𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝
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September 30th
10:45 𝐩m
Lake Bryan, FL
Stopping his car, he looked ahead seeing the dark woodland in front of them.
"Did you bring me here to bury me?" He asked shutting off the engine.
"No" she laughed "I'm going to show you"
She started reaching for the door handle but was stopped by the sound of it locking. Her eyes slide to him as he reached into his back seat grabbing a pair of black crocs.
"Here," he handed the shoes which she gladly took, replacing the bear slippers with them.
While she did that he hopped outgoing around, unlocking the doors with his keypad and opening the door for her.
"You know your such a gentleman?"
"For the bare minimum?" He shook his head, making sure to close the door behind her.
"Well, the bar is very low" she smiles adjusting the to big shoes more on her feet.
"Don't settle for no fuck shit" He looked down at her watching as her smile faded.
"You right"
"I know"
"Don't get cocky," She said making him smirk.
She turned on her heels and began leading him through the woodlands, using a path that she was familiar with.
It wasn't a long walk until they reached the end of the woodland and were met with a beautiful view of the empty lake that held the reflection of the sky.
She looked around forgetting how amazing it looked at night.
"Welcome to my spot" she stepped forward with her blanket still wrapped around her body. "Your very lucky I've brought you here"
"Am I?" He folded his arms.
"Yeah" she dragged "It's very personal to me"
Finding a clear spot in the grass she sat down looking out at the water. Soon she felt his presence next to her as he sat down as well.
"Anytime I feel like shit, I come out here and just watch the stars." She sighed propping her legs up and letting her head rest on her knees. "So feel free to use it as well" Her eyes moved to his seeing he was already looking back at her.
He stared at her as the light from the moon shine beautifully on her features. Finally, he moved his eyes away from hers feeling himself staring for too long. Instead, he moved them to the view in front of him.
"You look...better"
"Better?" He asked still looking out at the water, feeling her eyes still on him.
"Wasn't you upset?" He turned to her but never said anything.
She began fumbling with her hands, feeling like she said the wrong thing. "I mean I was only guessing. That's why I brought you here"
"Yeah I'm good, What about you?"
"What about me?" she leaned back placing her hands on the grass and stretching out her legs.
"Are you upset?" She moved her eyes back to her hands as her nail dug at her nail wall.
"No, I'm fine"
She said but it wasn't true. It was many things weighing down on her mind, she was fighting shit in her head every day that nobody knew about.
So she would just smile and hope that one day, the pain she felt would soon pass.
"I thought this was the place where you let everything out?"
"Yeah, but I'm usually alone" she smiled
"Don't let my presence stop you, let it out"
She looked up with tear-filled eyes hearing something she had been dying to hear from someone, it felt so unnatural and unbelievable to hear but the heavy feeling in her chest was the only thing letting her know that it was real.
She took a deep breath feeling the familiar hot feeling in her throat and nose. She didn't wanna cry, not right now at least.
"Brooklyn" He called her by her name for the first time ever, surprising her a bit "let it out"
And with those words that came out of his mouth, she finally gave up and dropped the fake smile she use as a mask, letting her tears run down her cheeks. "I'm tired" she whispered feeling the strength of those words
And at that moment she realized how unhappy she was and no one truly knew that.
It's been forever since she broke down in front of someone, it was embarrassing, but she couldn't stop.
"Stop looking at me" she tried joking as she wiped the tears off her face but they still continued to fall.
But he sat there ignoring her demand keeping his eyes on her and only her.
"You said you're tried? Tried of what"
"Of feeling like I have no one to rely upon"
"And I know I have Matty and Imani, but I have to be there for the both of them, I don't get a chance to be weak"
she felt his eyes on her as she spoke and it made her feel heard like someone finally wanted to hear her story.
For years she tried to explain her hurt but always felt ignored, so she learn how to stop talking.
But there is only so much someone could take before they pop.
"I never get the chance to breathe"
"Is this about your sister ?" He said causing her head to snap toward him
"How do you know about her? Did Matthew-" Before she could finish, he nod his head letting her know it was true
She let out a sigh, looking up at the stars.
"Mattea was both our older sister, she was just twelve minutes older than Matthew but nevertheless he respected her like it was twelve years" she smiled "We both did"
"It was my fault she died that night"
"We ran out of gas after coming back from a business party with our parents and I was tired of hearing them argue the whole ride so I offered me and her to go to the nearest gas station to get away from them, but clearly that was a mistake"
"If I would've just let my dad go instead as he insisted then she would be here now and Matthew would still have his sister, Orlando would still have his girlfriend and my parents would still have their daughter"
"It's not your fault" He tried his best to calm her down but he was never good with dealing with vulnerability.
"So why do they blame me?"
"They don't"
She scoffs softly "After she died everyone pushed away from me. I was only 11 when I had watch my sister die in my arms, and nobody was there to help me"
"They needed someone to blame someone to use as a scapegoat and it was me"
Not knowing what to say he just sat there and listened. Listen as she poured out her feelings and pain to him.
He knew it wasn't her fault, and wanted to explain that but didn't know how to. She would just have to learn that on her own and maybe one day she would finally let go of the self-blame she dawn upon herself.
He watched as she looked over the stars and the moon like it was her saving from her painful mind and the thoughts that held her captive.
He stood up fixing his clothes, which grabbed her attention, and with her glossy eyes, she looked at him wondering what he was doing now.
"Come on, let's get some food," He said holding out his hand.
She looked up after hearing what he said as she used the back of her hands to wipe the tears from her face even the ones that dripped down her neck and chest
-
Walking into the dark and silent apartment, Brooklyn quietly shut the door behind her and made her way into the living room where Imani still laid passed out drunk.
She tipped-toed her way through the space and past the stairs to the hallway that held two doors, one was a bathroom and the other was her art space.
Opening the door, she was immediately met with the smell of acyclic paint and gloss spray.
She turned on the light and closed the door. The sound of plastic filled the quiet room as she walked more into a painted mess of a room.
A canvas stand stood in the center of the room and on it was a painting she had been working on for weeks
She sat on the red colored cushion while pulling over the clear tub of paint and used brushes.
But as soon as she was about to get ready to start, she stopped everything and looked up at her ceiling feeling the lingering pain of regret weight down on her chest.
She felt like she said too much, shared too much. She wanted all of her secrets back. It was hard for her to trust people to much, especially with her true feelings.
The fear of rejection caused her to close off her true thoughts, so usually she would bury them deep inside herself, but they only destroyed her more.
"Why couldn't you keep your mouth shut" she whispered to herself as she use her fist to gently tap against her head.
But no matter how many times she asked herself that question, she could never gain an answer.
She hated herself for being so weak and vulnerable in front of him. Now that he's seen this side, what would he think?
A part if her, she wanted to close off from everyone for as long as she could, but exposed herself in front of a man she didn't even know for a month.
She couldn't help but feel disappointed in herself.
"Fuck" She huffed stuffing her face in her hands. "That's so fucking embarrassing"
It took her a minute to get herself together but when she did, she let out a deep sigh and grabbed everything she needed to work on her painting.
And hopefully, it would help her take her mind off tonight.
Dipping her brush in the blue then using the black to darken the shade before placing the color on the black parts of the canvas.
Her eyes were glued and completely focused on the project in front of her.
Unknownally, hours seemed to pass her by. Time continued just as she did. And soon the starry sky turned bright waking the birds and everyone else along with it.
𝐄𝐧𝐝 𝐎𝐟 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫
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