Regulus stands there for Merlin knows how long, chest heaving. The spot James had just been in is empty and Regulus is so confused. His brain is cloudy, and his body swaying. It hits him all at once then, the dancing, the kiss, James running away. Was it actually real? He needs to find Sirius.
Sirius, Sirius, Sirius, is the only thing he can think as he walks through the pub. Everything is too loud, too bright. He's coving his ears as he walks through the dance floor. Finally, he finds Sirius leaning on Remus, and Peter is talking to them.
"Sirius!" Regulus cries, feeling tears forming.
Sirius turns around and spots Regulus, concern painting his features. He moves to meet Regulus halfway, practically catching Regulus as he grabs onto Sirius, tears falling.
"I'm ready to leave, grand frère." Regulus chokes out.
"Okay, okay. On te ramène à la maison, ma petite étoile." Sirius says, his voice sounding suddenly sober.
Regulus is still crying, especially at the nickname Sirius used. It's a name they used to call each other as kids. It gives him a painful feeling of longing even though Sirius is right there.
Sirius wraps an arm around Regulus and leads him out, the other boys following a few feet behind them. Regulus leans into Sirius's shoulder, breathing in the familiar scent. No matter where he lives, Sirius always smells the same. It's a familiar comfort.
"What happened, Reggie? The last time I looked, you were dancing with James. I thought you were having fun." Sirius asks.
"I messed up, I think. James left." Regulus slurs. "Sirius, there's something wrong with me. Everyone I love always leaves."
"What do you mean, bud? I'm right here."
"But you left first."
Sirius sucks in a harsh breath. He looks behind them and gestures for the other two to keep going before he gently grabs Regulus's shoulders and makes him sit down on the curb.
"Reggie, my leaving had nothing to do with you, alright? I wasn't trying to leave you at all. I honestly needed to get away from our parents. I mean, they were cursing me every single day, and Mother most likely would've killed me if I'd stayed any longer."
Regulus nods, his eyes unfocused.
"I get it, I really do. And I'm so glad you're here now. I just wish you'd offered to take me with you when it happened. I think that's why it still hurts because you left and didn't think I'd want to come with you. And now you call Effie 'Mum', and you have this whole new family and I feel left behind." Regulus rambles.
Sirius stares at him, eyes glassy.
"You're right. I didn't think to ask you. I'm sorry, Reg. I'm sorry that you had to live with them alone, and that I made you feel like you weren't still my family. Effie and Monty and James are my family, but you're my brother. My blood. I would choose you every single time, alright?"
Regulus feels tears coming again and he leans back into Sirius's neck. Sirius pulls him into a tight hug, squeezing so hard that Regulus can barely breathe.
"I'd choose you too." Regulus whispers.
They sit there for a long time.
~
Remus finds James sitting out by the lake. It's chilly and James still has on the clothes he wore to the pub. Remus quietly approaches, sitting down next to him in the grass.
"Hey, Prongs," Remus says.
"Hey, Moony," James replies, sounding wistful.
"What's wrong, mate?" Remus asks, pulling out the spliff he's been waiting to smoke.
He lights it, taking a deep inhale before offering it to James. James looks at it wearily before relenting, taking a hit with a deep exhale.
"I kissed Reggie," James says.
Regulus chokes on the smoke in his throat. He coughs violently before looking at James with wide, bloodshot eyes.
"What the fuck did you just say?"
"I kissed him. And then I flipped out and left him in the pub. I'm such a fucking idiot." James covers his eyes with his hands, shaking his head.
"Well, why did you kiss him? Do you like him?" Remus asks, calming down.
"I... I think about him constantly. And I dream about him. I don't think I've ever felt panic like I did when he came through the floo. He looked dead, Remus. And ever since I just have this need to protect him. But I don't know what I am, I don't know if I like guys. Regulus is the first one I've ever thought about like this." James says, his words warbled by his inebriation.
"I don't think you need to have it all figured out right now. If you like him, then do something about it. That's all that matters, James. Do what your heart tells you. But you should probably go talk to him about it because the last time I saw him, he was crying to Sirius, most likely over you." Remus says bluntly.
James closes his eyes tightly, his cheeks flushed. Remus passes him the spliff again, patting him on the back.
"Maybe wait till tomorrow though, yeah? Can't trust yourself in this state."
James nods in agreement, blowing the smoke into the air above him. He lays back, staring at the sky. With a tiny smile, he points up at the stars.
"There's Regulus." He says with a giddy laugh.
Remus follows suit, laying back and looking at the stars.
"He's a bright star." Remus comments.
"The brightest," James says dreamily.
"You really like him, huh?"
"Yes. But he's going to be mean to me again. And I was making so much progress!" James wails.
"Regulus is closed off. And I'm sure you hurt him a lot. But he's sensitive. You just need to make sure he knows how much he means to you. Tell him everything you're telling me. He'll forgive you sooner or later."
James sighs. He starts tracing the sky and Remus realizes that he's completely gone.
"Right. Let's get you to bed." He says, getting up to grab James.
They walk together into the house and James insists that he needs to sleep with Regulus. Remus manages to convince him that his bed is Regulus's, and James passes out in seconds. Remus rolls his eyes, climbing in next to him.
~
Sirius is severely hungover. He wakes to Regulus cuddling his side, emitting soft snores. Sirius smiles and gently pries him off, going to brush his teeth. James is pacing outside his door with a worried look on his face. Half of his hair is sticking up and his glasses are crooked.
"Prongs? Why are you pacing outside my door?"
"Is Reg in there?" James asks.
"Yes. Why?"
"I just need to talk to him."
Sirius squints suspiciously at him. James looks away.
"About what? Did something happen last night? Reggie was upset. Did you do something to him?" Sirius asks, stepping close to James with a murderous look.
"Um... maybe. But I'm going to make it better once I talk to him."
"What did you do?" Sirius demands.
"I, well—"
"What. Did. You. Do." Sirius is inches away from James.
"I kissed him." James blurts out.
"What?"
"I kissed him last night. In the pub. Then I freaked out and left him there."
Sirius's face is hot. His fists are clenched. He's doing everything in his power not to sock James in the face.
"Why would you do that? Are you gay? Do you like him? Why did you leave him? He was so upset, James!" Sirius is yelling.
James flinches, cringing back. Sirius feels bad almost instantly. It's so hard for him to be mad at James.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just, it's Reggie, you know? I hate when he's hurt and upset. He's mine to protect." Sirius says, his tone softer.
"I know. I'm sorry, too. I'm going to make it up to him. I'll fix everything, I promise."
"Do you like him? What happened?"
"I-I don't know, Pads. It's like I never saw him before and one day he showed up and was like "I'm here, look at me", and I haven't stopped noticing him since." James shrugs.
Sirius smiles.
"Yeah, he does that."
"Are you mad?" James looks so nervous.
Sirius sighs.
"No. But you need to talk to him. Are you going to... date?" Sirius shudders.
"Maybe? I'm not sure."
"I think I need time to wrap my mind around this because right now it makes me want to be sick but—" Sirius shrugs, "I'll get over it."
"Thanks, mate. I appreciate you." James pats Sirius's shoulder.
Sirius grimaces and continues to the bathroom.
~
Lily is miserable. Every time she has to go home for the summer, she remembers why she enjoys it so much at Hogwarts. Petunia makes her life an actual living hell. She's got a new boyfriend, Vernon, who's just as nasty to Lily.
She's been hiding out in her room, writing to all her friends when she hears a tap at her window. Startled, Lily looks up to see Pandora floating outside Lily's window on a... bike?
"Pandora?" Lily lets out a hysterical laugh as she opens her window.
"Hello, Lily. I read your last letter and figured you wanted a friend. I've come to whisk you away for a day if that's alright?" Pandora says with a twinkle in her eyes.
Lily feels herself relax for the first time since she's been home. Without a second thought, she grabs her wand and climbs onto the back of Pandora's bike.
"Where are we going?" Lily asks as they fly away.
"I thought I'd show you my home," Pandora says.
Lily smiles in return. She's holding onto Pandora's waist as they fly through the air. Lily's never been a huge fan of flying, or heights, but she's at ease with Pandora.
They start to slow as they pass over acres of flowers, a big cottage in the distance. It looks truly magical. Something Lily would expect Pandora to live in.
"It's beautiful." Lily remarks.
"Isn't it?"
They land softly and get off, Pandora leading the way. Lily notices fairies flying around, and a load of magical creatures perched in different spots. The entire place smelled like magic, a sweet, inviting smell.
"My dad has gone for the day, but Mum is in the garden. Tell me, Lily, do you sing?" Pandora asks as they walk inside.
The walls are decorated with flowers, and everything is moving with enchantments. A pot is stirring itself, brooms and mops moving on their own. Two cats approach them, rubbing on their legs. Lily smiles and pets them both.
"Occasionally. Why do you ask?"
"My mother plays the harp. She'd love to hear you sing." Pandora says, picking up one of the cats and gesturing for Lily to follow.
They walk out to the back and Lily is struck by the beauty of this place again. Enchanted plants grow everywhere, with different smells and colors emitting from each one. There's a blonde woman who looks frighteningly like Pandora, gardening a few feet away.
"Mum! Lily's here," Pandora says.
The woman looks up and smiles instantly.
"Lily! Pandora has told me so much about you. I'm Iridessa." She says, holding her hand out for Lily.
"Hello, it's so nice to meet you," Lily says, gently shaking the woman's hand.
"Pandora tells me you're having some family issues?" Iridessa asks, gesturing for the girls to sit on the soft grass.
"Yes. My sister, Petunia, does not like me very much. She hates that I'm a witch." Lily mumbles, petting the cat in front of her.
"That's a shame. Magic should be celebrated by all. We shouldn't be chagrined for it." Iridessa says, plucking a lily from the ground and handing it over to Lily.
"You know, Lily. We would love to have you stay here until next term starts back up." Pandora says a meaningful look in her eyes.
"Oh, um. Well, you see, Petunia doesn't like it when I hang out with friends during breaks."
"And why ever not? You should be allowed to have fun in your time off." Pandora insists, gesturing for Lily to turn around so Pandora could braid her hair.
"Right you are, darling. Lily, I will take care of informing your family that you'll be here. You girls should go have fun with the time you have left in your break." Iridessa says, clapping her hands as she stands.
"Are you sure? I don't want to intrude." Lily says.
"Nonsense, dear. Anyone who makes Pandora write to us every day about them deserves to spend a little time here."
Iridessa winks at Pandora and turns to go inside. Lily turns around, and Pandora makes a frustrated sound as Lily's braid is ruined.
"You write about me every day?"
"I like you. You're my kindred spirit, I think. Our souls are tied together." Pandora says, no hint of joking in her tone.
Lily smiles, feeling her stomach flip slightly.
"Well, then, kindred spirit, what do you want to do?"
Pandora grins.
~
Regulus is locked away in the library. He's been reading for the entire day, trying to distract himself from thinking about James. The door opens and he prepares himself to see James but sees Monty instead.
"'Ello, there, Regulus. The boys told me you were in here and I figured I'd keep you company." Monty says, grabbing a book and sitting opposite Regulus.
"Er, hello, Mr. Potter," Regulus says awkwardly.
Monty laughs lightly.
"Monty to you, boy. You're in the family. Maybe one day you'll call me dad. If you'd like. Merlin knows Sirius took to it instantly."
Regulus cringes at that. He's never even called his own father 'Dad'. Always father or Orion. He's not surprised that Sirius took to calling them Mum and Dad quickly, he's the clingy type.
"Regulus, I used to know your parents. In school." Monty starts, setting down his book.
Regulus glances up from his own, curious about where Monty was going.
"They have never been kind people. I must say I was surprised when I heard they had children. Your mother isn't really the... well the motherly type. She was always a little nasty towards me."
Regulus chuckles.
"That's not surprising. She's never been kind to anyone for as long as I've been alive."
"Yes, well. I suppose I wanted to tell you this because it must be confusing. Having a parent like that. Your parents have been led astray by their standards and social constructs. Your mother has been obsessed with blood purity since she was a girl. And, well, I think you'd like to know that it's not your fault for the way they treated you. They aren't going to change, and I hope you'll feel more settled here with us in time because Godric knows we love having you. You and Sirius deserve real parents and... we'd like to be that for you. If you'll let us." Monty smiles gently.
Regulus has that familiar lump in his throat. Monty has just offered to be his father, one he can call Dad, and love him as a real parent should.
"I think... I think I'm alright with that." Regulus answers quietly.
Monty smiles widely, and it reminds Regulus of James. They have the same smile. Almost the exact same face, actually.
"Good," Monty replies, going back to his book.
~
"Pandora, you're my bestest friend!" Lily sings, skipping through the flowers with Pandora's hand clutched tightly in hers.
The girls fashioned flower crowns for each other, charmed to stay alive and together. They read, wrote, sang, and talked about their deepest fears with each other. They're onto dancing now.
Iridessa charmed her harp to play an upbeat song as the girls giggled and danced around like fools. It's the happiest Lily has ever felt.
"Dora, I'm so glad you came to get me." Lily says.
"I am too. It gets lonely here sometimes. But I never feel lonely with you. You make everything better, Lily Evans." Pandora says, twirling Lily in a clumsy circle.
They don't stop for a long time, going until they're breathlessly laughing on the ground, staring up at the setting sun. The sky is painted orange, pink, and some purple here and there. It's the most wonderful sight Lily has ever laid her eyes on.
"What do you think you'll do once you graduate?" Pandora asks.
"I'm not sure. The Ministry seems boring. I love potions. I'd like to become a potions master at some point."
"That's what my mother does. She brews potions for everything and sells them."
"Yes. That sounds terrific." Lily sighs. "What do you want to do?"
"I've always had a knack for magical creatures. I reckon I'll study them more closely once I've graduated." Pandora says.
"That sounds nice."
They sit in silence for a while. Pandora hums softly, and Lily joins in. They hum and hum and don't worry about what's next to come. They enjoy their time together now. It's all Lily has ever wanted.
~
James paces outside Regulus's door for ten minutes. He can't bring himself to knock. He's so anxious and angry at himself for how he left Regulus.
Man up, James. Just go talk to him, he tells himself.
Nodding, he builds up the courage to knock softly on the door a couple of times. He waits, thinking for a second that Regulus isn't there. The door opens with a slight creak and James is met with the sight of messy, dark curls. He smiles.
"Hey, Reggie. Can I, uh, come in?" James asks hesitantly.
Regulus gives him a blank look. His eyebrows raise ever so slightly, and he silently opens the door wider to let him in.
James walks in, thanking his lucky stars. He sits down on Regulus's bed, and Regulus goes to his window, perching on the side.
"What do you want, Potter?"
"Regulus, I'm so sorry. I've been kicking myself for how I left you like that. I was just scared. I've never..."
"Kissed a bloke? I gathered that, shit for brains."
James tries so hard to not laugh. He doesn't know why Regulus insulting him is so hilarious, but it is. He cracks a smile but composes himself.
"Yes. I don't know what I am. All I know is I like you, Reg. I really like you. I wanted to kiss you, and I still want to."
Regulus looks at him with a cold stare.
"I'm not going to be your experiment, James. You need to figure out if you like blokes before trying anything like that again. As far as I'm concerned, last night was a drunken mistake that will not happen again."
James flinches.
"A mistake?"
"Yes. Nothing more." Regulus confirms, looking out the window.
"Oh. Well, alright then. I'll just— I'll go." James says quietly, his heart crushed.
Why did he think he could fix this? It's obvious that Regulus doesn't care. He should've just let it go, but no, James always pushes too far.
He slumps in his bed with a sad sigh. Why couldn't he do anything right?
~
Regulus stares up at the ceiling in his bed. Why couldn't he do anything right?