My mind was more than a little worried when a few more days had passed, and I still hadn't received any word from Graham. The blonde sitting next to me in class had hardly spoken more than a few words to me since the weekend that I now came to regret tremendously, and I had seen him chatting to one too many girls in the corridors and common room considering what we had been through— what the fuck is going on with me?
Since when am I one to give two shits if a boy spends his time with other girls. "What we had been through?" Please. That was just an embarrassing moment of weakness on my part. I stole a glance at him and noticed how focused he was on the chalkboard in front of us.
Did he always have that many girls lined up in his favor? I guess I just hadn't paid as much attention to him in the past— or I never got a twisting feeling of jealousy any time I saw him have such interactions. I cursed myself for even thinking of him in such a way right now as he sat so close to me. Who cared if he had multiple girls? He doesn't belong to me. Being a womanizer shouldn't come as a shocker— he could buy any of them if he truly wanted to, and he was cocky and arrogant enough to do that.
I was the one that decided to stop giving him attention because of the circumstances. He also just took the opportunity to not reach out to me himself after he ditched me in the broom closet, and I think that's what annoyed me. If he claimed he cared so much, why had he let me stop acknowledging him? Why wasn't he trying to get my attention anymore? Probably because the other girls are higher up on his list than I was, because I had known the truth all along and just didn't want to accept it— I was a pawn in his game.
And now, without Draco filling my every thought and desire, Graham has crept back in to my brain.
I regret kissing Malfoy.
I replaced images with Draco with thoughts of Graham. His lovely smell and his strong hands on my hips while he drummed his fingers over them in random patterns. His dimpled smile when I made him happy, and his brown eyes that resembled candy so sweet it almost made your teeth hurt.
I also remember exactly how his hands felt when I needed a lesson—
No.
I wouldn't let myself dwell on the negatives of my relationship. That was the problem. They aren't negatives, they are just bends in the road. Things that can be mended if I allow myself to fix them.
I had built a fantasy with Draco inside my fucked up brain. One that even I couldn't keep up with anymore. I had been a stupid girl that fantasized about a handsome boy that was willing to give me 5 minutes of attention when he thought that I would let him in my pants.
However, being followed by him every day wasn't helping anything. He took his job seriously, and I could feel the cold tension pouring off of him every time I got too close. I didn't look forward to when Graham would get back, and not only would I have to pretend the blonde had no part in my life again, but he would no longer be at my side all day long every day.
I tapped my quill against my desk and blinked a few times to clear my head out of my constant daydreaming. I glanced at him... for the millionth time this hour... and his silver eyes were still focused on Professor McGonagall, making me look away. His knee brushed mine under the table, and I looked towards him with an embarrassing amount of eagerness, but he was still looking away.
An accident. He bumped my leg by accident. I should've known. My heart had betrayed me when it did a leap from his tiny touch. I don't even think you could count his robes grazing my leg as a touch.
His chin rested in his left hand and I tried to get myself to stop noticing all of these stupid details about how he looked today. How handsome he looked— how every little aspect of him was consuming me. I needed a new distraction. And Graham needed to make his return to the castle desperately— for all of our sakes.
McGonagall told each of us to transfigure a small cup on the table in front of us into a ring— a simple task, really, but one we needed to review just to brush up on the basics. I gulped once and tried to ignore Draco's cologne wafting through the air next to me while he sat up straight and flicked his wand with minimal effort. The gold cup on the table formed itself into a ring with an opal gem in the center— far too dainty for his wearing.
He frowned at the ring and picked it up between his fingers, examining his work before the professor came around. This was a spell I could have performed in my sleep. My wand flicked in front of the chalice and I watched as it turned into a silver band with stars and constellations wrapping around it.
It slipped over my thumb easily when I picked it up— a size much too large for my fingers. I froze in place when pale and cold fingers touched mine. Draco slipped the ring off of me, and tossed the one he had made down in front of him on the table.
"Trade ya." He said flatly. The first thing he had said all day. I focused on his fingers as he slipped my silver ring down on next to his others, flexing it in the light to make sure it matched his aesthetic before he relaxed in his chair.
A shaky hand picked up the dainty ring he had made and I casually put it on my finger before Professor McGonagall worked her way to our desk. Another swoosh of Draco's wand, and the parchment laying in front of me folded itself into a paper crane. My eyes rolled with the sentiment of what he wanted to accomplish with his theatrics that I'm sure worked on every other female. I shot him a look and he met my eyes carefully.
I snatched the paper off the table and unfolded it, revealing a note that hadn't been written previously.
Hope Graham Cracker likes the ring, Rainbow.
I pulled it from my finger with a scowl and tossed it at him. His lips softly curled up at the edges and he spun the ring around on the desk.
"Excellent work." McGonagall murmured when we had showed her our work. I started collecting my belongings and made my way for the exit, being one of the first ones done. Draco's steps weren't far behind mine, stalking me out of the room and back towards the dungeons after our final class of the day.
"If you say anything about what's happened when he gets back just to get under his skin, I swear-"
"I would never-" He caught my wrist and spun me to face him. I could see his honesty written across his sharp face.
"It would hurt me, too. I understand I am a game to you-"
"How many times do I have to tell you that isn't true?" He bit back at me harshly. I rolled my eyes and tried to pull away, but he tugged me towards his chest instead, locking me in place. "You've been avoiding me." He narrowed his eyes accusingly.
"More like I kissed you like a pathetic moron and you haven't wanted anything to do with me since that embarrassment." I held the strong eye contact he was giving me. "I figured the other girls were keeping you busy. Sorry, I didn't want to be on that list." I snatched my wrist back and walked away from him again.
"Right," he laughed at me before he caught my arm again. "Like I would ever be dumb enough to do something with you in the open halls and let someone else tell your fucktard boyfriend. It's not my fault I have to use them instead." He knit his brows together. "If you want to pretend what happened that day didn't happen, then you need to tell me that right now and I'll never think anything of it ever again." He whispered, angling his head so he truly looked down over me. "Is that your plan? Do you really want this to stop?" His voice was turning cynical, trying to belittle me.
"What do you expect from me? You want me to believe those other girls are just a ploy so people don't know you're secretly lusting after me? Is that your plan?" I choked on a laugh.
"Why?" He smirked down at me and licked his lips. "Are you jealous, darling?" He purred, leaning down so our noses almost touched.
"God— This is why I fucking hate you, Malfoy." I shoved him away from me and walked faster towards the dungeons while he stumbled on his feet. I didn't make it far before I was pressed against a pillar deep in an empty corridor, so far from everyone else that no one in the castle would even know we were tucked away down here.
"Say that again, Rookwood. I dare you." His minty breaths hit my mouth as he hovered over me with an intimidating glare. I could hardly recall the last time he used my last name, and truly meant it as an insult. Like I was below him. I gulped to try and ease my dry mouth, my breathing coming in soft pants now as I cowered down under his height. My thoughts were blank and his eyes glossed over from anger to... a sultry look. "You don't hate me. What you feel is far from hatred, and you know that." He grazed one of his fingers over the arch of my top lip, the edge of his ring making contact with my skin when he stopped the trail of his fingertip at my chin.
"I don't want to play games with you anymore, Draco. I've said it so many times recently." I whispered, watching his soft lips that were so close to my face. I grabbed his wrist in my delicate hand, trying to pull him away. "We have to stop this."
"Stop what?" He mumbled. "We aren't doing anything. You have Montague, remember?" I could hear the edge in his clipped voice. The thought finally dawned on me as my features softened. He was just as jealous of Graham as I was of those girls dropping to their knees for his approval.
"Yeah. I do." I sighed, but my fingers had softly brushed over his hip, making him shut his eyes softly and blow out a longing breath. My eyes pinched shut and I dropped my hand just as quickly as I had let it touch him. "I have to stop." I repeated. "I shouldn't feel this way-"
"But you could." He slipped a hand behind my neck and tilted my head back with a gentle grasp on my hair so I had to look at him. His eyes were studying me so carefully. The words he had told me up on the roof the other day had started to repeat in my head— not just the surprise of them, but, the beauty of them. All those things he had kept track of about me, and I wondered how many more he was picking up on while he stared at me like that.
"I can't." My voice croaked out, my throat wanting to close off as I tried to settle my pounding heart. I didn't want to hurt him. He pursed his lips together and gave a disappointed nod.
"I'll see you later, Rookwood."
"Draco-"
"It's fine." He said harshly, his face returning to its haunting glare. "I really thought you'd be easier than this, but I guess I was wrong." He smiled wickedly as he towered over me. My face dropped as he chuckled in my face. "Guess you are a smart little witch, Rook. I thought maybe if you thought I cared, you'd give in like the other girls-"
"You're just trying to hurt me because I'm hurting you." I accused him, tears welling up in my eyes. "It's your only defense mechanism, Draco. I know more about you than you think. I watch you, too." I admitted, despite the alarms in my head telling me not to show my vulnerability.
"You don't know anything about me. Whatever you think you know, you're dead wrong." He argued. His eyes burned my skin as a chill ran up and down my spine. I had really managed to piss him off this time. "All you want to do is waste your time with Montague, so why should I stop you?"
"Draco, it's okay to have feelings. We can talk about them instead of you putting up a wall and trying to hurt me-"
"I don't have feelings! I don't feel anything. I'm numb, and I don't care." He hissed, pushing himself off the wall and storming away.
I suppose that's one way to break things off.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Tundra was nipping at the fingers of my free hand while I read the book that sat in my lap. I had picked all the skin off my lips and couldn't bring myself to sleep after my argument with Draco earlier. I pitied him deep down because I understood him now more than ever.
He was sad and lonely. He wanted me to be there with him, despite everything he had said about us not being friends. I think I made him feel seen because I understood his trauma. I liked that he was there to help me cope with mine.
He was just misunderstood. He needed someone. I could help him. I wanted to help him. We could help each other. My heart hurt for him and all the pain I knew he hid under that harsh gaze and deep frown.
"Do you think we should have an intervention with him?" I asked Tundra, her head tilting to the side as I spoke. "I suppose that's a yes." I sighed, sticking my feet into a pair of slippers and grabbing my wand from the night stand.
I slipped from the room, ignoring the chill that sent goosebumps over my arms as I hurried towards the boy's dorms with Tundra on my trail. I was so close to making it there unscathed, and my mind was on a mission— one that prevented me from noticing the group gathered in front of the fireplace.
"Is Graham finally back?" Parkinson purred from the leather sofa. I stopped in my path and turned away from the boy's dorms. "Or were you on your way to fuck Zabini?" She giggled. Daphne laughed from beside her while they both stared at me over the back of the couch.
My eyes traveled between each person— Goyle, Nott, and Malfoy. The 2 latters holding a sorry look that didn't match the smirk on the formers.
"Who's your little friend?" Daphne moved her eyes to Tundra who stood before me on the floor. I scooped her up swiftly before they could get any ideas and held her against my chest. "Guess it's in your benefit that animals can't talk to tell you how pathetic you are. If I couldn't find any people to like me, I'd probably stick with a cat, too-"
"Greengrass, stop." Draco warned her behind her back. His voice wasn't harsh, more annoyed than anything. Like he just wanted her to shut up.
"Oh, come on." She laughed deeply, turning to look at him. "She makes it so easy-"
"Everyone says the same thing about you— though, I think they mean how easy it is to get in your pants." Theo tipped his chin and gave her a daring smirk. I watched her jaw tighten in rage.
"Why are you sticking up for her?" She questioned through gritted teeth.
"Oh, relax Daph." Pansy chuckled. "You know the reason. If they're nice to her, then they may get the bragging rights of shagging the weird girl." She brought a bottle up to her lips and took a long look at my appearance. Now I really wished I had changed out of my green pajama shorts and wasn't wearing one of Graham's giant sleep shirts. "Why don't you join us?"
No.
A familiar, but invading voice filled my head. My eyes flickered towards Draco who shook his head so subtly I thought I was imagining it.
Get out of here, Rook.
"I'm good." I managed to say in a steady voice.
"Oh, don't be a pussy." Goyle taunted from his seat, making my heart rate jump. "We won't bite."
"Not all of us, at least." Daphne narrowed her eyes into slits.
"I was just going to Graham's room to get something. Sorry for interrupting you guys-"
"Well, then I believe you owe us a drink for the trouble-"
"She said she was good." Theo's voice no longer held any amusement. It was cold and showed just how fucked up her was under his mask like the rest of us.
"She doesn't really drink anyway." Draco said casually. I knew he knew the reason behind my distaste for alcohol and my history with it, and for once I thanked God that he did.
"Sit down, Rookwood." I wasn't sure I really had a choice. They two girls were looking at me like I was a meal, and I didn't like the way Goyle's eyes were lingering on my exposed legs. Theo could tell there was no escape either as he slid away from Draco on the two-seater couch and made room for me between them.
Relax and sit next to me. It'll be okay. You know I won't let anything happen.
I gulped once and slowly made my way across the common room as I glanced at Draco again, Tundra making a rumbling sound that begged me to move in the opposite direction.
"What's the cat's name?" Pansy queried. I wanted to knock the smile off her face— wicked bitch.
"Tundra." I sat down coolly and put on my best show— the same shows I put on when Graham took me out and I had to pretend to enjoy it. The same look that I put on when I pretended I could stand him when he was being a prick. I was always good at acting.
"Interesting." She drank from the bottle again. "Have some." She extended it towards me.
Don't.
"No, thanks." I crossed my legs. Tundra escaped my hold and instantly found her liking in Draco's lap, making my breathing stop for a second.
"Looks like the cat likes you, Malfoy." Daphne watched closely.
"Pussy whisperer." Theo snickered quietly next to me, making my cheeks burn. Draco sat stiffly as he looked down at her, the look on his face pretending that he didn't know why the animal was even near him.
"Why is it touching me?" He kept his wide eyes on the cat and waited for me to take her back.
"Who knows what diseases that vermin carries." Goyle laughed.
"The cat or the owner?" Pansy cackled. I swiftly tugged Tundra back into my arms and tried to ignore the lump in my throat. You can't cry here. Not in front of them.
Relax, Rook. She's a cunt anyway— I've heard she actually does carry a disease or two.
"Well, that's no way to treat someone you invited over here." Theo clicked his tongue and draped his arm behind me on the small couch. So close to these boys that my legs brushed theirs, and the slight touch made me feel safe.
"Silly me." Pansy smirked, her eyes boring into the side of my face as I kept my eyes on a nearby table.
"So, what's it like, Rookwood?" Daphne picked up a bottle of her own, swirling the contents around. Draco sparked a cigarette next to me and inhaled a deep drag. "The marriage part, I mean. When do you learn to just accept that the boy you're supposed to marry doesn't love you, and you just... take it?" She played stupid as she asked.
"I hope my parents set me up with someone that actually wants me around-"
"If you're fucking lucky." Draco grumbled under his breath, holding the cigarette up in front of me like he was offering. I furrowed my brows for a minute and looked up at him. He's the one always telling me to quit. His eyes sliced towards me for a split second, but I could read every word without hearing him.
You're gonna need it.
I took a deep drag and slowly exhaled the smoke that always gave me pleasure before I returned it to him. Pansy scoffed and crossed her legs, her skirt inching upwards so far I could practically see what color panties she had on.
"What? Like you wouldn't be glad to have me for the rest of your life?" She challenged him with a coy expression. "You'd be lucky to get me out of the lot, Malfoy."
"If that helps you sleep at night, then keep dreaming." He told her coldly. I enjoyed how her face drained of color and how hurt she looked by the statement.
"Better Pans than Rookwood." Daphne snickered as she took a drink.
"I don't know," Goyle smirked as he eyed me. "There's something about the feral ones. They tend to have more to show." His low laugh made something in my stomach lurch. Get me out of here.
"You can hardly get a mudblood to look in your direction, oaf." Draco said smugly. Daphne's eyes narrowed suspiciously.
"You seem to be awfully defensive of the whore-"
"Easy." Theo warned with a locked jaw, making Daphne's smirk reappear.
"Oh, this is gold!" She sat the bottle down on the coffee table. "Don't tell me you two actually like her." She widened her gaze and looked between the boys. "Other than to try and get in between her legs?" There was a silence. I just wanted to leave.
"They're my friends." I said with as much confidence as I could muster. It was the only thing I could think to blurt out.
"We've known Rain longer than we've even known the two of you." Theo said defensively. "Honestly, I think it would be a shame if Graham heard how you two cornered his girlfriend-"
"Like he'd care." Pansy laughed.
"I can make it sound pretty convincing. I'm not in the mood for this tonight. And I think you two are well aware of how shitty Montague's temper can get." Draco said darkly. It was like any excitement had been sucked out of the room. The three surrounding us had lost all interest in their night of fun as soon as he put on that usual front.
The boy that would end you if you did anything he didn't like. He had his ways, vile and cruel ways that would make you beg for him to stop. It suddenly appeared I was off limits for the night— putting a damper in the game Pansy had tried to set up. Even I was terrified of what he was capable of doing if any of them decided to piss him off.
My nerves were getting the best of me as I started twisting Tundra's fur between my fingers, her purring grew louder as she thought we were playing. I glanced at Draco next to me, his hair practically glowing in the dark common room as the firelight danced off of it.
"Come on, Rook. I'll walk you to Graham's door." Draco stood from the couch and kept his stare on the two girls that started to fidget from the intensity of it. "I was just heading up anyway. I've had enough stupidity for one night." He waited for me to stand as well. Without protest, I did as he said, and lead the way towards the boy's dormitories.
I stayed quiet, trying to ignore all the things they had said about me. They didn't matter anyway This type of behavior wasn't new. Their comments weren't either.
Graham's dorm was further up the hall than Draco's was, but the blonde stopped at his own dorm and grabbed the handle in one hand.
"Were you really going to Graham's? Or was it Zabini's?" He asked softly, using a more gentle tone now that it was just us. I shook my head and stared up at him. "What were you doing then?" He asked lowly, trying to read my sullen face himself. His brows showed his curiosity, and the truth was all I could give him.
"Coming to see you." I whispered, peaking behind him to make sure none of them had followed, praying that Theo was keeping them entertained. He ran his sharp tongue over the inside of his cheek and observed me in front of him.
"Get inside." He whispered as he pushed the door open.