"Let me pick your brain, get to know your heart, I ain't gon' break it
Let me meet a few of your friends so they could say what you ain't saying
Say what you want and I'm making it happen, you know that it's nothing (Know that it's nothing)
You hug me tight, that *ss poking, you know I'ma cuff it (Know I'ma grab it)."
Tee Grizzley ft. Big Sean "What We On"
Nicole
"Bye Daddy!" I shifted my attention from my shaking hands to the little girl in the corner of the room. A woman held her in her arms as she waved at her father.
"I'm going to miss you. I love you baby girl."
"I love you too." I watched as the officers took him back into custody. The little girl smiled as she laid her head against the woman and they were escorted out.
I decided to reach out to my father. I replied to his letter and he put me in touch with the lawyer that helped him get his case reopened. He was able to arrange this visit for me.
From the meeting I had with the lawyer, my father was sentenced to life in prison with parole for attempted murder. With new evidence, the judge ruled that he should have been charged with aggravated adult with a deadly weapon. With that charge, he would have gotten up to 20 years. The lawyer didn't give me details about the incident because my father wanted to tell me what happened himself.
Last night, I couldn't sleep. I'm just really nervous. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing trying to get to know him. I feel like so many years have been wasted from this distance. I always felt bad as a child when I saw kids with their fathers riding bikes, eating ice cream, and dancing.
On the other hand, what if I'm getting myself involved with a psycho? I can only hope for the best.
I'm currently waiting for them to bring him to the visitation room. It's like a mix of a daycare and school cafeteria with these round tables.
"Nicole?" I turned back to my table to see my father standing across from me. He literally looks the same from how he looked in the old photos. The only difference is that he now looks more buff.
"Hi." I said as he sat down.
"I'm so happy that I can lay eyes on you again."
"I never thought I would have the opportunity to be here. I grew up thinking you were dead. I really don't understand why I was made to think that."
"I guess your mother didn't want you to ask questions about why I was in prison."
"So what happened? Why are you in here?"
"It's a long story, but you're old enough to know the truth. I don't want you to fight with your mother over anything I'm about told you. You should let her tell you her side of the story."
"Go ahead. I'm listening."
"When you were almost two, I was taking classes Tuesday and Thursday nights to get a degree in software engineering. During the day, I was a delivery driver from 7 in the morning to 3 in the afternoon. There was a particular Thursday night where your mother asked me to take you to your grandmother's house because she wanted to go out with her friends. I agreed and dropped you off on my way to school. When I got to the usual classroom, it was empty. I was so confused until I checked my email to see that the professor canceled class so I went back home. I decided to let you stay with your grandmother for the night since your cousins were over there. The house was pitch black and silent when I got inside. I remember how I took off my jacket and placed it on top of the couch. I went upstairs to change into more comfortable clothes. I switched on my bedroom light to see your mother and my best friend from childhood sleeping together in our matrimonial bed."
"What?" I almost shouted. I covered my mouth, remembering where I was. I didn't want the guard to come over here.
"The funny thing is one of the neighbors, who is always sitting on her porch, told me that he was always coming over when I'm not around. I didn't think too much of it because I never thought my best friend and my wife could betray me like that.
They woke up and tried to explain that it wasn't what it looked like. I couldn't think straight. I was disgusted, hurt, and anger. Next thing I knew, I had my gun aimed at my best friend and I shot him in his leg. I swear I never planned to kill or injure Mario, I just couldn't believe what I discovered."
"Mario? As in Mario Patterson?"
"Yeah. Why?" I knew there was something about that man. The fact that he and my Mom continued their affair and portray it as this amazing relationship is just trifling.
"Never mind. Go on."
"I dropped the gun in shock, and left your mother screaming as Mario cried in pain. I rushed to your grandmother's place to see you because it was probably going to be the last time I could hold you in my arms for a while. They charged me with attempted murder, but my new lawyer was able to get the charge appealed because it wasn't premeditated. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I just let my emotions get the best of me. Your mother brought you to see me a couple of weeks after your second birthday and she said that she would never come back. I wrote you letters all the time to see if she would change her mind but to no avail."
"Wow. I found out that she's been hiding them. I probably never would have known any of this if I never checked the mail that day. Did you ever have any doubt that I was yours?"
"I won't lie. I did because I didn't know how long the affair had been going on, but I knew that you were mine because you have the same birthmark as me."
"Where?"
"Have you ever noticed that light brown mark under your chin that looks like half of a heart?"
"I always thought that it was just a scar that never faded away. So, I usually cover it up with makeup. Now I know what it really is."
"I know your mother wouldn't explain that to you."
"What do you plan to do once you get out?"
"I've been thinking about going back to school to finish, but I think has passed to do that."
"You're never too old to go back to school. If that's what you really want to do, then go for it."
"I'll give it another thought. Have you had any luck in the love department?"
"I haven't had a serious relationship yet, but I recently met this guy. We just started dating. We're not exclusive yet but I really like him."
"If you're anything like me, you love hard. I want you to be careful, but I also wish you two the best."
"Thank you. When you get out, do you think you'll give love another chance?"
"I can't say for now. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life. So many years have gone, I don't know if I should go back to school at this point."
"If you ask me, I don't think it's ever too late to go to school. When you have a dream, you should go ahead and do everything in your power to make it come true. If you really feel like you don't want to go down that route, I'm sure you'll come up with something you'll feel like doing."
"Yeah. I'll take what you said into consideration." He smiled. We continued speaking for another 30 minutes, learning more about each other.
After we went our separate ways, I retrieved my bag from the locker. I took out my phone and saw 10 missed calls from Tae in the last hour. I waited until I got inside my car to call him back. It rang twice before he answered.
"Hey Tae."
"Where has your black, leprechaun*ss been?"
"Let's try that again because I think you lost your mind calling me a leprechaun. Hi Tae."
"Hey Nicole. I'm sorry. I just got worried when you weren't picking up your calls."
"It wasn't intentional. I was in a meeting and my phone was on silent."
"Girl, I called your office and they said you weren't coming in today. I checked with the boys and they said they haven't heard from you. When I called Dewayne, he had an attitude about it talking about how would he know where you are and he dropped the call on me. Do you know what that's about?" I rolled my eyes.
I haven't spoken to Dewayne since he stormed out of my house. I could understand if he didn't believe me, but trying to berate me and call me a liar is totally out of line. I'm just going to stay in my lane while he stays in his. I'm not going to beg him because I felt like I was doing the right thing as a concerned friend. I'm moving on from it and handling business.
"You know how he gets in his feelings sometimes. He'll get over it. Anyway, what are you up to?"
"I'm just sitting on my couch, wearing my fendi robe with a glass of red wine while watching the new season of Ghost. I'm thinking about ordering some pizza, but it would be nice if I could share it with someone so I don't feel like a fat *ss."
"Sounds tempting. I am going somewhere right now. I could see if I can swing by your place, but it's probably going to be late at night."
"Ooouuu girl, where are you going?"
"I'm going to see a friend."
"Kyle?"
"Yes Tae, Kyle."
"You too have gotten really close in such a short time. I love that you're finally opening your heart up to someone. I can tell you're smiling through the phone right now."
"Stop. I don't know. We just have good chemistry."
"So are y'all just going to hang out tonight?"
"Yeah, I'm headed to his house right now."
"You about to get you some."
"No, I'm not. We're just going to chill."
"Netflix and chill?"
"It's hopeless trying to convince you."
"You make it seem like it'll be the worst thing that could happen. When the last time you had sex anyway?"
"Since prom."
"What? Nicole, stop playing with me."
"I swear."
"You do realize that was nearly seven years ago."
"I know."
"So you never slept with anyone after that night?"
"No. It just didn't feel right with any guy I was seeing."
"Now I know you got to have a dildo or something."
"That's for me to know and for you to never find out."
"I have my ways. Wait a second. We went to prom together and at the end of the night, you ditched me to go get your freak on. Who was the lucky guy?"
"What? I can't hear you."
"Nicole, don't try to—."
"You're breaking up. I think I'm losing connection on the freeway."
"I'm not even going to argue with you. Call me when you leave your boo's place."
"Love you too, Tae!"
"Pretender." He mumbled before ending the call. I shook my head, laughing.
I called Kyle two days after we met at the mall and we just clicked. It sounds crazy, but I think he's going to be my future husband.
He's an artist who has done some amazing pieces for celebrities and the community like murals, exhibits, and portraits. He's single, an only child, and has lived in Atlanta since he was 14. His mother moved back home to Nigeria when he graduated college, but she visits him from time to time.
When this man told me he was 33, I was shocked. He doesn't really look like it. The 8 year gap doesn't bother me that much. I mean, I'm not underage and he's not old enough to be my father. All I care about is him being a genuine person who will treat me like a queen with love and respect.
Following the GPS, I got off 236 and drove to Kyle's gated community. This man literally lives minutes from the airport.
I pulled up the visitors' gate and waited in line. They were like four cars in front of me. I grabbed my purse and took out my ID. Kyle said I just had to tell them his name and they would call him to let me in.
"Hi. I'm here to see Kyle Laurent."
"Okay, give a second. Your name?"
"Nicole Fletcher." The security guard squinted his eyes at my driver's license before going to call Kyle.
"Okay sir. You're welcome. You can go right ahead ma'am." He pressed a button and the gate opened.
"Thank you." I followed the signs to Kyle's street and looked at every number before finding his driveway. I parked my car and pulled down my visor to apply some chapstick. I got out of the door and walked to his door. Before I knocked, he pulled open the door.
"Hi Kyle."
"Hey Nicole. I'm glad you could make it. I hope you didn't have a hard time finding this place."
"No I didn't.
"Please come in."
"Thank you. You really downplayed your place."
"What do you mean?"
"You said you lived in a small, simple home. From the outside, it looks like a castle and the inside looks even more beautiful."
"Well thank you. I don't like to brag. I'm sure your place looks better."
"I don't know about all that, but it's a little something.
Are all of these your paintings?"
"Most of them are. I bought a few from fellow artists. You know, you gotta support small businesses."
"That's true. Oh my God! What is that?" I quickly hid behind him. Something that was big and black running towards us.
"I told you about Leo."
"That's Leo? You told me had a dog, not a bear." I loosened up a little bit as Leo examined me and sniffed my feet.
"You don't have to be scared. He's a big boy, but he's really friendly. Leo, go back to your bed."
"What breed is he?"
"He's a Cane Corso. We've been rocking with each other for four years now." I nodded. "I hope you're hungry."
"I'm actually starving. I haven't eaten all day."
"Why is that?"
"I was nervous about a meeting I had earlier. I couldn't eat."
"How did it go?"
"Better than expected. Thank you for asking. What did you do today?"
"I took care of a couple of calls at home today. I was also slaving in the kitchen for our date tonight." Date? Okay, I see you.
"Oh really? I'm excited to see what you cooked up."
"I'm going to need you to sit down and get comfortable over here." Kyle led me to the living room where he had a little setup. There was a blanket on the floor surrounded by pillows and a table topped with a tablecloth, a flower vase, placeholders, and coasters.
"Okay. This is cute." I took a seat behind the table.
"I hope you don't mind getting your hands dirty."
"Not at all." I thought about rolling up my sleeves, but I removed my jacket just in case they kept rolling down.
"Here we are." I looked to see him coming with two platters. As he lowered them onto the table, I saw the crab legs, corn, lobster tails, crawfish, potatoes, shrimp, clams, and sausage. We are having a delicious seafood boil.
"You made all of this?"
"Yes."
"I'm impressed."
"What do you want to drink?"
"Water is fine."
"I got some lemonade."
"That works too."
"Leo, go eat. Here you go."
"Thank you." Kyle said a prayer before we started eating. The seafood was a little spicy, just the way I like it.
"So how are the plans for your birthday trip coming along?"
"Pretty good. My friend Tae has taken control of everything. All I needed to do was pack my bags, which allowed me to make sure everything is set in place for my upcoming restock before we leave for Dubai. Too bad you can't make it."
"I'm sorry about not being able to come on the trip."
"It's okay. You had a prior engagement, so I understand. How long is your trip to Canada going to be?"
"Two weeks. I could return earlier. I promise I'm going to make it up to you."
"I'll hold you to that. You probably dodged a bullet from meeting my friends."
"I'm sure they're not that bad."
"They're like annoying, overprotective brothers."
"I'll answer any question no matter how invasive because I want them to know that I'm all about you."
"I like the sound of that." After we finished, he cleared everything. I offered to help but he wouldn't allow me. I went to the restroom to wash my hands and soon returned to my seat.
"You ready for dessert?"
"I don't think I should eat anymore or I'll blow up, but I love something sweet."
"I remember you said you like red velvet cake."
"I do."
"Now this I didn't make myself. I got it from Publix."
"That's fine. They make good cake." Leo moved over to me and I petted his head.
"Leo." He looked over at Kyle.
"It's okay. I think we're becoming good friends." He laid across my lap and I continued to rub his coat.
"I think people and animals find it easy to like you because of how welcoming up are."
"I just give out positive energy. I've always been shy and isolated until I finally decided to ignore what people might think about me and live my life. I'm still a homebody but I'm not scared of the world anymore."
"I'm the same way. I also don't let bad experiences get me down because at the end of every tunnel—."
"There's light." I grinned.
"That's right." I watched him lit a candle in the center of the bar of cake.
"Are we celebrating something?"
"Yes we are."
"It's not my birthday and I know it's not yours." He placed the cake gently onto the table.
"We're celebrating love. I know it's early but I have developed something for you that is deeper than likeness. I find myself thinking about you, wanting to speak to you and be around you always, and doing things just to say that beautiful smile. That's why I want to ask you this one question."
"Which is?"
"Will you be my girlfriend?"
"I don't know if you have what it takes." He started to look disappointed which caused me to giggle. "I'm just joking. Of course I will."
"Don't play like that. My heart nearly fell to my stomach."
"I'm sorry. It won't happen again." I kissed him.
"Better not." He mumbled before kissing me. Leo brought his head up which forced Kyle and I to separate.
"He's trying to steal you from me."
"There's enough love to go around."
This is the best feeling in the world. I pray it never fades away.
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