SEASON TWO, EPISODE FOUR:
WAIT FOR U
AMARU chisholm
"Amaru! Come here!"
I paused the show that was playing on my TV and got out of my bed, making my way out of my room and down the long hallway going into the kitchen where my mom was cutting up vegetables.
"Yes, Mommy?" I rub my eye, taking a seat on a stool that was in front of our island.
"You wanna help me cut these tomatoes?" She stopped cutting an onion and looked up at me. "I would've asked your brother but he acts too good to spend time with us."
"I'll help." I cover my mouth as I yawn, getting off of the stool. I was exhausted but I could tell she wanted me to help, especially since she called me out of my room for this.
I go to the sink to wash my hands and I grab a paper towel to dry them before tossing the paper towel in the trash. "Here, baby," She pointed at a cutting knife that was set next to another cutting board.
"You got this all set out, what if I would've said no?" I looked up at her and she waved me off.
"I knew you wouldn't, you're my little sweetheart." She says with a smile as I begin cutting the first tomato. "So...homecoming is in a week. Are you going?"
"Yes, I have to. I made court for the juniors, so my ticket is free. You don't have to pay anything." I smile at her. She just nods her head.
My mom quit her office job to open up her own boutique and she's now working as a seamstress, which she loves. Throughout life she's made many of my brother and I's clothes.
However, she's a struggling seamstress since she doesn't know how to work much social media other than Facebook. Her older friends go to her for events but I would love for more people in my school to go to her for stuff like birthdays, homecoming, winter formal, and prom.
I knew she would make them happy with whatever the outcome would be, she just needed a chance. Most people wouldn't want to give her a chance though because she's older. They might think she'll mess it up.
I know she won't, though.
"Oh! Okay. What colors are you doing? I need to know so I can go buy my fabric."
"White."
"Ooh. That's nice. Are you bringing a date?" She questioned and I almost cut my finger. "Jesus, Amaru! You almost killed yourself."
That's definitely pushing it.
"I didn't almost kill myself, relax." I look at my finger before going back to the conversation at hand. "I want to bring a date, but I haven't decided on ways to ask her and if she says no then I'm not bringing a date."
"You have one week, Mari. You can't be holding out on this, girls take a long time to prep. She'll still have to make appointments for her hair and makeup. If you're going to ask you need to ask ASAP."
"I wanted to make a sign." I say, I already had the idea.
When I was at her house one day I was looking at all of the albums she had in her house and she had a ton of Kanye vinyls.
The sign was going to say: I Heard 'Em Say that we're Bound 2 go to Homecoming together, what do you think?
Basic, but she'd get it.
"Who you asking?" My brother asked as he walked into the kitchen.
"Finally out of the room? Good afternoon to you too, Cameron." Mom smiled at him.
"Aniyah." I tell him.
"Sinclair?" His eyebrow raises up. "Like, Mekhi's sister?"
"Yeah."
"You definitely gone have a great night." He slaps my shoulder, emphasizing 'great'.
"And what does that mean?" Mom stopped cutting once again, staring at me.
"Nothing."
"Nah, it means something. Fashooo." Cam dragged out, a slight chuckle following after.
"What exactly does it mean then, Cameron?"
"Ask Mari. He knows."
"He isn't answering me, so I'm asking you since you're the one who came out here and decided to say that. Answer me, one of you."
"It means that she's easy. She a hoe. He's gonna have a great night because she's gonna let him smash." He shrugs his shoulders, grabbing a cucumber that our mom sliced already.
"I'm not trying to smash." I defend myself.
"So..wait." Mom drops the knife. "What does her being a so-called hoe has to do with anything?"
"Because everybody knows that's all she's good for. I had a better chance with her than I had with Saida." He shrugs his shoulders.
He was being so nonchalant yet speaking so lowly of Aniyah. I hated that. It's like that he didn't care that he was being rude.
"That's not all she's good for. Everybody just thinks that because nobody takes the time to get to know her. Aniyah is a really sweet girl who just happens to enjoy sex and clearly she just chooses to have it with the wrong people because they're the ones who can't keep their mouth shut."
"Can't save a slut though!" He recited the Lil Durk lyrics.
"Cameron! Watch your mouth when you're talking about a young woman!" She says sternly, reaching over and slapping his stomach.
"I don't think she's a slut. She's really sweet, and she's beautiful. I really do like her, Mommy, I wanna take her to homecoming."
"He always pull that Mommy shit. You a grown ass man."
"And he loves his mommy!" She grabs my head and kisses my forehead. "Muah!"
I smile a cheeky smile. "This why I'm your favorite?"
"Boy!" She playfully mushed my head. "I don't have any favorites. My favorite is whoever I'm talking to at the moment but I love both of you boys equally, okay?"
"Mhm."
"I still don't think you should take her to homecoming. If you don't mind the shit people gone say then you can go with her."
"I was gone go with her regardless. That's who I want to go with."
"All I'm saying is.." Cam put his arms up. "It's almost a thousand people in that school and everybody knows who Aniyah Sinclair is. Everybody. Including freshmen. That's not a good thing."
"Everybody knows of her but nobody knows her. Everybody has so much to say but won't take the time out of their day to get to know her."
"Okay, bruh. It ain't that deep."
Putting the knife down, I went to wash my hands. I wasn't done cutting, but I was definitely done being in the kitchen with Cam.
"You doing a lot of slut-shaming for somebody who was about to pridefully be a side nigga for a girl who was never gonna leave her boyfriend," I grabbed a paper towel to dry my hands. "Even when they broke up she still didn't talk to you so you need to shut up when it comes to other peoples business."
I don't care if those things correlate or not, I just needed to bring that up somehow. He's been saying shit since he came out of his room.
"You calling Saida a slut or something?"
"Those words never came out of my mouth. She's not a slut, you just a lame ass nigga." I shrug and toss the paper towel in the trash before looking at my mom. "Can I see your keys?"
"For what? Where are you trying to go?"
"Michael's. I told you I'm making a poster. I'm going to get the stuff, probably come back and make it here then go to her house and ask."
"You know I don't like you driving too far with only a permit, Mari."
"Nigga don't need to be too close to a car anyway, might fuck around and try to kill himself again." Cam mumbled lowly, but not low enough.
I didn't say anything, I just nodded my head slowly.
"Cameron!" Mom shouted loudly. "You do NOT, and I mean do NOT EVER bring up your brother's attempts EVER again! Do you understand me?!"
"Can I take the keys?" I ask again, ignoring what Cam said and also ignoring her sudden outburst.
She was always so sensitive when it came to that. I understood it, that would be a sore subject for me also if my child tried to shoot themself and when the gun was taken from said child they ran and grabbed the keys to the car before crashing it into a metal pole with the hopes of not making it out alive.
Lots of therapy. Lots of hospital bills.
Nothing that really fixed the depression. She just started spending more time with me, which helped since I was always distracted and could never focus on the shitty aspects of my life.
That's also another reason I joined the book club. She wanted me to do a club so after school I would have something to take my mind off of suicide.
It only helped a little.
Aniyah was starting to help, too. It's not like I depended on her and it's not like she gave me a sudden will to live but I enjoyed being around her and the thrill of the current chase I was going on made it seem like I had something to look forward to every day.
If that made sense.
"Get the keys, baby. Let me know when you get to the store. Call me so I know, okay?"
"Alright." I went back down the hallway.
I stopped in my moms room first and grabbed the keys off of her dresser before going into my room next. It was messy, but I was just going through one of my episodes.
I didn't have the energy to clean but I still kept up with my hygiene and stuff. I also didn't leave any food in here, so I think that's why my mom didn't complain much about the mess—because I still was able to take showers, brush my teeth, fix my locs, and throw away trash.
I just couldn't put stuff like clothes, shoes and books away. I stepped over a slight pile of clothes and searched for my Roku on my bed before turning the TV off.
I walked over to my nightstand and took my phone off of the charger, looking at the notifications that appeared on my screen when I took the charger out.
MESSAGES
Aniyah 13m ago
OH MY GODDDD AMARU BE SERIOUSSSS
4 more messages
SNAPCHAT 1h ago
Salome 🪐 sent a snap!
I went to open Aniyah's message and read down on the slight commentary she was giving on the book.
Aniyah >
Today 12:58 PM
why evb acting like Claudia delulu when she keep asking about Monday?
i hope she not dead wtf
where the fuck is she at?? amaru pleaseee tell me you ain't make me read this and she dies bc if she do i'm blocking u
Today 3:27 PM
omg text back it's getting crazy!!
OH MY GODDDD AMARU BE SERIOUSSSS
What happened ? 😂
SHE FUCKING DIEDDDD
😂😂😂😂😂 So you finished it. You liked it?
yesss omfg i'm coming to the next book club meeting i need to talk about this!
We can talk about it today. Wya?
home, are u gonna ft me?
No. I'll text you when I'm omw
•••
I stare at the now completed poster as I pull into Aniyah's driveway. It had been around two hours since I last texted her and all that was left to do now was make sure she was home and then ask.
I probably should've asked her over text but I wanted her to be surprised when I came. I was hoping one of her brothers would answer the door, because then I could surprise her in her room.
She really wouldn't expect it.
I turned the car off and got out of the car, pulling my pants up before opening up the backseat and grabbing the poster along with a small bag of some candies that I assumed she'd like.
I made sure to get Sour Patch Kids, I wasn't sure if she would like them but they were sour and then sweet, just like her.
I can be so fuckin' lame sometimes.
After shutting the door, I made my way up her driveway and up the porch before ringing the doorbell twice, her oldest brother coming to the door immediately after.
"Aiden, right?" He asks, opening the screen door. "You here for Phat?"
"Amaru." I correct him on my name. He seemed to be a little drunk, so I wasn't expecting him to remember that. "And who is Phat?"
"Aniyah."
"Oh," I nod. "Well, yeah. I'm here for her. Is she upstairs?"
"Yeah, you want me to call her down?"
"No. I wanted to go surprise her if that's fine with you. I don't want to disrespect your house or anything so if you'd rather call her down that's fine as well, sir."
He paused and looked me up and down. "I appreciate that, bruh. You can go upstairs, though. Thank you." He backed away from the door, allowing me to come in.
I give him a slight head nod before heading up the stairs. I usually took my shoes off but not only was this going to be quick but I also didn't want him to change his mind about allowing me to go upstairs.
Her door was the first door once you came up the stairs and I could hear All the Stars playing from what I assumed was a speaker. I did a quick prayer in hopes that she was clothed before knocking on the door.
Not gaining a response, I opened the door with my free hand and saw her singing into a remote in front of her mirror, almost as if she was pretending to be performing.
"This might be the night that my dreams might let me know all the stars are closer, all the stars are closer, all the stars are closer!" She held onto the brush tighter, seeming so happy.
She had such an unimaginable beauty to her. She seemed so...perfect.
I knocked on the now opened door a little harder than before, making her gasp once she noticed me, quickly pausing the music. "Amaru! Why would you just pop up like that?!"
"My bad, I didn't know you were busy." I laugh, nerves beginning to take over.
"Not funny." She sits down on her bed, eyeing my hands. "What's all that?"
I swallow the lump that had built up in my throat as I walk all the way in her room. I hand her the candy bag first before turning the sign over and holding it up so that she could read it.
"I heard 'em say that..." She trailed off, reading the rest of the poster very quietly. "Wait..huh?"
"Will you, uh...will you go to Homecoming with me, Aniyah?" I ask nervously, her face seeming to light up a bit.
"You were for real?"
"Yeah. We can just go as friends, I don't want you to think I'm in it for a secret motive. After the dance is over we can go to Waffle House and get dinner and like, go to a drive-in or something. I don't want you to have a boring night if you say yes, but I don't want you to think I'm in it for sex, or even a kiss."
She's quiet for a moment, looking as if she's deep in thought.
"I'll go.." She finally speaks. "But, it's in a week and I don't know what color to wear and I don't have a dress either.."
"White. We're going to wear white, and my mother is a seamstress if you give her a chance she can make you a beautiful dress. She's an amazing seamstress, whatever vision you have, she can make it come to life."
Am I son of the year or what?
A smile appears on her face. "You're a really great friend, to be honest."
My heart sank a little, but I shook the feeling off. I knew we were friends, but for some odd reason it hurt more when she said it. I felt like I had been friend zoned or something.
"Thanks.." I sit the poster down. "I was going to bring you some roses also but I wasn't sure if you liked them or not so I didn't."
"I'm not really a flowers type of girl, they would've died on my watch. I do appreciate everything else, though. It's really sweet, no one's ever done this for me before."
I'd do a lot more for you too, you deserve it.
"It was nothing." I lean up, getting my posture correct. "Um, tomorrow after school you can come over and my mom can get your measurements and stuff so that she can get your dress started. Is that okay?"
"Sure. Just let me know the address and I'll see if my brother can drop me off."
"You can ride home with me." I say, and watching her face I quickly clarify. "Just to make it easier on your brother. So that he only has to make one trip to come get you."
"Okay." She nods, looking up at me. It was clear she had something to get off of her chest.
"Amaru, I'm not that kind of girl anymore. I'm not saying that you're doing all of this for sex but I can't put it past anybody. I'm trying not to use sex as a distraction and I would hate to get in that cycle of having sex with boys to keep them around."
"I'm not asking you that."
"I know. You are a genuinely nice boy and I do enjoy hanging out with you but we are strictly friends and nothing else. I appreciate the gestures and the kindness but I am not in the right mental state for anything other than a friend."
"I don't like you because people say that you'd let me smash. I don't care about that. I just like you as a person."
"You don't know me as a person. You know a lot more than others, sure, but you do not know me. If you knew me and knew about everything I've been through then you wouldn't even want to be around me anymore. I'm fucked up. I have a lot of issues and I used sex to help with those issues but I can't keep doing that."
"What don't you get, Aniyah?" I stepped closer to her, grabbing ahold of her face so that we would keep eye contact, my heart beating a million beats per second. "I'm not trying to have sex with you."
"But if I continue to hang around you and if I start to develop feelings I'm going to throw myself at you because that's the only way I know how to keep someone around. It sounds bad, I know, but I don't know what else you want me to say."
"I can tell that this friendship can go one of two ways and if it goes one way then I know you'll start having feelings for me and I don't want to hurt you. I'm trying to leave the guys alone for once so I don't get hurt and of course when I'm doing that you would come around. Now I have to force myself to not develop any feelings whatsoever that aren't platonic because I don't want to like you and end up breaking your heart."
"You won't break my heart."
"I'm not a good person," She removed my hands from her face. "I can try, but I'm not. I'm trying my hardest to be, but I'm not good for you and I don't want to hurt you or bring you any possible pain."
"I don't mind being hurt.."
"I can't do that to you. You're extremely sweet, though. I just need to work on myself first." She smiled slightly. "You want me to walk you downstairs?"
"I'm fine."
"Okay..I'll see you tomorrow then."
"Mhm, see you." I make my way out of her room, making sure I had all of my belongings before going downstairs. "Good night, thanks for allowing me in."
"Night, huh bruh." Her brother says, eyes locked on whatever Browns game was currently playing on the TV.
I head out of the front door, only one thing going through my mind right now.
I needed to make Aniyah mine.
No matter how long it took, no matter how long I'd have to wait on her, I wouldn't stop.
I just want to make her happy. If I can make her happy, I'll be happy.
a/n:
alright i was gonna add makiya's pov too but this shit got wayyy too long. hope yall enjoyed getting to know him more though ig.
next chapter will be either makiya or salome or both. haven't decided tbh.
q: thoughts on amaru?
q: thoughts on him and aniyah's dynamic?
i've been trying to show it off more clearly.
happy new year! hope 2023 will bring nothing but greatness to your life! 💕