Levi led me to the stables again, paranoia crept through me as he opened the stall door. I felt my nose throb a little at the memory of falling and smashing my nose. His gaze was almost playful as he patted Alrick's nose. It was rare to see that kind of thing from the captain.
"Don't get too excited, he's in no need for another bath" Levi retorted.
A flash of anger flooded through me; he was clearly mocking my injuries from yesterday. I walked towards the stall door and opened it.
"I have no obligation to spend my day with you captain, I am free to leave whenever I please" I told him.
"Give me a break, I haven't even told you what we're doing yet, if you leave now, you can forever hold your peace." His hand stroked his horse's nose. His focus was directed to that soft hair on the tip of his nose.
I contemplated walking away, but the sight of the captain being so gentle entranced me. I took the sight in for as long as he would allow it.
His sleeves were rolled up again, he was at ease. The hair at the top of his head was tied up, exposing his clean undercut. He breathed in deep, low breaths as he looked at his horse. His once dull eyes had the slightest hint of life in them. He was truly at peace in that moment.
I swallowed and cleared my throat.
"I guess I've got nothing better to do, might as well let you fill the time." I shrugged.
Levi gave one final pat to Alrick and slipped the reins over his head. Alrick wasn't put into his full scouting attire. It was likely heavy, and Levi didn't want to strain him.
The sound of hooves filled the silence left by Levi and I. Alrick set a slow pace, never going too far ahead of his master. Levi gripped the reins and led him outside.
"Where are we taking him?" I asked.
"Were going on a little horseback ride, I hope you don't get motion sick. I have no intention of knowing what you had for breakfast."
"Captain, scouts aren't issued horses." I reminded him.
"Your point?" He raised a brow ever so slightly.
"It looks like you're going to be going on a nice horseback ride alone, seeing as I don't have... a horse" The sarcastic undertones bled through my statement.
"I can't believe we let people like you slip into the scout regiment, what the hell are you planning to do on a mission when you lose one of your horses?" This time his brows furrowed in annoyance.
"Um... well we could always double up?" I sheepishly responded
"And here I thought you were hopeless" he almost rolled his eyes as he said this. He grabbed Alrick's hair and pulled himself up, his forearms strained as he lifted his own bodyweight. He swung one of his legs over and straddled Alrick's bare back. Then he lifted his hips to scoot foreword, letting them down forcefully when he found the right spot. He scooted a little to adjust his seating. The sound of him patting the space behind him broke me out of my daze. He looked at me with expectant eyes.
My face flushed and I looked down to avoid him. I let my thoughts wander a little too much this time while staring at his hips. I tried to cool myself off, but it wasn't working the greatest. He was growing impatient. A thought crossed my mind, a very awkward one.
"I've got nothing to grab onto, where's his saddle?" I asked nervously
"A saddle would get in the way of two people riding a horse, wouldn't it?" He asked, not really expecting an answer.
He was right, it would be easier to leave it behind. It wouldn't be any easier on my heart though. I had a fear of horses to begin with. I didn't want to fall off of the thing if it got too excited.
"The hell are you waiting for, get up here." Alrick could sense the impatience and he became a little restless.
"I've never done it bareback..." I trailed on, hoping he would catch my drift. As expected, he didn't.
"I was right you really are hopeless." He sighed and put his hand near his brow.
"Come here." He beckoned me over with disappointed eyes. I slowly approached him. I shrieked as he grabbed my wrist and yanked me up with one arm. He threw me over Alrick's back and my chin collided with the back of Levis head.
I screwed my eyes shut and cringed into him. My hands gripped tight onto his shoulders.
"What. The. Hell. Levi" I spit his government name through clenched teeth.
My brain was running a million miles a minute, pumping adrenaline through my veins. I almost didn't notice the small hand resting atop mine on his shoulder. It moved back and forth in a motion meant to bring comfort. He didn't say a word, letting me work through my fears alone and in silence. His head dipped as he waited. My forehead was resting on his back, and he was leaning into me.
A new sense of fear washed over me, distracting me from being bareback on a horse. I had never in my life held such an intimate position with a man. I would have considered Captain Levi as a good friend, but I didn't even get this close to my female friends. It was different, and it scared me. I quickly withdrew my head and straightened up.
"You..." I trailed on
"It's okay cadet, I won't let you fall" he said in a slightly deeper voice.
His hand moved from the top of mine to softly grip my wrist. He pulled each one down and wrapped my arms around his waist. He pulled them tighter to interlock my hands. As he did this, my chest pressed up against his back. Out of habit, I withdrew slightly. It didn't do much, my thighs were flush with his hips.
He grabbed the reins and gave them a quick flick. My cheeks were burning as we started moving. Every time Alrick took a step, it pushed me further and further into Levis back. I tried to keep a respectable distance, but the terrain made that near impossible.
Levi was more quiet than normal, but I wasn't complaining. Anything he said would likely make the situation more awkward. It was a difficult situation to be in, and I wasn't trying to make it more difficult by breaking the silence.
All that time with my thoughts left me thinking about the woman in the picture that night Levi returned from his mission.
He lost countless of his subordinates, there was no way he wasn't close with them. His squad spent the majority of their time with one another, so it had to have hurt like hell to see them die. And who knows how many squads he had lost before that. The only people he could trust had been wiped from existence, leaving him with only his commander at his side. It left an empty feeling in my chest.
I gave up on trying to keep us separated and leaned into him once more. My cheek rested on his back, and I closed my eyes.
If Levi didn't have anyone, I was more than happy to keep him company for a little while. I would try my best not to leave him alone, he had already seen enough death in this life.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Levis' eyes remained trained on the approaching tree line. He was lost in thought; the rocking of the horse was the only thing keeping him lucid.
He tried so hard to control his thoughts, but they consumed him.
He felt her all around. Her embrace around his waist was solid and unyielding. His heart leaped as he felt her cool cheek press to his back. He stiffened as she softened around him.
He had spent his life walking on eggshells around people, women especially. He could lose them any day, so he kept them at arm's length.
It was selfish to let her in and he knew that. He was being greedy allowing her to be around him. For once in his life, he didn't feel so bad about being selfish. He wanted to take as much from her as he could. He wanted to indulge himself with her warmth. He waited too long last time and lost the one person he held closest to him.
Maybe if he had done things differently it wouldn't have ended like that. He thought that if he had only told her, he could have asked her something impossible.
If it would have saved her, he would have gotten down on his knees and begged her to quit the scouts. He would plead for her to transfer to the military police. She would be miserable, but she would still be here.
Levi had this terrible thing about him. He could never accept the way things were or the way things had worked out. He would replay the same scenarios in his head and think of all the possible outcomes. It ran him mad sometimes. It made it easy for him to lose his grip on reality.
This time he wasn't going to let her slip from his grasp so easily. Under impossible circumstances, he found someone who could keep him alive in the worst way possible. She was going to be the death of him, while also being the reason he kept living.
Levi wasn't good at relationships; he was filled with pent up emotions that had never seen the light of day. He wasn't so sure he could even find the right way to start one.
Little did he know he sparked something without even trying too.