"Shit, Sabrina."
I chuckle, gently resting my head against Theo's shoulder. "Bit surreal, huh?"
His eyes take in the trophy cabinet before us, and the display depicting just how many times UNC Chapel Hill have won the volleyball championships. Just how many times I won it while being a student here.
It hurts my chest a little, knowing that this is my final year and I've played in my last competitive match for UNC. I've loved being here and playing with the girls.
"I mean, it's not necessarily surprising," he responds, his arm wrapped around my waist. "You've always been so good at volleyball, of course your team wins four in a row."
I laugh softly, shaking my head. "You don't need to butter me up like that, Theo."
Theo pinches my waist. "Just take the compliment, Sab."
I kiss his shoulder gently and decide to let it drop. It's just so good to see him, that I decide not to continue bickering with him. We're doing exactly the kind of thing I always hoped we would, even if we're years late, and it's got me feeling all funny and nostalgic.
It's mid-February now, and Theo has come to visit me for the weekend. It's the first time we've seen each other since I left Whitley just after New Years to return back to college. I'm showing him around campus, letting him see all the places I talk about so much when we're on the phone to each other.
It feels almost surreal, having him here now, after so long of being on my own.
Theo slips his hand into mine and gently tugs me in the other direction. "You fancy grabbing a coffee while you show me the rest of campus?"
Having Italian parents means that Theo loves good coffee a lot. He's a bit of a snob about it, though, so I try hard to think of a place on campus that he would actually like. I'm not majorly fussy and would happily drink instant coffee, but he is certain that's sacrilege.
"There's an independent place not too far from here that I think you'd like," I agree, smiling when I notice the way his expression lights up. "Lots of people like it."
He squeezes my hand. "Sounds good, baby. You lead the way."
I'm not sure that I'll ever get used to him calling me baby. It has my stomach doing flip-flops each time those words leave his mouth. He knows it, too, from the way he smirks at me.
"Do you ever wonder what it would have been like if you had gone to college?" I ask curiously, as we travel through the campus, weaving our way between different people.
When we were growing up, he was adamant that college wasn't for him, which is completely fair enough. I just wonder now, what it might have been like for him. What it might have been like for us, had we planned to go to the same college together.
He glances at me briefly, looking pensive. "I'm not sure, to be honest. I don't know if it's really worth always wondering about what could have happened if I'd done things differently. What I do know is that I love my job and love what I'm doing at the minute. So, no, I think I did make the right decision in not going to college."
"Fair enough," I agree. "A lot of people say that college is the best time of your life, but honestly, it can be really hard. Trying to balance studying, sport, having a social life and looking after your mental health is tough."
Thankfully, I got a full-ride scholarship to college, so I didn't need to worry about a job throughout the semester, and have worked over the summers to help me through.
Theo squeezes my hand tightly and his eyes find mine, tenderness coating his face. "I bet it has been. Really hope you've been taking the right steps for yourself, baby."
I return the pressure on his hand. "I have," I respond honestly. "As you know, I went to counselling for a while, which was really good, and I'm due to start back again next week. I've got good friends here, too, so that's helped a lot."
He smiles softly at me. "I'm glad to hear that, Sab."
My heart thuds in my chest as we make our way to the coffee shop, just so grateful to have this time with him and to hear him caring so much about me. I didn't think we'd ever get back to this point, so it feels pretty special that we managed it.
When we reach Kane's, Theo encourages me towards a table, while he orders for us.
He makes his way back over with coffees for us, and to my relief, seems pleased with his.
"Shall we go home after this?" he asks once he's sat down and had a sip.
I smile at the idea, nodding. "Sounds good to me. I think Simon and Layla are out, anyway."
He smirks, his foot gently knocking against mine. "Even better."
Simon and Layla are my housemates, and good friends of mine. They haven't actually told me about it yet, but there's definitely something going on between the two of them. When I got back from getting Theo from the airport the other day, the noises she was making in his room sounded like he was rearranging her guts and she was enjoying it.
Theo was a bit nervous at the idea of me living with a guy, I think, but that certainly helped to relax him a little bit about the whole thing. He trusts me too, but we've definitely got some work to do in terms of being apart from each other.
We've been trying really hard to deal with it well, and regularly check in with each other specifically about how we're coping with the distance, and how we're feeling.
It's hard being away for each other, but we're doing our best and I've been applying for jobs back in the Whitley area, in the hopes of moving back again after graduation.
The two of us finish our coffees and Theo grabs my hand, leading me out of the shop.
When we're walking along back to my place, my heart drops in my stomach.
Ah, shit.
Damien makes his way towards me confidently, a bright smile on his face. "Sabrina! Hey!"
Awkwardly, I stop walking to greet him, even though I don't really want to. "Hi Damien."
"How are you? Haven't seen you for a while," he asks, not even glancing at Theo.
I clearly my throat, feeling Theo's eyes on me. "Just been busy. This is Theo," I respond, gesturing to the man who's standing next to me, his hand tightening around mine.
I have no fucking idea how to handle this. It shouldn't be that awkward, really, but I slept with Damien right before coming back to Whitley for Christmas, and now standing next to him with Theo, I kind of just want to crawl into a hole and never come back out again.
"Hi man," Damien greets Theo, reaching out to shake his hand.
Theo's expression is stoic as he returns the gesture, but he doesn't say anything else.
"How've you been? Did you have a good Christmas?" Damien ploughs on, as though he somehow can't sense the awkward energy coming from me at all.
We struggle through the rest of the conversation, and I eventually excuse us, saying that we have to get going.
Theo's got a blank look on his face, but he continues to grip my hand tightly as we walk back to my place, even though he doesn't say another word to me the whole way there.
He was rude to Damien by not talking to him, even though I wasn't going out of my way to be super polite. That, on top of the way that he's just not even looking in my direction or talking to me makes me annoyed. If he has a problem, he should tell me.
His eyes are stormy once we make it inside, yanking his coat off. "So, who was that?"
I exhale, stepping away and heading to the kitchen. "Don't be like that, Theo," I snap, not wanting to fight with him about this right now. We'll probably say things we regret.
I don't get very far, though, because he winds his arms around my waist and yanks me back into his chest. "Don't walk away from me, Sabrina. Fight with me," he whispers urgently in my ear. "If you're mad at me, tell me, scream at me, shout all you want. But don't you dare walk away from me all over again. We've wasted enough time already."
My breath catches in my throat, trying hard not to melt at his words. I'm annoyed with him for his misplaced jealousy. "You didn't even talk to me on the way home."
"Because I was upset but I didn't want to hash it out in public."
"What were you upset about?" I ask, frowning.
He scoffs, sounding even more incensed than I am right now. "You mean, other than your pathetic introduction? All you told him was my name."
"What else was I supposed to say?" I retort, exasperated. "Your social security number?"
"Don't get smart with me, Sabrina. Obviously, you could have said that I'm your boyfriend."
Slowly, I turn around in his arms, looking up at his irritated face. "You're not."
It's not that I don't really want him to be. But we haven't had that conversation, even if we haven't been doing any of that taking it slow nonsense we initially talked about.
At my words, he grasps my wrists and backs me into the wall, holding my hands above my head, while glaring down at me. "Oh, really? What about me coming to visit you this weekend means I'm not your boyfriend? What about going to that gig with your sister tonight means I'm not your boyfriend? What about the fact we speak on the phone every day makes you think that you're single? What about last night, when I wined and dined you before fucking you silly, huh? Kid yourself about this slow shit, Sabrina, but we're together."
I shouldn't find him hot right now. The way he's holding me, arms pinned above my head, shouldn't be turning me on. The furious look on his face shouldn't be attractive.
But fuck me, I'm soaked. The idea of him furiously fucking me is doing things to me.
"You didn't ask me," I retort stubbornly, because despite the fact that I'm turned on right now, I'm still convinced that I'm right about this. "We've never said that."
And to be honest, I'm not even mad at the idea of us being together. I just want him to talk to me about it before deciding that we are labelling everything.
His hips push into mine so that I can literally feel everything and his other hand wraps around my throat. "You sure are making me work, huh?"
Ah, fuck. He's hard right now, clearly enjoying this just as much as I am.
"Ask me," I whisper, my heart rate increasing tenfold at the position that we're in.
"I want to be your boyfriend, Sab," he murmurs, his lips inches from mine. "Please."
I wrap my arms around his neck, clinging to him. "I want to be your girlfriend."
He smirks, slowly grinding his hips into me. "Be a good girl and say please. I did."
"Please let me be your girlfriend," I repeat, fingers digging into the hair at the back of his head, enjoying the feeling of him being pressed right against me.
"Deal," he immediately responds, not moving from his close proximity to me.
"I'm sorry for not introducing you properly to Damien. I promise we slept together before Christmas," I continue, knowing that sex isn't going to fix everything. We do need to talk about this, too. "I just felt really awkward with him there."
Theo shrugs, eyes narrowed. "Not sure I forgive you yet. Let me fuck some sense into you about us being in a relationship and then I'll think about it."
I gulp at the thought. Shit. Surely I shouldn't love the way he's talking to me right now.
He chuckles, his hand tightening a little around my throat. "Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Ask me, then. Ask me and I'll fuck you just like you deserve."
My heart is battering hard in my chest. This Theo, so sexy and assured, drives me wild.
He waits for me confidently, knowing that I'm going to say it eventually.
"Please," I finally murmur, desperate for him. "Please fuck me."
Theo immediately releases my arms and throat, instead taking me by the biceps and marching me to my room. "Take your clothes off for me."
I'm too busy watching him yank his sweater and t-shirt off, revealing his bare torso, that I don't follow his instructions straight away. He's so hot it's distracting.
He fixes me with a stern look. "Do as I say, Sabrina. Now."
Suddenly springing into action, I scramble to take all of my clothes off, all while watching him undoing his jeans and shucking them off.
"Come here," he demands, his heated eyes sweeping over my naked body.
I move towards him without hesitation, hands reaching up to rest on his shoulders, as one of his arms wraps around my waist, drawing me close to him.
He cups my cheek with the other hand. "Baby," he murmurs softly, eyeing me tenderly. "I just want to make sure that you know where this is coming from. I know we said we'd take it slowly and I feel like that's what we've been doing recently, but I guess I think that things have changed a bit since we decided I would come to visit you."
"I know," I whisper back. "I know. I think they've changed for me, too."
They really have. Sure, we've spent every day talking on the phone, even if only for twenty minutes, but in the last couple of weeks, I think we've made even more progress, especially since Theo told me he wanted to fly out to see me.
Theo doesn't waste any more time, craning his neck down to sink his mouth against mine.
I kiss him back desperately, shifting forwards slightly to be even closer to him.
He eventually pulls back, smacking a hand against my ass cheek. "Get on the bed."
I comply, taking a couple of steps backwards to lie on the bed, loving the way he puts his fist against my mouth as he stares at me. "Come and fuck me like you said you would, Theo."
"Fucking hell, Sab," he grumbles, moving towards me. "Such a dirty fucking mouth."
I reach for him, latching onto his shoulders. "You love it."
"Uh-huh. Damn right I do. Dirty girl," he responds, reaching down in between my spread legs to find me wet, as usual. He slowly rubs circles around my clit, teasing me.
"Please, Theo," I pant. "Please fuck me. I need you."
Normally, I love foreplay. He eats my pussy so well, that I find myself craving it often. But this time, I'm just so desperate for him to be inside of me, I can't wait.
For once listening to me straight away, rather than teasing me for ages, he pulls his hand away and flips me onto my front. "Prop yourself up and stick that ass out for me."
A smug laugh falls from his throat as he watches me quickly obey him.
"Needy girl," he croons, smacking my ass hard. "Desperate for your boyfriend's cock, hm?"
I grit my teeth, hands gripping the sheets so tightly, my knuckles turn white.
Theo spanks me again. "Next time someone sees us, what are you going to say, huh?"
I whimper pathetically, half-hating the effect he has on me, half-loving it. "That you're my boyfriend. That we're together."
I receive another hit. "Damn fucking right. You're gonna tell everyone who asks. I'm your boyfriend. It's my cock that's got you dripping down your thighs. It's me you're wet for."
Well. Maybe he's not listening to me straight away. Still, it's not like I can complain. I love it when he talks to me like this. In the bedroom, this jealous, possessive side of him is hot.
"Tell me," he demands, continuing to smack my ass. "Tell me it's true."
I jolt at the contact. "It's true," I confirm. "It's you, Theo. You make me feel like this."
"You gonna come all over your boyfriend's cock, then?"
I roll my eyes, exasperatedly. "If you'd actually give me your cock, then maybe I could."
That earns me one final spank. "Cheeky fucking brat," he snaps, finally lining himself up with my entrance. "Take it then, if you're so adamant that you can handle it."
He pushes in slowly, but after that, he's fucking brutal with his thrusts, punishing me for my cheeky mouth and for my failure to call him my boyfriend earlier.
I cry out at the feeling of him filling me up, grateful my housemates aren't around just now.
Theo snaps his hips against mine furiously. "Who's making you feel like this?"
"You," I whine, eyes rolling to the back of my head.
He keeps up the fast pace, smacking my ass occasionally too.
"Theo, please," I groan. "I just need-"
Hearing me, he buries one of his hands between my thighs, toying with my clit, pressing it and pinching it, so that I'm close to the edge.
"I'm so close," I inform him, whimpering a little as he continues to tease me.
His thrusts become a little sloppier. "Come all over my cock," he commands, still working my clit over. "Come on, baby, come on my dick like a good girl."
I fall over the edge, shaking as my orgasm rocks through me, white spots marking my vision.
Once I've finished, he pulls out and with a shout, spills himself all over my back.
"Such a pretty sight," he croons smugly. "My pretty baby, all covered in my come."
Shit, it feels good. Probably shouldn't, given how dirty it feels too, but there's something arresting about Theo coming on my back, covering me with himself.
"Fuck, Theo," I whisper softly.
"You good, baby?" he checks, his hand gently resting on the back of my thigh.
I nod. "Uh-huh."
He leans forward and drops a kiss on my ass, in a rare spot that's not covered in white. "You were such a good girl, baby. Just give me a second and I'll clean you up, okay?"
He leaves for a minute, and returns to diligently wipe everything away, all the while murmuring about what a good girl I've been, how fucking fantastic I am.
Once he's finished, we shower together, both tired, but still stealing kisses from each other.
We make our way back to bed, Theo drawing me close, wrapping his arms around me.
"We've got an hour before we should get ready to go to the gig with Greta," I inform him sleepily. "Can you set an alarm so I can have a nap?"
"Sure, baby," he whispers, kissing the crown of my head. "Sleep well. I'll be right here when you wake up."
The fact that I don't even doubt the truth in that, that I feel so comfortable lying right here with him, warms my heart. All I can think about as I drift off to sleep, is just how fucking glad I am that we're right here, that we're giving ourselves the chance to try this again, one more time.
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Merry Christmas xoxo