memento mori
"Who are you?"
Nikolai walked forward in front of me. When suddenly Grandma appeared at the entrance.
"Nikolai, Romia. How's the delivery?"
Grandma said while holding a tray, she smiled and walked towards the tea blender. My head bends at my side in confusion.
"Oh, this is Lord Ludovic's butler, Jasper. You should meet them in the living room. Now, now...Romia, would you mind assisting me with the teas?"
I gulped. The Lord is here!?
I nodded but still not moving on my spot.
Her forehead furrowed.
"Everything okay my dear?" she stopped.
I kept my gaze fixed on the man. He looks familiar, but I'm sure we've never met before. He raised his cup while smiling at me. I blinked as grandma called my name again.
"Romia?"
Nikolai turned his head in my direction without looking. I inhaled deeply and pushed myself toward Grandma. I can feel his eyes watching me.
"Of course," I answered.
"What a lovely aroma. Lavender and mint..."
I heard Jasper's voice as I arranged the cups on the tray.
"Ah, yes. Good for digestion and reduces stress,"
"Ah, must add this to my list,"
"Nikolai, can you get the biscuits?"
"Oh, let me help you with that," Jasper offered to grandma.
I'm unable to look. While this strange feeling persisted in my mind, I tried concentrating on making the teas. I tried to clear my mind. Grandma led us to the living room after we had finished preparing everything.
I walked slowly, scanning the room. I first noticed a fancy carriage outside the window before my eyes slowly lie at these two men sitting on the couch. Both have blonde hair, but the older one has this long white hair. Their heads turned to face us. The man smiled and fiddled with his cane.
"Ah, this must be your grandchildren - I must say?"
My eyes immediately locked with whom I believe to be Lord Ludovic. He raised one eyebrow with a smile plastered on his face. His long hair rested at his back perfectly.
"And, this must be, Romia,"
My eyes switched to the guy next to him. He watches me as I set the teas on the table. I looked away and gulped the lamp on my throat.
"Yes," Grandma answered.
"What a delicate name. Does it come from her mother or from something they were inspired about?
He inquired, but he was fixated on Nikolai. His grin never faded. I looked at Nikolai and then walked right to grandma. He's leaning against the door, arms crossed, no expression on his face.
Something tied on my stomach. I inhaled and calmed myself.
"It's indeed from her mother's choice. Her mother was born in Romania, the girl must have its inspiration from it,"
I glanced at grandma. I never heard grandma talks about mother. My eyebrows met. I never even knew she was from Romania.
"Hmm, very ideal. Well, I've heard a lot about you... young boy..."
We all looked at Nikolai. His forehead furrowed.
"I've heard quite everything about you...my Lord,"
He replied - gazing intensely.
Lord Ludovic raised an eyebrow, his grin growing wider in amusement. I felt a touch on my hand, looked down at grandma, and she let me sit next to her. When I looked up, my gaze was drawn to the Lord's son. He quickly avoided it. Sitting on the edge of the coach he raised his resting hand through his forehead, playing with his finger, I noticed the ring he was wearing, a letter H carved into it.
"That's to be noticed." He breathed out, "Well, given our previous conversation, I hope you didn't interpret it differently. I'm only here to seek your advice and knowledge."
Lord Ludovic's eyes returned to grandma. She sighs looking at her fingers.
"Considering your husband's legacy, I assumed there was something I could still rely on to support my wife - despite his passing,"
I watched Lord Ludovic taking his cup and sipping from it before staring into it like he was suddenly lost in the abyss.
"I reasoned that perhaps there is still anything out there that could treat my wife's illness. We had no idea what is it or how to treat it, not until we heard about your families legacy,"
He placed his cup back while his other hand fidgets with his cane. He was in a daze as if he were trying to think of something, he breathed out.
"I don't want her gone. I will do anything to save her," he smiled weakly.
He gripped his cane. His jaw tightened.
"I want to perish her suffering,"
His son was frozen in his position with heavy breaths. A war clouded his mind.
Grandma looked up with a steady breath and opened her mouth.
"I found my husband's legacy had given many opportunities to others. He shared his ability and profound knowledge and guided many souls to this new life. But, I also wanted him to have a normal life. I wanted my husband to be by my side. But time took that away from me."
I glanced down to see her hands tremble, I reached for it and slowly rubbed my thumb. She didn't look, instead, she smiled, with a bitter ghost of sadness.
"He loves what he was doing because just like he said, he was saving lives. I don't want to take that away from him. But I needed my husband. Despite that it'll be too dangerous for him to go further into the mist where his devotion lies ahead, he would still continue because people need him. I didn't embrace mine because I know the consequences or maybe I was just vailed by fear while he trust this ability and managed to go further."
Heavyweight sank into my chest as I remembered that grandpa died while saving people's lives. And it was believed that it was murder.
"But you're saving lives now..."
Grandma looked into his eyes.
"I only do it necessarily-"
"Out of guilt? Or fidelity?"
We were all looking at Lord Ludovic. He smirks and clutches his cane. Jasper came to a halt in the middle of his tea, staring at him, and his throat moved, slowly lowering the cup. While Lord Ludovic's son only looked at him for a moment before glancing at me, this time I was the one who averted my gaze.
My eyebrows met as grandma's grip tightened.
"And it was a too long time ago..." she continued, not glancing away into his eyes.
"What is it that you want? I will give you everything-"
"Forgive me. But I don't want anything from you, my Lord. Is just that I no longer hold this ability,"
I gulped as this tension build up in my stomach. Grandma's reluctance to play the part perplexes me. Why is that? The lady must be dying.
Lord Ludovic let himself fall and breathed out, he watches us under his eyebrows. Disappointment engraved on his face.
"I'm deeply sorry, my Lord. But I can't...I just can't-"
"Where's the devotion in it!? I thought you'll want to save people's lives. Is that an act of fraud or compulsion?"
Lifting himself, the Lord's son exclaimed making me flinch, my eyes rounded. I heard Nikolai's footsteps.
"Kyros!"
The Lord hissed. Grandma didn't move an inch, just stared through him. But then Kyros grunted and stood up, walking out of the room, and I heard the door open and close with a bang.
Jasper pursed his lips and placed the cup on the table.
"I'll take care of it, my Lord,"
He said and nod before he stood up to follow Kyros.
I inhaled to calm my chest, my grip loosen on grandma's hand. While Lord Ludovic snaked his hand through his face. I blinked.
He sighs.
"Forgive my son for his abrupt behavior. He's anguished by his mother's sudden illness," He mumbled while staring into space.
Grandma exhaled like she's been holding it for a long time. Her eyes twitched and it was a bit watery, she tried to smile.
"I understand," She uttered.
I looked up to see Nikolai sighing as if he was bored. He took a glimpse out the window where the two boys had gone. My gaze was drawn to his head. I recall what happened earlier. Is his head hurting?
The Lord had decided to go before midnight after following conversations. He respected grandma's decision but he was still devastated by her choice.
I helped grandma with the chores. I drank the last drop of tea on my cup when I roamed my eyes to the room.
"Where's Nikolai?"
Grandma stopped for a moment from washing the dishes before continuing.
"He must be feeding the animals,"
She answered but my forehead furrowed. At night?
I'm still concerned about his head. So I cleaned up the living room and then went to our bedroom, thinking he was finished with his work.
As I opened the door I inhaled and looked for him, but there was no sign of him. My shoulder dropped. My eyes lingered on the open window. I sigh and walked towards it. The white curtains gracefully dances with the wind, I caught it with my hands, grazing it slowly with my fingers.
I looked up to meet the moon. Almost full and blazing in the night sky. I rested my head on my hand on the curtain. I stood there for a moment, wondering what would happen if people didn't have to go through pain. Kyros's face emerged in my mind.
Are we afraid to die because of the pain we must endure, or because we fear leaving those we love...and also because of the things we wish we had done?
He must have this fear hunting his mind by losing his mother. I was lost for a moment. If I knew my mother was dying, maybe I would experience the same thing. I even wonder how she died. I wished I have the opportunity to meet her before.
Death?
Is there a crueler word than death? Or much more anguishing word than pain?
How terrifying must it be? But what could be more terrifying than imprisoning it in your mind? Being caged with it forever. Hunted by these phantom beliefs of lost minds. But, I think fear is the most ruthless thing to believe in.
I took a deep breath and shut the window. I returned downstairs to get a cup of tea and continue reading Eanruig's journal. I decided to look for more in the attic, where they keep the majority of our antiques. Since I'm almost finished.
Looking up, I raised my candle in the air. As the cold passed by, I rubbed my arms. It's dark, and only the moonbeam's light illuminates the attic. The dust moves at the moment with the moon's rays. To avoid inhaling the dust, I shoved my hand in front of my face. I held my cardigan and started walking towards the spiral staircase.
I tried to catch some moonlight on my hands by gliding my free hand through the air. I smiled quietly to myself. It makes me long for the warmth of the sun.
The bookshelves are piled high with books. I got closer to where I had taken Eanruig's journal before. I graced my fingers on every book I passed. My finger came to a halt on one that piqued my interest.
"Winter tales.."
This must be his story during his winter days. I pulled it out and shake my hand to remove the dust from my fingertips when something dropped on the floor. I glanced down to see a small black book. My brows met. I bend my head and kneel to reach it.
I licked my lips while flipping it backward. My brows furrowed when I noticed a blood mark the size of a thumb or finger. It's a little messy with the ink. I was stunned for a moment. I gulped as something crawled through my throat.
Is this what I think is it?
Maybe not. It was burned a long time ago. But it has the same features.
I could hear my own heartbeat. I tuck them both inside my cardigan before heading back to the room.
I have been staring at the black book for a long time while finishing the journal of Eanruig. I pursed my lips before reading his last lines.
"Those who must be perished should perish. Those who have sin must burn under God's hand. Those monsters must burn on the ground. Cursed souls by the devil himself. But be warned, the devil may take you with him. The devil may allure you with his words. Venomous words that would crawl into your mind to pull you into the darkness. Don't be fooled by his lies. Be vigilant by his tricks. Or you will be burned down with the monsters. "
I whispered the last words. I glanced out the window as the breeze whispered through the trees. I wet my dry throat. I reached for my cup but it was empty. I frown. Did I finish it too quickly?
I rosed from my sit to get some more. I was about to hold the door when the window blasted open. I almost dropped my cup. My heartbeat quickened. I held my cup near my chest as I roamed my eyes around the room.
My breath hitched as I glanced through the window. My eyebrows met. But I gasp as I notice a silhouette at the edge of the room. A silhouette of a man. I slowly step back gripping the cup.
Panic lingered in my body. I jumped as the journal falls to the ground. I quickly glanced back at the man but he vanished. I was more confused and shaken.
I breathed in and out gazing at every corner of the room. I halt my footsteps. Chill runs down my spine as I felt like the rear was empty.
I felt something on my neck. I slowly glanced back as terror crippled my mind. The back of my eyes begins to sting. I screamed when a hand crawled behind me to my eyes.
I panted as I opened my eyes. Heat immediately covered my body I could feel myself sweating. I blinked and looked around. My head furrowed followed by a sudden dizziness. I'm alone. I looked down at my hands. I'm holding Eanruig's journal and completely seated. I gulped and my throat stinged.
I must have fallen asleep. I run my fingers across my face. I looked down at my cup. It's completely empty. I licked my lips. I stared at the black book before lingering my eyes on the beds.
Nikolai's not done yet? Or is he at the greenhouse doing his crafts?
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My throat is killing me. I took my cup and stands up. A sudden deja vu entered my body. I blinked and exhaled.
It's just a bad dream.
Just a bad dream.
I tried to find Nikolai yet since the dizziness keeps on going I decided to sleep first. Maybe he's busy.
But when I awoke in the middle of the night to a noise with dumped hair and a headache. The blood stain on the curtain petrified me even more.