I spent the entire night crying up at the moonlight, my exhaustion drifting me off to sleep, only to be awakened shortly after by the immense pain that continued to ripple all throughout my body.
Taking beatings just before the weekend usually allowed me to heal my bruises and wounds up to avoid any suspicion for the following week. It meant that the marks on my skin played as a temporary barrier from my father giving me anymore, for now.
I clamped down on my teeth as hard as I could to suck up all the pain from my attempts to get my weak body out of bed. All my muscles and joints were collectively reacting to the beatings I had been given, pulling me down into a fit of hisses and grunts whenever I'd gather up enough courage to face the excruciating sensations embedded in my body both internally and externally.
After eventually getting up in tears, I stumbled towards my mirror and quickly got lost in shock at how horrible I looked. I slowly raised my shirt up and drew my breath at the various etches of shadows and discoloration that took over my fair skin. My heart ached at my sight as I questioned how much more will I be able to take. I had been turned into a mere shell of the person I used to be and it's gotten to a point where pain and misery is slowly becoming all that I know.
I momentarily closed my eyes at the thought of my mother for strength; I envisioned her large warm eyes and soft golden hair that closely resembled mine. She had endured a great deal of pain and misery before, but unlike me, she was not easily succumbed to it. Instead, she gracefully persevered until the very end with nothing but love and light in her heart.
She'd always tell me to keep my heart filled with love and light but it has gotten so very hard to do so.
Despite of my desire to return to bed, I decided to refrain from such luxury to get ready for the day. I had plenty of stuff to do and the first thing on that list was to be on time with my father's breakfast. I am only permitted to eat after he eats and since I wasn't allowed to have dinner last night and all the breakfast had been finished that same morning, all I've had was a piece of half-bitten toast two days ago.
I had set on making him what I usually cook for breakfast which was eggs, bacon, toast, and various sliced fruits that I prepared to fill up the table.
As soon as the table was set, the sounds of him getting up from his room and walking towards me never failed to shake me to my core.
"G-Good morning father, your breakfast is ready." My voice cracked as he grumbled, clearly still regaining himself after a night full of drinking. "I-I made you-" My voice was quickly cut off into a whimper once he had shoved me to the side and made contact with a bruise on my shoulder.
"I have a fence to fix and this is all you make?" He let's out an unimpressed chuckle before gulping down his coffee. "Tell me about these boys who's been holding you up from coming home on time."
I anxiously looked down and fiddled my fingers together. "They're from school. They beat me, even though I try my best to stay out of their way." I shamefully gulped at my weakness. "N-No matter what I do, they always find my route home." I couldn't bring myself to finish my words at the thought of the awful things they did to me.
"Why do you have to be so goddamn weak?" His words caused my lips to tremble. "Answer me!" He roared out and immediately made me flinch back in fear.
I blinked nervously as he ate. "I-I don't know."
"You wanna know why? It's because you're a faggot." He brutally let out, glancing back at me with a disgusted look on his face. "You don't belong, you're a freak, you're apart of the filth that ruins this world."
My chest felt as if it was being ripped apart by his words, a searing brand onto my flesh to hold them to be forever true. "N-no I'm not!" I brokenly yelled out even though my volume was never capable of increasing up to his level.
"Yes you are." He carelessly nodded.
I spoke past the trembling of my voice. "No I'm not!"
"Yes you are!" He yelled as he angrily got up out of his seat to face me. "And that is why I treat you the way I do! You have been taught and shaped to be an abomination by your whore mother and that is why I am forced to be tough on you!"
"Don't speak about her that way!" I clenched my fists as I chose to speak up for my mother regardless of the pain I was going to face for it.
I tearfully watched his face wrinkle at me. "You little-" He rapidly swung his hand across my cheek and followed it up with a furious grip made around my neck. "You don't get to raise your voice at me!"
He tightly squeezed as I struggled against the formidable locking of my lungs, my neck ached as I could only imagine the bruise I was bound to get from my father's chokehold.
He immediately lets me go with a force that knocks me back against the wall. "No breakfast and dinner for today! Now go! Clean!"
I sobbed while gasping for air. "No, please!" I begged as the mention of food had caused my stomach to uncontrollably growl. "I'm sorry! Forgive me father!" I coughed a few times as it was hard to come back from such a merciless grip.
"Get out of my face!"
"Please! Let me at least have a piece of toast-that's-that's all I ask!" My starvation had forced me to resort to begging.
"I said go!" I flinched as he raised his hand up to threaten me once more with another swing.
I cried myself up the stairs and started my day's cleaning in my room in attempts to take the work as a distraction from my sorrow. I always kept my room tidy so there wasn't much to do besides making the bed as well as reorganizing my colored pencils and the countless stacks of paper.
The bathroom was always a hassle, making me spritz a solvent on the tough surfaces as most of the work consisted of scrubbing and reaching out into tight crevices. I was left with everlasting aches all throughout my body and a great deal of exhaustion that I had to fight against. I eventually finished with mucky gloves and a weak shallow breath.
Lastly, I limped over to my father's room where several beer bottles and cans had intertwined with other various trashes that were laid out on the floor. His bed was unruly and had several containers that were either empty or filled with spoiled half-finished food. I spent the longest time cleaning his room using a new set of gloves, a broom, and a trash bag.
My exhaustion truly set in once I made my way downstairs to clean the kitchen, the living room, and then the dining table. After awhile of heavy work, I was immediately called out into the lawn by my father who wanted me to bring him a glass of water.
"Took you look enough." He murmurs impatiently while snatching the glass away from my hand.
"W-What do you think it was?" I asked as I carefully observed the impacted fence.
"No clue, but I'm gonna let the neighbors know what happened once I'm done here." He shoves the empty glass back against my chest. "Don't want them thinking it was us."
"F-Father?"
"Hm?"
"Now that I finished cleaning, d-do you think I can eat now?" I nervously gulped as I couldn't even bring myself to look at him out of fear.
I was so very hungry.
He stops hammering down on the piece of wood for only a moment, before continuing with a grunt. "Get out of my face before I swing this hammer on your head."
I immediately backed away to oblige out of fear, doing a series of defeated blinks at him before heading back up to my room with a grumbling stomach.
I plopped myself down before my desk and decided to continue working on the drawing of the boy next door.
To my surprise, he entered his room shortly after with nothing but a white towel wrapped around his waist, emphasizing his glistening athletic build that were cuddled by water droplets ending down to his incredibly defined adonis' belt.
Oh my.
I quickly shifted my attention away from him getting dressed as his oddly tempting figure blurred off in the corner of my eyes.
Time slowed as I fought the urge to look back up, emphasizing my pounding heart and heated cheeks that had grown to be unbearable.
My curiosity eventually lost to the irresistible sight as I shamefully glanced at his large imprint that formed just behind the white towel. It was hidden shortly after once he turned around and unwrapped the towel off his waist, using it to dry off his hair.
I rapidly looked away once more the second his backside fell completely exposed for the world to see.
I winced as my knees began to buckle below the desk. I despised the heat that rushed all throughout my body, rendering it to grow restless along the uncontrollable emotions flooding through my mind.
What the heck is wrong with me!?
I shouldn't feel this way, it's wrong!
Being gay is wrong!
"Hey." A voice let out just ahead of me, causing my heart to suddenly drop as the deep warm tone entered from my window to caress my ear.
I nervously gulped down to prepare a response. "H-Hi." I let out almost inaudibly.
He nonchalantly leaned over to the window with a fresh set of new clothes. "Sorry about the fence." He says casually while averting his sunset gaze off into the distance.
I couldn't help but welcome a confused look on my face as I quickly got to writing a response on paper since I doubt he'd be able to hear me speak. "Why are you apologizing?" I raised the paper up without a look of judgement.
He nervously read my note while simultaneously studying my face with a pursed lip that looked very suspicious.
"I won't tell." I wrote onto the back of the same paper shortly after.
"You promise?" Dydan wrote back with a face filled with shame that almost resembled a puppy that's been misbehaving.
"I promise." I tried my hardest to throw him a comforting smile no matter how much it hurt due to the scar on my lip.
Dydan let out a deep sigh before turning the same paper over as if he was going to tell me the truth regardless. "I've been bad." He quickly dropped his act with a devilishly charming smile that made my heart flutter.
My eyes widened at him in shock before bringing my attention over at the sight of the fence. Although he's strong without a doubt, I couldn't help but wonder how someone could do such immense damage from what sounded like a single blow.
Did he fall? If so then how does he seem to lack any injury, let alone be able to interact with me looking so perfectly unbothered?
Did he destroy it on purpose? If so then how did it only take a single blast to leave such an alarming crater?
I brought my attention back towards the window in confusion, only to see that he had already followed the message up with a pointer finger pressed against his cherry red lips. "Accident. Didn't mean to."
I gave him a slow understanding nod before writing back a response. "It's okay." I raised and quickly turned the same paper over once he had read it. "Make him work." I bit my lip and teasingly tilted my head over the direction of my father working hard to fix the fence.
Dydan let out a hearty chuckle that was filled with so much life, it was hard to contain and it was intoxicating to hear, enough to shift my horrible mood for the better.
"Can we be friends?" Dydan asked as my jaw almost fell to the floor.
I waited a few moments for him to crack out into cruel laughter, to cast me off as nothing but a joke to simply spare time, to return me to the lonely reality that no one would ever wanna be associated with me.
But he didn't.
We stared at each other for a moment, reveling in a stand off that consisted of mutually nervous smiles, difficult to maintain eye contact, and words that were better left unspoken.
I think he's nervous?
Wait.
Do I make him nervous?
"Yes." I quickly wrote back as he immediately reacted to it with a prince-like smile.
He leaned over his window with a subtle demeanor of growing excitement that was enough to throw him right over if needed. "Is there any other way we can speak to each other? Maybe a phone?" He asked as the breeze ran passed his shiny dark hair. "I hate having to raise my voice at you." We both chucked at that.
I slowly shook my head with a somber look. "I don't have a phone." I mouthed out.
He nods and looks off into the distance in careful thought. He tapped his hand against the window pane until an idea visibly came across his mind, causing him to write another message for me.
I patiently waited until the message was finally finished and lifted up. I squinted my eyes in attempts to decipher the tiny words that were written on the piece of paper. I even leaned over my window a little bit to see if it would make a difference but it unfortunately didn't.
Upon realizing I had trouble reading what he wrote, he quickly raised a finger to gesture me to wait. I couldn't help but watch him in heedful anticipation as he brought his focus down to whatever he started doing with his hands.
I suddenly let out a gasp that later turned into a quiet laugh the second he lifted the message back up to show me he had turned it into a paper plane.
"You're crazy." I wrote back while using my other hand to hide a shy smile.
He melodramatically raised the plane up to get into position, closing an eye shut as well as sticking the tip of his tongue out with humorous focus. I couldn't help but laugh as I crossed my arms and moved to the side with a teasing look of disapproval, watching him ease the plane in-and-out through the air in preparation to execute a shot directly aimed for my room.
This would never work.
My sight of him eventually cuts off as I waited patiently for the inevitable outcome of his dumb but adorable plan.
All of a sudden, with a piercing speed and a force that was enough to reach the other side of my room, I quickly drew my breath and rushed to retrieve the paper plane he had successfully sent flying directly to me.
I lifted it up at him with a proud smile that later transition into a cringing giggle as he playfully flexed and kissed his muscular arms up into the air.
I rushed the paper plane over to my desk, unraveling it out of its shape before flattening it out to eagerly read the contents of the mysterious message.
"I'll use up all the paper in the world if it means that I'll get to talk to you. :)"
My breath hitched as every single word filled my stomach like tiny butterflies and the rest of my body with rushes of prickling volts of electricity.
I watched his face with grateful disbelief, noticing his angst and curiosity grow at my impending reaction. His current anxiety differed greatly from his humor earlier, as if the humor was a coping mechanism to cover up his anxiety that I wished he didn't feel the need to hide from me.
I couldn't understand as to how someone like him could care so much about how someone like me would perceive him.
My happiness for being seen by someone for once was enough to make me endure all the pain that came to express it. Despite how much it hurt my lips and scarred cheeks, I still gave him the most brightest and appreciative smile of my life. And even though my arms were tender and my chest swelled with aching bruises, I still lifted up the note and hugged it as tightly as I could without ever letting go.
"Leone!" The voice of my father entering the house failed to dim my joy at the sight of Dydan as he continued. "I need you to go to the store for me!"
"Y-Yes father!" I deeply sighed in melancholy.
My hand was raised in the same way as Dydan's, in clear sadness at having to say such an early goodbye.
No pain in my body could ever compare to the feeling of having to walk away from the first ever friend I've made in my life.