***
"NO volveré hasta el año nuevo, niñera," I said over the phone while walking the busy streets of Manila. Everywhere my eyes fall onto, maraming tao at sasakyan. Ang daming estudyante, magtitinda, at tambay sa paligid. Mayroon din akong nakitang aso, pusa, at maging kambing na nakasakay sa traysikel.
Tanghaling tapat at tirik na tirik ang araw. Medyo maalinsangan din ang panahon at pawisan na 'ko, Hindi ko na alam kung saang lupalop ng Pilipinas ako nakarating. Basta ang alam ko, nasa Maynila pa rin naman ako.
"Tu mamá no está contenta, Letizia. Está muy preocupada." Dinig ko ang pag-aalala ng aking yaya sa kabilang linya. "Tu papá también está enviando gente a buscarte."
I couldn't blame her. Alam kong nag-aalala lang siya dahil sa bigla kong pag-alis. Hindi rin ako nakapagpaalam sa kaniya nang maayos. In my mind, I simply needed to escape and run away.
After my biological mother left me with my father, we became estranged from each other. Tapos ngayon na twenty-one na ako, biglang gusto niyang gumawa ng desisyon sa buhay ko kahit na hindi pa rin siya nagpapakita sa akin. I was an adult, but my biological parents held my name and identity on the leash.
"Está bien, niñera. Los llamaré pronto," paninigurado ko kay yaya na tatawagan ko sina Papá . . . ngunit hindi pa ngayon.
"Bueno. Pero por favor . . . ten cuidado," hiling niya ang kaligtasan ko at ganoon din naman ako. I just wanted to be free and safe. I just wanted my so-called family to let me be. Ayokong mabuhay na lang parati sa mga utos nila.
I just wanted to feel that my life still belonged to me. I didn't think it was a selfish notion, but my life was still mine to control.
"Voy a. Por favor, tenga cuidado también." Tinitigan ko ang mga ulap sa kalangitan at malungkot na ngumiti. "Te voy a llamar de nuevo. Te amo, niñera."
"Te amo, Letizia. Rezaré por tu seguridad y felicidad," aniya at saka namin pinatay ang tawag.
Napabuntonghinga ako at tinago ang aking smartphone sa bulsa ng aking bistida. Mukhang hindi pa rin ako tatantanan nina Papá. Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na magpapadala siya ng mga tao para ipahanap ako.
They should have just let me be from the beginning. It was not like I would fight for the crown. Okay na 'ko sa tahimik kong buhay. Gusto ko lang makapagbiyahe at makita ang mundo. Masama ba 'yon?
Hay . . .
Before I continued imaginining how things should be, I needed to figure out where I was. Hindi ko na rin alam kung nasaan ang hotel na tinitigilan ko. Kung hindi ko naman kinailangan na mag-withdraw ng pera, hindi ako lalabas ng hotel. Hindi naman puwedeng sa malapit na bangko ako mag-withdraw dahil hindi ko sigurado kung may nagbabantay rin ng account ko. Ayokong ma-ping sila sa lokasyon ko.
I couldn't stay longer at the same hotel. I needed to look for a more hidden location while keeping myself safe. Mukhang magiging ganap na bagpacker ako.
Ang hirap pa naman magtiwala sa mga tao na nasa paligid ko. Hindi ko alam kung mapagkakatiwalaan ko sila o mga tauhan sila ni Papá. I didn't want to risk anything at all.
Sa aking paglalakad, napahinto ako sa harap ng isang unibersidad—KBU. Mukhang matagal na ang gusali batay sa disenyo ng mga haligi. It reminded me of home—of Spain.
Ang daming pumapasok sa unibersidad, and they were all wearing casual clothes. It seemed there was an event happening. Sumunod na rin ako dahil wala naman akong ibang gagawin sa maghapon kung 'di ang bumalik sa hotel at mag-research sa posibleng lokasyon ni Mamá. Magandang hiding spot din ang unibersidad kung sakali may sumusunod sa akin na tauhan ni Papá.
Sa aking pagmamasid ng unibersidad, mukhang foundation day ngayon. There were booths all around. Ang daming pagkain at mga activity. There was loud music, dancing, and cheering. May nadaanan din ako na jail booth at wedding booth na mukhang masaya.
I couldn't help but feel jealous of the sight. I wasn't warranted such freedom even in Spain. Mula pa noon, mahigpit na sila sa akin. I was prohibited from engaging with others due to my fear of sharing my identity. If it weren't for my estranged mother, I wouldn't have learned to speak Filipino. Mas nasanay ako dahil sa mga naging kasambahay namin na Pilipino. They would always speak with me in mixed Filipino and Spanish.
I noticed there was a little booth that had classic movies and books from all over the world. I slowly walked past it and saw the classic "Romeo and Juliet." It was one of my favourite movies. Nakaaantig ng puso ng kuwento nina Romeo at Juliet. They were star-crossed lovers . . . their relationship was destined to be in ruins.
Pinagtagpo sila pero hindi tinadhana.
Paano kaya kung ganoon din ang buhay ko? I was not meant to continue chasing freedom, but being born as an illegitimate royal would continue restraining me. I would not fight for the crown, yet they saw me as a threat.
"Hi!" Biglang may humara sa aking dinadaanan. She was a bubbly lady, probably around the same age as me.
"H-hi?"
"Can you spare me five minutes of your time? I'm from that booth" aniya sabay turo sa maliit na booth na kulay blue. Sa taas, nakasulat ang "CommuniKATE".
"Um . . . sure?"
Lumawak ang ngiti niya at nagningning ang mga mata. "Thank you! Let me start by introducing myself. My name is Kate, and I'm a graduating student here at KBU. I'm facilitating CommuniKATE, a project that aims to connect strangers in a modernised way."
Nangunot ang noo ko. "Project? Modernised way?"
"Yes! Hindi man pag-ibig ang hanap mo, at least magkakaroon ka ng . . . sabihin na natin na isang penpal! Just someone na hindi ka i-judge kahit ano'ng sabihin mo. Kahit ano'ng ikuwento mo. You just do you. No face or voice, everything is just through email exchanges. And the stories would just be between you and your partner."
"Safe ba 'to?" walang pag-aalinlangan na tanong ko kay Kate. I didn't want to involve myself to anything dangerous. May bahagi sa akin na nag-iisip na baka kilala pala niya ako . . . na baka tauhan siya ni Papá upang mapauwi na ako sa España.
"That's exactly what we want to find out in my research. With us living in the digital world. . . in this digital age, masasabi pa ba natin na safe tayo online? If the older generations could communicate via letters without seeing each other, why can't we do it now? Why can't we build connections this way? Since lagi rin naman tayong online, so . . . why can't we modernise it, 'di ba?"
I was baffled as to why she would do such a project. Kids are taught not to speak with strangers, yet this lady wants to connect with strangers this way. Talk about weird!
I highly think she had connections with the university. It was impossible that she was given an excellent spot for her booth to invite people to join her little research project. However, this was an ideal time to involve other students to take part.
"Sino ang magiging partners sa project?"
"Other students like you and me! To be fair, I would randomly match everyone," paliwanag ni Kate.
Doon ko napagtanto na marahil iniisip ni Kate na isa rin akong estudyante. I think my cover was working. Maybe I could use this project to my advantage as well. Papasa akong estudyante ng KBU kahit na nakapagtapos na 'ko sa Barcelona.
"And how would you track the performance?"
"I'll reach out to you and to the person na mabobola bilang 'penpal' mo," sabi niya sabay ang paggawa ng quotation marks gamit ang kaniyang mga kamay. "I'll ask for feedback about the whole experience—the good, the bad . . . everything. And until then, everything must remain confidential. Even on my research, every participant will remain a secret. Pero, if tapos na ang project at gusto n'yong makilala ang isa't isa, both parties should want to do it. Pero kung isa lang, then, hindi pa rin puwedeng magkakilala. You can even send emails as your pastime. I believe it's an ideal scenario."
An ideal pastime? It sounded tempting. Perhaps a challenge on how long it would take for Papá to find me in the Philippines. Makatutulong pa 'ko sa project ni Kate kahit kaunti.
It was not like I would be spilling royal secrets to the world. Maybe I could make my world and use it as a plan. Maybe I could even get recommendations and ideas around the Philippines from whoever I would get paired with.
"Okay, sasali ako," usal ko. Wala naman mawawala sa 'kin. I can drop this project anytime. At isa pa, there won't be any commitments.
"Great!" Kate grabbed one of the boards and a blue pen. "Here's the non-disclosure form. So, after mong mag-fill up nitong form para ma-reach kita, gawa ka na rin ng new email. 'Yon ang email na gagamitin mo for the communication."
"Okay." Tinanggap ko ang non-disclosure agreement at form. Basic information lang naman ang hinihingi at may kasali rin na impormasyon tungkol kay Kate at sa proyekto niya.
Naupo ako sa bench na katabi ng booth at napaisip kung ano'ng pangalan na dapat gamitin. I won't use my real name for this. Baka i-search pa sa web kung totoo ba ang pangalan na binigay ko.
I was not going to be Letizia Catalina la Cerda. But what name should I use?
And funny enough, I saw the book I glanced at earlier—Romeo and Juliet.
That was it!
Napangiti ako sa naisip kong pangalan. I would go with Juliette. I randomly selected the last name and came up with the email: juliette.esminombrefalso@gmail.com.
I handed the forms back to Kate, and she assured me I would hear back soon. Tinanong ko na rin sa kaniya ang direksiyon ng hotel ko at tinulungan naman niya ako agad. May bahagi sa akin na nasasabik at curious sa project na 'to. At the same time, I was not going to have any expectations. I doubt I would be so committed to it anyway.
***
Thank you for reading this chapter! Make sure to visit Imcrazyyouknow to read Sole Mate: Rome!
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