A/N: thank you so much for the 2'000 votes... it almost makes me wish I didn't have to do this;
The following morning I woke up after a night filled with tossing and turning due to someone gently nudging me over and over again.
"Let me sleep" I grumbled angrily, hiding my face under my blanket in an attempt to hide from the human alarm clock.
"Mili, you need to get up! We're late again" I was informed by a tired-sounding Sydney.
Sighing, I decided to sit up and stretch, my body making all kinds of disturbing noises. "I'm so tired, because I barely slept after what happened last night" I revealed yawing.
"Same" Sydney admitted, taking a seat next to me, and gently putting her hand on mine. "Listen, it's not that I regret it, but I feel like you need to work out everything that happened with María. Meanwhile, we can rekindle our friendship and see where it takes us if that's something you want?"
I thankfully glanced at my friend, the girl who was once everything I wanted. While it still evoked a lot of different feelings in me, and probably always would, it wasn't like it used to be, because she wasn't who I truly wanted anymore.
Even if she was the safer answer.
And even if I wasn't wanted by Mapi.
I opened my arms widely, and Sydney immediately let herself fall into them. "I just want my best friend back" I sleepily murmured into the crook of her neck.
It was no surprise that we fell asleep again until we were woken up by a concerned Klara 10 minutes before practice started, meaning we had to train on an empty stomach and definitely not enough sleep. Saying it was exhausting was a huge underestimation, in fact, it was probably one of the worst practices I've ever had, a certain blonde in the back of my mind just making it worse.
When the day was finally over football-wise, I excused myself to return to my room alone, a quick glance at my phone telling me I could nap for another hour until I had to meet up with Ingrid.
I still wondered what the hell she could possibly want from me. Had Laura been right with her suspicions?
Exhaustedly, I let myself fall onto my bed, immediately shutting my eyes close, when my peace was interrupted by my phone ringing loudly. With a loud sigh, I grabbed my phone to see who dared to interrupt my much-needed rest, my heart instantly beating faster when I saw who was calling.
"Hi Mapi" I greeted the blonde as her face appeared on my phone, hastily sitting up.
"Hola Princesa" Mapi responded shyly, the dark eyebags making it seem as if she too hadn't gotten too much sleep last night. "Are you alone in your room this time?"
I nodded eagerly, turning my camera around to prove her. "Yes, I am. I'm so sorry about last time, they just came in here without knocking."
"Who's they?" the Spaniard wanted to know, raising an eyebrow.
"Laura, Klara... and Sydney" I sighed, not wanting to cause another fight. "Before you say anything else, Sydney was assigned to be my roommate. I really wanted to tell you, but I was super busy, you've got to believe me!"
"Oh" Mapi simply replied, looking at me like a lost puppy. "It's just so confusing, last time we spoke you were scared to meet Klara and Sydney again, and now...It just felt as if you were shutting me out."
"I know, I really should have talked to you earlier. We're kind of friends again, I guess?" I shrugged, my heart suddenly feeling heavy knowing I wasn't telling Mapi the whole truth. "But you seriously can't react the way you did!"
The moment those words left my mouth, I instantly regretted them, knowing that she had every right to do so in retrospect. But then again, if she hadn't, last night would have never happened.
It was now Mapi's turn to exhale loudly as she was looking at me with sad, genuine eyes. "I understand that, Princesa. It's just... it really reminded me of what Ana did and it must have triggered something in me for me to react that way. However, that doesn't justify it and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. Especially because I know you're not her and you'd never do something like that. I sincerely hope that you can forgive me and that you know how much I trust you... and like you. Believe me, I really really like you, Princesa."
As I was staring at Mapi, looking all broken and innocent, my eyes started watering up, only just realizing what I had done.
"Mapi" I sobbed, the tears starting to drop out of my eyes when she looked at me concerned.
"What is it, Princesa?" She asked worriedly as she nervously put a strand of hair behind her ear. "Did I say something wrong?"
"No, trust me, you didn't do anything wrong" I cried, helplessly attempting to wipe the tears away, but they fell so fast that I couldn't keep up. "But I did."
Mapi's expression turned from concerned to shocked, almost emotionless. "No. No. No. Please no. Don't tell me that...Not again..." She murmured more to herself than to me, lowering her head.
"I'm so sorry... It happened so fast... but it was just a kiss!" I told her, desperately trying to read her emotions.
"With Sydney?"
I nodded hesitantly. "Yes, but-"
Mapi lifted her head, looking absolutely broken, her eyes filled with tears. "And yet you just let me say all those things? You were listening to me telling you how much I cared for you, how much I fucking like you, while you damn sure knew you were screwing your ex?"
"I- I'm not screwing anyone. And she's not my ex" I stammered helplessly, unable to find the right words in such a messed up situation.
"Is that all you've got to say?" Mapi asked coldly, a single tear running down her face.
"I-I- don't know" I sobbed, barely able to speak.
"Sucks for you. Because these are the last words you'll have ever said to me."
And with that, the call ended abruptly, leaving me feeling all alone.
Angrily, I turned around to bury my head in my pillow, my body shaking uncontrollably, making it hard for me to breathe normally.
How did I let this happen?
In desperate need of air, I tried to inhale, but the whole crying and shaking made it almost impossible, causing me to gasp.
Fuck.
I couldn't breathe.
Suddenly, there was a knock on my door. With my last strength, I dragged myself to the door, still desperately gasping for air. When I finally managed to open the door, I didn't have enough time to see who was standing there as I helplessly collapsed to the floor.
"Oh my god, Emilia!" A concerned-looking Ingrid was suddenly kneeling next to me. "What happened?"
"M-Ma-pi" I only managed to utter, tears still streaming down my face.
"I know a thing or two about that" Ingrid sighed, gently patting my back. "Okay, Emila, I'm gonna need you to close your eyes and count to 10. Can you do that?"
I nodded slightly confused, closing my eyes to do as told. When I reached 10, my breathing was still rapid but steady.
"Now can you tell me three things you see?" Ingrid asked gently.
"You, the bed, and" I gasped. " And the - the door. But what-"
"How about three things you hear?"
"The clock" I breathed. "Your voice and- uhm my crying."
"Good job, Emilia! Now move three parts of your body."
"Can I- I use my hand to slap you?"
"You may not" Ingrid laughed, pulling me a little closer to my body as if she wanted to make sure I actually wouldn't slap her. "Now come on!"
Feeling slightly annoyed, I lifted my foot, before drawing a circle in the air with my finger and tilting my neck. "Done. But why?"
"It's called the 3-3-3 rule. I always use it when I have an anxiety attack" Ingrid admitted shyly, wiping a remaining tear off my face. "Are you able to breath better?"
"Surprisingly, yes" I grinned calmly. "Even though I might have also had three thoughts about killing you.
"Whatever helps" the Norwegian international shrugged with a tiny smile on her face. "Can you stand up yet?"
When I nodded, she pulled me up, gently leading me to the bed. "So, do you want to tell me what Mapi did?"
"She didn't do anything," I said, almost starting to cry again. "It's all my fault."
As soon as I had finished telling her everything, my eyes watered up for the millionth time as Ingrid pulled me into a tight hug. "Don't cry, Emilia. It's not your fault. At least not everything, but you two really need to talk!"
"I wish I could" I sighed loudly, letting myself fall onto the bed. " But speaking of, didn't you want to talk to me as well?"
"Yes, I- I..." the dark-haired girl stuttered, nervously cracking her knuckles. "Listen, I talked to Laura and she told me everything that happened on your train ride."
So Laura had been right with her suspicion that Ingrid knew more about the picture than she was letting on.
"Don't be mad at her though. I think she just really needed someone to talk to" Ingrid added quickly, before exhaling loudly. "The thing is... Laura told me about that picture someone took of Mapi and you. She said it happened the Friday the week before last week, is that true?"
I nodded confusedly. "Yes, that's true."
"Before I tell you what happened, I really thought Mapi and you were over, but I guess you just got better at hiding it" Ingrid admitted ashamedly.
"Is that why you told everyone that you saw Mapi and me kiss?" I joked.
"I only told Frido and Laura" Ingrid defended herself. "Did they tell anyone else?"
"The whole team knows!"
"I made them promise not to tell anyone" the Norwegian sighed. "I should have known better, I'm sorry. Frido isn't really known for keeping a secret... I guess that's why we're best friends though. Anyway, that Friday I was one of the last ones to leave practice, but I knew Mapi and you were still there. I live really close to the training facilities, so I usually just walk home. As I was leaving the premises, I stumbled across a familiar face... I recognized her from your birthday party."
My jaw dropped when I realized there was only one person Ingrid could mean.
But no, that couldn't be true.
"I said hi to Antonia and then she said she was waiting for you. I- I didn't think anything of it when I let her inside..." Ingrid glared at me fearfully, knowing that she could get in serious trouble for this.
Tearing my hair, I looked at Ingrid in shock, still not able to fully comprehend the situation. "But- Ingrid, why? Why on earth would you let a stranger enter our training center? Screw our safety, no one cares about us anyway. But we have players like Lewandowski, Gavi, Pedri, and de Jong train there! Can you imagine the outrage if anything happened to them? What would then happen to you? You could have ruined your career!"
"But she wasn't a stranger" Ingrid mumbled defensively, staring at her feet.
"Oh come on, you know this was wrong on so many levels" I sighed, throwing her a suspicious glance. "And don't tell me you did it for the best interest of my relationships. Why did you do that, Ingrid?"
The Norwegian lifted her head, a single tear dropping from her eye, making me almost feel bad for her. "I- I feel so terrible. I really thought you were still dating Antonia and I- I thought that maybe... maybe if Mapi saw you with her..."
I silently raised an eyebrow at her confession, feeling as if she wasn't completely done.
"She's been ignoring me ever since you and her got closer... I don't want her back or anything like that, believe me. It's just, she was literally like my best friend, and I- I just feel so lonely, you know? Keira's been so busy with Lucy's injury, driving her from appointment to appointment and worrying about her possibly returning to England and while I love Frido... she also has her boyfriend and obviously spends the most time with him. It just sucks knowing you're no one's first choice and Mapi, even if it was only for a few weeks, made me forget about that. I love playing in Barcelona, it's the best place for me football-wise, but outside of training I just spend the most time on my couch, not knowing what to do with my life. I feel so lonely and useless, but at the same time it's so hard for me to open to new people. I constantly just feel as if I'm annoying everyone or I'm too anxious to talk to them, especially when we're doing things in a group."
I closely studied the Norwegian, tears in her eyes as she looked at me as if she was asking for my forgiveness. Honestly, I couldn't help but feel bad for her, deeply understanding the way Mapi had made her feel. After all, didn't she do the same with me when she took me under her wing while I was feeling a little lost in a new city, having lost my closest friends?
Maybe that was her thing.
"Ingrid, I- I'm so sorry, I had no idea you felt that way." Cautiously, I took the dark-haired girl's hand in mine, throwing her a pitying look. "Is there any way I can help you?"
The tall girl inhaled softly. "Don't worry about me. Laura's really been helping me over the last few weeks. I just really hope she doesn't get loaned out... But Emilia, I'm genuinely so sorry!"
"It's okay, Ingrid" I sighed. "After all, we don't even know if was really Antonia who took that picture, but I'll talk to her when we get back."
"Thank you" the Norwegian smiled sadly, throwing a look at her phone. "I don't know about you, but I missed dinner."
After checking the time on my own phone, I nodded in agreement. "Yeah, me too." Once again I studied Ingrid closely, unable to help feeling incredibly bad for her situation. When I joined Barca, she had been my friend for the first few weeks and I unintentionally took her safe person away.
I knew it wasn't my fault, but in a way we had both screwed up.
"Do you maybe want to order a Pizza?" I suggested as a peace offer.
The Norwegian sent me a shy smile. "I would love that."
A/N: looks can be deceiving... and you never know what's going on behind closed doors in someone's life.