❝ I'm tired.❞
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Chapter 19
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"Are you playing hide and seek?"
"Kamui...?"
Solitary figure, broken as if made of glass, but with a heart of gold that could never be mended. It's true that she possessed much ingenuity, and yet she couldn't use it because something else was holding her back.
What then was it?
She was unaware of the fact that something-or rather, someone-that should have remained in her memories was, in fact, gone.
Where had she been all her life that she hadn't noticed?
Her life is disoriented as it seems; she already lost someone she can't remember, so she couldn't give up to find her daughter, but how can she find her if she's looking for a child who's already grown up?
That's her life.
Nozomi Fuyumi's life.
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"Nozomi Kamui, right?" You nodded, gazing out the window, where you could see people laughing and joking and even arguing with one another. Sakuma followed your gaze outside; he was able to determine where you were staring. It was a mother giggling with her son while holding his hand. He didn't know why you were staring at them, he didn't care, he wasn't interested in your personal affairs; he was, after all, here for a reason, and that reason is you and Fudou.
You wait for him to share his inner thoughts by resting your chin on the top of your right palm and letting your elbow rest on the brown varnish wood, with the rough texture of a flat table.
He told you, "I'm interested about you," but you did not believe him. It's pretty understandable how you can see him so clearly-his eyes aren't interested in you, rather he was confirming about Fudou, his voice and tone no longer matched his personality-on how he managed to lie without flinching, you closed your eyes and began speaking, "Apologies, but I'm afraid I'm not inquisitive about you, so I'm not going to share much with you since we know to ourselves that our opinions are exactly opposite."
In response, he held his hand in a fist and hummed to himself. As he awaited your reply, he held his breath in anticipation of your revelation.
From your perspective, it was rather amusing to see him stiffen up because there is really nothing going on between you and Fudou.
"It's fine, but I need your confirmation."
You took a sip of your drink and stared at it, oh how you enjoyed the wave of the liquid in your cup; it was calming, if I may say so, before you announced, "Fudou is my acquaintance." How could you possibly convince him to believe you if it's no longer your problem and you couldn't care less? You were just telling the truth, so you don't really care.
So, it's fine if he believe or not.
"In light of this, I force Fudou to come and grasp me, even if I don't say so. Because I've been an idiot for not listening to him occasionally, and because my new self was getting into a lot of trouble it's possible that's why he sometimes skips practice, but I don't know about the rest."
You cleaned your lips with the tissue next to you, and then pointed your index finger directly to your forehead "This? This head of mine does not lie; I am speaking the truth. Now since we're on the subject of the mind, I'd love it if you'd help me out by revealing your soccer-related expertise."
To obtain a deeper understanding of this sport, you intended to speak with a professional athlete who has amassed a great deal of expertise and dedication over the years. The fact that Sakuma Jirou is not the one you're going to ask is due to the fact that you targeted Endou; However, you just saw Sakuma and invited him for a drink to get a better understanding of the topic you're going to convince him to answer, and he is a great option when you ask about these details because he manages his teammates so well, being the captain of his team and all.
His lips are parted apart, he didn't anticipate that you would ask him about sport-related, did you perhaps enjoyed playing earlier so you're asking him about soccer?
He sighed and scratched the back of his hair, realizing how you switched the topic that quickly, "Fine, I'll answer your curiosity, I did owe you an explanation since you did explain yours."
He batted his eyes and looked straight at you, "I can't believe this girl asked me indirectly how to play soccer, I mean she literally destroyed the goalpost."
"I am uncertain if you have the correct individual. However, there is at least one thing about soccer that you should know."
"It doesn't matter how much strength you have; what matters is how much you can appreciate the team, win or lose."
He sounded like the three cinnamons, Tenma, Asuto, and last but not least, Endou.
"You sounded like my frien-" Realizing what you are about to say, you hurriedly close your mouth. You were about to say "friends," weren't you? Why did you not carry on? Why are you holding back?
"-zomi-san."
"Nozomi-san?"
As you cupped your ear, you began to hear a ringing noise, causing you to wince at the sound. It hurts you deeply, but you realize that it didn't hurt you mentally because your palm is in contact with a hot liquid.
Sakuma was confused as he observed your behavior, wondering why you were sweating excessively and hiding your face by lowering your head.
"Hi, I'm Haruna Ayaka. Kamui's friend!"
"Pft- me? Your friend? Keep dreaming."
The rusty aroma. Red-stained. Warm, viscous liquid. Blood. His eyes widened in alarm as blood trickled out and slipped down your arm, causing him to get up as you were startled by the table's vibration.
You sensed a hand caressing your ear-involved hand. Looking up, you notice his face; he was so gorgeous in retrospect, you think, no longer caring that you are in pain because you are entranced by his attractiveness; damn this tanned man.
"Hey!"
The only sound you can hear is the obnoxious noise, and the fact that it is growing louder simply makes it more irritating.
You attempted to open your eyes once more, just to witness his panicking. How could he possibly not? Yes, he panicked when he realized you couldn't hear him and your ears spontaneously began to bleed.
"Are you okay?!"
Your lips parted apart and bluntly stated, "Do I look okay to you?"
"In all honesty, I am not questioning you about how you guys play soccer. I require a rational response, not an emotional one, to urge you to continue playing these games."
"Gah!" Still holding your hand that was in your ear, he glared at you with frustration, how could you state your viewpoint so casually in such a situation?
"Nonetheless, it did help me."
You can now see black dots and indistinct objects as your vision began to whirl; you were drained and psychologically and physically exhausted.
How could you forget that you utilized your mind to play a game that depleted your energy? Yes, you desired a response in order to determine what you did during the play when you encountered the unknown entity by accident.
"Thanks." You breathed before passing out totally in his arms. Fortunately, he wasn't just any man; otherwise, someone could have harmed you.
Upon noticing your eyes were closed and you appeared fragile in his arms, he became concerned about a stranger like you. Before he could ask for assistance, an irate voice yelled at him, startling him with the owner's tone.
"What have you done to her?" Hajime questioned as she approached the youngster with her fists clenched, her eyes covering the darkness of her hair. In response to Sakuma's silence, she glared at the poor boy. On the other hand, the boy was confused since he was unable to concentrate on what Hajime was saying because he literally had a female in his arms, albeit he surmises that the woman in front of him is related to Nozomi.
She placed her hand in her lap, sat down in the chair, and said, "What did you do to her?"
How in the world could an innocent man like Sakuma get involved in somebody else's business?
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Even though you had been awake for ten minutes already after waking up from your rest, you were still lying on a bed-more particularly, the bed that wasn't yours. It is pretty much useless because you were unable to move any part of your body, including your hands, fingers, toes, and feet. You were completely immobilized. The only thing you can do is lie there and look around the room you are familiar with while your eyes dart around the ceiling.
Certain that it was futile to expend energy attempting to move, you opted to gaze and wait for a moment to arrive.
You were back in the hospital, a place where everything appears both powerful and powerless.
You were also aware of how you lost consciousness in front of Sakuma; nevertheless, you did not do so on purpose in order to get his attention; rather, it was something that happened to you without your volition.
Bored. That was how you felt right now despite the fact that you had done absolutely nothing, and while doing nothing had never been good for you in the past, it had also never been terrible. When you do nothing, you become acutely aware of how slowly time passes, as if it were a snail inching its way to its destination. Life has been difficult; the fact that it has been difficult renders you emotionally fragile. You felt helpless, like a fragile object that could shatter at any minute right at this very instant. As exhaustion sets in, the realization that you are surprisingly vulnerable here makes you want to unleash the destructive chaos that has been building up inside of you.
This is nothing like you at all. What came to pass? During this time, it may seem as though everything is going downhill, like a foreboding figure of all that has already taken over your thoughts. You've never felt so depressed before; is your mind truly so void? a total absence of your emotions? Are you even you?
Despite this, you are still you. The 15-year-old girl who hides herself from the world, including how adept she is at concealing her emotions and sentiments as well as her true identity. How can she let the child within her leave? How can she get her monster to roar and soar through the sky? How can she do that if nobody cares? Her brother? Dead. Her mother? Forgets. Everyone around her? They are completely invisible to her. How about her acquaintance? They are not real.
As you drew in a breath of fresh air, you turned away from the ceiling and diverted your attention toward the world outside the window. However, the fact that it isn't normal, despite how normal it appears to be with the clear blue sky and the birds singing in harmony, genuinely frightens you.
"Kamui..." a whispered voice resonated from the room's corner. You turned around to see Hajime standing there as though her world had just shattered into shards of glass. It seemed odd hearing your first name without honorifics, and the tone of Hajime's voice made it feel even stranger. "I'm glad you're okay," she remarked as she approached you discreetly and in a manner that caught you by surprise. Her arms are wrapped around your shoulder as she whispers "you're okay" repeatedly. Confused by the unexpected affection, you continue to embrace her as a mother and daughter would, not understanding why she is replaying her comments as if she were the one who passed out.
"Yes... I am fine." You reassured her, expecting her to release her grip, but she did not.
"I would appreciate it if you could let go of me." You remark something that causes Hajime to be startled and swiftly withdraw her arms from you. She did not explain why she abruptly and affectionately embraced you, and you did not inquire further.
"Where's Sakuma?" You immediately recall, and as soon as you say it, Hajime releases his grip and secures your shoulder. "Are you referring to the man with cyan hair? With eye patch?"
"Yes..."
"May I ask where he is? And can you tell me what happened?"
She averted her gaze from you as beads of sweat slid to her. Her actions cause you to raise an eyebrow, and your suspicious gaze causes her to perspire even more.
"Hajime-san, I wouldn't ask you if you couldn't tell me, and I won't push you to answer."
You waited a whole minute before carrying on, "I ultimately respect your decision after all, and at the end of the day, I accept your choice."
Hajime closed her eyes. It's not difficult to explain what actually occurred, but the fact that it was too personal makes everything so complicated.
Can Hajime tell that she and Sakuma have already discussed and resolved the misunderstanding? Can she confirm that she was aware of your memory loss? Can she confirm that you and she already knew one other and shared a connection?
She is concerned because you are not merely a random person. You are someone who holds a significant place in her life, which makes it impossible for anybody else to compete with you.
You're someone she knew.
"I will be going outside." She stated, as you nodded in response. She reached towards the doorknob, opened it, and paused briefly before peering back before leaving.
"She's hiding something," you mumbled as you closed your eyes and groaned with fatigue.
Leaning back against the nice pillow in your back, you began to wonder the beginning of everything.
It's been weeks, and there has been no improvement. You can't even believe yourself anymore; abandoning hope is not an option, nor is having too much. How exhausting, don't you think? Are you simply going to allow yourself to become an unintentional distraction to the primary characters? Simply give up.
Reasoning logically, death is an opportunity for you to return, but choosing it is perilous. In the end, there is only a 50% chance of returning to reality and a 50% chance of dying.
In things, life is an option; yet, all the hurdles can prevent you from acquiring the knowledge of reasoning, and you may endure the internal pain that progressively overtakes you. In spite of the fact that you can plan to return to reality, living is crucial.
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Hajime walked off the balcony and shut the door behind her. She tries to keep from feeling down by chewing the inside of her cheek, but how can she not feel down after the doctor said something to her in the presence of Sakuma, a total stranger?
Hajime held her breath and kept her gaze on the cloud that was floating sweetly.
"Then who are you?!?"
"I'm Sakuma Jirou."
The youngster detailed everything that had occurred, omitting only the most pertinent details, such as how you asked Sakuma out for meals and to discuss private topics. It took a considerable amount of time before Hajime was eventually persuaded, and she apologized for the misunderstanding.
"Are you Nozomi Kamui's friend?"
"Yes."
"Umm.. no?"
"Friend?" Hajime and Sakuma thought. It is a little bit puzzling why a professional doctor would ask if they were a friend rather than a guardian or a relative.
"I'm sorry to bother you, but would you mind explaining why you chose to refer to a "friend" rather than someone else like a guardian?"
"Didn't she tell you?" the male doctor asked with a flicker of his eye.
"Tell what?"
"I'm afraid I can't tell you everything because I'm not in a position to do so, but I can guarantee you that this is the only aspect of her predicament I can talk with you because it's difficult for everyone around her not to know about it."
While all of those things were being said, Sakuma was at a loss for what to do. He had just met her, and he didn't understand how he got involved in your business in the first place. He merely stood motionless, kept listening and quiet.
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Name
Nozomi Kamui
Age
15 years old
Gender
Female
Diagnosis
Black Cognitive Memory - BCM
Similar to: Short-term Memory - STM
A condition in which a patient experiences memory loss for a brief period of time, similar to short-term memory but with the difference that it changes brain activity in such a way that there is a chance of slowly retrieving lost memories or they will continue to be lost slowly.
Assigned Doctor
𝒪𝓈𝒶𝓂𝓊 𝒟.
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As Sakuma went away to give them solitude to discuss your situation, he was unable to hear the remainder of their conversation. While holding the paper the doctor gave her, he could only watch as her purple head widened her eyes while clutching the paper.
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Details
-All information pertaining to BCM is fictitious due to the author's lack of knowledge in the medical field, so as to avoid inciting or offending anyone who may be affected by this condition.
-BCM is a rare condition; specifically, the protagonist was the first one to be diagnosed with it. An upcoming reveal will involve a more thorough explanation.
Do you wish to continue?
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