Surprise again?
Recap :
"What the fuck did you make me do all this months?", Manik asked directly, his hands fisted by his sides.
"Now, now Manik. Hi there. And to answer your question, I didn't make you do anything. You aren't a child"
Manik glared, trying to regulate his breathing and calm his anger down. He didn't want to say something he would regret for life. He had enough of those on his plate.
The woman in front of him closed the laptop and turned to face him with a smile, "About damn time".
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There is your version of events. There is my version of events. And then there is the bigger picture.
Manik Malhotra wasn't known as an impulsive guy, or as someone who thrived on rage. He had understood the way of the world pretty early, and not giving away your emotions away was his go to mantra, simply because he knew anybody could use it to their benefit and backstab you when you least expect it - ANY BODY. And yet, today as he stood, his eyes locked with the familiar brown eyes of the woman he had called a good friend for years, the wicked gleam in her eyes so bright, he knew without a doubt, he had fucked up. That knife was in his back, and he hadn't even realized it. No wonder the wound had turned infected - it had gone unnoticed way too long.
"I thought we were friends Simran", Manik's voice fell, even though the hard glare did not leave his eyes.
"Oh, we are. We definitely are", Simran chuckled, turning her back to him, something passing in her features that she schooled away from him.
"Then why would you do this to me?", Manik questioned this time, his gaze falling to the floor as his head reeling from all the information he was trying to process, but at that question, Simran turned to face him, crossed her arms against her chest and raised a brow, "And exactly what did I do to you?"
Now that had Manik's eyes jerking back up to meet Simran's eyes. She stood with a smug grin, her eyes filled with amusement and a hint of something he couldn't read.
"What did I do to you Manik Malhotra?", she egged him on, "I have been the 'good friend' I was supposed to be. What are you suddenly so angry about?", she blew air on her fingernails, her lips drawn up in a smirk.
"You told me I need to keep Nandini away from the case and not let it be re-opened again", Manik spoke through gritted teeth, "You knew that I liked her, had liked her since the first time I met her, and you still made me use her attraction to me as a bait to keep her away".
"Excuse me? Like I said before, What do you think you are, a child? I didn't 'make you' do anything. I gave you opinions and thoughts, you chose to act on them", Simran rolled her eyes as she answered.
"Yes because I trusted your opinions", Manik retorted, angrily, the vein in his temple throbbing as his temper increased, "You said dad had to pay millions to shut the case, and that the department and the hospital couldn't deal with negative press again. And that I already owe a lot to the man who I don't even want in my life for a second if it was on me. One mistake and a lot of others had to suffer the consequences, and nobody needed more on their plate just because Nandini was poking her nose in what wasn't even her business".
"All facts. Still hold true. What is your point exactly?", Simran shrugged, her entire demeanor too casual. She neither looked guilty, nor regretful.
"You made me believe Nandini Murthy was my problem and that I owe it to this hospital, this department, to you guys, to my father, to keep her away from that case. You -", Manik gritted his teeth, feeling like an absolute fool as he watched Simran, "I trusted you".
"You didn't trust me, Manik. You hardly trust anyone but yourself. You trusted your own guilt, you trusted what your own feelings about this whole mess were - I just said it out aloud. Don't come here and pretend like I played you or something. It is your mess and you were neck deep in your self inflected loathing, guilt and whatever the psych books explains. Latching onto my opinions wasn't forced by anyone but your conscience, or lack there of", Simran gritted out, her eyes flaring. Manik noticed her, but it was still better than the silent IDGAF persona she was showing him. Now she stood seething, her back to the table and one of her arms by her side, but one wrapped around her stomach, almost.....protectively?
"I still don't understand", Manik finally softened as he asked, "You trapped me more in my own mind, but why? When you were one of the only two people who knew about my feelings for Nandini, why did you -", he paused, struggling to frame the sentence, "Why would you -"
"Why would I what? Not play cupid?", Simran smiled, bitterness filling her entire face, "Why would I ask you to keep her away from yourself? But Manik, I did not ask you to keep her away from you, I asked to keep her away from the case. When you were using her feelings for you, or playing with them, you still had her to yourself, didn't you? Shouldn't you be thanking me instead?"
The last few months flashed in front of his eyes as he recalled the incidents one by one. He remembered that evening when he had went to attend the execution and received Simran's alert about Cinderella aka Nandini messing with the records. He had intended to distract her, but that night was one of the best things that had happened to him in the past two years. Talking to her, sleeping in her arms had soothed a wound he didn't know needed to be soothed.
It also brought him back the memories of the other night - when Nandini had come back with a box of cake and questions about if she was hired just to keep an eye on her. He didn't notice it then, but that cake was from Simran's favorite Cafe, he knew first hand that she was obsessed with the desserts of that particular cafe even though it wasn't the regular choice for most people.
His memories went further backwards, to the time when Nandini had just joined and things were beyond akward between the two of them. He remembered pretty well that the only reason he had began interacting with her more was Simran's constant chatter about keeping her away from the case. He had believed back then that it was his responsibility to not create more mess for the people - his people. It was a fucked thought process at its best, but it was what it was.
Simran's smirk deepened as she watched him closely, his eyes reflecting that he was recognizing the pattern of her help. It would be a lie if she said her heart wasn't beating too fast against her chest, and it wasn't taking her entire dedication to keep her features neutral and not giving anything away with her expressions, but she needed to do this. She would do anything at this point to reach her goal, she knew. But her silver lining from it all was Manik coming to her, questioning her. It meant he was making sense of things, it meant Nandini had succeeded to break through his fog. How? She didn't care anymore. She had other important roles to fulfill than be a good friend - she had done her part anyway. In a twisted way, sure, but she had. Now, her priorities were different and she did not really care about any ruination but her final goal.
Manik shook his head to come back to the present and looked up to find Simran staring at him. When their eyes met again, she said nothing, but he couldn't stop himself, "Should I consider whatever we had - ", he pointed between the two of them,"was genuinely there or it was all my imagination?"
"Won't you like that answer?", Simran laughed out loud, "Sometimes it's a pity Manik. How you are one of the most brilliant mind in our field but still so unsure about what in your life is real and what is imagination. Like I said, pity".
Manik continued to stare at her, but Simran wasn't looking at him any more, her gaze was far fetched, her eyes seeing things he couldn't right then. But when Siman finally looked at him, he saw it in the hardness of her gaze and the slow Bob of her throat that whatever she was about to say wasn't going to be anything he liked, and he was right.
"You should have thought our friendship through when you broke up with my cousin, Manik. Palak is like a sister to me, and as they say sisters before misters", Simran smiled, her eyes clearly making fun of their friendship, or whatever they shared. She stared at him as if it was funny, the whole debacle that was this morning. She stared at him like she hadn't seen a bigger idiot than he was and she was probably right, Manik inferred.
He said nothing, only taking a step back while keeping his eyes on her, and then with a smile of his own - a smile that spoke so much so soon, he turned on his heels and left.
Simran exhaled loudly and sat back down, on her chair. Opening her laptop, she closed and saved the documents she was working on before he had barged in. Her plan B was in place, but maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't need it.
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Nandini signed the last of notes on the set of daily patient files and then sighed, sitting back on her chair, exhausted. Even though Medha had asked her to wait until Manik returned, she had to rush to the hospital a while ago. Not only would taking leaves without prior information look unprofessional on her part, but given Manik was already on leave, and so was Meera, she had to be there for the cases anyway.
Shweta knocked her cabin door and entered, two mugs of coffee in her hand.
“Before you tell me it's not my job, I was making it for myself, so I made one for you”, Shweta smiled and forwarded a mug, making Nandini smile reflexively. Even though they were senior-junior on the professional spectrum, being closer in age and Nandini's easy going attitude had helped them establish a friendship of sorts.
“OPD wrapped up?”, Nandini asked out of habit, and Shweta nodded, her eyes going solemn, "Yeah. Today was one of the hard days”, she shut her eyes and then opened them again, “Does it ever get easier? It's been two and a half years for me, but I can't say I am immune yet”
“You don't need to be immune - that's the whole point. If we become immune to the sufferings of our patients, especially as psychiatrists when our work depends more on making them feel less alone, and heard and understood - we will loose the whole essence of our job. We just need to know the difference between sympathy and empathy and remember that we try our best to help a patient, but sometimes our best won't be enough. Living with that knowledge is the hard part about this profession”, Nandini explained, calmly, knowing very well how Shweta felt. She had herself gone through these doubts multiple time.
Shweta nodded, before taking a sip of her coffee, "I know. But these patients with suicide ideation always throw me off. Like most of them are so young, but the are so lost. The worst part for me is knowing that when it happens once, it mostly means, it has happened before or it would happen again”.
"Yeah, the cycle is vicious and inevitable. Treating depression isn't that easy, especially for those with passive suicide ideation. How many such patients did we have today?”, Nandini asked sympathetically, placing her hand on Shweta's.
" Five. I will re-take the history again and then you can decide if we begin with medicines or counseling”, Shweta stated,"I should be done by the time of evening rounds. Should I give you a call?”
“Yes, do that as soon as you are done. If I am not available, drop me a message. I will be there for the evening round anyway, but if I can come, I will come early", Nandini stood up, checking her watch. She had to meet her apartment landlord as well, to get the locks changed and the house checked. She also had plans to cross check the security feed if possible.
Walking out of the hospital building, she called for an Uber and was half way to her apartment when the words came back to hit her in full force.
“when it happens once, it mostly means, it has happened before or it would happen again”
Damn! Why in the world had she not considered this possibility at all before?