I'd asked Ana to stay after Leo came home from work so she could watch Sam and Savannah. I suspected we'd need to get through the upcoming conversation with no interruptions from either of our girls.
He walked in through the door at five thirty, his eyes concerned because even though he'd texted me several more times after I'd told him we'd talk when he got home, I never responded. And that wasn't what we did. If he texted, I answered and vice versa. He came right to me and gave me a kiss and a hug, then looked at me.
"What happened today, sweetheart? Mom was talking crazy, and I figured if she was flipping out then you were, too. What happened? Are you OK?"
"Let's sit down, Leo," I said and tugged him to the couch.
Then with his focus on me, I explained everything his mother and father had said when they'd come over, asking Sam to call them Georgia and Roger again, not wanting Sam to touch Savannah's presents, saying they loved her but didn't want her to have the same rights and privileges with them as Savannah because she wasn't their real granddaughter.
"And basically, they said Samantha could be treated like their granddaughter when they thought you couldn't father any children, but now that you did have a real child, Samantha was being kicked to the curb essentially. I mean, Leo, your mom didn't even hug Sam when she came running up to her today. She just...patted her on the head like she was a dog."
"I'm sorry, Ivy," he said. "I'll talk to them. I won't let them treat Samantha as anything less than their own grandchild. You are I are getting married, and the four of us are going to be a family. I won't let them treat Samantha any differently than Savannah. It's not right."
"I told them that we were getting married and that you were going to be adopting Samantha and that you saw her as your daughter just as much as Savannah is."
A strange look passed over his face. A look I couldn't interpret because I'd never seen it before on Leo's gorgeous face.
He grabbed my hands. "Ivy, I do love Samantha like she's my own. The first time she called me Daddy is something I will always treasure, and in that moment, she became mine, one hundred percent. I look at my girls and they're the same to me."
My eyes narrowed because he was avoiding the issue of adoption.
"But?" I prompted. "It sounds like there's a but coming."
"I want you to listen to me before reacting. I want to hold off on adopting Samantha for a while so I can think it through, so you can think it through and so we can talk about it."
That vaulted me to my feet. "Are you kidding me right now, Leo? You're getting cold feet about adopting my daughter?"
"Our daughter," he corrected me, getting to his feet. "Whether I adopt her or not, Samantha's my daughter. I'm the man she calls Daddy and that's important to me."
"Apparently not important enough to adopt her. I can see your parents really did a number on you when you stayed to talk with them the night I had Savvy."
"They gave me some things to think about, but I do not agree with their reasons for pulling back as Samantha's grandparents."
"And were you ever going to share this decision not to adopt her with me? Or just let me go on thinking you were all in?"
"I am all in," he shot back at me, his temper firing just like mine. "And I wanted to discuss it with you but first Savannah was in the NICU and then we were just enjoying all those weeks at home as a family so I didn't want to get into anything that would upset you."
"So you'd already made the decision without consulting me since you knew it would upset me."
"I haven't decided one way or the other, Ivy."
"But you haven't even talked to me about any of it, Leo. You're cutting me out of a decision that we'd already decided on. You started the talk of adoption, you kept at me about it -- this is not something I came to you about or honestly had even thought about until you brought it up."
"You're assuming that I've decided one way or the other."
"The fact that you haven't brought it up to me yet is very telling, Leo. I thought we talked everything out with each other."
"We do," he said trying to soothe me, but I wasn't feeling it. "I just needed to think about things before I brought it up to you."
"Like what? Like think about the fact that she's not your real daughter in the way that Savannah is?"
"Would you stop with that, Ivy? That's my parents' idiocy, not mine. Hear what I'm saying here -- I think of Samantha as my own daughter. She is my own daughter."
"Then why would you suddenly put the brakes on the adoption when it was all you could talk about before? Once we're married, Ivy, I'm adopting Samantha. Do your remember how many times you said that to me?"
Leo ran his hand through his hair and then grabbed the back of his neck.
"My parents said --"
"Oh, this should be good," I interrupted him.
Leo threw me a look. "My parents said that adopting Ivy would be erasing her father. And they asked how I would feel if something happened to me and you married a man who adopted Savannah -- in effect, writing me out of her life. Taking my name away from her, destroying my legacy. That's what I've been thinking about, Ivy. That's what I've been struggling with, sweetheart. The thought that I'd be taking something precious from Brian -- his only living legacy would be taken away from him, and he couldn't do a damn thing about it because he died defending his country."
"Leo --"
"What gives me the right to do that to him? And I thought there was no real need to adopt her. I could still be Samantha's father without adopting her, and that would still allow Brian his legacy."
I stared at him for a moment. "So you have decided not to adopt her."
"Not really. Not yet."
"You just said there was no real need to adopt her, Leo. That sounds like a decision to me."
"Ivy, not adopting her doesn't mean I love her any less. I love her, I love Samantha, and adoption or not, I would treat her as my daughter. I would love her as my daughter."
"Again, Leo, that sounds like a decision you reached after talking with your parents and without talking to me."
"Come on, Ivy. Can't you understand where I'm coming from? I'm thinking about Brian."
I shook my head at him. "No, I think you're thinking about yourself and your parents. Before they said anything, you were all in. One conversation with them and you're pulling back, and making decisions without even telling me. So sorry if I'm having trouble understanding where you're coming from."
"Only her name wouldn't change. That's it. She's still my daughter."
"No," I said slowly, "without the adoption, she's legally your step daughter. And I guess she needs to stop calling you Daddy."
"What the hell, Ivy? She's been calling me Daddy for more than a year."
"Well, as your parents said, she's young. In a few months she won't even remember calling you anything but Leo."
"Are you fucking kidding me right now? You're going to punish me for deciding not to adopt Samantha?"
"So you have definitely decided not to adopt her?" I jumped on that, getting angrier by the minute.
"No! That's not what I meant."
"But it's what you said, Leo. And if you can't adopt her because you'd be destroying Brian's legacy, then you really can't have her call you Daddy, and you can't really do anything with her as a daughter because that should all belong to Brian if we're going with your reasoning."
"She would keep Brian's name only -- everything else would remain the same."
"So why is one OK and the other isn't?"
"Ivy --" he sighed.
"Because your parents got to you, that's why. That's the difference. The bottom line is they don't want Samantha to be equal to Savannah. I would always keep Brian's legacy alive for her, Leo. I would show her the pictures I have and tell her what I knew of him. That's the real legacy. Not his name. His memory. But you would be her father in fact and in name."
"And I could be her father without adopting her."
He'd decided. He'd already decided. And he'd arrived at this decision without discussing it with me.
He put his hand on my back. "Ivy, I don't want her to lose her benefits from Brian by adopting her. My parents said --"
I spun around and glared at him. "Your parents, who have nothing to do with this decision, by the way, but obviously have had more input into it than I have, are wrong. She wouldn't lose the benefits if you adopted her. Your parents were misinformed." Or just straight up lied to him, I thought.
"I need more time to think about it."
"It sounds to me," I said angrily, "like you don't need any more time. You'll find reasons to justify your turnaround and to not adopt her. And you can't force your parents to accept Samantha as your own child. They'll continue to treat her as a second class citizen because they can, because she's not yours and they'll be delighted to know they won you over to their way of thinking, whatever your supposed reasons are for not going through with something that you wanted more than anything."
By the end of that little speech, I had to calm myself down because I'd almost been yelling by the end.
"You're overreacting about this," Leo snapped at me. We both had tempers and we were both riled by this point. "I said I needed time to think about it. That's all. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for time to think about a decision this important."
"Take all the time you need, Leo, but I can read the writing on the wall. So, until you decide, I want you out of the house. Go live wherever -- I'm sure your mother and father would welcome you back into the fold, especially since you're giving in to what they want -- but I'm not going to stand by and watch you and your parents treat my daughter as less than Savannah."
"You're giving me a fucking ultimatum? Either give in to you and your demands or get out?"
"My demands?" I was back to almost yelling. "My demands? You're the one that brought this whole subject up, you're the one that talked it up. And now you're backing out. Which is very concerning to me on a wider scale. When your parents interfere again, are you going to listen to them? Are they going to be butting in our whole lives to make it three against one?"
"You are being so fucking unreasonable right now, I can't even believe you, Ivy. My parents gave me some things to think about. I made the decision --"
"Get out." My voice was low with fury. "Go pack your things and get out. We can set up a visitation schedule for Savannah for you later."
His eyes burned into me. "You're blowing this way out of proportion. You're worried about my parents? Well, I'm worried about you throwing me out every time we have a disagreement now. Fine, I'll get out. I'll call you when you've had some time to calm down and come to your motherfucking senses."
Then he stomped to our bedroom to pack his clothes while I went to Samantha's room and played with her, ignoring my sister's questioning eyes.
And somehow, I managed not to cry until I went to my empty bed that night.
Not even when I heard the front door slam as Leo walked out.