Chapter 45
Trent followed me back to my apartment, my stomach coiled in anxiety the entire drive. I was not looking forward to this. When I got inside I started the process for coffee. It was more to stall and do something with my hands than anything else. I braced myself on the counter as my mind was a whirlwind when I felt two arms encircle my waist.
"Finished stalling?" Trent whispered as he rested his chin on my shoulder.
"Overwhelmed is more accurate." I admitted as I turned in his arms. His grip loosened and he rested his hands on my hips. Something about this felt right, but my head wouldn't shut up and quit reminding me that I shouldn't trust him.
"Understandable." Trent's eyes searched mine. "You don't seem too angry with me at the moment."
"I'm too exhausted to be angry." I took his hands off my waist but laced my fingers with his. "Trent," I sighed trying to formulate the words to convey what I was feeling. "I need to know what you're planning, what you're thinking." I settled on, even if it wasn't quite right.
Trent's hands trailed up my arms to my shoulders and he pulled me against him. I tucked my head under his chin as he held me close. "Right now, I'm thinking about how right this feels and how much I missed having you in my arms." Trent confessed. "There is nothing I want more tonight than to hold you, show you that I do love you." Trent kissed the top of my head. "I'd love to make love to you, though I don't expect it."
I wrapped my arms around Trent and rested my head against his chest. I could hear his heartbeat, it was rapid and wild. I took in his words and processed them. I leaned back and looked into his eyes. I stared into them for a long moment before I leaned up and kissed his cheek.
Trent smiled down at me for a moment before he dipped his head and kissed my lips. It was gentle and ended too soon. When our eyes met again there was fire in his eyes. What I couldn't say with words, I think was expressed in his eyes. In another moment, his lips were covering mine, this time fervent and frantic. His arms pulled me against him, his hands everywhere. His hands cupped my butt and he lifted me, my legs wrapped around his waist. Terrified. Exhilarated. Hopeful. Nervous. Anxious. There were a few of the fleeting emotions that were whirling around inside of me.
The next thing I knew I was on my bed and Trent pulled back breathless.
"Baby, are you sure?" Trent was giving me an out.
I shook my head. "I'm not sure of anything anymore."
Trent nodded and took a deep breath. He stood up completely, putting distance between us. "Then let's wait." Trent kissed my forehead. "I think I've given you enough regrets for a lifetime." Trent leaned his forehead against mine.
My eyes searched his. I, for one, was more than a little confused.
"You look disappointed." Trent mused.
I was. As my senses started coming back, I smelled the coffee. "We forgot the coffee." I remembered.
"You're adorable." Trent smiled. "Get ready for bed, I'll fix you some just the way you like it." Trent kissed me again before he left.
I shook my head. I was being crazy. If Trent hadn't stopped, I would have slept with him. I changed into a pair of sweatpants and an aquarium tank top then washed my face.
"Here you go," Trent handed me the coffee.
"Thanks." I sipped it as I tried to find the words to say.
I was lost in thought when I felt Trent's fingers on my shoulders, gently kneading.
"Relax," Trent whispered. "You're just tense."
"Why'd you stop?" I blurted out.
"Stop? I'm still massaging your shoulders." Trent chuckled.
"No, before."
"Oh . . ." Trent's fingers stopped and he pulled me flush against him so my back was pressed against his stomach and he kissed my shoulder. "I'm tired of using you. As you put it, all I think about is what I want, what I need. You want to trust me, so I'm trying to give you reasons to. I don't want us to be a regret."
I took another sip of coffee because I wasn't sure what to say back yet. I'd told him to prove it to me. He was trying. I still wasn't sure how to tell him what I was thinking. I set my coffee on my nightstand and stood up. I turned around and straddled Trent's waist.
I kissed him then and we spent the night together telling each other what we were feeling without the words. I was warm and in Trent's embrace. He kissed my shoulder as he held me.
"I can't believe you wanted a pet tarantula." Trent laughed.
"It's not that shocking."
"I never would have guessed."
"I've always like animals. People, not so much, but animals yes."
"Still, a big hairy tarantula?"
"I was an angsty teen." I admitted with a shrug. "Besides, dogs and cats are hairy, what's so different?"
"They're furry." Trent corrected. "And cute. Tarantulas? They're straight out of horror movies."
"Oh hush." I rolled my eyes. "It wasn't long I wanted one anyway. Mom has terrible arachnophobia."
"So, if you could have any kind of pet now, what would you have?"
"Nothing, I don't have the time to devote to it."
"Hypothetically, if you did, what would you want?"
I shrugged. "I haven't given it much thought. Probably a cat."
"Why?"
"They're independent. I mean if you leave a dog alone for ten minutes it's like you've left for a lifetime and they go nuts. They're completely needy and always want something."
"And cats don't?"
"Nope. Cats, as long as there's food and a clean litter box, they're okay. If you pay them attention, they might let you, they might not."
"Kind of like you?"
I turned to glare at him, but couldn't even manage to look mad. "Uncalled for."
"I'm mostly teasing." Trent smiled as he kissed my neck and I shivered. "But let's face it, when you don't want to be touched and I try to kiss you, you get pissed."
"If you know I don't want to by touched, why insist?"
"Because, I want to hold you. I want to touch you all the time. When you're concentrating too much and thinking too hard, all I want to do it kiss you senseless to distract you. That and you're adorable when you get that surprised look on your face."
"I don't find it adorable when you make me mad."
"You're so used to getting your way you're like a spoiled child. It's fun to watch you not get your way every now and then."
"What did you just say?" I asked as I turned to face him.
"You're a spoiled little princess." Trent grinned before kissing the tip of my nose. "Spoiled rotten. And now, I'll be the one to spoil you from now on." Trent kissed my forehead.
"Trent," I started as my alarm clock went off. "Oh crap," I glanced at the time. "Oh well, I guess I'm not getting any sleep tonight either." I groaned as I went to get up. Trent's arms held me tight and I saw the cheeky grin on his face. "What are you doing?"
"Not letting you up."
"Trent, let me up."
"Nope,"
"Trent, I'm going to be late."
"No, you aren't. Relax,"
"Trent,"
" I want breakfast." Trent mused.
"Then let me up so we can eat and I can get to work." Trent rolled me underneath him. "This is the opposite of getting up." I deadpanned.
"Good morning, beautiful." Trent kissed me on the lips and I shoved him back laughing.
"Let me up you buffoon. I need to get ready. You aren't the only relationship I need to be mending. I screwed up with my team too. Plus I don't need to give my director any other reason to be breathing down my neck." I muttered, then realized when I let slip.
"Is your director giving you trouble?" Trent asked, concern lacing his features.
I shook my head. "It's fine. Nothing to worry about it." I lied.
Trent's eyes searched mine and recognition dawned on him. He knew I was lying. "Is that why you don't want me anywhere near the aquarium?"
I pushed Trent off of my and retrieved my tank top off the floor and then pulled on my sweatpants. "I said it's nothing. That should be good enough." I shot back, keeping my back to him. "I have toaster strudels in the freezer. That should suffice for breakfast." I offered as I walked out of the room. I wanted to scream and cry in frustration but I kept on my business mask. Every time things started going well, one of us would screw up it. This time it was my fault. Ironically, I was the one lying now.
I was fighting with my hair when Trent materialized behind me. "That's what's got you scared, isn't it?"
"Trent, drop it." I warned. I was taking care of it. The last thing I wanted was for him to be blackmailed somehow by that snake. This was my mess, if I was dragged down, so be it, but my team wouldn't be going down with me, and I certainly wasn't going to drag Trent down with me. He had enough of his plate, even if he'd created most of it himself.
"I thought we were both being honest now," was all Trent said as he left. I heard the front door open and slam shut.
I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. Shit.
I got ready and was early to the aquarium. I started getting ready for the day and I was pissed when Director Hildebrandt showed up in my office.
"Still coming in early?"
I shrugged. "Early bird catches the worm and all that," I offered.
"Have you given any further consideration to what I asked of you?"
"I told you I'd give you an answer later."
"It's later."
"I still don't have $250,000 to give you."
"And your husband?"
"Is not your cash cow."
"Mikaela, I'm a reasonable man, but my patience isn't unlimited. I'd suggest you watch what you say. I'll give you an another day to think it over. I'll expect an answer by then, and I think you know what the right answer is."
My eyes met his. This was the worst day he could have chosen to say that to me.
"Is that all?"
"Are you dismissing me?" Director Hildebrandt asked, his eyes flashing dangerously.
"I have work to do, I wasn't sure if you had other matters to attend to or if you were simply going to watch me work. By all means, feel free to stay, but I have work to do and no free time to spare." I snipped as I turned my attention back to the paperwork in my hands. Tomorrow would be plenty of time.
"Hey Kae," Rory popped his head in. "Should I come back?"
"No, it's fine Rory." I assured him with a tightlipped smile. "I believe our director was just leaving."
"Mikaela, I thought you were a smart girl. I'm sure you'll be able to make the right choice." Director Hildebrandt warned. He left and the office seemed warmer once he was gone.
I sighed and my head dropped to my hands.
"Mikaela!" Rory was by my side in a moment. "What's wrong?"
"Stress," I admitted as I scrubbed my face with my hands. "Exhaustion. Too much to do in too little time." I shrugged as I turned to see Rory. "What's up?"
"Just came to check up on you. Are you okay?"
"I'm just operating on zero sleep, almost no food, and a whole lot of bull crap that I'm dealing with."
"Who's helping you? Why didn't you get any sleep last night? Why aren't you eating? What's got you so stressed?"
"Let it go, Rory. I can't share this load. The only thing you might be able to help with is food."
"Have you had breakfast?"
"I tried." I admitted. I'd eaten a few bites and that had upset my stomach. "And no, I have no appetite."
Rory rolled his eyes. "Shut up and let someone take care of you for ten seconds. As much as I'd love that person to be me, I'm pretty sure that's not the case. Now either let me, or Meri, or Jason, or even that son of a bitch Trent take care of you. You can't do it all yourself. I care about you way too much to watch you destroy yourself. How much weight have you lost since you got back from that damn trip with Trent? You're barely eating, barely sleeping. I'll be damned before I let that happen to you. So you tell me right here and right now what needs to happen today and you take a nap at least."
"I don't have time for a nap."
"I don't care. You have two minutes to tell me what's going on, tell me what needs to be done, and either take a nap on your couch or go home. If you don't, damn it, I'll call that idiot husband of yours if I have to."
That hit me hard. Rory hated Trent. "It's not as big a deal as you're making it out to be."
"Fine, I'll just call him then." Rory sighed. "Seriously Mikaela, is this how you want this to go down?"
"Rory, chill out. Can't you just trust me?"
"Sure, but I need to know that you're taking care of yourself. You just admitted you're not." Rory warned. "Now let someone help or I'm going to make that choice for you."
"Rory, don't call Trent here. And trust me when I tell you that you can't help me with this. Rory, if you interfere, you're not only going to make my life harder, you're also going to make yours and anyone else you involve. Please, just trust me a little while longer."
"Then you're going to take a nap or something. Jesus Mikaela, just take care of yourself. I'll ask Meri to bring you something to eat, okay? Just relax and don't leave this office. You need some sleep. Today is tank day, right? I'll take care of that. Just get some rest."
"Rory-"
"Not a discussion." Rory snapped. "So shut up so I don't have to call that stupid husband of yours. Got it?"
Rory stormed out and I wasn't sure what to say. Rory had never spoken to me like that before. This was certainly a first. I followed him out. "Rory, wait!" I shouted as I chased him down the hall.
"Yes?"
"What the hell was that?"
"That was you getting a good dose of reality." Rory warned. "Now what are you doing?"
"I'm working, because I have to. Rory, you aren't the boss of me. There is too much on the line to let this slip through my hands. I will not let that happen. Are we clear?"
"No." Rory answered shaking his head. "I can't stand by and watch this. You've got to let someone in, at this point I don't care who. But I won't be here to watch you ruin yourself. Clear?"
"Rory, trust me just a little while longer. I always make it work, don't I?"
Rory sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Mikaela, you've got to sleep and you've got to eat. I'm calling Meri and having her pick you something up. Any requests?"
"I don't care."
"McDonalds it is."