Aya
It's safe to say that I was dumbfounded.
The type of shock that went through me was one that I had never experienced before, and trust me, I have had some insane moments. It came so quickly and struck so deep that the blow was internalized even before my outer part got to feel it. The strike first reached my bone marrow, then ascended slowly to my brain, where the deed got recorded.
My whole body went on a pause for the next 2 minutes. I couldn't move, I couldn't talk, I couldn't process anything. I just fell straight into a daze as I secretly hoped for that moment to be a dream, a dream I would wake up from very soon, but realization hit me hard when Aleena engulfed me in a bone crushing hug, jumping up and down out of excitement.
"Oh my God! I can't believe this! You're finally going to have a baby" she hugged me once again, but this time, with less strength "alhamdulillah Ya Rab! this is honestly the best thing that has happened to me in a while,"
With the way she was speaking, One would think she was the father. Her happiness really couldn't be contained, on a normal day, it would absolutely melt my heart to see that she was so happy for me, but at that moment, it broke me even further, and I think she noticed it because her excitement slowly died down.
"What's.....wrong?" She asked, still trying to keep her smile on "aren't you excited?"
I had no idea what to say to her. My eyes were just filled with a hot liquid which rolled down my cheeks without disturbing the firmness of my lips, I didn't even think they were tears at first until I tasted the salt in them.
"Why are you crying Aya? What happened?" She insisted, getting more worried as each second passed by "please say something, tell me what's wrong"
"I don't want to have a baby" I replied, looking at her straight in the eyes and witnessing how she went from worried to horrified in just a second "not with Hafeez"
"What?!" Her reaction was almost like mine when I saw the test results, just that she didn't seem heartbroken "subhanallah! do you have any idea what you're saying Aya?"
I didn't respond to that, I just sighed and made my way to the bed, sitting down and burying my face into my palms as more tears tried to push their way out.
Seconds later, I felt her presence near me again. She sat next to me and placed her arm on my back, slowly rubbing it as an attempt to console me, but of course it wasn't working. If anything it just made me cry some more, though I must admit, I felt a little better after letting some of my emotions out.
"Please tell me what's wrong, you're really scaring me" she said "this is supposed to be the happiest moment of your life, nothing will ever be as amazing as knowing you're carrying a part of you and the one you love inside your womb, but...you're crying instead and saying you don't want that?"
"You only celebrate where there's happiness Alee, not in a place like this," I said "don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't want the child, I actually do, very much, but this baby isn't a part of me and the one I love, this is a part of me and someone who just...used me to pass time and sees me as nothing but a liability that was forced upon him by his parents"
"What are you talking about?" She asked, looking as confused as ever "as far as I know, Hafeez is the opposite of these things you listed, that man loves you with his whole heart, he would do anything for you without thinking twice-"
"I might not have experienced true love to know exactly what it is, but I know Hafeez doesn't love me. I'm not even sure if he'll ever be capable of loving anyone," I said, cutting her off "all he did was deceive me. He used my pain to his advantage and made me feel like I was safe in his presence, and as soon as he got what he wanted, he showed me that I meant nothing to him,"
She sighed, holding her head in her hands "I really don't understand what's going on"
"I wish I did too, but I don't. I will never understand why he had to do that to me. He gave me so much hope, so much that I was thanking Allah everyday for Majeed's betrayal and how our marriage fell into place, he made me believe that I was safe with him, only to burn it all down when I needed him the most" I said, smiling sadly "do you remember the day Majeed came back?"
She nodded slowly in response, And then I told her everything that happened, not missing a single detail. I remembered that day so vividly and I wasn't surprised at all because how could I ever forget the day my heart was shattered even worse than the first time? That pain truly should be fatal, but for some reason it wasn't, despite how much I wished for it to be just so I could escape from it, unfortunately, life goes on and you have no choice but to go along with it. You just have to take the hand that fate has dealt you and press forward because there is nothing else that can be done.
I made sure she heard everything; how I had been trying to get over him For months now, how a stone had been sitting on my heart, how I had shed hot, painful tears over him, how I lost a lot of sleep, and how I ended up eating a lot of cake batter whenever I tried to bake as a distraction. I wanted to be strong so bad but it just wasn't possible, I was in way too deep to be unbothered, my life was hell because I couldn't shake loose from the grip he had on my heart. I most definitely didn't want to keep feeling that way, I didn't want to be alone in a love affair meant for two, and I was doing my best to put myself first, but just when I was getting that strength, this...beautiful, bittersweet situation happened.
"If it were someone else that was telling me this, I would think they've gone crazy because it makes absolutely no sense," she said "the same Hafeez that I know, who would put his life on the line for you, is the one who broke you apart like this? Kai Jama'a!"
Who would've thought there would be a day I wouldn't find Aleena's hausa accent funny or even tease her about it? Lol! That guy really messed me up.
"That's why it hurts so much," I replied "I don't think I will ever recover from this"
Honestly, there was nobody to blame apart from me, if I wasn't stupid enough to let myself fall in love again after what happened the first time, none of this would've happened.
"But have you talked to him about it?"
I was forced to give her a weird look because I wasn't sure if she was serious or not, but the expression on her face made it clear that she actually meant what she said "there's nothing to talk about,"
"There could be, because I really don't understand why Hafeez would do that to anyone at all, talk more of you" she said "it could be a major misunderstanding-"
"Misunderstanding?" I raised an eyebrow "he looked at me straight in the eyes and said whatever he wanted to. His words have strong meanings behind them, he didn't just make them up out of anger, nor did they just come from nowhere"
"Words can be twisted into any shape Aya.
They are just labels we give things in an effort to wrap our brains around their underlying natures, when ninety-nine percent of the time, the reality is an entirely different thing," she said "I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just highlighting a possibility that there's something you don't know. If he actually meant everything he said to you, then he wouldn't have been as miserable as he was when you weren't around"
"It wasn't misery, he was guilty because he learned his lesson the hard way," I replied "if Layla didn't attempt to kill him, he would've still been wrapped around her finger,"
"Wallahi tallahi, Hafeez couldn't stand Layla, not even for a second, he wasn't wrapped around anything except what was bothering him," she insisted "if he wasn't at my house looking for a distraction in Nawal, he was either at his parents' place or his office. It took only one look for me to know that he wasn't okay, and trust me, he tried as much as he could to hide it,"
I can't can't even lie, I was confused, these things she put into my head did not fit together nicely and were so out of proportion with one another. Nothing made sense. One thing I knew for sure was that Aleena wouldn't just make this up, but then again, I clearly remember everything he said to me, as well as the look he had in his eyes when he said them. The anger in his eyes was unlike anything I had seen before, it was as if I had done something horrible to him before that made him take an oath to destroy my life completely. What I saw was pure hatred and I'm confident that I was not mistaken.
He made it very clear that whatever I thought I meant to him was only in my head. I gave him what was left of my heart, hoping that he would be the one to mend it back to its full form, but instead he took it and pinched it to death, and then flung it back to me so carelessly that I couldn't even catch it. The look in his eyes that day showed me that he was eager to put me in 'my place', he wasn't hesitant to let me know that someone like me would never be 'worthy' enough of his love, so why would he be miserable when he was the one who wanted me to get away from him?
"When I got married, the advice everyone was giving me was to always communicate with my husband, no matter what the situation was. My mom told me to never go to bed angry, and you have no idea how much that has helped in mine and Maleek's relationship," she said "I know this is the last thing you want, but just try to talk to him about what happened. Let your pain out, ask him why he did what he did and then make a final decision if you're not satisfied with his answer, okay?"
I remained silent for while, trying to think of what to say in response, but nothing came. It was like my tongue was tied in knots. The only thing I could say turned out to be what she had been waiting to hear, but very very much to my dislike.
"Okay"
******
The next day arrived as slow as a sloth, almost as of it took its time to walk down the ramp of a beauty pageant stage. I was already bored and tired from the very moment I opened my eyes, plus that unnecessary early morning nausea, I didn't even need anyone to tell me that it would be one of those days that would make me extremely hormonal.
My mood was in free fall, a state i knew all too well. heaviness inside, A hollow loneliness and a very desperate need to either quarrel with someone or cry for absolutely no reason. Just basically a downward plunge that could only be escaped by huge loss of temper. But nothing was giving me a chance for that to happen, there was no tiny drop of water on the kitchen floor to give Nengi a lecture over and surprisingly I hadn't seen Azeeza around the house, not even when I was making breakfast, I expected her to come and start her usual madness, which would then give me a reason to vent everything out on her like she deserved, but she chose that day of all days to avoid me.
Anyway, despite all of that, I had the intention of speaking to Hafeez about...everything, just like I promised Alee. I literally took 30 minutes to rehearse and prepare myself because I didn't know how I would do that without crying or losing my mind. A part of me was telling me that talking to him wouldn't really take me anywhere because it would just bring back those horrible memories I had been trying to get away from, while another part told me that maybe, just maybe Aleena was right, and that there could be something I don't know.
It took me about 30 minutes to finish contemplating, and in the end I decided to just go and get my answers. I waited till I was done cooking for him and everyone else before heading to the penthouse, all set to finally ask him the 10 million questions that were bothering me, but I found him sprawled on the bed, holding his head and groaning in pain.
Apparently he had an awful headache, which at first I thought was just one of his tricks to stop me from leaving, but his red eyes and body temperature proved that he was actually telling the truth, judging by those two things, it was clear that he barely caught any sleep the previous night. I gave him some paracetamol after he had breakfast, which didn't seem to help, then I had him lay on my laps while I gently massaged his temples with my fingers, just like my Mammie always did for me when I had tough headaches, but that too didn't help, even with all the aboniki and co I rubbed on his forehead, so I called the doctor that was assigned to him at Diff hospital, that hot tempered one, despite his argument that it wasn't serious.
As soon as I told the doctor the situation, he came to the conclusion that it was a migraine attack caused by lack of sleep, then he asked me to give the phone to him and he proceeded to give him a piece of his mind. It was honestly kind of funny watching Hafeez get scolded by a man like him because it bruised his ego. He wanted to defend himself as usual but doctor no gree, he had no choice but to listen quietly and make funny faces like a silly little child.
After he was done with him, he got back to me and scolded me too for letting him stay awake first before telling me to make sure he sleeps in total darkness for at least 30 minutes and drinks a lot of water after waking up.
"Can you please stop calling this man?" He whined the moment I cut the call "I really don't like him. Look at how he's scolding me as if he's my father,"
"You deserve to be scolded" I replied, rolling my eyes at him "why haven't you been sleeping?"
He blinked twice, looking lost before responding "I have been sleeping"
"So why do you look high?" I raised an eyebrow "and where did this sudden migraine come from?"
He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out, he tried one more time and still had nothing to say, so he just sighed.
"You know you're not making things any better for any of us right?" I said "why on earth would you stay up all night torture yourself?"
"I'm not doing it on purpose, I do want to sleep, but I can't, not when I know how much you despise me," he replied "nothing is as important to me as your smile, but today, you can't spend a second around me without feeling suffocated. You're always trying to get away from me and Whenever you look at me, I see nothing but pain in your eyes, there's no way I can sleep"
The fact that he was saying that with his eyes closed and fingers glued to his temples yet I could still feel the tension in the air was...overwhelming I guess. I couldn't help but wonder if he was just making words up again, and that's the issue with telling lies, When a person lies to you once, all you can think of is What else are they hiding? What other lies have been said? To your face, and to someone else; behind your back.
With my heart in fragments, every sensation was sharper, every emotion was more acute. My feelings were enhanced, like a blind man with an impeccable sense of smell, or a deaf woman whose eyes can perceive things a normal person would never recognize, so I was always on my toes.
"I just need a chance to make things right" he said, snapping me out of my thoughts There's so much I need to tell-"
"Do you think you deserve another chance from me?" The question made him shot his eyes open, probably because he thought it was coming from a place of anger "I'm not being sarcastic, I actually mean it Hafeez. Do you think you deserve a third chance? Is what you have to say good enough for me to hear?"
I saw a quick flash of hope in his heavy eyes before he quickly nodded his head "yes! I promise it is"
"Okay then, I will listen to you," I said "but that doesn't mean you're in the clear, I'm just giving you the benefit of the doubt and for your own sake, I hope you don't make me regret it"
He was about to sit up and say something, but I stopped him by pushing him back on the bed, making sure he was lying down "you have to get some sleep first, we'll talk later"
I didn't wait for him to respond, I just turned the lights off and covered half of his body with his quilted duvet before leaving the room, heading to the lounge room downstairs to watch namaste wahala on Netflix until it was time for lunch. The entire floor was empty, Nengi had already retired to her room and Azeeza was still not in sight, so I concluded that she was either in the backyard doing 'Finna wanna gonna' with her American course mates or in one of the guest rooms, sleeping like a log as usual. Whichever it was, I was thankful for it because the last thing I wanted was an encounter with her on that day.
I played the movie eagerly and made myself comfortable on the couch, stretching my legs all the way to the center table, and as soon as they finished showing the names of the cast and crew, about to get into action, the doorbell interrupted me, making me hiss out loud. I wanted to ignore it and hoped the person would just go away, but they rang it again and again until I got fed up.
I initially thought it was Anas because he was the only person that would ring that doorbell three times, I had no idea why but it was like some kind of tradition to him, even if the door was opened, he would still ring it thrice, and then proceed to disturb my life with his loud voice.
"Anas Wallahi I will cut your-"
I froze the moment I saw who was behind the door. Not even in a million years would I ever think that would happen, but then, I wasn't surprised.
"Hi Barbie, good morning"
Just when I thought my mood couldn't possibly get any worse, I got proved wrong.
whoever it was that decided to fashion a weapon against me that day was talented, because why would Majeed of all people decide to come to my house? I know his brother was sick and that he possibly came to see him, but why that particular day? Why didn't he come ever since Hafeez got discharged?
"Hafeez has a migraine, he's sleeping right now so please come back in two hours" I proceeded to close the door but he was quick to block in with his hand.
"Wait! I'm not here for him Actually," he said.
"So why did you come?"
"Uh...Mama sent me to check on you"
"Mama would never send you anywhere near me"
"I meant Baayi" he said, to which I hissed and tried to slam the door in his face again but he was too strong "okay okay I'm sorry! I just....I wanted to see you"
It just kept going from bad to worse, and I was finding it very hard to not smash a bottle on his head, so the best thing to do was walk away and leave him standing by the door, which I did, after shooting him a deadly glare of course.
Thinking that he had gone away, I went back to my movie and increased the volume, as I made myself comfortable on the couch once again, but this mad man actually followed me and even had the nerve to sit right next to me, smiling like the creep he is.
"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you mad?" I snapped as I got off the couch and stepped away from him "how dare you barge into my house like that? Don't you know that I'm a married woman?"
"Listen, I don't mean to cause any trouble, I'm just-"
"Get out!" I yelled, cutting him off as I pointed towards the door "go away or you'll have yourself to blame for whatever I do to you"
It was like I was talking to a brick wall, he acted like he didn't hear anything I said and just stood up, moved closer and stood a few inches away from me.
"Why are you doing this? To yourself and to me as well? Why do you keep pushing me away?" He asked in a low voice "I know I've made a huge mistake, but I'm doing my best to make it up to you. You're the other half of my soul, I'll never be able to get over you, and the same goes for you as well, you can try to deny it as much as you want but you can't get over me either, so what's the point of holding a grudge when we can just put what happened behind us and start over?"
I genuinely had no idea what to say or even do, all I could do was look at the psychopath in front of me In pure disbelief.
"I love you so much Aya, and I know you love me too, so let's rekindle what we had. Let's start from somewhere...anywhere. As long as we don't just sit down and do nothing," he said "you don't have to stay in this...cage anymore, you don't have to live with someone you married out of loneliness and for revenge, you don't-"
"Shut your mouth!" I snapped, cutting him off in the process "who do you think you are, huh? What gives you the confidence to rate yourself this much? I really want to know that because I can't believe your audacity!" I paused for a while and looked at him from head to toe out of amusement "the world doesn't revolve around you AbdulMajeed, you're not the main character you think you are, especially in my life, so just shut the hell up! My relationship with Hafeez is something you and your empty head will never be able to comprehend, we aren't just a married couple, we're also best friends, and that friendship is what makes the both of us put in extra efforts to stick together through thick and thin, not because we have to, but because we want to,"
"He makes me feel worthwhile, like for once in my life, someone cares if I'm around or not and will always put me first. He doesn't compare me to others, he doesn't make me feel like he's doing me a favor by loving and being with me, he doesn't try to turn me into a puppet he can control and he doesn't blame me for his mistakes," his facial expression was quickly changing, and that's what I wanted "what you and I had before is my biggest regret in this life, so if you think I'd be stupid enough to let a self centered, narcissistic piece of shit like you anywhere near me again, then you're mad"
At this point, someone should just pass me a big red wig and white paint make I dey go circus to look for work, because those lies flew out of my mouth so effortlessly, I didn't even have to make them up. Everything I said were the opposite Hafeez and our relationship, but I didn't regret it, I'd rather continue cooking up unrealistic scenarios than to let Majeed have the satisfaction of knowing what I was going through.
Speaking of which, I expected him to lose his mind because of the words I shot at him, but he just started smiling and then later chuckled, shaking his head a bit "this your story get as e be, you sound like you're trying to convince yourself instead, not stating facts," I hated how he sounded so confident "you can deceive anyone, but not me. I can see how miserable you really are, you look like a prisoner that's serving a life sentence, but your stubbornness won't let you admit it. The heart wants what it wants wether you like it or not. You know your happiness lies in me, and mine in yours, denying it won't do you any good, you're just going to keep hurting the both of us"
Omo ehhh, A'udhu bikalmati Llahi Taammat min sharri maa Khalaq! That's all I could say because what was happening had gone beyond my ability to comprehend.
"Get out of my house Majeed, NOW!" I spat through gritted teeth as I glared at him, but once again, he just smiled and moved closer to me, standing just an inch away.
"Kicking me out won't solve your problems Barbie," he said in a low voice "deep down you know you want me here, you want me to stay, you want us to go back to the way we were but for reason you're not-"
Before I could even realize it, my anger took over me and I quickly grabbed the first thing I could find, which was a gold ornament that was placed on the side table so I could smash it on his big head, but his reflexes saved him, he held my hand before I got to do that and twisted it, forcefully turning me around before he dragged me to his body and put an arm around my neck, seconds away from strangling me.
"I never wanted us to get this far but it seems like that's what you want, you're not the only stubborn person here so now you must listen to me," he tightened his grip around my neck, which made me gasp for air "I love you, okay? I love you so much that there's no space in my heart or mind for anything else. I've fallen into your infinity, And my inability to free myself will doom your life, but that'll only be if you keep being difficult, so don't push me to my limits!"
"Let go off me!" I yelled, struggling to get out of his hold but he wasn't even budging.
"I will never let you go, not again, I can't repeat the same mistake. I'm trying to make up for-"
"....okay, I promise I'll send you the pictures a bit later, and tell Charlotte to-"
He was interrupted by Azeeza, who was coming through the kitchen, obviously from the back door as she spoke to someone on the phone. He let me go the same second her eyes fell on us, while my hands immediately flew to my neck so I could ease the little pain. I didn't even know if she saw what he was doing to me or not, but even if she did, I doubt she'd care, so it wouldn't make any difference.
"Bye Allison, we'll talk later" she quickly hung up and walked further into the room, wearing a confused look on her bare face "Ya Majeed, when did you come?"
"Not long ago" he replied, sounding so chilled and unbothered "I was about to leave though, I came to check on Yaya but he's sleeping, so when he wakes up, one of you should please tell him I was here"
"Okay" she replied with a nod, to which he smiled before bidding us goodbye like a responsible person and leaving the house.
I felt so tainted, as if I fell into a pit filled with mud. I knew he was crazy but Not once did I think he would stoop low enough to hold and strangle me like that despite knowing that I'm married, I was so angry and felt like the dirtiest person on earth, all I could think of was taking a cold shower as soon as could to wash away any traces of his dirty hands on me, but of course, Azeeza just wouldn't let me be, she grabbed my hand the moment I tried to leave, forcing me to stay back.
"What the hell are you up to, Aya? What are you trying to do?" She asked, looking at me straight in the eyes and confusing me in the process.
"What do you mean?" I furrowed my eyebrows.
"You know what I mean! Or do you think I didn't see you trying to get close to Ya Majeed?" She said, and for some reason the only thing I could do as a reaction to that was laugh "I knew this would happen, ever since the day he came back, you've been so restless, I just knew you'd try to play your tricks on him the moment you get the chance"
InshaAllah this family will not be the end of me. Azeeza clearly saw what happened, she saw when her brother was nearly strangling me, but she twisted the story into words that pleased her just because she was at a one sided war with me.
I thought of ignoring her and just walking away for my own peace of mind, but The anger that welled inside me with no where to go didn't let that happen. I was so angry that I could feel it pinching my heart from all directions, my hands were even starting to shake, that's when I knew that if i didn't find a way to release that anger, it would seriously harm me in one way or the other, but still, I tried to control myself.
"He left you on your wedding day, yet you're so desperate and still throwing yourself on him, why is so hard for you to understand that he doesn't want you?" She continued "the least you could've done is wait for Yaya to get better before you start acting like a dog on heat and chasing other men up and down, don't you-"
That did it.
The tiny thin thread my patience was hanging on got cut and in the next second, my palm connected with her cheek so hard that she stumbled backwards. She looked up to me in a state of shock and was about to speak, but I slapped her again, and again and again until she fell flat on the cold tiled floor.
Something told me to leave her like that, but My blood was still boiling, I didn't even know when I marched towards her, crouched down to her level and grabbed a fist full of her hair, holding tightly to make sure I had her full attention.
"That's enough Azeeza! I have tolerated more than enough of your nonsense, kina ji na?" I said as she whimpered and tried to get out of my hold "I only ignore you for my peace of mind, not because I'm afraid of you like you think. I always do my best to keep a cordial relationship between you and I out of respect for your parents but your bitter heart and silly obsession with Sadiq won't let you see that, you're so thirsty for his attention that you'd stoop to the lowest level just to get him to look at you, yet you have the audacity to call me desperate?"
I held on tighter, which made tears fill up her eyes as she winced in pain "I don't give a shit if you think I'm the reason why he likes Binta, nor do I care about your hatred for me or whatever, that one is your personal problem, but watch what you say to me! I'm not someone you can bully and transfer aggression on because things aren't going your way. If you think you're mad, I'll be the one to set you straight, so do yourself a favor and keep that madness away from me!"
With that, I finally let go off her hair and hissed loud enough for her to hear before walking away, heading straight to my room to take a shower. I didn't spare her another glance, but I could feel her intense glares burning holes into my back as she sulked in the spot I left her. Nobody had to tell me that she was burning with rage because of how I wounded her ego, she was probably planning ten thousand ways to cut my head off in my sleep, which was kind of funny to think about.
I didn't care about the possibility of her twisting the story since I did hit her quite hard, nor was I worried about what the outcome would be, all I knew was that I finally let everything I've been holding in out and it felt so freaking good!
I had no regrets.
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Hi guys. Salam alaikum 😁😁😁😁
I'm so sorry for just disappearing. Life happened 😩 so much was going on that forced me to go on an impromptu break, but alhamdulillah ala kulli Hal, InshaAllah I'll be more active from now on 😃 To anyone going through any form of hardship, wether big or small, you will be fine. just have faith, Allah is ALWAYS seeing and listening 🤍
Soooooo, what do you guys think of this chapter? Did you like it? Dida Talba's niece don collect slap oooo 😭😭🤣🤣🤣🤣 y'all don't know how much that part is sweeting me 😂And My babies will finally talk. I can't wait to see how it goes 😂 will it be the end of Hafeez's suffering or the beginning of the beginning of another wahala? 😏
Thank you so much for reading, See you guys in the next chapter. Bye 💕