. "I have time. We have time." He pressed his lips against the tears on my cheeks to stop them. "Do you have class?" He looked down at my skirt and one of his large Slytherin colored sweaters engulfing my torso. "Look at you in those clothes, my little thief. You really must have missed me." He rubbed the side of my head for me, and the tugging on my brain eased in an instant.
"I always miss you when you go." I closed my eyes and let his fingers work their magic against the dull pain behind my skull. "My head has hurt all morning. That feels heavenly." I hummed.
"Well, if you skip class, I can show you what else they can make feel heavenly." He whispered next to my ear, tugging the lobe between his teeth for a minute. Something inside of me hesitated, but this is possibly what I had needed.
Giving back in to Graham and his attention would help me forget about Malfoy. It could help stop the ache for the wrong boy that was growing in my gut, remind me why Graham's touch pleased me, and stop the inappropriate thoughts I had for the blonde boy altogether.
It's worth a shot.
"Fuck, I missed you," I groaned, grabbing as much of his hair between my fingers as I could and shoving the other boy from my brain for the time being— like I should've done months ago.
"This can go." Graham dragged his sweater over my head, leaving me in a small bralette. "Mmm," his finger slowly moved along the outline of the fabric before he kissed my temple. "Do you need medicine? I might have a pain reducer for your head." He asked quietly, his lips lingering over my hair. I nodded before he left me alone in the room.
I dropped down to put my feet on the floor and tugged the hair tie out of my head, instantly bringing myself some relief. My hooded eyes stared into the shower and twisted the knobs carefully, just wishing to warm it up.
"Here, baby." Graham pulled the stoppers of the vials off with his perfect white teeth, spitting them out on the counter next to us.
One full of a liquid to relieve my head, the other a familiar potion that I took every time he planned on receiving some sort of pleasure with me. I guess he wasn't kidding about feeling heavenly...
He was quick to discard the clothes he wore and toss them into a clothes bin, stripping down to his boxer briefs. He was thinner, and run down. Now that my head had cleared up, I noticed the dark rings that had formed under his already dark eyes.
"Are you-"
"It was nothing compared to the last time. Don't worry, Ray." He rubbed my shoulders with his thumbs and looked down at me, his muscles flexing with every movement he made. "I'm good." He ducked his head down so our eyes were leveled. "Just remember— everything I do-"
"You do it for me." I repeated.
Part of me wondered if he was worried I had taken a new liking to Blaise for his heroic act of volunteering for the mark in my place. He hadn't tried to hurt him in so long, but he was so possessive over being my hero. Anyone else that tried to save my days was immediately on Graham's radar.
If only he knew who had actually been stepping into the playing field. Suddenly, any interaction I had snuck around to have with Blaise didn't seem so bad. They seemed saintlike and holy compared to the sins I had been lured into just a few days ago...
"I do it all for you, bunny." He whispered in agreement, snapping me from my thoughts. His hands slipped the straps of my bra down my biceps until it fell around my waist. A smile of victory curled at his lips and he hooked his fingers through all the fabrics by my hips, dragging them to the floor.
While he was down there, he slowly tugged my socks down my legs, kissing the inside of my thighs teasingly to build my suspense. A soft noise escaped me, and I let my eyes fall shut as the medicine finally eased my brain like a sedative.
"I missed you." He mumbled against the skin of my thigh before he stood up straight.
Light pink lips on thighs. Hair between fingers. Moans leaving lips.
My innocent green eyes met his and I slowly slipped my hands under his boxers to drag them off of him, letting them pool around his ankles.
The hunger in his eyes woke something deep in my soul. It was hard not to notice how his erection sprang free in front of me, and I let my eyes linger a little longer than usual just to boost his ego— like he even needed me to do that for him.
But he ate that shit up every single time like it was a new trick in my book. I lead the way into the steaming water pouring from my shower, and his devilish smile grew wider as he watched my bare hips walk away from him.
His large hands wrapped around me from behind, trailing over my stomach and pulling me back into his torso. His hard length poked at my backside, making me moan quietly. I was wet just from the thought of being touched intimately.
Passionate bruises on thighs and hips from being held in place. Squirming to get away from the tongue that brought me to a new state of grace and euphoria.
He pushed my shoulder forward until I braced myself against the tiled wall with my hands, my bum still held against his waist as I arched my back.
"I'm going to make you feel so good." He whispered against the roaring of the running shower. His finger trailed down my collarbone, lazily trailing around my nipple. He flicked it once and then rubbed his thumb over the hurt, making me hiss.
He snickered at the sound before he let his finger travel towards my navel, drawing patterns along the way. My hips moved against him slightly, begging for him to touch me further. I felt his head dip against the back of my shoulder as his hot breaths panted against my skin.
"All mine." He groaned, pushing himself into me without a warning. I pinched my eyes shut and tried to stop my body from freezing from the emotions that phrase brought me.
Graham had been tired of playing around, and wanted to finally fulfill the need he had been begging for in his time away.
A punch if guilt hit me in the stomach as soon as our bodies came into contact. The words made my thoughts stir together. I was his. All his. The fact that I had to remind myself of that made the guilt worse.
"Graham." I gasped, my hands shaking slightly against the slick wall. The water poured over my back, relaxing my stiff muscles as he gave me no time to prepare for him.
"That's right, baby. Moan for me." He forced his hips against me at a pace that was far from gentle. We had never made love to each other. Each time he fucked me, he did it like I was his favorite hookup. Sometimes that's all it felt like.
My eyes stayed shut because I needed to stop thinking. I was ruining all of this. It would feel so good if I got myself to stop thinking— but right now everything felt wrong.
Passionate feelings stirring in my gut. Lips locking. Hair being tugged. Platinum hair. Blonde, Malfoy hair.
His hands flipped me around when he had pulled out for a split second, just to bury himself right back in. I ran my hands through his hair while he sucked the skin of my neck, pulling it between his teeth and tugging hard enough to leave a different type of bruise on the skin than the kind he usually left me with.
The glimmer of the ring on my finger caught my eye, the opal reflecting in the steam and bathroom light behind the curtain. The scent of the boy in front of me wasn't the one I wanted. The silkiness of the hair in my hands wasn't the same.
Sterling eyes so sharp they could cut through my soul. Melting at his touch. Hearing my name on his lips. His fingers touching me.
"Fuck, Ray. So good baby. So fucking good for me." The voice wasn't right either. I knew this wouldn't bring me what I needed. So I took one last glance at that ring and closed my eyes.
The hunger and desire I saw in the doorway of Graham's library lingered behind his sterling eyes when I imagined him. I pictured how he looked the other night in his bed while he hovered over top of me. I convinced myself that it was his hands roaming over my breasts, and I finally let a few raspy moans slip from my throat.
"Yes," Graham grunted, nuzzling his head against mine and burying himself deeper. I had to bite my lips so I didn't let the wrong name fall from my mouth, blood and iron tanging against my tongue as I pictured how Draco looked, how he would feel if he let our rendezvous go any further— how it would feel to have him fuck me instead.
"Finish for me." Graham begged, rubbing my wet hair back and laying his forehead against mine while my eyes were still screwed shut and my brain was still spinning.
I imagined a different deep voice in my head to calm my body.
In my mind, his head would be cocked to the side in a demand and his hollow expression commanding and controlling me, but I would let him control me if he wanted it. I think I would let him do anything...
"Cum," he would whisper in my ear in a sweet voice that didn't match his hard exterior— a voice I was sure no one else had probably ever heard from him. Not even the girls he flirted with for entertainment or enjoyment— I hoped. His motions were more pleasurable than those of my boyfriend. I unraveled just from the sound of his voice in my head.
Graham washed us when he finished with me, a few kisses being peppered across the top of my head. The dirty feeling side of me wasn't from my treacherous imagination, or the things I had done behind his back, but from the feeling of his skin on mine. I reminded myself that he was my boyfriend. Mine. This was eternity, and Malfoy was a phase.
"I love you." I nuzzled my forehead into the crook of his neck and listened to him hum, wrapping his muscular arms around my small frame and holding me close to him in a trap— like he could feel me longing to escape deep down.
"You're the love of my life, Rain." He muttered against my forehead, kissing the spot for the hundredth time. My heart didn't even flutter...
"You're mine, too."
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
"Are you happy he's back?" Blaise asked bluntly, his eyes lingering over the live bites taking up majority of my pale neck. I tugged at the collar of my sweater to hide the ones over my collarbones.
Marking me like territory for the world to see without inflicting unjustifiable pain— Graham always was clever.
We were hiding on our roof, our only attempt at alone time now that Graham had returned. Somehow, we had managed to find a spare minute to meet up here and indulge in our usual activities.
"Yeah." I answered with just as much enthusiasm as he had.
"That sounded convincing." Blaise snickered, pulling a cigarette and holding it out towards me. I shook my head, earning a raise of Blaise's brow with surprise.
"I'm trying to quit." I admitted. A small smile tugged at the edges of his lips and I could see the hope glimmering in his eyes.
"I begged you not to smoke them for months until I finally gave up on pressing you for it, and now you suddenly came to your senses?" He looked impressed.
"Do you think I'm too pretty to smoke them?"
"Definitely." He gave me a dangerously handsome smile. "You the prettiest girl I've ever laid eyes on."
"You're just saying that-"
"Well, I certainly wouldn't let them brand my arm with the tattoo of Satan for the likes of someone like Parkinson or Greengrass." He argued, my eyes glaring at him while he only smiled more. I was happy he was back to being himself. Now I just worried when he would go out for his new line of work and return in a horrendous state again.
"That actually means a lot." I looked down at my nails and picked at the skin around them. "Blaise, I need to tell you something." My voice dropped and almost failed me, making him freeze his own motions to watch me. "Over a year ago, my father got into some trouble." Now that I had a slither of confidence, I knew it was time to give Blaise a few more details he deserved as my best friend.
After all, he had taken the Mark of Satan for me.
"What kind of trouble...?"
"Enough that it would ruin his namesake." I scoffed. "And you know how much he cares about his image in front of every one. I don't remember what he even did, and I don't even think I knew the details to begin with. He struck a deal with the Montague family to keep their mouths shut. It worked. Silence in exchange for a Pureblooded marriage-"
"Between you and Graham." He finished in a murmur. I peaked over at him and saw the realization clue in on his face. "Oh, Rain." He sighed, putting all the pieces together for himself.
My romantic relationship hadn't been built on a foundation of love and friendship.
It was hate and lies. Which turned to possession and lust. Love was a word that had been threaded into our vocabulary, woven into the cracks like we were an old worn out blanket with tears and snags in us. It sure did feel like it most of the time.
"I love him, and he loves me. I have to love him, Blaise." My voice cracked, but I didn't feel the sting of tears. Not this time. "I don't have a choice." There wasn't anyone that could volunteer themselves for this in my place. Even without a tattoo on my forearm, I was a slave to someone who had complete control over me.
"That's why I've stayed this long. The bruises, and fights, and control. He literally owns me, B. I can't get away-"
"We can always run. Always. I would still do it for you. I would do anything for you." He tossed his cigarette away without looking at it and cupped both of my cheeks in his hands. "Anything." He repeated.
"I know. But this isn't something that can be changed. Only managed. And I'll just manage to get through it for the rest of my life." I shrugged sadly, trying to give him a soft smile.
"Why didn't you ever tell-"
"Because I've been in denial, I think. My eyes are finally starting to realize how horrible my situation has been. You of all people deserved the truth," Most of it, "and I just wanted to tell you. Because I love you, you're my person, and my best friend." I sighed. "You can be the Man of Honor if it makes you feel any better-"
"I love you." Blaise cut my laugh off with a look and voice of concern. "And I promise you that I'm going to be there for you for the rest of my life— until the day I die." I shrugged his hands off my cheeks and wrapped my arms around his neck, climbing into his lap and letting him hold me like he always had. "You're all that matters to me, Princess." He whispered in my ear.
"I feel the same way." I told him. I could stay like this forever, and it would feel like there was nothing more out there in the world. This was it.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Tundra purred at my feet as I dangled a quill in front of her face. My smile was subtle as I watched her paws try and attack the feather like it were a toy. It was a good distraction from the thunder that shook the castle walls and the rain that was so hard, the currents of the dark lake outside the windows was rough.
I had layered on some wool socks and a large hoodie to try and keep myself warm, but the dungeons seemed unbearably cold and dark tonight. I allowed Graham to stay alone in his dorm, wanting him to catch up on as much sleep as he could so he'd stay in high spirits.
It also bought me time to clear my head and figure out what the fuck I was going to do.
Tundra hissed and growled from the bang at my door. A sound that couldn't be confused with a knock. I slowly moved off the bed, preparing to run for the nearest closet or the bathroom and hide.
I heard a groan from the opposite side, and my heart jumped into my throat as I imagined the drunken state Graham had probably entered. His time to take his anger out on me was due anyway. Tundra scurried under the bed, poking her head out just enough to see the door in front of me.
"Fuck." His deep voice hissed. My panic eased and my senses came too. I could've sworn my heart even leapt in my chest from the familiar voice.
My feet carried me to the door swiftly, my hand yanking it open with an eagerness pumping through my bloodstream. There, in the darkness, stood the figure I had been missing. He wore dark robes just like Graham, but he looked so much worse than my brunette lover had.
I checked the hallway over once to ensure no one was around while he braced himself with both hands against the frame of my door.
"Draco?" I reached for the collar of his robes to tug him inside the room. His eyes only found my face for a split second, the agony in them tearing my insides out.
"Help." His scratchy voice begged, just before he fell into the room, my small arms barely preventing more harm to his body as he collapsed onto my floor.