Summary: JJ fails to uphold to his promise...again
Warnings: none
"Hey baby. Look don't be mad but-"
"I am going to kill you Maybank."
"I thought I said don't be mad."
"You got arrested Maybank! Again might I add."
"Baby you know I don't like it when you call me that." JJ whines through the phone.
"I'll be there in a few, just keep quiet and don't make this any worse."
"I love you y/n." I can hear the desperation in his voice. I'm too upset to say it back, so I hang up.
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JJ POV
Shit. She didn't say it back. That means she's pissed. Plus she wouldn't say my name. I'm fucked. Maybe I shouldn't have picked a fight with Rafe and his minions but I couldn't listen to them shit on my Pogues.
When I round the corner to the front of the station, I see my y/n standing there. And she is absolutely livid.
"Y/n, I-"
"Get in the damn car."
I feel like a child being scolded. I do as told anyways. I don't wanna upset her more then I already have.
It's been a good ten minutes by the time Y/n gets in the car. We don't speak the entire car ride. Every time I look over to her, she just looks ahead. She looks tired and immediately I feel like shit.
When we pull up to her house, y/n doesn't waste a second getting out of the car and slamming the door.
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Y/N POV
Once I get into the house, I put my purse and jacket down on the counter. I take a deep breath and try to calm down. Seconds later I can feel arms wrap my middle. I try to push him off but I'm too tired. I can feel JJ start to kiss my shoulder and lower neck. I begin to shake my head trying to get JJ off.
"Baby I'm sorry." He mumbles in my ear. Desperate and remorseful.
"You promised me. You promised you'd do better." I can feel JJ physically deflate at breaking his promise to me.
"I know I know. I'm sorry y/n. I swear this time-"
"This time will be different? Cut the bullshit. Stop saying empty promises JJ. I'm sick of the constant disappointment of believing in you. Every time I believe you when you promise to do better, to stop drinking, stop smoking, stop fighting." By the time I'm done, JJ is looking down at his feet instead of at me. I shake my head regretting saying how I feel. I knew it would hurt him. I never meant to hurt him but I can't sit around and stay quiet about my frustration.
"Look JJ I'm tired and I think it'd be best if you stay at-"
"No. No, please let me stay." I begin to shake my head when JJ places his hands on my face and makes me look at him.
"Y/n please. I'm sorry." JJ grabs ahold my hands and begins to kiss each knuckle. My guard weakens. He looks up at me with the softest look.
"Sleep on the couch." I turn away from him. And push his hands away from me. I don't think I'll be able to hold my ground if he continues to touch me.
"Y/n look at me. Please I-"
"JJ, I'm too tired to be upset with you much less have this conversation right now. Just go to bed." I wipe the stray tear and I look at JJ one last time. There's a moment before JJ nods with a sad smile.
"Okay sweetheart. Get some rest. You know I love you, right?" He looks at me with such sincerity, my knees nearly buckle. Sometimes I question his love for me.
"Goodnight JJ." I can see the tears build in his eyes as he nods. He leans in to kiss me but I turn my head just before.
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JJ POV
I watch her walk up the stairs. I cover my mouth as the realization consumes me. The realization that my y/n doesn't believe me when I tell her I love her. I know I screwed up but I have a feeling this was merely the tipping point. I feel sick. She wouldn't even let me kiss her. She didn't tell me she loved me. I can't lose her.
I call John B seeking advice. Him and Sarah always seem to be all lovey dovey.
"JJ what could you possibly what at three am."
"I need your help." He must have heard the sadness in my voice because I could sense his worry.
"What's wrong? Your dad?"
"No, worse."
"What could be worse than your dad? You and y/n?"
"I fucked up JB. She's got me on the couch. She wouldn't let me kiss her and she didn't say 'I love you' when I said it to her. I asked her if she knew I loved her and she didn't answer. Johnny I cant lose her. I don't know what to do."
"Shit JJ. What'd you do? You didn't cheat did you?"
"God no. I never cheat on my y/n. No, I got arrested again. She had to bail me out again."
"JJ. You promised her. You know how serious y/n takes promises."
"I know, I know. I didn't think she'd be this mad."
"JJ this is the third time. Not to mention all the times she's had to pick you up from bars cause you were piss drunk or when she's had to pick you up from Berry's high off your ass. You don't even realize how many times I've heard y/n crying to Kie or Sarah worried about where you are. Worried if you're with someone else or if you're even alive. You've got to understand that she's not this upset over you getting arrested, she's this upset cause she sick of being disappointed."
I take the phone away from my ear so John B can't hear me crying. I never realized how much I've let y/n down.
"What do I do?"
"That's not up to me JJ."
I hang up the phone and work up the courage to go to y/n's room. I walk in to see her sleeping form. She had on one of my sweatshirts and is engulfed by blankets. The closer I get the more peaceful she looks. That is until I see her puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. I push the hair out of her face.
"You have to know that I love you with my entire being. I don't have a lot baby, but all I need or want is you. I don't care how cheesy that sounds. I'm gonna be better for you. You deserve better then this. I'm gonna try to be what you deserve y/n. I'm so sorry baby."
"I've heard that before." I hear her mumble.
"One more chance please. I'm on my knees y/n."
"I've given you your fair share of chances JJ."
I look down and nod my head. She's right. Y/n deserves better then me.
"You're right y/n. I think I'm gonna stay at John B's tonight, okay?" I kiss her forehead and move to leave when she grabs my hand. I look down at her and I nearly crumble.
"I hate it. I hate getting calls saying you've been arrested or getting a call from the bar and hearing that you're belligerent. I hate never knowing where you are. If you found someone else or if you're dead in a ditch somewhere. And I fucking hate how I can never trust you."
I cry. I feel like a child. I feel like an asshole.
"What can I do?"
"Just be better, dammit. No more fighting. No more drinking. No more smoking. No more disappearing. And for the love of god no more arrests."
I nod my head and kiss her face until I hear her laugh. Y/n nods her head towards her bed, a signal for me to get in. I just have to ask one thing before.
"You know I love you and only you, right? I have never and would never dream of cheating on you, right?" She looks in my eyes and back down at my lips.
"I have questioned if you love me. I wondered if the reason you drank so heavily was because of me. I wondered if every time you disappeared it was because you felt the need to get away from me."
I appreciate her honestly but Jesus I have never felt worse about myself. I sob into my hand and walk away from y/n and her bed.
"Why didn't you say anything?" I feel y/n wrap her hands around my waist and feel her head on my back.
"JJ it's okay-"
"Nothing about this is okay y/n. I've treated you horribly. You thought I couldn't stand you? You thought I didn't love you?" I choked on my words. I cant believe I didn't notice.
"Show me. Words mean nothing if you can't actually act upon them."
I turned towards y/n. "Show me you love me."
I pulled her towards me and kissed her forehead "Y/n, you can't even begin to comprehend the amount of love I have for you." I drop to my knees in front of her. Begging her. My hands find her hips and I begin to run my hands up and down her sides. I can see her breath hitch.
"JJ what are-"
"Shh baby, you gotta understand that I love you. I worship the very ground you walk on y/n. You're it for me."
I push the bottom of her sweatshirt up just above her belly button. I look up to her and see her breath begin to grow heavy. I kiss up her stomach and run my hands up her sides.
Her hands find their way to my face and begin to smooth over my jaw. I turn my hand and kiss the palm of her hand. "You're so beautiful baby."
"You've got the purest soul sweetheart and I'd be a damn fool not to beg for another chance. I promise you right now, you will never feel neglected by me again. God I'm disgusted with myself to know I ever made you feel that way. I promise y/n I'll be the guy you deserve."
I can see her lip quiver and the tears glaze over her eyes. I stand up and pull her into my chest. Her arms wrap around my neck. One of my hands find its way to her waist and the other at the back of her head. I kiss her temple repeatedly.
"Come on darling let's get some rest, okay?" I feel her head nod against my chest. As I get ready to leave again I'm stopped.
"Stay."
"Y/n I think it's best if I just sleep on the couch or-"
"It gets cold and you're warm." I hear the teasing in her request.
"All I'm good for, eh?" I cave at her pleading look and climb in behind y/n and wrap my arms around her. Y/n turn around to face me and lays her head on my chest.
"You're fun to look at too, I guess." She shrugs as she runs her nails up and down my chest. Goosebumps follow in her wake.
"Very funny." I tug at the ends of her hair. She laughs and looks up at me. All I see is adoration and love. I feel guilty.
"I love you JJ." A huge smile makes its way on my face.
"That's the first time you've said that back to me tonight." I mumble. Her smile falters and again I feel guilty.
"I'm sorry JJ, I-"
"Stop it y/n. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. It's me who should be apologizing. And trust me, I will never stop trying to make it up to you, if given the chance." Y/n looks up at me and kisses right under my jaw.
"I'm gonna give you-"
"No not now sweetheart. I want you to seriously think about us and yourself. Don't just give me another chance because I'm in front of you. Sleep on it and think of all the pros and cons. Talk it out with Kie or Sarah."
Y/n tries to interject but I interpret her, "Baby I'm serious. You mean the world to me and I promise I will show you everyday if you'll have me. But I won't pressure you. Just please give me a little heads up if Kie and Sarah plan on paying me a visit or anything."
Y/n laughs and nods her head. Her eyes close and her breath evens. Her lips part and soft puffs of air fall out.
"Good night sweetheart."
Holy shit it's been awhile. I wanted to write more in JJ's pov for this one 🤷♀️