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Chapter 12, confusion
I touched the paper. My mom's secrets were buried in this diary. I looked at the paper, in my mother's handwriting it said: Meadow Carlton. Tears already threatened to spill as I saw her name. I tried to block out the flashback of her, dead. I focused on the paper and turned it. There was a rather short piece written. Should I read it? This is what she wrote in private, who was I to read it? I hesitated. A part of me, the good part of me, said not to. The other part, the part that is dying to know what it says, said that I should. My fingers touched the paper. I decided to read it, I still wanted to have that feeling that she was with me. As I read it, it was like she was saying the words on the paper.
Dear diary,
A. is so romantic! He is so much better than J.! I still don't know why I left him so late! He is so caring and lovely! But I just met him! I feel so confused, diary! E. didn't notice that I was gone. A. is so romantic! But so mysterious at the same time, it is like he keeps secrets from me, and it drives me crazy! But just this, he took me to a lake and we talked. He asked me to come to Italy with him, but how about E.? I can't just go off for the holiday! He also brought me a rose, a beautiful red rose. But I doubt, I don't want to leave. Not yet... But, gosh, what am I glad that I left J.! I know it is long ago, but I couldn't handle being around him for longer! It is all so soon...I keep changing my mind! I am so confused, diary! Oh, I hear E. waking up.
I'll write soon.
Who was A.? Did mom have a lover? E. was me, of course. J. was John, my dad. That was where it ended. No more, no less. There were petals of a red rose glued to the page. I wondered who A. was. There had been so much things I didn't know! I closed the diary and rolled on my back and stared at the ceiling. The questions ran through my mind. What else had she hidden from me? I wanted to read on but made a deal with myself. I would read a page a day, so I wouldn't keep reading. I laid the diary beside my pillow. What was in Italy? A holiday? Who was A.? Why did she die? Did A. have something to do with that? Stop. I would leave all these thoughts for the nights and lock them away for the daytime. I looked out of the window into the beautiful pink and orange sky. I got up and opened the balcony doors. A cold wind blew against me and I shivered. It was freezing. I stepped bare-footed into the fresh, white crystal snow. My thin silk night-dress didn't protect my from the cold wind. My fingers rested on the railing. The pink sky was breathtaking. I inhaled the clean air and shook my hair out of my face. My feet were getting cold. I heard the door opening from behind, but I didn't turn around to see who it was.
"Eve?" said Esme's clear voice. I turned around to face her. I could cry right now, I was so emotional, and it annoyed me to death, I didn't want to cry the whole time. I wanted to stand strong. I stepped inside, the tears burning in my eyes. Esme was on the doorstep and in a flash at my side.
"Come downstairs, Carlisle is about to leave." She laid her arm gently on my bruised shoulder and slowly pushed me out of the room, down the stairs. Downstairs Alice and Rosalie were both behind the computer. Jasper, Emmett and Edward were watching sports and Bella was talking to a guy I haven't met yet. Carlisle was taking his coat and walked to the kitchen. Esme wrapped her arms around him from behind. He turned around in her arms and kissed his wife. I felt lost in the big room. I glanced at the clock, 6 a.m. I didn't see Nessie, she probably was still asleep. Carlisle walked over to me, carrying a silver item in his hand.
"Good morning! Do you want to go to school today?" He asked, friendly.
"Can I?" I asked, eyeing the bruises I was still covered in.
"How about you ask Esme to drive you down to the hospital later this morning, then I'll check you over and then we can decided if you want to take your afternoon classes." He also handed me the silver thing in his hand, which I now saw was a slim phone. "All our phone numbers are in there. Call us whenever you need, okay?"
"Thanks! And do you think Esme would take me? I can walk too!
"Why wouldn't I?" She said, smiling, now resting her head on Carlisle's shoulder. I smiled.
"Well, I really should get going, you can stop by in the "coffee break", then I'll check you over." He made quote marks with his fingers and smirked. "Bye kiddo."
I smiled, but hesitated as I said. "Bye...dad." He smiled brightly and kissed Esme a quick goodbye. He was gone in a millisecond. Another second later I heard an engine start and saw his black Mercedes speeding through the woods.
"Good morning, Evenlyn!" Bella's voice said from behind. I turned around. I thought she didn't like me? Maybe I had been wrong.
"Morning, Bella."
"Is Nessie awake yet?" she asked, looking at the stairs.
"No, not yet..."
She sighed. "I'll go wake her, she's going to be late for school." In a split second she was gone.
"I'll go make you ladies some breakfast. Eggs?" said Esme. I spun around, they were going to scare me to a certain death by saying things from behind all the time! I nodded gratefully, answering her question. I played with the phone in my hands that I was still holding. I heard a drown that sounded like Renesmee.
"Mom, let me sleep!" Ness for sure. A beautiful sigh from Bella. I went to the kitchen and found Esme making eggs. Emmett barged in making puking sounds.
"Good morning to you too, Emmett." Esme said dryly. I giggled and he smirked.
"What time are we leaving?" He asked no one in particular.
"Don't ask me! Go ask your brothers!" Esme exclaimed, holding her hands up. A lazy looking Nessie came in.
"Morning, uncle Emmett."
"Morning, squirt! “He said cheerfully. A hiss that sounded loads like Edward came from the living room. Nessie and I had breakfast together, followed by more gagging sounds. Edward entered.
"Renesmee, we're leaving in 5 minutes! Go get dressed!" Her eyes went wide.
"Eve isn't coming?" she said, looking at me. Esme looked up and her eyes met mine.
"If she wants to, she can join you in the afternoon classes. We're going to see your grandfather first." She said.
"Why?" asked innocent Nessie.
"She got hit by a car remember?" Bella said, resting her hands on her daughter's shoulders.
"Oh.." was her brilliant response. I grinned. Alice ran in a flash and had her stone hand clenched around my wrist and before I knew it I was being dragged up the stairs to my room.
"I am not letting you dress hideous!" She muttered as we entered my closet. She pushed me in a soft chair and searched through the racks of clothes. I sighed, knowing that I couldn't object. Soon I was holding several dresses.
"You can choose yourself." My eyes went wide. I spoke my thoughts aloud.
"You let me choose?" She shrugged.
"In none of these you look terrible." I sighed, of course there was a reason behind it. She probably would never randomly choose some clothes. I was beginning to think that she was a shopaholic. I walked over to the bed and laid the dresses on them. There were different colors, but I had subconsciously already chosen the sky blue dress, the color of my eyes. It was a silk blue cocktail dress and looked like it was expensive. It would take a while till I was used to that. I tried it on.
"Love it!" Alice squealed. "Can I do your hair too?" She asked. "Please? Pretty please?" She was actually begging. I sighed. "Yay!" I raised an eyebrow, I hadn't said a thing! Oh wait, ugh, future pixie/person. She sat down on my bed and did my hair.
"Alice! For God's sake, we're leaving!" Rosalie yelled. I think Alice could have heard her if she whispered.
"Shut up.." She muttered from behind. I smirked.
"Alice!" Rosalie yelled again.
"Done!" Alice said, sounding satisfied. She took my hand and placed me in front of a full sized mirror. I looked at myself. My hair was braided into a braid that elegantly laid on my shoulder.
"I love it!" I said. Alice hugged me, kissed my cheek and was gone in a flash. Seconds later an engine started and a silver Volvo headed down the driveway, followed by a Jeep and a yellow Porsche. I looked around and my eyes spotted the diary. Mom...Tears were burning behind my eyes. I still didn't get why the Cullens took me in. Who would want a girl with such a past? A dad, drunk and psycho. A mother, dead. A daughter, gone. A girl with a scarred heart. A heart that most likely will never heal. The wounds so deep. Why? I was grateful, I loved the Cullens, but I don't think I'll ever get the why. I swallowed. Why weren't they here? Why wasn't Meadow here with me? Why did my mom leave me? Why does my dad hate me? All of the questions were burning into my memory. I got sucked into my own brain, no! I shook my head, trying not to think about that all. I ran out of the room, my braid beating on my back. I ran downstairs, trying to leave my room as soon as possible. I tried to think happy thoughts. Thoughts of my family. Not my old family. The family that broke me, the family that- STOP! My hands grasped at my head, my nails digging into my soft skin. Stop.. Slowly I relaxed my fingers, one at a time. I was now downstairs, standing in the living room, looking like an idiot.
"Eve? Are you okay?" I spun around to see Esme, standing in the doorway with a worried expression on her face.
"I'm okay.." I said, trying not to look her in the eyes, knowing that mine would tell her differently.
"Shall we go?" I nodded. She went to the garage, me following her half a step behind. Most of the cars were gone, there were some cars left, an Aston Martin, another Volvo and a red BMW. Esme opened the door of the Volvo so I got in that car as well. She started the engine and we were off. If I would walk to the hospital it probably would take me 2 hours. I bet Esme would do it quicker.
"Evenlyn?" She said, while we were driving. I looked up from my lap.
"Yes?" I said, my voice soft in its usual tone. My voice never had been loud, always just above a whisper.
"Have you thought about what's next?" Her question shocked me. What's next? I get older. And older. But they would stay their perfect selves. So, at a certain time I would be...older than the Cullens?
"Wait.. do you mean I will eventually will grow older than you?" I said, gasping in disbelief. Esme nodded slowly, as if she was thinking.
"Yes, but there is another option.."
"What is it?" I said, wanting to know what I could do.
"No, forget it.. I'm sorry I thought of that." She said, shaking her head delicately. I was desperate.
"Please, Esme? What is it?" I said frantically.
"Never mind.." She said and pulled into the parking lot. She parked her car next to Carlisle's and got out. I sighed. She would tell me later. Or I would find out other ways. I opened my door as well and got out. Esme took my hand and squeezed it encouraging. We entered the big hospital. People were walking around everywhere. All those memories of all that had happened here were trying to take over my mind and I tried to push them away. This wasn't the moment to feel sad. I ran after Esme as I noticed I wasn't moving anymore. She was standing in front of the desk, arguing with the lady behind it.
"He is my husband! This is his daughter!" Esme said, trying to keep controlled.
"I'm sorry, I can't help you, miss." Esme sighed and took the same phone that I had from her pocket. She called a pre-set number and held it to her ear.
"Hi honey, there is this lady and she won't let us see you...(...) yes, okay!" She hung up and put her phone away. She smiled at me. "He's coming over here." She said. Seconds later my new dad was at the desk.
"Esme, Evenlyn!" He said, looking pleased. He turned around and looked the lady.
"Thank you for helping my wife, Jenny." He said.
The lady blushed a deep red color. "I.. I'm sorry, Dr. Cullen!" He rolled his eyes. He took us upstairs to a floor that was marked as offices. He took a key from his pocket and slid it into the lock. The door opened and he went in first. Inside was an old looking desk with behind it a bookshelf with thick medical books. In the far right corner of the room was a leather chair. Esme sat down on it and Carlisle lifted me onto his desk. I tried to figure out how I would ask Carlisle the question that was dancing through my mind and get Esme away, so that I could ask it.
"You ready?" I snapped out of my thoughts by Carlisle's soft voice. I blinked and nodded. He checked me over and I was not really there. My thoughts were in the future, how could I stop getting older?
"I'll have to check out these deep wounds under a brighter light, shall we go to another room?" He asked. I hopped off the desk and nearly fell, caught by dizziness. Carlisle caught and steadied me.
"Shall I come?" Esme said, I had forgotten that she was even here.
"It's okay, love." Carlisle said. We left the room and I followed him into an ER. He took some scary looking medical tools and told me to lie down. The white paper sheet cracked as I laid down. Carlisle pulled out a chair and sat down. He pulled up my shirt a little, it still caused a big lump in my throat. I looked down myself to see an awful looking deep wound. It was probably made by my dad once.
"You'll feel a little prick, okay?" He said, his voice perfectly calm. I took a deep breath. There was a prick in the wound and it felt like a knife in my body. I tried to squirm away from it, but Carlisle's vampire strength kept me in place. Damn vampires.. The place went numb and all the pain was gone. My tensed muscles relaxed and I laid down, staring at the ceiling. This would be the one moment that I had to ask him.
"Carlisle?" His wise golden eyed met mine.
"Yes?" He answered.
"What will happen when I get older?" He thought about that for a moment. "Eventually I will become older than you, right?" He nodded slowly.
"Yes, but not if you would stop aging." He said, continuing his work.
"How would I stop aging?" I felt like a four year old, asking her daddy where babies come from.
"Well, for example by becoming a vampire." He said. What? Me? A vampire? I had never considered that. I felt confused. He seemed so comfortable with the word! "Did I scare you?" He said, a smile playing on his lips.
"No...Not at all...It’s just.. I never thought about becoming one of you..."
"You don't have to, it’s just an open option." He said simply. I nodded slowly. A new question popped into my mind.
"How do you become...a.. a.. a vampire?" I said.
"I knew you would ask that one. Well, when a vampire bites a human, the vampire can't control himself, that is how usual vampires feed." I shivered at the word 'feed'. "To change a human it takes much control, he has to stop before it killed the human." It took me a moment to get myself together.
"Have you ever changed someone?" I asked.
"Yes, first Edward, then Esme, Rosalie and Emmett. Alice and Jasper were an addition to our family, both with different backgrounds. If you would want to change you know you're safe."
"Does it hurt?" I asked, fearing the answer.
"Yes, it feels like burning alive, the worst torture. There is no way to describe it." How much more pain could it be than I already feel? The loss, hurt, memories, dreams, how much worse can changing be? Actually it would be ideal to change. I had no family left behind, no way somebody could trace me.
"Just give it a thought, there is no need to rush." I nodded slowly. "We're done." He said. He helped me off and walked me back upstairs. Esme was waiting for us outside the office. I was in a lightly shocked state.
"She's okay, just keep her home for a bit longer, she isn't ready yet." I heard Carlisle murmur to Esme. She nodded understanding. They kissed and I hugged Carlisle.
"I'll see you tonight." He said in my ear.
"Bye.." I said. Esme and I drove home in silence. We drove into the garage and we entered the living room. All the others were at school. I sat down on the couch and stared out of the glass wall. Esme sat down beside me.
"Are you okay, baby?" She asked concerned.
"Yeah.. I'm fine.." I said, not convincing her.
"Evenlyn, please tell me what's on your mind?" Just then the doorbell rang. Esme stood up to answer it and I stayed a few steps behind, in the hallway, peeking around the corner. Esme opened the door and I heard a voice I had hoped never to hear again. He was back.
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I am SO sorry it took so long! Im so so sorry! Im so busy for school!
Love it? Hate it? Its pretty short but oh well! Vote comment like and tweet! I reached over 7000 reads, thank you guys SO much! I am so blessed to have you as my fans and readers! Love you all!