I know, I know.
Plus I define contradiction - I'm supposed to be on hold, and really focusing on studying because I missed the whole of last week of school and have exams the week after the next, but then inspiration strikes and I write.
Boyfriend
The flames were hot, and although a fire was not to blame if it was fuelled and therefore fanned, Peyton’s conscience wouldn’t allow him any peace of mind.
I’m being such a brat.
I’m being such a selfish brat, actually.
Jayden was trying. He’d been careful not to let Peyton isolate himself from the group, often pulling him in, asking for his take, but there was only so much he could do when Peyton had decided he didn’t like that, either. It wasn’t that Jayden was making it obvious, nor was he in any way being patronizing – acting that way deliberately only because of their fallout the week before and unintentionally making Peyton feel embarrassed, but…
I’m being a selfish brat.
It wasn’t good enough for Peyton.
Sure, they were talking, and sure, there wasn’t any air of exclusivity around Tina and Jayden, but it wasn’t good enough.
I should be the one making Jayden laugh like that, not her.
Again, he was being ridiculously unreasonable, but seeing Jayden look at her with that admiring look every time he checked the mirror and hearing him laugh at any mildly amusing thing she said was too much to bear.
They’re sitting too close.
They weren’t, not really. The distance between them was ‘normal’, slightly closer than if they had sat in the middle of their seats, but if anything, too far for a couple. It didn’t matter though – Mandy and her boyfriend were in another vehicle.
So then there’s no need for them to be sitting close to each other at all.
“It was so much fun!” Kristina was saying, the smile on her face still intact.
“I don’t know, I’d have been amused if I were just an observer without having any work to do.”
“That’s because you’re a lazy…well, I mean no offense to cows, but you’re a lazy cow.”
Sarah laughed, to which Jayden nodded in agreement, causing both girls to erupt into yet another round of laughter.
“You can say that, but sometimes I think of it as being efficient – there’s no need to do too much either, you see. Right, Peyton?”
This was what he’d meant, though in this case it was more of him looking for backing because the girls would undoubtedly disagree, but yes, part of it was Jayden’s way of making sure his best friend wasn’t left out again.
The guilt had been immense when he’d found out initially – he’d gone home stunned – how had he not realized what was going on, and more importantly, how had he let things get that bad? He’d thought about turning around and returning to Peyton despite his eviction, but what would he say? Peyton needed to cool off, there was that too, but…how had he let this happen? Especially after the first day, when he’d vowed not to let this pretend relationship come in between his friendship?
Their rapid reconciliation and return to normalcy, he’d accepted with relief, and sworn that never again, and he meant it this time, would anything like that happen.
“How is preferring to be an observer rather than a reporter more efficient?”
“He still gets the laughs you did but doesn’t need to worry about writing a story about it.” Peyton replied, eliciting a smile from Jayden, which he was quick to hide.
This was nice, Jayden felt, having a normal conversation where Peyton’s not left out, and having him on my side.
“That isn’t efficiency!” Kristina argued.
“Yeah, it is. I save energy.” Jayden retorted.
“No, efficiency is when your total output is more for the same amount of input!”
“That’s for machines, Tina,” Jayden sighed dramatically, “not people.”
“It’s the same thing!”
“No, it isn’t. Machines don’t have feelings.”
Kristina would glare at how infuriating Jayden was being, but she couldn’t. He was only messing about, and everyone present knew it. Besides, with that smile playing on his lips, it was impossible to get angry at him…
“That wasn’t the context, Jayden.”
“But you admit that I’m right?”
This was the sort of thing that had sent out the first sparks. One moment, Peyton and Sarah were involved directly, the next, Jayden and Tina had started with their banter that Peyton couldn’t bring himself to blame Jayden for, because that was just who he was. It didn’t matter where they were or what they were doing; if he wanted to challenge someone and argue for the sake of it, he would. And it wasn’t that he’d forgotten Sarah or Peyton entirely, either – the occasional smiles and winks he was throwing at them were confirmation enough.
Yet there had been sparks, and one too many in the drive that seemed to last forever had set the fire blazing.
I’m complicating things for no good reason…just chill, Peyton.
“You okay?”
So determined had he been to let all seem ‘normal’, he’d nearly missed Sarah’s question. She’d looked towards her friends in the back, then turned to face Peyton before whispering the enquiry.
“Fine, why would you ask?”
There was a need to remain nonchalant. Jayden had done his part, and there was no need to make him feel guilty about talking to Tina.
“-point is that-”
They were oblivious. Good.
“You seem a little…distant. You’re sure you’re fine?”
Was it that obvious?
Surely, he’d been contributing to the conversation enough! And although he was making it more of an excuse than was accurate, he did need to pay attention to the road.
Tina was now shaking her head at Jayden. They hadn’t heard a thing.
“No, yeah, I mean, I’m fine. Just been focused on driving, too.”
And of course Sarah was unconvinced. Even if he’d lied convincingly, she’d have been able to tell, and she’d still have studied him like she was doing now - but there wasn’t anything else he could say.
Nor could she, for that matter, and fortunately so, because that was the instant Tina and Jayden’s argument reached a conclusion.
“You’re so silly!”
“I win.” Jayden was smug.
“Fine!” Tina was clearly exasperated. “Lazy and efficient are synonyms, alright?”
Sarah gave her ‘date’ a look that said she would persist later, then returned towards her other friends. “If it makes you feel any better, it’s very difficult to beat an idiot in an argument. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.”
Peyton snorted, and Jayden protested.
“It was a simple, non-idiotic discussion, alright? It’s not my fault Tina thinks Physics is the answer to everything.”
He could sense they’d start with their banter again.
Not again.
“No, it isn’t. But no more arguing, you two,” Peyton had cut in before Tina could respond, “we’re almost there.”
“The two things have no correlation.”
“Yes, they do. But I know you too well, Jay. Try to make this another debate and…”
“And what?”
Jayden was smiling again, and it was distracting. Two things were, rather – his smile, and the knowledge that it was because of him.
“And I won’t buy you any popcorn.”
“Aw. You suck.”
*
“Wow, your boyfriend really sucks, you know?”
“Shut up, Mandy.”
“No, really. What sort of guy falls asleep less than halfway through the movie?”
Tina was defending him, but Peyton was still annoyed. Who was Mandy to say things about Jayden? And what was the big deal if he’d fallen asleep, anyway?
“A guy who’s tired, alright? And what’s it to you?”
At least Tina was doing a good job - she seemed almost as annoyed as he felt, and was twice as snappy as he could ever be.
It came with being a girl, he supposed.
“Nothing, nothing,” she shrugged, “you’re sure it’s not your company that sent him to slumber land?”
“Mandy!”
“I’m just teasing, chill, little sister. And I know he’s tired. He’s been running about school all day and stuff. I’m surprised he even agreed to come along.”
Now Peyton was surprised. He hadn’t expected anything nice out of Mandy, but then, he was prejudiced against her and he admitted it. Not only had she been attacking his best friend, she was the reason Tina and Jayden had become a ‘couple’ in the first place…
“Yeah, he’s a really sweet guy like that.”
“Sucks I won’t get to hang out with him or anything now.”
“It is,” Tina nodded sympathetically, “he’s incredible.”
Peyton decided he wasn’t interested anymore. He’d only been paying attention because he’d wanted to see how Tina would react if her ‘boyfriend’ was attacked, if she was any good, really, but now that that had passed…
“I have to admit, that is a pretty cute guy you’ve got yourself.”
Tina giggled.
He hadn’t intended to eavesdrop, but after Jayden had excused himself to go back into the car, he’d moved further away from Sarah, afraid she’d try to grill him over what was going on. She was a good friend, one he’d entrust with his life if he had to, but although she knew everything about what was going on with Jayden and himself, he didn’t feel comfortable discussing things like that with her. Or anyone, really. Then was when he’d heard Jayden’s name being said by Mandy, and his interest had been piqued.
He’d stood where he’d been, pretending to be engrossed in the movie while listening to what they were saying, and started to boil when Mandy had taken on the offensive.
Now, he was simmering.
“Though, he isn’t just cute, if you know what I’m saying.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, there’s this one time we went swimming…”
“Tina! I didn’t realize you were so sneaky!”
Mandy’s exclamation had been a little loud, and Peyton had taken the opportunity to look at them. She simply giggled.
“Yeah,” her sister softened to a whisper, and Peyton struggled to listen, “he’s hot. And I don’t mind that he’s into sports, too…”
Tina isn’t his real girlfriend! She shouldn’t be finding him cute, or…anything! He’s not her boyfriend!
“Uh, guys?”
It brought Tina and Mandy out of their discussion, at least.
“What’s up?”
He hesitated. “I’m, well, I’m a bit cold, so, uh,” maybe he should have thought it out a little before getting excited about his brilliant ‘plan’, “I’ll go into the car, alright?”
Mandy was looking at him as though he had grown a second head. “We didn’t need to know, but cool.”
Peyton flushed.
“I was just telling you, alright?”
“Don’t worry Peyton, go on.”
*
Was it just him, or had Sarah sounded amused?
*
“So, do you want me to drive?”
Peyton was grateful. As soon as he’d realized the movie was coming to an end, he’d started to panic. How was he going to ask Sarah, or Kristina, even, to drive? How was he going to justify his want to stay where he was? Especially after that look they’d shared when he’d said he was going in…he’d pretended not to see it, but, as was evident by use of ‘pretend,’ he had.
Jayden could be quite the mover in his sleep, and Peyton had always found reason to complain about it whenever they’d had their stayovers, but not that day.
Jayden’s hands had formed a pillow of sorts for his head on Peyton’s lap.
‘I don’t want to wake him’ had been his obvious explanation, but he’d still been wary. What if Sarah pointed out that since this was his car, it’d be really difficult to drop everyone else off if he wasn’t driving, or something like that? And with Tina present, how could he even admit that his reasons for wanting to stay put lay beyond not waking Jayden up?
“Yes, please,” and though she’d asked for no explanation, he felt the need to add, “I don’t want to wake him.”
“I realize.”
“The keys are in the ignition.”
Sarah nodded, took her seat, waited for Kristina to lock in her seat belt, then started the car.
Silence befell.
*
Their cruise was wordless to begin with, their silences had all been motivated by different causes – Kristina, because she was lost in wonder as to the situation around her, Sarah, because she was waiting, and Peyton, because he was trying to think of how to bring up the conversation in the best way that he could. It was after a full five minutes had passed and they were well on the road that Peyton decided to speak.
“So, um, Tina?”
“Yeah?”
“How long has it been since you and Jayden have, you know, been together?”
It stung a little not to hear her say that they weren’t exactly together, but her ‘I’m not sure, a while now,’ was what he’d needed to hear.
It was the opening he’d both anticipated and hoped for. “But longer than a month?”
“Yeah, I’d say so.”
Or maybe not. In his head, it had been easy to point out that they’d intended to pretend for only a month, but now that the situation had presented itself…
Speak now or forever hold your silence.
“Oh, uh, yeah. Well…that was how long you guys were going to do this, right?”
The heat he could feel creeping up his cheeks, working its way up in all directions to his ears and nose made him grateful for the fact that he was in the back and wasn’t having this conversation with Tina face to face; it was mortifying enough that he was doing this. And given the way Sarah seemed to be amused – he could feel it – the gratitude was multiplied doubly so.
“Yeah, it was. But I guess things just stretched out.”
Just go for it. They’re not a real couple, anyway.
“So, um, Mandy’s convinced now? I mean, that was the whole reason you guys did this, right?”
“Yeah…”
Sarah was amused, yes, but growing impatient too.
She’d hoped Peyton would make a move, a gesture, at least, and had been pleased to see it come to pass, but it hadn’t been that much of a surprise given how well she knew him. Unfortunately, she thought, she also knew him well enough to know that if things were left up to him, he’d keep beating about the bush till it was too late.
I’m giving you one last chance, Peyton. You’d better get around to it today.
“Okay, cool.”
“Why were you asking?”
This was it. Kristina had given him a great opening, and Peyton realized it too…but he wasn’t sure yet. How was one to ask someone to break up with their pretend boyfriend, anyway?
I think it’s been too long now – break up with Jayden?
That wasn’t going to happen.
And Sarah sensed it, too.
“Peyton, just bite the bullet and tell her.”
He was startled at Sarah’s sudden joining in of the conversation. He’d almost forgotten that she was there – almost – but what did she mean, bite the bullet? Did she know what he wanted to get to?
This is embarrassing.
“Or I will.”
She did, didn’t she? She waited for a moment, but when Peyton didn’t say anything, her mouth opened. “No!”
She shut it, before opening to speak again. “Okay, then tell her.”
Kristina’s gaze was fastened on him when he looked into the mirror. He felt his cheeks darken further, and sent a quick prayer of thanks to the Gods above for keeping it dark enough so neither of the girls could see.
“I- well, see, the thing is…” The thing was…what? He was rather sick of Tina starring in Jayden’s life and wanted her to move over?
“Do I need to start counting to three?”
Was this what a love hate relationship was like? He loved Sarah, but...
“One…”
“Please-uh, pleasebreakupwithJayden.”
The words tumbled out into an incomprehensible mess, and Tina frowned, much to the amusement of Sarah.
She smirked. “There, that wasn’t so hard now, was it? Now try again but a little slower.”
If it didn’t translate to dying, Peyton would have hoped for the ground to open up into a hole and swallow him.
“I-I’d like you to break up with Jayden.” He said again – it was still a little rushed, but comprehension dawned on Kristina’s face, and she smiled.
“Aw, that’s so sweet. I’ll do it whenever I can, alright?”
Sweet? Momentarily forgetting his embarrassment, Peyton asked what was so sweet about his request.
“I don’t think she meant sweet. It’s more like…it’s cute, how you didn’t want to bring it up and all.”
“Excuse me?”
“Oh, come on, Sarah. Leave him alone. If he doesn’t want to talk about it…”
“Again, what’s going on?”
“There is no again there, and you don’t need to pretend. We all know what’s going on here.”
We all know what’s going on here? What’s that supposed to mean?
Sarah, well, of course she’d know about everything, really, but Kristina? Judging from the way she was smiling at him…
Oh, God.
“You there, Peyton?”
“Just drive, Sarah.”
Her smile widened. “Is it weird that I’m super excited now?”
Well, at least I don’t need to pretend anymore.
A soft sigh from Jayden almost had him jump in his seat.
Was he awake? Had he heard what they’d been saying?
“Relax, he just shifted a little. He’s still sleeping.”
Oh. But even then, he was cautious looking down at his friend. True to Tina’s words, he’d only moved his hand and consequently head, and was still fast asleep.
“It’s a sign!”
Kristina giggled, and his embarrassment was back.
“Shut up,” he grumbled.
“You really should be thanking Tina, you know? If she hadn’t come around, you’d have been sitting around perfectly content with being Jayden’s best friend.”
“Yeah, yeah-” Wait a minute. He’d been hearing the words, but it wasn’t till a minute had passed that he actually heard what she said. The cogs in his brain started spinning faster.
Thanking Tina?
Did that mean-
She didn’t seem surprised, or anything, when I asked them to break up! And when she said it was sweet…
Had she known all along?
But if she’s known throughout, that means…
“Sarah! You-Tina, this was all pretend?”
“Well, duh. Tina was never Jayden’s girlfriend, and you know that.”
“I don’t mean it like that, and you know it! The whole Mandy thing and…it was all fake?”
“No!”
Her response was too quick.
“Sarah!”
“Well, you needed to see you didn’t like Jayden with a girlfriend, alright?”
Not for the first time that evening, Peyton was speechless.
“Unbelievable. You too, Kristina?”
“Well, duh. How do you think this would have worked, otherwise?”
Huh. That was a good point she made – his question had been stupid. Yet, he had to ask. “And Mandy?”
“Her too.” Tina affirmed.
Good God. How many people have known?
A more alarming thought occurred at once. “Did Jayden know?”
“ Do you really think he’d have gone along with it?” She didn’t let him respond. “Actually, he might…but nah. He’d never play games like that.”
“No, he wouldn’t.” Gazing down at his best friend, his voice softened of its own accord as he spoke, “he’s not like that, is he?”
He couldn’t help but smile. That was his Jayden – the guy who’d stand up for himself, be annoying sometimes, too, but never hurt anybody. And he was kind, and patient, and…
It was like another heart attack – much larger than the one he’d experienced when the thought of Jayden knowing had occurred to him.
“Oh, man.”
“What is it?”
“Do you-do you think I’ve taken too long?”
The pause Sarah took only served to take the heart attack a notch higher.
But then she spoke and he could breathe again. “I don’t think you need to worry about it; he’d wait forever if he had to, though,” she paused, “I have to admit I’m curious. What took you so long?”
Hearing it from someone else was a relief. There was guilt too, she thought he’d taken ‘so long’ too, but the relief far outweighed it. It wasn’t too late!
Just one more day, and…and it was only when he caught Sarah’s expectant gaze that he remembered he was yet to respond.
The answer was simple. “I needed to know for sure.”
“That you like him?”
“That I didn’t like the idea of him and me only because he wanted it and we’re best friends.”
He hadn’t expressed it much, but he’d thought about it a lot. The weekend after Jayden had confessed, and every day after that. He hadn’t lied when he’d said that the idea was appealing, but there had been too much at stake to rush things. What if he’d wake up one morning and realize that he’d only been going along with it, and that he didn’t really care for Jayden the way he did?
It was the lesser of two evils to take things slowly.
Sarah was still doubtful. “That sort of makes sense, I guess.”
Funny, there hasn’t been anything that’s made more sense to me till now.
He wasn’t outright bi, because he was certain he still liked girls, but the idea of being with a guy hadn’t revolted him, either. It could have been plain curiosity, but it had been a question that involved Jayden. And whatever else he may conclude, Jayden couldn’t be an experiment.
“I think it did-does. I couldn’t have doubts then hurt him like that. Then lose him.”
“I doubt that would have happened.”
“He’d forgive me, no, I know that, but he’d never be able to forget the hurt, and then he’d try to be friends, but it’d kill him inside. And then even if he didn’t want to, and I think that’s right, he’d resent me.”
For a moment, Sarah didn’t say anything.
“You’ve given this a lot of thought,” she commented eventually.
“Yeah, I have, actually. And, well…”
“And, well, what?”
“I-there was a time I considered just letting this pass and not bothering at all.”
It was comical how alarmed Sarah sounded. “Why?”
“He really seemed to be getting along with you, Tina, and,” he trailed off yet again, not knowing how to best complete his statement.
“You thought he’d started liking her?” Sarah finished for him, and he nodded. “You’re his best friend, Peyton! You should know that he’s just super friendly….and I mean no offense to you, Tina. He’d have totally fallen for you if there wasn’t another somebody for him.”
Tina had been listening to their exchange silently, now she laughed.
“Yeah, whatever.” Peyton shrugged.
“You guys are going to make such a cute couple!”
*
Kristina was their first stop.
It was only when the door opened and a gust of cold wind blew towards him that he realized Tina was getting off, his head having been lost in thought, wandering all about till then.
Give credit where it’s deserved.
“So, Tina, we’ll meet tomorrow and stuff, but…thanks a lot, yeah?”
“It’s no problem.”
He nodded in acknowledgement, and once they were assured she’d gotten into her house safely, he spoke again.
“And you too, Sarah. Thanks.”
*
He should have paid more attention to the road; he shouldn’t have been looking back to check on Jayden.
The drive was short, but he shouldn’t have been so confident.
If he hadn’t done all the things he shouldn’t have, maybe he’d have seen the car turn out of nowhere and rush towards them before it was too late.
Then maybe the last thing he’d have seen that evening wouldn’t have been the yellow from a pair of headlights rushing towards them.
Booya!
I wrote this today, went over it only twice so it's not top notch, but after having written after so long, I just needed to post.
Comment, please? (On the whole chapter, I mean, and the longer the better! And I'm begging here, really)
And le song is by Big Time Rush.