song of the chapter: skyfall by adele <3 this literally gives me chills i can't-
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Waiting for her turn to be questioned about the events regarding the Dead Poets Society was agony in its rawest form. She was not nervous, because facing these men and obscuring the truth was not exactly something she, as a woman in a man's world, was unused.
No, what unnerved her was taking Meeks into her arms after he visited Mr. Nolan's office. The way he'd left her an anxious mess and returned in even worse shape - empty and devoid of the boy she loved.
And by God, in that moment, she hated Nolan with her entire heart.
"Meeks?" Todd Anderson's voice flew under the doorway, concerned and curious. Meeks lifted his tear-stained face from the girl's shoulder to reply.
"Go away," he called tiredly "I have to study." A lie, she knew - but all he wanted was to be left alone to his trauma which she openly accepted to bear with him, to help him through.
"What happened to Nuwanda?" Todd asked after a short period of hesitation.
"Expelled." Meeks' reply was curt and clipped, his tone betraying how he felt. Oh, how her heart ached for him.
"It's going to be all right, Todd," she called out softly to him, encouraging to be with Neil and wait the storm out. But alas, the blonde ceased to relent.
"What'd you tell them?" At this, Meeks paused and didn't meet (y/n)'s sad eyes. She gave him a reassuring stroke to his cheek.
"Nothing they didn't already know," the auburn-haired boy muttered, almost ashamed of having caved into their cruelty. (y/n) couldn't find it in herself to blame him, though.
She heard Hager call Todd's name, and somehow her heart knew she would go next, for it immediately began beating rapidly in fear. It was some minutes of silence before the scuffle of feet, a door closing, and Hager's voice once more.
"(y/n) (y/l/n)." Even his voice seemed to change when her name rolled off his tongue, turning sour and his face looked as if he'd eaten something rotten.
With a kiss to Steven's forehead and a few muttered words of comfort, she left the safety of his room and stepped into the hall.
It had never seemed so long, so daunting. The Victorian Era architecture she'd always admired, but now everything seemed to laugh and ridicule her. Somewhere, deep in her mind, she made a mental note to jot down a poem about how cruel inanimate objects could be.
"Come along, hurry up," Hager chastised as her heeled shoes clicked against the hardwood. She felt like Marie Antionette, strutting up to meet her death by guillotine. If that was the case, she'd leave this world a true queen - her head held high and a half smile on her face.
"Ah, shall we? I've a book that's just calling my name," she drawled, breezing past him on quick feet and towards the fated room. It was a somber stroll, not that she minded. Hager jogged so that he might lead her to her academic doom, and they ascended the dark staircase - drawing closer to the unknown.
One thing (y/n) knew for certain, she would not let this school ruin Mr. Keating. She wouldn't betray any information - whether they knew it or not - that might lead to more "incriminating" offenses done by the students who were simply looking for passion in the midst of Welton's oppressive life.
"Please, have a seat." Mr. Nolan posed this as a kindness when she entered the room, but his tone was commanding.
"I'd prefer to stand," she spoke quietly "but if you insist, sir." This had become one of her latest favorite verbal attacks, using the word 'sir' sarcastically to disassemble the male ego. And it had worked for Mr. Perry, so why not Nolan?
"I imagine you're aware why I've called you here." He slid a document across the table and towards her. Anxiety spiked in her chest, she was sure he could hear her heart beating in the otherwise silent room.
"What's this?" She scrutinized the paper, reading the finest of fine prints and trying to decipher what it meant, all the legal and large words put there for the sole purpose of intimidating one into signing.
Unluckily for Nolan, the girl was an adept reader and so she knew how to separate filler from actual content.
"First, I'd like to hear you officially state," he paused to grab a fountain pen and fiddle with it while keeping eye contact with her "that you knowingly took part in this Dead Poets Society." (y/n) laughed at his request, causing his eyes to widen in alarm.
"Well, yes," she wiped an imaginary tear from her eye "I knowingly and lovingly participated in the Dead Poets Society." This was stated boldly and without fear, just as her mother had raised her to act.
"Right then," he sighed "as you can see we've put together the events into this document - which you will sign - leaving Mr. Keating responsible for what happened here. Do this, and your attendance here at this academy will continue. Failure to comply, however, will result in consequence." She rolled her eyes, unimpressed.
"Yes, sir, I'm quite aware what kind of consequences you'll dole out."
"Perfect!" He clapped his hands together and gave her the pen "You'll see there's a space just for you - there will be fine." (y/n) paused and cocked her head to the side.
"I'm sorry," her brows knit together in thought "you didn't think I would actually sign this rubbish, did you?" Nolan fumed, and the tiniest spark of dread lit up in (y/n)'s stomach.
"Do you deny that Keating encouraged this club into existence?" He questioned her, which took her aback. Keating had, after all, told them of the club.
"Well, er," she panicked, glancing about the room - anywhere but at his face "technically speaking, he did." Nolan smiled, satisfied.
"Well, then I see no reason why you should not sign." He offered peacefully, that stupid smirk still on his weathered face. (y/n) glared at him openly now.
"Keating is not guilty." her voice had become monotone by this point "he tried to give us something to live for, when they were consumed by this - this school and most of us barely had any humanity left!" She was exasperated, hands flying wildly about as spoke.
"From what I gathered," Nolan steepled his hands and she suddenly felt so incredibly small under his gaze. "you came here willingly, knowing exactly what kind of academics awaited you here. That is not the fault of the school's, young lady." He was right - to an extent.
But, for those like Neil, Nuwanda, Meeks, Pitts - hell even Todd - they didn't actually want to be here. Their lives had been planned out from birth, carefully orchestrated by their parents.
"I came here to start change," she said finally after a long minute of silence "because the only way girls are ever going to get higher education is if someone goes first. And it had to be me, if no one else rose up." Nolan considered this for a minute.
"You are here on borrowed kindness," he warned - clearly they were done with games "so you will repay me by signing and leaving this business alone." (y/n) ground her teeth together.
"No." she stated firmly, her accented voice sounding firm and cruel in a way that almost terrified her.
"Then," he blew out a huff of air and reached for his pipe. "I suggest you'd get packing - you and Keating are dismissed as of the morrow."
(y/n) felt like she'd been punched in the gut. What did she think would happen? That she would keep Keating here simply by sheer willpower? No, of course Nolan had the upper hand. He was in a position of power, and could easily sweep her away life driftwood during a storm.
In reality, she never stood a chance. Maybe she wasn't the one to bring change and have more girls accepted into better education, maybe she was the first draft of a verse that no one would read - one that would sit and rot beneath a stack of broken dreams and shattered hopes.
"Thank you for your time," she managed to choke out, before leaving and flying down the halls to her own bedroom. It was only after the lock slide in place and she was cozy-ed up in bed, that she allowed herself to cry.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Packing didn't take long. Not that she cared for silly things like time anymore. She would be leaving, first thing tomorrow, and that overshadowed all else.
When the boys came around knocking, looking for answers, she turned them away with a bitter silence. Even Meeks, her poor boy.
He walked to her room and sat outside the door for quite a long time, not speaking, just letting her know he was there. Finally, he asked to be let in.
"Please," his voice was strained, like he was near tears.
"I can't," (y/n) sobbed, folding sweaters and placing them in her nearly-full trunk. Without another word, Meeks left. Her mind disassociated, and when she finally came back to herself from her meditating, the room was stripped bare of personality, save the bed. Her plants were safely tucked away in a wicker basket, and her books in a suitcase.
Once her quilts and pillows were gone, it would look like she never was there. And perhaps she never was - perhaps this was all a fever dream that she had yet to wake up from.
Either way, what had seemed like a dream had suddenly become a nightmare. She imagined this was how Icarus felt, as he was plummeting away from freedom and towards his death.
Shaking this thought from her head, she looked at the clock. It was late, and by now everyone would have been sent to bed and Hager himself enjoying a drink or two before bed.
This meant, there wouldn't be anyone to catch her while she left her final mark on this school.
To show that she was not just a charity case, a poor unfortunate soul needing looking after. She had seized the day and taken a leap - one that had her spiraling but the fact was - she took the chance.
As she made her way to the bathroom, red lipstick in hand, she recounted every tiny way her life changed during the time she spent in these very halls.
Every aspect of her personality, she'd picked up a little from each person she met. Every stranger, friend, they all taught her something about herself. More and more, however, she felt her mind drifting towards Meeks, and what might happen after she left.
Deep down, she knew. Of course, of course she knew they would end and she'd probably swear it all off, because no one could ever made her feel as alive and loved as he did.
She recalls dancing in the library, late at night after a rather tiresome study session. She'd suggested they stand and get some blood moving to give themselves a break, and he'd suddenly pulled her close and spun her around the shelves.
At least that was something she could cross of her bucket list!
Writing the message didn't take long, and she stepped back to admire her work. It was messy, red lipstick, but still discernable. It was a tragedy that she wouldn't be there to see everyone's reactions, but she figured sometimes it was hard being an academic martyr and you can't expect every scheme to go your way.
Sleep, unexpectedly, took (y/n) into its gentle arms that night - heavy and dreamless - before the events that were curated to take place tomorrow.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
The next day saw (y/n) dressed in regular clothes - the Welton attire abandoned on her old mattress - greeting the boys in the morning in the Neil's room for a meeting. Originally, her plan was to sneak them out and to the cave one last time - but they'd determined that was far too risky.
Instead, they all sat cross-legged like children on the floor and beds.
"Lads," she took a deep breath after looking at them each individually with a sad smile "I'm not going to sugarcoat anything, because I care about you far too much to lie." The breathing in the room halted. "I've been expelled, and I am departing from Welton with Mr. Keating today." Meeks paled.
"No," his voice shook dangerously "no, please tell me you're joking." (y/n) managed to keep her tears from spilling over.
"Oh, I wish that were true," she whispered into Meeks' shoulder. It was shaking with half-sobs.
"Seriously?" Neil was outraged "They can't kick you out for this!"
"Yeah?" Charlie was still present - although he'd be leaving today as well "well he did. You see Neil? This is what happens when you try."
"But, both of you gone?" Todd's blue eyes were misty, and he held Neil's hand to stabilize himself(and probably Neil, she expected.) during this time of news.
"It's my fault," she sighed "I was rude to Nolan and didn't sign his stupid document. I'm sorry - I just couldn't." Pitts shook his head.
"You're brave," he mused, reaching out to ruffle her hair "but also stupid." (y/n) laughed, tears forgotten. This is what she lived for - this kind of life full of love no matter what any old man dared to tell her.
"I love you too, Pittsie." she fired back, twin grins settling themselves on their faces.
"So, back to London?" Neil asked, trying to hide whatever he truly felt. (y/n) nodded. "Well, maybe the acting troupe I started after I graduate will set up shop there." he shrugged, placing an arm around Todd "They've got great universities there, I've heard, Toddie."
The boy in question chortled shyly, poking Neil in the side "You know I'd follow you anywhere." Meeks was still very quiet, apparently in contemplation.
"Of course, I'll be giving you all my phone number and address - you can't get away from me that easily." The boys laughed shakily, but (y/n) settled for a wobbly smile.
"You know we'll miss your annoying presence." Charlie bumped her shoulder with his.
"Oh, good, I wouldn't have it any other way," she replied, happy to be engaging in their typical banter. "can't let you get away with being the only fun one." the boy beside her shook his head.
"Nah, I'll never surpass you." (y/n) smiled slyly.
"Aw, don't give up! You can do it, I know you can."
"This is great and all, but you're still leaving." Meeks deadpanned, cleaning his glasses. "I mean, should we really be joking around? Guys, this is serious." (y/n) put her hand on his knee.
"It'll be okay, you dork. Really." He gave a glance, clearly unconvinced.
"Yeah, sure." he scoffed, standing up to leave the room. "I'll come say goodbye later, but I've got to study now." (y/n) watched him go, face falling into despondence.
"Promise me you guys will look after him." The girl's voice wavered as a fresh wave of tears came to her eyes, the lump in her throat painful.
"Of course we will." Charlie opened his arms up for her and stroked her hair while she cried, and it didn't take long for Neil and Todd to join the hug.
Pitts however, watched from the sidelines.
"All for one and one for all?" he offered with a tiny smile, trying to keep the mood from becoming more depressing - as if that were possible.
"All for one and one for all." (y/n) sniffled, her sentiment echoed throughout the room - having gained an even deeper bond of camaraderie during their adversity.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
(y/n) made her way to the faculty building, relishing in every nasty stare she got from the students. What puzzled her, however, was that some of them actually gave her looks of sadness and empathy - as if they felt bad.
And maybe they did, but it wasn't their burden - it was the system's.
Keating, much like herself, had packed efficiently and quickly. When the door was opened following her tentative knock, she could hardly believe that this had once been a place of refuge, where she spent hours upon hours reading and studying to spend time with him.
Back in those early days, when she didn't really have anyone else - and neither, it seemed, did he.
"Ah, good afternoon." He stepped aside and welcomed her in, smile not quite reaching his eyes.
"Is it?" she pondered, taking in the barren room. Keating chuckled lightly.
"No, I suppose not." (y/n) gave him a tight smile, that quickly became a trembling lip. For the second time that day, she let herself be swept into a comforting embrace to cry. "There, there," he cooed, patting her back gently.
"I shouldn't have spoken out how I did," she said, angrily wiping tears from her face as she pulled away from him.
"What do you mean?" Keating inquired, genuinely curious as to how Nolan had grounds to expel his daughter for simply speaking her mind.
"I wouldn't sign his document to get you sacked," she explained "but it happened anyway! I also might have yelled at him about being equal to both genders." Her arms, which had been thrown up to showcase her anger, had quickly made their way back down into her lap where she fiddled with them, embarrassed.
"I see." Keating murmured after a slight pause. "Well, somebody had to do it." (y/n) looked up at him.
"I should have left out the 'crazy suffragette' bit, I think." She pondered aloud, not really talking to Keating. Still, he answered her honestly.
"No, my girl," she kneeled down in front of her so that they were eye-to-eye. "it is important to always, always, question injustice. You need to speak up for others who can't do so themselves. It's admirable, your bravery." (y/n) frowned.
"Well, all it did was make sure I was expelled and sent back home," she muttered, crossing her arms "I doubt any other girl is going to risk their education just for feminism." Keating smiled and shook his head.
"Maybe not today, maybe not until the next decade," he shrugged "but they will. There will be another, just like you, who dares to question society. All you have to do is wait." (y/n) was dying for a change of topic, so she gestured to his various bags and boxes, stacked haphazardly by the door.
"Shall we carry those down?" Keating took the hint and dropped his earlier comments, nodding once.
"Yes, I think we shall." And so, they made multiple trips lugging back and forth his worldly belongings, taking with them each time a sliver of color in this dreary place.
But (y/n) didn't worry much, because there were a few others - and they called themselves the Dead Poets Society.
THE END.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
a/n: okay i know i know, you're going to hate me for the ending. it might feel unsatisfying, but i felt that if i went into crazy detail about what happens after during this chapter - it might be a little drawn out.
so, here we are! the end of canon plot. (3.3k words dangggg)
but yes, i am doing a few epilogues because i absolutely cannot contain myself i have to many ideas.
a big thank you to literally everyone, all of your love and just happy energy really gave me so much motivation to actually complete this book, when sometimes i felt i should just give up. so, a million times thank you. i am truly grateful to have shared this with you all. <3
okay last little note: >:D
you guys know the tiktok sound that goes like:
"They call themselves the guardians of the galaxy."
"What a bunch of a-holes."
??? super random but i thought that really fit the chaotic dynamic of DPS.