not edited as always so i'm sorry for typossss :)
enjoyyy. <3
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Nova
Friday
4:50pm
"say cheeeese" I say, holding the phone up with both, me and Robb in the frame.
"man move" he says jokingly.
I pucker my lips up, pressing them against his cheek, snapping a photo. I hold up a peace sign, sticking my tongue out, snapping another photo. I take a few more, letting robb straight face in all of them except the last one, where I made him smile.
"looook, we're cutee!" I exclaim, posting the pictures on my story. I'm trying to spend more time on social media since I'm gaining a following.
"I guess we are" he says, swiping through the photos "You excited about tonight?" he asks, wrapping his arm around my waist, gripping my ass.
I had just gotten out of the shower and put on a simple outfit, an oversized graphic tee and a pair of knee length biker shorts. at about 6:30 we have my video shoot to go to and I was actually pretty excited. Currently, we're just laying in the bed, relaxing.
"I actually am." I start, "I'm pretty nervous too. I don't know how i'll be in front of the camera."
"I think you'll be good. The first time is always the hardest, so once you get this out the way, it's uphill from here." He says, squeezing me lightly. "while we're on the subject...I got you a spot at The Summer Jam in June"
I snap my head around to him, I never even realized that if I get into this hustle, I would have to perform live. I think this might be the worse part of it all.
"you did what...?" I ask, sitting up as I face him.
"Summer Jam.." he furrows his eyebrows, "you're gonna perform?"
I stare at him a little while longer with panic in my eyes.
"I...I don't think i'm ready for that.." I say,
"I mean... not now but you have almost 2 months" He soothes me, "We get you in the studio, crank out a few more songs... work with a stage manager.. I think you can handle it." He finishes.
I tilt my head to the side, thinking about the offer. I contemplate it for a few seconds before starting to smile, jumping on top of him and kissing all over his face repeatedly saying 'thank you'.
"anything for you." he says, kissing my lips. "you ready to go?"
I nod my head, getting off him.
I grab my bag, putting on my shoes and making my way downstairs with Robb right behind me. We make our way to the car, getting in and Immeadiatly plug my phone up to the aux trying to hype my self up.
"I'm so nervous" I squeal.
He places his hand on my thigh as he pulls off.
"don't be. You're going to do fine." He says, giving my leg a reassuring squeeze.
***
"THAT'S A WRAP" Ty screams from behind the camera.
I sit up, grabbing my robe from off to the side, putting it on and tying it.
We just finished the last scene of the video and it actually went better than I expected. I saw Ty's words come to life in the video. Although, I was showing more skin than Robb would've liked. I think it will come out good when it's all done. I put my slides on, walking over to Ty to hear what he has to say before we leave. Robb is hot on my trail, mainly because he think's Ty wants me. but i'm almost positive he's gay but i'll let him do him.
"you did so good.. you sure you haven't done this before?" he says, leaning against his camera set up.
I laugh, shaking my head. "never."
I feel Robb pinch my back. Something he does when he feels like i'm 'doing the most'
"okay well, I'll probably have it edited and sent to you by tomorrow.. that sound good to you?"
"no yeah.. that sounds good." I say, smiling at him.
"cool cool, I look forward to working with you again." He says, opening his arms, embracing me.
I hug him back, even with the strong grip Robb has on my clothes.
" I look forward to working with you too."
"Alright, I'mma text you with the edit."
"okay, i'll be waiting on it." I say, turning around and following Robb as he begins walking to the car.
"Can I get my clothes from that bag?" I ask, holding onto his hand as he leads me to the car.
"no" he says, throwing my bag into the back seat, getting inside of the car.
I roll my eyes, getting inside of the car, slamming the door. This man ALWAYS has an attitude. Like no matter what I do or what I try to not do to make him mad, he finds something in everything I do. It's honestly exhausting.
"I know why you're so pissy. you stayed there the whole time and you watched me very closely, and probably watched everyone else closer and I just d-"
I get cut off by robb putting his lips against mine, giving me the hungriest kiss i've felt in a while. He pulls away looking into my eyes.
"I want you to shut up and sit on my dick." he says, biting on my bottom lip.
As soon as he says that, I climb over the middle console as he leans his seat back. I raise his shirt up a little as I pull down his jogging pants. He unties my robe, pulling it off of my body, throwing it in the back seat. I lift up some, feeling him harden and press against my center. I lean forward pressing my chest against his, placing one of my arms around his neck and using the other to slide my panties to the side, slowly sliding down on him.
"like that?" I ask, sitting back up as I watch him close his eyes, feeling his breathing slow against my chest.
I watch him nod slowly, squeezing on my hips as I move up and down on his shaft. I press the side of my face against his, kissing his ear softly.
"I can't hear you." I whisper in his ear, pulling his curly strands in my hand, feeling myself tighten around him.
"oh.... shit..." he mumbles in my ear, pressing his thumbs into my skin. making me moan suddenly in his ear.
"don't do...that" He says, spreading my legs a little wider, making him go deeper inside of me.
I don't know what he's talking about but I decide to keep doing what i'm doing.
I speed up, throwing my head back as i use on of my hands to grip onto the door, occasionally grinding back and forth on top of him. I feel myself begin to pool on him as I squeeze tightly around him, moaning loudly as I feel him hitting my cervix with every stroke.
"oh...fuuuc- nova.." he whines,
I've never heard him so submissive, the scene brings me to an intense orgasm. I slow down, taking my time each time I slide up and down on him.
"mmmhmmm" I hum in reply, mostly sounding like incoherent moans.
"you...you gotta...get up.." He finally gets out, in between groans.
"yeah?" I question, teasing him, pecking his lips multiple times as I feel him release inside of me. sliding my hands up his shirt, slowly grinding back and forth as I let him ride out his orgasm. I lean back against the steering wheel, letting him lean his head against my shoulder, listening to him trying to control his breathing.
"you okay?" I ask, running my fingers through his hair, stopping occasionally to twist his hair around my fingers.
He doesn't reply, but I continue playing in his hair, closing my eyes as I feel him twitch inside of me.
"you make me so fucking crazy." he finally says, squeezing my thighs as he sits up, pulling his pants up.
"yeah, I know." I respond, getting off of him, climbing back into the passenger seat.
As soon as I get back into my seat, I reach in the back, pulling clothes out of my bag, putting them on, before putting my seat belt on. I hear Robb's phone ring in his pocket and as soon as he answers it, I zone out laying my head against the window closing my eyes.
***
As I sit on the bed, watching Robb stand in the closet, tossing his clothes onto the bed, I cross my arms.
" So you're leaving me?" I question.
"yeah." he starts, "It's only a week"
"okay but.." I pause trying to think of an excuse. "what if I need you?"
he chuckles, before replying, " try not to then."
"please can I go with you?" I plead, with the saddest of eyes.
" not this time baby." he says, placing his clothes from on the bed into a duffle bag.
"ugh." I groan "and you have to leave tonight?"
"yup.. I have a meeting at 8am" he replies, zipping the bag, placing it on the floor.
I roll my eyes, watching him stand at the dresser, crushing a pill into a powder with the back of a spoon. something he did every once in a while, usually when he was stressed or anxious. He was more of a drinker than a pill person, but me? It didn't matter what it was...I wanted it. I watch him line up the powder, roll up a fresh $100 bill, and sniff it. Something I've never seen him do. He always swallowed it. He wipes his nose, sniffing a few more times before holding the cardboard square out towards me.
"what is it?" I ask, taking it from him before he answers.
"benzos" He says, as if I know what that is.
I sit the tray on my lap, picking up the rolled bill, leaning down and sniffing the white powder from half the line before feeling it start to burn. I sit the stuff on the bed, squeezing my nostrils as it continues to sting. After a few seconds, the pain starts to go away and the sedation of the drugs set in. I start to feel my breathing slow.
" you okay?" I hear him ask
It feels like i'm moving in slow motion. I look up at him, nodding my head. I stare at his face, lost in an indescribable trance. I think about the first time Ally gave me pills. These feel nothing like that. Percocets made me aggressive, but these give me a different feeling..a better one. I'm instantly knocked out of my thoughts when his phone rings.
"yuh" he answers it,
I watch him, sitting on the edge of the bed, swinging my feet. He picks his bag off of the floor, pulling his wallet out, handing me his card.
"nigga, i'm coming damn." he says, hanging up the phone before letting the person reply.
I take the card, standing up in front of him, wrapping my arms around his body, hugging him tightly. He hugs me back, kissing my forehead.
"Be good." he says, before letting me go, making his way out of the room, with me following him close behind him. I open the door for him, due to all the things in his hands.
" I love you.. be safe" I murmur, leaning against the door.
"I love you too." he says, with his back towards me as he makes his way out the door.
I close the door, locking it behind him
Most of the day, I sit around with Robb. Talking to him, riding with him, etc,etc. and if I'm not with him then i'm here, laid around his house. I barely even see anyone anymore and honestly I'm okay with it. I decide to order a pizza and end my night watching tv, as I always do.
I pull out my phone, ordering a pizza before walking up the stairs, walking into the room, shutting and locking the door behind me. I stare at the leftover white powder on the bed, deciding to finish it off.
***
Tuesday
12:37 pm
"so, now you're. staying an extra day?" I whine,
Robb was currently in LA for work and he's face timing me telling me that he had to stay an extra day...which makes 9 days in total. I'm already missing him like crazy and he's only been gone for 4 days .. I mostly spend my time ordering clothes, food, writing music, getting high and doing it all again the next day.
"man stop allat whining." he says, "you know I hate that."
I reposition the camera, so that only my eyes, up are in view.
"whatever" I sigh.
"don't be like that..it's not like i'm just out here having fun." he says, unamused.
" doesn't feel like it. I text you and it takes you hours to reply..." i say.
he sighs loudly, obviously annoyed "and if you keep bitchin', imma hang up."
see what i was talking about? realll pissy.
"I don't even care" I say, putting him on pause as I check my notifications from instagram. I posted my music video two days ago and it's already at 320K views, which also gained me about 75.7K followers since I last checked. People have been asking me for features and to perform and to sponsor products but it's all just so new to me, i'm not sure where to start.
"and now i'm on pause." I hear him moving around, "okay nova." I hear him say before hearing the sound indicating that he had ended the call. I mentally roll my eyes, calling him back to no answer. I turn over in my side, scrolling through my instagram feed before hearing the door bell ring. I jump up excitedly, making my way to the front door, hoping that it's my bag that I ordered.
I swing the door open and there stands a girl, about 5'6, lightskin with straight black hair that stops right below her shoulder. I scan down her body, stopping as soon as I get to her very pregnant stomach. She looked about 9 months and no less. I feel my stomach drop.
"oh!" she exclaims. "it's Nova right?" she smiles at me.
I stare at her, not knowing what to say to that question. I mean I know who I am but how does she know who I am, and why is she standing here in front of me.
"yeah, that's me" I laugh awkwardly, standing behind the door,
"it's so nice to finally meet you. Robb talks about you non-stop." she says,
I furrow my eyebrows, closing my eyes as I lean my head against the door, trying to remember if there was anybody he ever mentioned anybody. Nobody comes to mind. I don't even think i've ever even heard of him mentioning a girl. ever
she places her hands behind her back, chuckling before looking down.
"I'm actually not even sure he's mentioned me..." she starts, "It's Hazel...sometimes he calls me Haze?" she says, trying to get me to know her.
I stare at her, nodding rapidly, remembering her name popping up on his phone a few times.
"ohh, okay that sounds familiar. It's nice to meet you"
She smiles at me again, it seems genuine , but I'm bad at deciphering things like this.
"I was looking for Robb.. is he here ?" she asks, looking behind me.
I still hadn't established a relationship between her and him but if she was someone important than she would've known that he was not here, and was not coming back for at least a few days.
"uh no.. he's not here right now.. It'll honestly be a few days." I reply truthfully.
I see her whole demeanor change. It went from somewhat happy and bubbly to fully saddened.
"oh..well.. um" she starts,
I start to lose interest in this conversation as I can't focus with the questions running rampant in my mind.
"I've been trying to text and call him for the last week, so coming here was my last resort." she starts again.
I nod,
"I just wanted to let him know that they've decided to induce me tomorrow. I know he's been on and off about being in her life but... I just wanted him to be able to make his decision about being at the birth. So if you get in touch with him, can you let him know that I stopped by?" She finishes.
I stare at her, tilting my head to the side. I try to process everything replaying the key words in my head.I put the pieces together into a third person perspective, the way I process best. Hazel, which is going to be induced tomorrow, is Robb's babymama that I had no clue about.
I lose the ability to talk momentarily as I'm taken aback.
"okay.." I croak out, "yeah.. I'll..yeah..." I mumble, closing the door.
Before I can get the door close, I open it back up.
" Do you want to come in? see if I can get him on the phone for you?" I ask.
she nods and I move out of the doorway, letting her in, closing the door behind me.
"You can have a seat anywhere. I'm just gonna go grab my phone." I say, making my way upstairs.
I don't know if I'm being naive or whatever, but I believed her and I actually felt... bad for her. I didn't feel anything malicious when talking to her and I'm really really hoping that it doesn't turn around and bite me.
I grab my phone of the bed, making my way back downstairs quietly watching Hazel sitting motionless on one end of the couch. I make my way over to her, sitting on the other end of the couch, going to my call log, facetiming Robb.
I let it ring a few times, before pressing the end button coming to a realization that he wasn't going to answer. I try him again, getting the same result. I decide to send him a quick text saying 'call me, it's important' before setting my phone down on the the coffee table, turning towards her.
"I really appreciate you trying to get in touch with him. He's a pretty touch-and-go person. You never know how he's going to be feeling each day."
I nod, definitely understanding what she's saying. Her saying she hasn't heard from him in a week would send me in a spiral, let alone being as pregnant as she was. I look away for a few seconds, looking at the time on my phone before I hear her sobbing softly.
I turn and look her way, unsure of what to do in the moment.
"I never thought that I would be this girl." she starts, I lay my head on my arms on the back of the couch, listening to her.
"I.. I've just know him forever and as soon as I give him the time of day that he begged for.. this happens." she gestures towards her stomach, sniffling.
"Then... he seems excited, so I uproot my whole life and move here so that he can be closer to us, but it actually feels like he's further than before." she wept.
I move closer to her rubbing her back in circles, handing her a few tissues that sat on the table, trying to console her.
"I have no one here.. I'm working 60 hour weeks, just trying to survive while preparing for a child I made with another person...who still doesn't believe it's his child." She says through subsiding tears.
For the first time in this interaction, I decide to ask a question.
"he knows it's his child?" I ask, because maybe he didn't know and that was the reason he was so uninvolved.
"yeah..he asked for a DNA test and we got one...he said I had altered it somehow. So then we went to his choice of doctor, let them stick my baby AGAIN and he said that I altered it again. He comes around some days and then other days it's like we're at square one." She says with a shortness of breath.
i continue to console her, not realizing the extent of the situation that she was in. I think it's pretty shitty of him to put her in this situation knowing that he had the funds to support her from wherever she decided to be. As soon as I hear back from him, he won't stop hearing my mouth.
she sighs, eventually calming down before wiping her face.
"I should probably go.." she says softly, " I know the bus will be here soon and I really don't want to miss it." She stands up, grabbing her bag from the floor making her way to the door. It takes me a second to process what she says.
Robb has one of the most expensive, decked out cars that I have ever seen before and I don't know too much about cars and prices but It has to be on 100s of thousands side. It just wasn't making sense to me that he was treating her like this and she was carrying his child and has proved that to him multiple times before. I decide to take it upon myself to do what I can for her.
"do you want a ride home?" I ask, hoping that I won't regret it.
"oh no, I took the bus here, I can ride it home." She says, standing next to the door.
I move away from the couch, following her.
"well.. Do you have everything you need for the baby?" I ask, standing in front of her.
"I mean.. I have a few things...I've been buying it pretty slowly" she says, looking down.
"hm.." I say.. " I'm always up for shopping.. I know Robb wouldn't mind buying the last few things you need" I lied.
she looked up at me with a forming smile on her face.
"really? I wouldn't ask you to do that...or him." she says, shyly.
"Well luckily you didn't ask. " I look down at my usually outfit, a oversized graphic t-shirt and a pair of shorts.
"let me just go grab the keys and we can head out." I say, squeezing her arm before turning and walking up the stairs.
***
"Nova loooook!" Hazel exclaims, holding up the tiniest onesie.
"it's so tinyyy" I drag, "you gonna get it?" I ask.
She looks at the price tag, hanging it back on the racks.
"It's $20 for an outfit that she's going to grow out of in a month." she says frantically.
Me and Hazel were in Target and we've been to two baby stores before this and everything she picks up, she puts back down because it's too expensive. Even though I told her that its on him.. she doesn't care, and I was actually starting to get fed up.
"If you don't pick that back up and put it in this cart" I say sternly.
"bu-" she starts,
I shush her and she gives in, putting the onesie back in the cart.
"When I said get anything... I meant it." I start, "Babies need a lot of things... don't make me pull up a list of all of the things you need and just get it myself" I declared,
she bites the inside of her cheek, turning around and continuing down the aisle, starting to pick up things that she needed. I look at the stuff as she put it in the cart. Bottles, baby tub, pacifiers and other things alike. It seems like she really didn't have anything, but i decide not to dwell on it too much.
On our way out of the store, my phone rings, expecting to see Robb's name, I see Ally's contact name pop up, saying she wants to face time. I answer it, opening the trunk of the car, loading the cart into it.
"Wassup allycat" I say, continuing to load the trunk with Hazel's help.
"nothing much. we have a studio booked for 5-12 tomorrow, but a few of the boys are sick so they're not going to be able to do a lot of their songs. So the studio is just gonna sit there empty. I told them I would ask if you if you would want to come lay a few tracks. Brit is sick too so i'm literally gonna be by myself." She pleads with me.
"sure, I got a few things to record too. just send me the address." I say, closing the trunk, putting the basket back where it goes and getting in the driver's side.
"thank youu" she says, kissing the camera.
I laugh saying 'you're welcome' before hanging up the phone.
I put the car in gear, pulling out of the parking lot.
"you gotta direct me, because I have no sense of direction" I say jokingly.
"okay" she laughs.
We start driving and about 15 minutes in silence, I decide to break it.
"Can I ask you a question?" I ask.
"Sure, what is it?" she replys.
"Is there anything that... you know... you think I should know about Robb? About him? About his past?" I ask, secretly hoping that she says that there's nothing.
" I mean..besides his kids, and how he's acting now.. this is pretty standard with him"
Did I hear her right? Kids.. with an S... meaning plural...?
"Kids? as in more than your one?" I ask, whipping my head around to face her.
She looks over at me concerned and also nervous.
"yeah..I.. He never told you about that?"
"nope." I say in shock. "How many?"
"including mine? I think three. In the last year or so, we haven't really talked much so I don't know the specifics or even is thats facts" She says, feeling as if she's backtracking on the information she told me.
"you can turn right here" she directs me after a few minutes of silence. "i'm sorry.. I didn't know that he hadn't told you that.. and I'm sure that you didn't want some girl that you barely knew to tell you important things about your boyfriend like that..." she trails off.
"It's not really your fault" I nod, wiping forming tears from my eyes.
"I know.. It's just.. I'm sorry." She says again, I wave her off, shaking my head.
"It's fine I promisee" I whisper, pulling into an apartment complex that she directs me into.
"This is it?" I ask, pulling up to a building in a very dark and secluded spot. I was almost scared to let her get out and I was more scared of stopping the car here.
"Yeah" she says, taking her seatbelt off, "I know it doesn't look like much, mostly because it isn't but i'm saving up for a car right now and this is the best I can do."
I know I shouldn't pity people but I can't imagine what she's going through. I honestly just want to do what I can for her, especially since the person who is supposedly my boyfriend and her child's father isn't doing it for her, I feel like If I can step in, then I should.
I end up getting out of the car, helping her take all of the stuff we bought, up to her apartment. I was really glad that she lived on the first floor because anything else, I might have not made more than one trip. I said my goodbyes to her, exchanging phone numbers telling her to call me if she needs absolutely anything, no matter the time. I tell her i'll let her know if I hear anything from Robb.
On my way home, I think about today. I feel like what I did today was pretty crazy. I know it wasn't my place to do what I did for her today, but honestly it felt good to not think about myself for once. I didn't want to say it out loud but I wanted so badly to put her in a better position. Get her a better place to stay and a car to get to and from work and any other place she needs to go. But I knew that was me thinking so far ahead. When I see people in a situation, I try my best to help when I know I can.
I exit the car, making my way back into the apartment, closing and locking the door behind me. I walk up the stairs, sitting down on the floor, opening my notebook writing down whatever comes to mind.
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this one is kinda longgg. took me like 3 days to write lmao.
anyway, as always ty for reading.