The following morning is a repeat of the others. Christian wakes up too early to see that Nia is still beside him and Christian still doesn't know why. He thinks too much before Nia wakes up and when she does, she is always asking about breakfast. Really, if there was one thing in this world Nia could never give up, Christian thinks it would be food. Specifically, fried chicken. Nia's eyes always sparkled when she talked about fried chicken and Christian still isn't quite sure what he thinks about that.
As always, Nia takes him to eat something good, but Christian barely eats his breakfast. He can't– he doesn't know if he'll be able to keep it down. His stomach is doing somersaults, his heart is racing and his hands are beginning to sweat with the thought of going back. He doesn't know what he's going to do when he starts to spend almost all of his day training and especially because Nia won't be there with him.
"You look like you're going to be sick." Nia says nicely, chewing on the gummy bears she'd bought from the shop on their way back from breakfast. She'd insisted on Christian buying some snacks to take with him before he returns to training because he didn't eat much at breakfast, but Christian doesn't think he'll be able to eat at all. It felt hard enough to even keep his iced tea down.
"Don't," Christian groans, closing the lid to Nia's suitcase, helping her pack, "I feel like it. Have you packed everything? chargers? money? passport?"
"Yes, yes, yes and yes." she sighs, still going through her backpack to make sure she's seen her belongings for herself. When she's made sure all of the important things are where they're supposed to be, Nia zips up her backpack and sighs, stretching her arms out behind her to lean back, tilting her head back to look at the ceiling.
Somehow Christian felt worse about Nia leaving than Nia did.
"Hey, Christian," Nia calls, interrupting his thoughts. Christian hums, only turning his head to look at him. He watches as Nia shuffles back a little, messing up her once perfectly made bed, patting the now empty space beside him. "Come here."
"What is it this time?" Christian asks, rolling his eyes. but he joins her on the bed anyway because now his hands are shaking and he doesn't think he'll be okay anymore, stretching out on his stomach to bury his face into the pillow. He's acutely aware of Nia's presence beside him, but nothing happens and he sighs into the pillow, turning his head away from Nia to bury it into his arm so he can breathe. Why didn't she buy a one way ticket? Why didn't he just stay in America?
All of a sudden, there's a warmth on his back and Nia's fingers dance along his spine. Christian wonders then if he's relying too much on the stranger that's leaving today, humming in approval when he feels the gentle tingles that accompanies the touch. "I don't know what's been bothering you lately," Nia says slowly, her eyes following her fingers. "but I think you'll be okay."
"Maybe." is the only response she gets before Christian sighs again, pulling the pillow closer as if he's about to curl in on himself. Nia chuckles, imagining his expression, but her fingers don't stop and they don't say anything more. Nia hums the song she'd shown Christian the night before, her fingers continuing to run over the bumps in his spine and Christian's eyes slide shut in an attempt to enjoy this moment while it lasted.
But there's something bothering him, and it's the fact that Nia is still here even though Christian has never really shared much about himself or about why he's here. Nia's told him almost everything about herself and yet she still offered Christian comfort, even though she didn't know what from. Heaving another sigh, Christian feels his nerves bubble in his chest and he chews on his lower hip, his eyes fluttering open to stare at Nia's luggage sitting on the floor. He hasn't been fair and Nia deserves to know.
"I feel so alone here," Christian mumbles, hearing Nia's voice become quiet. Her fingers don't still and now they're drawing shapes into his back and Christian almost smiles when he feels Nia write out 'fool'. "I don't want to go back to training."
They're silent as they settle again and Nia goes back to drawing random shapes into his back, waiting for Christian to continue. "Going back is a really big deal. There's so much to play for. There's such a burden on me, I don't feel like I'm good enough. Sometimes they don't think I'm good enough," Christian sighs, his fingers curling into the pillow when he feels his chest tighten. Under her fingers, Nia can feel Christian's muscles tense and he hums.
"Is that not kind of... good that the burdens on you? They have faith in you?"
He hums, it's a good point. "It was great until I spent time with my American friends and family and realised I didn't want to come back here." Christian mumbles, more to himself than to Nia. It's so quiet that Nia hears him anyway, her hand now resting over Christian's hip, her thumb stroking the exposed skin of Christian's waist soothingly. Her hand is warm, it's always warm, and Christian closes his eyes again while exhaling slowly, focusing on her touch.
For once, Nia doesn't reply straight away. instead, she takes her time to mull over the new information, sliding her hand a little further up Christian's side until his whole palm is flush against Christian's stomach under his shirt, moving closer so that her chest is pressed against his back.
"Are you scared?" Nia murmurs into Christian's ear, nuzzling the skin just beneath it gently.
Christian swallows, feeling his whole body tingle, his tongue darting out to wet his dry lips before he answers in a whisper. "Yeah." He can feel Nia smile against his skin and Christian shivers, unsure if his heart is skipping beats because Nia is here or because he's nervous as hell right now.
"I know you'll do great, you just have to believe in yourself a little. You're really bad at that, you know? You need to quieten down up there sometimes."
The American laughs a little at that, some of his nerves fading away as he opens his eyes again, feeling Nia's smile widen. His teammates had always told him the same thing, but it sounded different coming from Nia. Maybe it was how she said it, or just the way she said things, but whatever it was it always made Christian want to believe in every word she said. Everything sounded different if Nia said it because somehow, Nia always made everything sound like it'd be okay. "Mm, I know."
They lie like that for a while, falling back into silence. Christian heaves another sigh, feeling his heart settle a little more and Nia snuggles closer to him, beginning to feel warm and sleepy. Maybe Nia was right. Christian spent too much time in his head, always spent too much time in his head, and maybe all this overthinking was making him more anxious than he needed to be. It's not his first time coming back from international break so what was so different about this one?
You still have problems as a team. You still have problems as a player. You're the main man upfront. It all falls on to you. It's you they rely on.
Stop, now.
And that–
Stop.
They don't know how much time passes, but eventually they hear the roll of thunder and Nia stirs. Christian almost wants to whine when Nia lifts her head from his neck to check the time, but then Nia is pulling away, patting his hip and telling him they have to go to the train station, or else Nia will miss her train.
He feels sick.
Reluctantly he gets up, the tiny seed of confidence Nia planted in his heart being smothered by dread. Once his coat is on and they've scoured the room one last time for any forgotten belongings, Nia says goodbye to the security who fusses over her at the door, telling her to stay warm, be happy and come back again soon. He receives some snacks she's packed for him and Nia does her best to give him the brightest smile she can, thanking him for her hospitality.
Nia has her luggage, with an umbrella hanging around her wrist and then they're making their way to the train station, each step getting heavier and heavier for Christian as the sky continues to darkens, the smell of rain thick in the air.
"Luckily security made us take an umbrella." Nia says cheerfully, looking up at the dark sky. She reaches into her jacket and stops momentarily to take a photo, jogging to catch up with Christian when she's done. Christian's barely listening, focusing on taking deep breaths through his nose, his eyes firmly trained on the road in front of them.
He can't, he can't, he can't.
He's scared.
But then Nia's warm hand is sliding into his pocket, wrapping around his hand and Christian releases the breath he didn't know he'd been holding. He raises his head to look at her, but Nia isn't even looking back, smiling instead at the world around them. Her fingers loosely thread between the spaces between Christian's fingers and they walk the rest of the way just like that, with Nia humming every and any song that comes to her mind, with Christian quietly following her to the station and with their fingers laced together.
Somehow Nia's fingers fit perfectly with Christian's. They're not too big, not too small, but where Christian's fingers are long and slender, Nia's are long and irregular. Some fingers are thick at his knuckles, but taper in everywhere else, while others are just a bit thicker than Christian's. Her hands are rougher than Christian's and maybe that's because Nia plays a lot of instruments or makes a lot of things with her hands. Christian doesn't mind though. He doesn't mind the callouses, or how Nia's fingers aren't perfect. He likes how different their hands are, how well they seem to fit together and unconsciously, his fingers tighten around Nia's. Nia only squeezes her hand in response.
They make it to the train station before the first drop of rain hits the ground and by the time they've sorted out Nia's ticket and seat, it's pouring outside. The whole time, Nia has a gentle smile on his face, taking Christian's hand whenever she has the chance to as they move around the station and as always, Christian is grateful for the distraction.
He's thankful for Nia.
"Come back and watch me," Christian murmurs, his fingers almost digging into the back of Nia's hand when they stand beside the train. Turning to face her, Christian chews on his bottom lip, his eyes searching Nia's for an answer. "Please? Please, tell me you'll be there."
His nerves are getting the best of him, because now it's really happening, she's really leaving, and his eyes are beginning to well with tears, his breath is starting to pick up again and his heart is hammering in his chest at the thought of going back on his own.
No no no no no, he can't panic now.
His hands are starting to shake, his chest starts to hurt and he turns away from Nia because he doesn't want to keep showing her this. But if she's bothered by how hard Christian is squeezing her hand, Nia doesn't show it, instead bringing a hand up to turn Christian back towards her, brushing his hair from his face and then cupping his face to wipe a stray tear that falls down his cheek.
"I'll be there," she promises, her voice warm and sweet. Christian takes a shuddering breath and Nia nods encouragingly, still smiling, squeezing his hand gently. "Remember, you need to believe in yourself."
This time, Christian nods and Nia steps closer, leaning in to gently press her lips against Christian's forehead. He almost stops breathing altogether, feeling all the heat rush to his face and his forehead is tingling where Nia's lips are. His chest still hurts, but his heart is beating for a different reason and he really doesn't know what his body is doing anymore.
He knows his ears are red, he knows he looks like a mess and he hates that Nia keeps seeing him like this, but at the same time he's also glad because really, only Nia is allowed to see him like this. And when Nia pulls back, slowly letting their hands drop, he can see pink dusted across her cheeks too as she rubs the back of her neck with a shy laugh.
"Anyway, I believe in you. I promise I'll come and watch you play."
His heart is still caught up in a mix of emotions, but Christian nods anyway, the corners of his lips pulling back in a slight smile. "Okay." he mumbles, twisting his fingers over each other. What does he say to her now?
"Christian," Nia calls. Christian lifts his head and then Nia is smiling at him once more, reaching out to press something into his hand. It's one of the lucky charms they'd bought at a place Nia had taken him to, the one for happiness. He stares at it for a moment, running his thumb over the soft surface and then his eyes soften as he hears Nia speak again. "Good luck."
Closing his hand around the amulet, Christian takes a deep breath and he smiles bit more, the words he'd been wanting to tell Nia coming to him naturally.
"Thank you for everything."
He doesn't quite know what to feel when he watches Nia pass through the gates of the train station without looking back. He's nervous, he's trying to keep it together, he almost wants her to turn around and tell him she's staying; tell him that she's not going back.
Opening the umbrella, he holds it over his head and steps out into the rain, making his way back to his apartment.
He can't wait to see her again.