RONAN
I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME MY PARENTS DID SOMETHING NICE FOR ME AND NICHOLAS. My mother discovered that the town was having a local fair. It was free for the first three hours, and my mother seized the opportunity. However, it took a lot of convincing for my father to agree and come along. Mother treated us to our favorite ice cream-mint chocolate chip-after we had ridden dozens of rides. She even played a few games and splurged a bit on souvenirs to make the day special. She liked to call it "nash malen'kiy sekret," so father wouldn't find out. I cherished those moments when I could pretend we were a real family, holding onto whatever childhood I had left inside me.
Mother always tried to do anything to make us happy, and I was always grateful for that. I never blamed my mother for leaving, as I would've encouraged anyone to leave a person like my father. I just wished she had taken Nicholas with her, because he didn't deserve to go through and witness what we had to endure with our father.
My father was always wary about how we should spend money. He believed those types of things were useless and a waste of time, not to mention a waste of money. The truth was my father was frugal, caring about nothing but money and himself. We barely had any money, and when we did have some, he would spend it on things that were actually useless. My father was a gambler, so he squandered money on it. And when he ran out, he would often try to use the bill money, but mother didn't let it happen. When we didn't have any money left for food, my father would criticize and get angry with us instead of taking responsibility for running our finances dry.
I have a father, but I never had a dad.
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Viktor was seated at my desk as I walked into the office. I could sense something was off just from the stern, judgmental expression he wore on his face. I halted in my tracks and retrieved the gun from the back pocket of my slacks. After unloading it, I placed it on the desk and then took a seat.
"She hasn't left the room in two days," Viktor stated, leaning further into the desk with his chair.
I was always told I had a way with words. Clearly, my words had been too vague for Aria. I had merely stated what she already knew. She was simply in denial, in need of a reality check, and that's exactly what I gave her. I told her the truth, the only version she needed to know. Life operates in perplexing ways we might not understand, but that's just life. Life is complicated. It's full of possibilities but also disappointments, and she knew that.
She understood that better than anyone.
"That's good to know. She won't be a problem," Viktor shakes his head, already disappointed in me and my words. "You haven't been here for a week, and you're already getting on my nerves, Armen."
I chuckle. "I haven't done anything wrong. If she wants to spend her days here in the room, then so be it. I couldn't give a fuck or two, and you know that." I lean back against the seat, while Viktor clears his throat and folds his hands together on top of the desk. It's unsettling that if it were anyone else, I would've put a bullet in their head for sitting in the seat where a king should be sitting. But, this is Viktor.
Other than my brother, he's the closest thing I have to actual family. Raising two boys with no authoritative figures, he's done an amazing job. I've turned out just alright, except for all the bad parts. And as for Nicholas, he's always been the boy known for following in my shadow, just because I'm the oldest, but it wasn't like that to me. Even though I was the oldest, it often felt like I was the one in his shadow, in his corners. I was always told to be like him. At one point in my childhood, I wanted to be just like him. I wanted to be treated like him. And no matter what I did, I never received the same treatment.
And that's the exact moment when I realized as a child, at the age of thirteen, that we don't always get what we want in life. Life comes with challenges. Challenges we might not like, or might not even know are coming our way. It's hard, and it's painfully hard.
"I've always noticed that downward gaze you have whenever you're lost in thought," Viktor brings me out of my reverie, and I can't help but display a frown to show my confusion without verbalizing it. "Besides the shaking or tapping, you stare downwards whenever you're thinking. What's on your mind?" he questions, squinting his eyes and tilting his head.
I divert my attention to the many chess awards on the top-right shelf in the left corner. Bronze, gold, and silver on all three shelves. "Has Nicholas called?" I deflect his question and ask. I haven't heard from Nicholas since the whole incident with the Morretti family. I know both he and Stella are safe, but they don't know if Aria and I are as well. And I'm sure that's all that's on their minds.
Viktor chuckles. "Over the past three days, my phone has been ringing nonstop because of the blonde. I truly wonder how Nicholas will deal with her for the rest of his life. Because I couldn't," he says, timidly.
"And as for Nicholas, he knows you're safe. He just doesn't know where safe is. And I'm sure he's dying to know, but he knows it's not time yet to find out."
I nod. "Indeed, it's not time yet." I rise to my feet and push the rustic chair in. I turn on my heel but pause in the middle of my steps. "I've decided to make my arrival known." The chair's legs scrape loudly against the ground, and I sense Viktor's disapproval emanating from his body.
"That's a fucking death sentence," he seethes.
I shove my hands into my slacks' pockets and tilt my head. "For them or for me?" I ask.
My final words silence Viktor, as he has no room to argue with me about my decision. Once my mind is made up and the plan is set, then the plan is a go. I'm not sure when I'll return to town, but when the time comes, it will happen. And I'll be prepared for anything that comes my way.
On my way to the basement, I pass by the room where the girl hasn't dared to come out. The door is shut, but it isn't locked. It's nighttime, so I assume she's halfway asleep, or perhaps she's a night owl who likes to stay up. For five more seconds, I contemplate opening the door and getting the answer to my question, but I hesitate. For a few more seconds, I stand outside.
I wasn't going inside to check on her. I still need to know if she used the phone or not. It's been there for three days, and she hasn't touched it.
I reach for the doorknob, but the door opens, and a dark-haired woman steps out, her body colliding with mine. The warmth of her body makes the hair on my arms stand, and suddenly, goosebumps crawl down my spine. The natural scent of her hair fills my nose, taking over as if my nose is its resting place. It's as if we're frozen, everything around us suddenly stops moving. The ticking clock halts. I can't hear her steady breathing anymore. I try to step back, but I can't. Our bodies are intertwined, stuck together as if we're one. I look around the room and notice how different it looks.
Behind her, light shines brightly. A radiant light that seems to glow without a hint of darkness. And behind me, there's nothing but bitter darkness. What does this mean? Is this even real? It can't be. And then there's a voice. A familiar voice, a voice I haven't heard in over a decade. "Remember, Armen. When you're lost in the darkness, always look for the light."
"Ronan," another voice is heard, and everything returns to normal. Everything is back in motion; I'm back in reality. There's no bright light, no cloud of darkness. It's just a room, with two people standing outside of it. "Your hand is shaking," she holds my hand in hers, and it's indeed shaking profusely.
I withdraw my hand from hers and turn on my heel. It's becoming uncontrollable now. It never used to happen when I was around people, only when I was alone. If all that was just in my head, I can only imagine what Aria has just witnessed. And from all of it, I can only remember one thing.
Remember when you're lost in the darkness, look for the light.
・・・
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Hello, my beautiful readers! I'm still on a vacation, and I will be fully back next week. I just wanted to give you guys an update, since I haven't been able too.
Other than that, I hope you enjoyed today's chapter! I love you all :)