"Trust between men is not just
an empty illusion." - Osamu Dazai
(from the story, Run Melos)
[Special Quote]
I'm gasping for air after punching him. I clenched my jaw, trying to hold back my anger. Ngayon ay hawak niya ang panga at hindi makapaniwala na sinuntok ko siya.
After split seconds, I didn't anticipated his attack, punching me back that made me fall on the floor. Sobrang sakit nun at ramdam ko ang pagdaloy ng dugo mula sa pumutok na ibabang labi ko. Kaagad akong tumayo at gagantihan sana siya ng isa pang suntok but the people around stopped us. I hissed in annoyance as some pulled me away.
"Hindi ko alam, na marunong din palang sumuntok ang aso, maliban sa pagkahol..." I ridiculed before licking my lip, tasting the blood on it.
"Aba't g*go ka pala eh!" at susugurin pa sana ako ng isang suntok nang biglang dumating si Darlene at sumigaw.
"Theo! Anong nangyare?!" she exclaimed at hinila palayo ang lalaking iyun. The guy grimaced and glared at me bago nanahimik.
Hindi ko na inintindi ang lalaki at agad na hinarap si Darlene.
"Darlene, let's tal---"
"Ano na naman ba'to Eve?!" sigaw niya at napahilamos sa mukha out of frustration. Parang umurong ang dila ko after seeing how done she is. Galit ang mayroon sa mata niya at tila pagod na pagod na sa mga nangyayari. One more thing is, calling me by my real name, not by the name she used to call me. Hindi ako sanay.
"Kung pumunta ka lang dito para manggulo, pakiusap... p-please lang..." hindi na niya natapos pa ang sasabihin but I knew what she meant.
Alam kong iniisip niya ngayon na wala akong ibang ginawa kundi saktan at bigyan siya ng sakit ng ulo... but that's not what I intend now.
The other staff members and casts escorted that guy to the backstage. She's about to follow, that's why I called her and tried to hold her arm, pero hindi ko na nagawa ng magsalita ulit siya.
"Let's talk kapag natuto ka nang hindi magpalamon sa galit mo. Pero magagawa mo ba 'yun? Parang imposible..." aniya, bago tumalikod at iwan ako.
I felt like my chest was stabbed because of the pain inflicted by her words. I clench my fist, she didn't even let me speak.
"A-are you okay?" tanong ng babaeng isa sa mga umawat sa amin.
"I am not, so please, leave me alone..." I uttered then walked away.
Her furious eyes and disappointed look. Her words that cuts like a double blade, I wonder if she'll ever forgive me, lalo kapag nalaman niya ang mga nangyare noong nakaraan, maging ang malaking kasalanang nagawa ko…
Wala akong ibang ginawa kundi ang magkulong sa kwarto pagkatapos nun. I was leaning against the headboard of my bed and staring at nowhere when suddenly, I felt something warm run down from my nostrils.
Kinapa ko ito gamit ang mga daliri ng kanang kamay ko. That warm liquid continuous to flow, dropping on my shirt's collar. It was blood...
Nagmamadali akong pumasok sa loob ng banyo and start cleansing it at the bathroom sink. Nang hindi matigil ang pagdurugo, I lift my chin looking up to prevent it from flowing. Matapos ng ilang minuto, huminto na sa pagdurugo ang ilong ko. I sighed deeply, and look at the mirror.
Dahil sa pagiging abala sa mga pinaggagawa ko, I haven't noticed that I already loss some weight. My eyes start to look shallow, even my collar bones where so noticeable.
When I was done cleaning everything, I came out while wiping my hands with a white towel. Sa entrada ng banyo, a memory flashed in my mind. That's when we, Paolo and I were arguing about who's going to use the bathroom first. Napailing na lang ako at payak na napatawa. He and his st*pid technique of defeating me sa jack 'n poy.
As I came out, glancing at the living room. The memories of the three of us flashed as well. Noong mga panahong nagkatuwaan while we were celebrating mom's birthday which they thought that's mine, na pasimuno ni Professor Jed. Things might've turned into chaos after that, but what remained in me was the happiness it brought.
Deciding to go to the kitchen, I came across the path through Paolo's previous room. Tanda pa ng utak ko ang ayos ng kwarto habang andoon pa ang lahat ng gamit niya, even the tidiness of the room, and additionally how Darlene approached me in front of the door, giving me that butterfly sensations in my stomach.
At ang huli ay ang kusina. Even my sense of smell remembered the scent of the vial everytime Paolo cooked inside. Ang mesang ngayon ay malinis dahil wala ng pagkain na nakahatag. The kitchen which is so tidy, na halatang hindi gaanong nagagamit sa pagluluto.
Ang mawala ang mga taong naging parte ng buhay ay masakit, but what's more painful is the memories with them that will never happen again.
"Give me a break Pao..." I uttered because of the memories. A cold wind passes na para bang naging sagot sa sinabi ko.
I chuckled in disbelief. Tila ba dama kong pinagtatawanan niya ako ngayon. Is it his way to reprimand me?
The second round of blood flow came. I washed it instantly at the kitchen sink. Kung magkataon mang mangyare ang bagay na iyun sa hinaharap, mas mabuting may magawa akong tama bago ko sila harapin. Before it happen, I must put things right... bago ko lisanin ang mundo at makaharap ulit sila... I must ask for forgiveness.
Another day came. Nasa harap ako ng theater art room habang nag-aalangan kung kakatok ba o bubuksan na ito. It seems like it's chaotic inside because of the noises coming from it and what I can see through the small window at the center of the door. Aligaga ang mga tao sa loob, and it's as if I'll show myself out of the blue, getting an awkward attention.
When I finally came to a decision, the door opened at lumabas ang lalaking iyun, of all people.
"The Ilarde College's successor is here indeed..." asar ng accounting student na si Theo.
"What about it, Stray Dog?" I asked with the same intensity.
He laughed in disbelief at naiiling habang nakatingin. My forehead knotted because he sighed and rubbed his nape, staring at nowhere now.
"Wala dito si Darlene." aniya kaya't tumalikod na ako.
"Where are you going?" he asked and I glared at him.
"What's the point of staying here kung wala naman ang pakay ko rito?" napapantastikuhan kong tanong.
"Yeah... yeah right. She's in the facility, the one with the children and elders... She's on duty..." aniya sa walang ganang tono. Nakakapagtaka at sinasabi niya ito sa akin, but I shrug it off. It's not like I'm curious, at least he's useful today. Handa na akong umalis ng magsalita ulit ito.
"Bakit ba panay kakatanong mo? Bakit hindi mo gamitin yang cellphone mo para tanungin siya ng direkta kung asan siya? Wala ka bang sentido kumon? Tagapagmana ka nga ba talaga ng school na'to?"
Bakit lahat na lang ng sasabihin ng lalaking 'to ay sobrang nakakaasar? Paano nga ba 'to nakapasok sa paaralang 'to? I can't believe I let him enter here in my turf...
"Wala akong number niya. Mayroon ka ba?" I asked na ikinalukot ng mukha niya. He's beyond help...
"HUH??? Ibang klase.. tsk tsk tsk..." salubong ang mga kilay na kinuha niya ang cellphone at inabot sa akin ang number ni Darlene. I grabbed it and copied the contact bago ibalik at walang pasintabing umalis.
I arrived at the facility after a twenty minute ride. Katulad pa rin ng dati, ang mga boses ng mga batang naglalaro ang pumupuno sa lugar na 'yun.
I start roaming my eyes around to look for her, but I failed to see her. Wala rin siya sa umpukan ng mga batang naglalaro at naghahabulan.
"Mr. Loner..." a kid behind me called kaya't nilingon ko ito. It's that lad with an attitude deficiency, Haji.
"Respect me..." I scolded and give him a hand chop on his head. Sumimangot lang ito at sumunod sa akin.
"Hanap mo ba girlfriend mo? I saw her..." he said out of the blue na ikinahinto ng paglalakad ko sa pathway.
"Where is she?"
"Hmm? I lost sight of her afterwards..."
I frowned because of what he added.
"She's always crying every time I see her. What's wrong with your girlfriend? Love quarrel?" sunod sunod na tanong niya.
"Y-yeah..." tanging nasagot ko. Hindi ko alam pero mas mabuting hindi ko sabihin na isang dahilan ng pag-iyak niya ay tungkol sa pagkawala ni Paolo. He became like an elder brother to him, even though the lad didn't want to anyway.
"You're the worst." and he chuckled with a smug in his face. Arrogant brat.
"Kuhhhyaaaaa Evesshhhh!" a tiny voice of a girl kid called from behind. I faced her and she opened her short arms to give me a hug that I willingly accepted as I knelt down to be reached.
"I mwisshhh chuuuu." her eyes were glittering that made me chuckle. I patted her head, which made her cute cheeks become red.
"Good girl ka ba rito, Yena?" I asked and she nodded her head multiple times.
"Oummm... Kuhhyaaa Eveshh, shan shi Kuhya Pawpaw?" tanong ng bata na ikinatigil ko ng ilang segundo. I smiled faintly and messed her hair.
"Nasa malayong lugar si Kuya Paopao mo." I shortly replied.
"Kaylan poh bahlik niya? Mishh koh na poh maglaroh kashama sha..."
It's like something prick in my chest. To lie to this innocent kid about him is painful, hindi maiwasan ng mata kong maluha-luha but I stopped myself from breaking.
"Matagal pa, m-matagal na matagal pa..." Hindi napigil na mabasag ang boses ko nang hindi sinasadya.
Her innocent eyes that were looking at me with hope became a happy one.
"Kuyah, shabihin moh poh balik sha agad parah anoh, taposh ano papakashal poh tayoh..." she said in a whisper before giggling.
After that, hinila na niya si Haji na nakasimangot at wala nang nagawa kundi sumunod kay Yena papunta sa kumpulan ng mga kalaro nito. I chuckled a bit at naglakad ulit para ituloy ang paghahanap but I heard Haji called, kaya't nilingon ko.
"I lied. She's in the garden..." maiksing pagkakasabi niya at itinuro ang direksyon nito bago ako talikuran.
End of Chapter 31
A Man's Thing