When the car pulls into our drive the gates are open, which is odd. Most of the main downstairs lights are all still on too.
I thank my driver sincerely and walk towards the house. The door opens as I approach, and there he is, grinning at me.
"How'd you know I was coming now?"
"Cos I got a text confirmation of the journey ya booked" he smiles "so couldn't be arsed to wait for a taxi no?"
I say nothing. I need to take some headache tablets. I head into the kitchen and pour some water.
"You ok bab?"
He places the baby monitor on the side. He looks so inviting in his soft comfy tracksuit, I can tell by his bleary eyes and hair that he's been asleep on the sofa.
I feel guilty. I've let him down.
"Yeah, wasn't the best night" I take the tablets and gulp down the water.
"Wot happened?" He leans on his hands on the counter, genuinely interested "how was the food?" I smile, of course he'd ask about the food, he's still fuming that there's no official Christmas dinner for the players at city this year. The back room and grounds staff all had theirs during the world cup.
"Food was alright.......the party night thing was ok, I just wish we hadn't bothered with the club"
"Why?"
"Full of idiots" I look down.
"Time of year innit?" He says thoughtfully, rubbing his chin.
"The girls all alright?"
"No, not really" and in that moment I feel actual hatred towards Danielle.
"Huh?" He raises an eyebrow.
"Eden got so fucking wasted that Danielle had to take her home and the other two buggered off, so that was that" I tell him the very short version of the night.
"Oh, that does sound a bit shit" he stands tall again "so ya was left on ya own?"
"Only very briefly, that's why I called the number, I didn't fancy waiting on my own for a cab"
"Nah, right call bab" he walks around the island to me "you look absolutely gorgeous though bab, been dyin' for ya to get home" he wraps his arm around me and purposely leans down to kiss my neck as his hands travel down my sides.
"Ya look sexy as fuck in this dress, such a turn on...." His hands start tugging the material upwards. I freeze.
"A dress isn't an invitation"
He steps back looking puzzled "wot? Nah course it ain't?" He screws his face up. "Why'd ya say that? Ya me girl ain't ya, I fancy the pants off ya anyway, I'm jus' sayin' ya look really good in that dress"
I glance away "and what if someone else was wearing it? Would you think someone else looked hot in it?"
"Ya wot? I can appreciate someone looks good in wot they're wearing but not find it sexy....."
I look down "and what if other men were looking at me, you said earlier you'd like that"
"Yeah it feels good knowing ya my girl an' other blokes find ya attractive, anyone would......"
"I don't, I don't feel good knowing every girl wants to fuck you!" I say remembering the girls in the kebab shop. "That doesn't feel good at all!" I bite my lip to hide my bubbling emotions.
"But you actually like the idea of other men wanting me??"
He runs his hands through his hair, "well now ya making it sound a bit odd, like a kink, that's not wot I meant bab"
"What about others touching me? Does that turn you on, or does it make me a tart for wearing a dress that makes me look good?"
He eyes dart over me "touch you? Has something happened? Has someone done something Chelsea?"
I crumple. My face gives way to a sob and the tears fall.
"Chelsea, please tell me wots happened tonight?" He talks calmly, but firmly.
I shake my head, my hands covering my face.
He gently pulls my hands from my face "Chels, c'mon beautiful, if someone has upset ya I wanna know"
"You don't" I look into his eyes and I see something as I say those words, a flicker of fear?
"I do, because we share everything remember, that's the deal yeah? We share everything"
I look at my hands in his. I need to tell him.
"There was this guy, at the party. He bought me a drink, well he bought us all shots, then he bought me a drink, and we just had a little chat and we all danced with his group."
Jack swallows, but his face stays emotionless "okay"
"So we left for the club and Eden was fucked already even then so we stopped to grab her a kebab"
"Kill or cure" he laughs
I continue "a group of young girls recognised me as your wife...."
He sighs "right"
"They were vulgar Jack, all the normal filthy shit"
"I wish you wouldn't let it upset you"
"Well it does"
"Ok, so did anythin' else happen?"
He knows there's more to this.
I take a deep breath.
"So the bloke at the party, he came to the club" I decide not to tell him that Danielle invited him, that's something I need to have out with her myself.
"When everyone disappeared, at that point I didn't realise they'd actually left, he bought me another drink and offered to sit with me"
I see Jacks face tenses now. "Go on"
I close my eyes "he got funny when I asked to leave" I open them "he sat right next to me in the booth, so I couldn't get out and when I asked to be let out he had a go at me"
"Like what? Wot did he say?"
"That basically I'd led him on because of how I looked and what I was wearing and because I took a drink from him"
He blows through his lips slowly and takes me into a big bear hug against his chest. "Like ya said, a dress isn't an invitation, an' and I'm not havin' a go, but yeah it can be annoying if ya chattin' to a girl and buy her drinks then she ain't interested" I go to speak, but he holds me firmer "but, takin' a drink from someone ain't consent at all, for anythin' an' anyone should know that"
He kisses my head "you ok? He didn't actually try nothing no?"
"He tried to kiss me, but I slapped him"
"Good girl, I know first hand you've got a wicked hand on ya!" I would laugh at that, he's right I've slapped him more than once, but this isn't funny.
He leans me back to look at me "he didn't hurt ya though" it's such a loaded question. I shake my head.
"No, he didn't hurt me"
"Why don't we go up an' run ya a nice hot bath yeah?"
"You're not angry?"
"Yeah! Bab I'm fuckin fumin! But at him, it's not your fault, an' I'm sorry those girls said stuff that upset ya. But wot happened with that dickhead, that's totally on him, not you" he chews his lip in thought. "Can get onto to the club if ya want, see if he's on camera, they might be able to trace him"
"No, it's not worth it and anyway..." I cut myself short remembering I'm not telling him about Danielle inviting Matt to the club.
"Wot? Anyway wot?" He prompts.
He looks so sincere, so caring. So beautiful, so perfect.
And it hits me that he's mine. And I'm his and I realise that I really am all he wants. Just like he really is all I want.
I feel guilty. So so guilty.
And stupid.
I have to be honest.
"Jack I'm so sorry!" I manage to blurt out before another wave of tears come, hot sticky guilty tears this time.
"Sorry for wot?"
There's that flicker of fear again, fear and maybe hurt? My heart hurts at what I've done to him.
"Jack I enjoyed it"
"Enjoyed wot??"
Im crying hard now but I force the words out "the attention, that he liked me......I liked it......."
His breathing quickens. His face pale.
"We're allowed to enjoy a bit a attention bab" he tries to sound light, but I can hear the hurt in his voice when he next speaks "did you like him chels? Would ya have?"
I shake my head "no, no I promise I would never, but I did briefly think about it, I wouldn't have I swear, but it felt good...... exciting "
His eyes are brimming with liquid that I know he won't allow to fall. His eyes dart around, looking anywhere but directly at me.
"Are ya still drunk Chels? Maybe ya jus' need to sleep...... You go to bed yeah, I'm gonna check on the girls, I'll kip with Mia, let ya have a lay in"
"Jack?"
"Night Chelsea" and then he's gone, heading out of the door and towards the stairs.
I feel fucking awful.