Crying in the community shower, really? That's how low he has sunken? All his snarky remarks to himself didn't get him anywhere, tears streaming regardless.
This camp was a stupid idea, he should've just stayed home. Hyunjin acting like Jisung used to act around him hurt.
And doubting his entire personality wasn't fun. It didn't seem appropriate for a high schooler to go through this either. Jisung squeezed his shampoo in an iron grip.
Something had to happen. He had been walking around like a ghost. Like a shell of a human being. Hyunjin wasn't even looking at him anymore. It was like they weren't even breathing the same air anymore.
At this point, Jisung wanted nothing but closure. Some kind of sensation to show him he was still a human being. One that was capable of producing emotions.
He wasn't paying attention to his shampoo. Half of the bottle was now in his hand. "Oh c'mon..." Jisung whined. He slapped it on his head in defeat. His three strands of hair and the rest of his head were covered in a huge mountain of foam. It burned in his eyes.
Something has to change. Not only referring to the mess on his head, but also to the whole disaster inside of him. (partly happening because of the trash he has been eating here)
Jisung hugged his body close, the water turning colder as other people got into the showering stalls beside him. The boys continued to talk to each other. They were laughing and spilling inside jokes, basically doing nothing but insulting each other.
Jisung had to cover his mouth with one hand. It was hard not to gasp for air between big heartbreaking tears breaking through his eyelashes.
Jisung was breaking apart in his own hands, trying hard to gather the pieces and stick them back where they belonged. But the questions dug deep holes into his skin. He needed to find the glue to puzzle himself back together.
Jisung wanted nothing but for Hyunjin to talk to him; it was foolish to think his voice could fix anything but right now? Jisung found that that was the only cure.
"I'm not using him. I am simply not." He kept thinking that. That was never his motive. He used to hate him, you would never use your enemy. Jisung knew that he didn't hate him anymore.
Another piece fell from his frame. What was he feeling?
This must be hell he was going through. Jisung rinsed his hair out, his body going numb to the cold. He was going to fix this. They'll talk. Tonight.
He dried himself off and slipped into his clean clothes. His face was pale, his bloodshot eyes standing out more than they should as he looked at himself through the mirror. With the toothbrush still sticking in his mouth, he walked back to their tent.