"Where are you going?" Dad asks me from the couch. He seems to be doing a lot better. He's been going out with his buddies a lot and just getting out of the house and his mind off his dead wife. He's keeping himself busy.
"I gotta meet Caroline." I say as I pour tea into a to-go cup.
I see him nod his head. "Ya know, I haven't seen her in a while."
"Yeah." What else do I say? I don't feel like getting into the whole thing right now, so I grab my tea and head into my car.
My body shakes as I drive to the lake, the photo of Jackson is now something I'll never forget. The question I'm going to try and found out is: why?
I'm sure she's gonna tell me anyways.
If Caroline didn't send me that picture and just told me to meet her here, I would be hesitant and Harper probably would've told me not to go. After the picture, I kinda need to go and get clarity, Harper agreed.
As I pull up to the lake, I see Caroline sitting on the dock and my heart starts to beat faster than it did the whole car ride here. With all of the shaking my body was doing, I really don't know how I got here safely.
I slowly get out of the car, deciding to leave my tea for the time being, and throw my phone in my jacket pocket. My steps are slow as I admire the frozen lake.
I'm not even sure if she knows I'm here right now.
As I get closer, I can tell that Caroline is shaking. Her black hair is up in a high ponytail and she's all bundled up in clothes (well, a jacket, jeans, and low boots). She looks like the girl I used to know before all of this happened.
The dock creeks as I step on it and Caroline turns around. From here, I can see her eyes are red and there's tears on her face. Sadness washes over me in this moment and I forget everything that happened. She stands up and starts walking closer, I can now see her glossy eyes.
The second she gets right in front of me, her arms wrap around my waist, and she instantly starts to sob. The cold air blows as the snow starts to slowly fall. Caroline keeps sobbing into me as I gently rub her back.
"R-Rose." She says through sobs and all I do is shush her. We stand there, on the dock as it snows, while she sobs into my chest. I feel myself starting to tear up. I wanna be mad at her, I really fucking do, but I can't be mad at her in this moment.
Maybe everything will change.
Maybe it will stay the same.
It all depends on what she says in the next few minuets of explaining herself.
I feel the tears start to come down my face, but I stay silent. I don't want her to know that I'm this upset.
She pulls away and looks at me. "Rose." Her eyes are even more red, her eyes glossy, and her face is super red and washed. "Can we sit?"
I nod as we make our way to the edge of the dock. I sit down and let my feet swing over the icy waters a few inches below me, Caroline doing the same.
Where do you even start in a situation like this? Where is a good beginning?
I side eye her to find her staring out into the horizon, thinking. I don't wanna be the one to start the conversation, she was the one who asked me to meet. On the other hand, I need answers to that picture.
Fuck it.
"Caroline, can we just get this over with?" I'm about to have an anxiety attack if we don't.
"I'm sorry, Rose. I never should've chose that dickhead over you." She looks down and starts to play with the rings on her fingers. "When we were kissing at the party, I saw you look at us. It made me realize how distant we were and how I miss you. I created this hole between us and I regret it all."
I take in a deep breath. "Why were you so rude to me?"
"I don't know." She shakes her head and a few pieces of her black hair fall out of the ponytail. "I know this isn't a good excuse, but I was really trying to see the good in him. Seeing you and Harper so happily together made me realize that I wanted to feel that way. I wanted to feel special to someone. He made me feel that way when we were together... alone. The thing is, I couldn't stop thinking about you and you were all I wanted. I don't need a boyfriend to make me feel special, you make me feel special Rose. My best friend makes me feel the best and I'm sorry."
My hands start to shake and suddenly, I'm not mad at her. "I was nervous when you said his name that one day because I know how he is and I'm sorry he actually turned out like that."
"I should've walked away from him after that dinner because that was fucked and I knew it was."
I take her hand in mine. "I know you're all about giving people second chances and I admire that about you. I know that's what you did with him, you gave him a second chance. You're too nice, Caroline."
"Yeah I'm so nice that I beat him up." She laughs a little. Oh yeah, the picture.
I look out into the waters, then to her. A small smile plasters onto my face before I look back at her. "Would you please explain that photo?"
She laughs and lets go of my hand, probably so she can use them to speak because she always does that. "That night at the party, when we were kissing on the couch, he whispered something like thank God you're not friends with that girl loving girl bitch anymore. I hate them. You don't deserve to have those nasty people in your life. I broke the kiss, stared at him, and asked him to repeat himself, just to make sure I was hearing that right. He said it again and he added a few other homophobic things and I knew he was a true dick." She looks at me. "We stood up, I looked at him, and punched him. Once he was on the ground, I hit him even more. At this point, there were only irrelevant people at the party, so I didn't care. I kept hitting him and once I was out of energy, I took a picture. He opened his eyes for a quick second and I told him off, then I walked away with no regret in me!"
I smile. "You did that all for us?"
"I would sell my soul for you, Rose. I wasn't gonna let him get away with talking like that about my best friend and her girlfriend. I also had no right to talk to you like that." Tears erupt in her eyes. "I know you're probably still mad at me, but can you please say you forgive me a little bit?"
I stare at her, my best friend for years, as I watch her apologize for the shit Jackson did and the shit she did.
"The stuff you said to me still stings... but I can't lose you, Caroline." I move over and hug her. "Even though you pissed me off, I still love you."
Caroline sobs into my shoulder. "Thank you, Rose." After about a few seconds of hugging, she pulls away and I wipe her tears. "Can I take you out to coffee?"
"Anytime."
From Harper: hey baby how did it go??
To Harper: we're all good. i'm still a little pissed but i'll get over it soon. we're grabbing coffee do you want me to bring u any?
From Harper: yeah i'm sure you'll be fine by tonight ahaha and no thank u i just made myself a cup. have fun pretty girl ;)
We arrive at the coffee shop, order our drink, and sit down. "So, what's new with my favorite couple?"
I laugh, realizing how much I missed our talks. "We're good!"
"Good!" She smiles at me. "How are you feeling? How's your dad?"
Sometimes I forget that happened. "We're moving along, ya know. Still hurts when I think about it. A lot has happened recently so I haven't been focusing on it too much. There's a void that's not there in the house and you can't forget about that."
She shakes her head. "I think about it too. She was like my second mom. I loved her like she was my own mother."
I smile because I know she's saying the truth. Mom treated her like her own. "I think I'm gonna visit her soon."
"Can I come with you when you do?" She looks at me, taking her coffee into her hands that I didn't even realize the waitress brought over.
"Can we go today?" I ask with a smile and she nods.
The air is cold and the grass is hard. We enter the cemetery and walk along the dirt path. "The flowers look so pretty."
Caroline looks over at me as I continue to glace around. "Yours are pretty too." I look down at the purple lilacs we picked up on the way here.
We reach moms grave and tears sting my eyes. We slowly sit on the cold ground, but I don't mind.
"Here mom, we got these for you." I slowly place the flowers on the grass and smile. "I miss you."
"I miss you too." Caroline speaks. We just sit there in silence as we stare at mom's beautiful tombstone. I read it over and over.
A few minuets later, I hear a crunch on the ground over to my right. I see Lilah James placing red tulips on a grave as she gives a weak smile. As I'm looking at her, she turns her head towards us.
"Hey guys." She speaks, quietly. I've never seen her like this. She walks over to Caroline and I, looking at moms grave. "Those flowers are really pretty. Mind if I sit?"
I shake my head, not caring what she does in this moment. "I like your flowers over there." I mention.
"Thanks, they were his favorite color." She looks at moms grave again and back at me. "I'm sorry for your loss, Rose. I heard she was a good woman." I look at her. "Lucas talked about her a little bit. He really just said stuff that Harper told him."
"Thanks, yeah she really was a good person."
She lets out a little sympathetic laugh. "It's always the good people." She takes in a breath. "My brother died a few months ago. He was volunteering at a senior center, someone came in with a gun, and he sacrificed himself because he wanted them to finish their lives. He was a good person for that." She looks down. "I sometimes wish he didn't do it."
"I'm sorry, Lilah." Caroline says and I nod. "That's really sad."
"He was a good person. I still don't understand the whole story, but it doesn't matter anymore. He's gone."
Forgetting everything that happened in the past, I reach for her hand and put it in mine. She looks at me and smiles. "You don't have to be this nice to me, Rose. I'm a fucking bitch to you."
I laugh a little. "It doesn't matter right now. We have to comfort each other in hard times."
"I'm sorry about the past." Tears are in her eyes.
I shake my head. "Don't worry." Even though I'm never going to forgive her, it doesn't matter in this moment.
"Can we stay here for a while?" Lilah asks.
I smile at her and then back at moms grave as Caroline puts her head on my shoulder. "We can stay here all day."
Caroline, Lilah, and I sit in a graveyard in front of my mothers grave.
Mom always wanted people to get along and put their differences aside when she was around.
I know this would make her happy.
I'd do anything to make her happy... again.