CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
cheating the system
⋆*✧･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:
IN ALL OF THE TIME that Nadine had been with the Umbrella Academy—whether an official part of the team or still on the sidelines—she'd never once had everyone stand against her. Oh, sure, she'd gotten into frequent squabbles with Diego, Five, or Luther, but there had never been a moment in which she was on one side of a line and everyone else was on the other. She'd always had at least a few people to stand against the others with. She'd always known that, no matter how controversial her opinions were, there would always be a few people at the family meetings who took the same stance as her.
Which was why it came as such a shock when everyone faced her in opposition over Harlan's fate. Klaus, who beside Viktor was one of Nadine's closest friends, hadn't even looked her in the eyes during the meeting. Luther's face had been twisted with reluctance, but he'd stood firm. Diego hadn't even entertained her argument for a minute, and Five, Commission born and bred, had waved her off as soft.
The only other person who had believed that Harlan shouldn't be handed over to the Sparrows, gift-wrapped and marked with a bow, was Viktor. And, yes, it was nice to have at least one person who agreed with Nadine, but as the two of them faced the other five, it hadn't been nearly enough. For once, the vote wasn't fairly divided, an even split. The scales were weighed against Nadine, and there was nothing she could say to turn things back in her favour.
Harlan was going to die. They were going to give him up, and the Sparrows would kill him, and they'd just be expected to work with them after that. As if it was a fair price to pay.
A life for an alliance. Even the Swedes had been more equitable, and they'd murdered Elliott.
But Nadine knew that she was outnumbered. She could beg all she wanted for a new plan, but the fact remained that the Umbrella Academy was a democracy. The majority had voted, and the first plan would proceed on schedule. There was nothing Nadine could do.
Betrayed and bitter, still thinking about trolley problems and lambs dressed up to be slaughtered and the blinking, blaring light of the Infinite Switchboard, Nadine found herself in one of the lobby's sofas, watching everyone leave. Viktor claimed he was going to fetch Harlan, Diego and Lila were likely off having sex, Five declared that he wanted a nap, and Luther went to check on Allison.
She sat there in the nearly empty space, arms crossed, trying not to cry. This whole situation was royally, royally fucked up. The end of the universe, worse than the end of the world. The fact that she wasn't supposed to exist. The way everyone had so easily decided that the only path to success was murder.
After drinking all of the shots at the bar, Nadine switched to a glass of water as she glared around the lobby that had become unfortunately familiar. There were the same chandeliers, blue and gray pillars, and check-in counter that had been there since she'd first arrived. There were the same sofas and couches and bubbling fish tanks and the sweet, sweet smell of lemongrass and green tea. Even so, though, there was an eeriness to the air that hadn't been there before. Not only was the lemongrass and green tea chased with smoke from the fire Stan had started, but the eccentric characters that had so populated the area were gone. Chased away by the inferno or gobbled up by the kugelblitz.
It was like a haunted house, an abandoned building only stupid people and horror movie protagonists would dare explore. It was the place you came to die.
And Nadine was going to die.
Sparrow Academy or no Sparrow Academy, there was no way this kugelblitz would be defeated. It was too powerful, too strong, swollen with hunger. It was a rabid animal, frothing at the mouth, aching for blood—get in front of it, and all you receive for your efforts is a bite. After all, you are the only thing standing between it and what it most desires. And it will not let you be the thing that stops it.
So, she was starting to accept her fate. This was it, this was the baddie she couldn't beat. This was the time every near-death experience would catch up to her and finally consume her completely. This would be what swept her away.
She was still scared—terrified, really, shaken to the core—but resigned, too. If she was going to die—and not just die, completely cease to exist, crumbling away like the seeds of a dandelion in the wind—maybe it would be peaceful. Maybe it wouldn't hurt. Maybe it would feel like release, like the exhale of a breath you'd been holding for far too long. Maybe it would be better this way.
The only thing she wished she could do with her death, though, was help Harlan. At least it would mean something, then, even if Harlan died in the end anyway. At least she could say she'd done one good thing in her life, something more than swinging her fists. At least she could die for what she believed in.
But that wasn't happening. She'd tried, but she'd failed. Harlan was going to die, and the universe was going to end, anyway, and it wouldn't fucking matter. And Nadine would disappear knowing that the last thing she'd ever done was lose.
She was aware she was wallowing in her own self-pity, but she couldn't help herself. She was miserable. She'd been nothing but miserable since the moment she'd dropped into this wrong timeline. Oh, she'd hated the '60s, too, but at least she'd had Molly. Now, she had nothing.
She could've spent hours here, drowning in her own mind, if not for the arrival of Klaus. He ambled toward her from the bar, bottle in hand, and her first instinct was to wince, knowing that her friend had likely fallen into a relapse. Then she realized that in the end, it wouldn't really matter.
Klaus sank down into the seat beside her and set his bottle down. "Chosen One," he greeted. "You're looking awfully lonely over here."
"I'm not lonely," Nadine said, crossing her arms. "I'm just... lost in thought."
"Yeah, well, judging by the look on your face, I doubt it's the good kind of lost in thought. It's no fun when you're sober. You think about taxes and breakups instead of what animal will rule the world after humans or whether or not the Moon's made of cheese. Hey, you know, I just realized I never asked Luther that. He was there for four years—he's got to know!"
"The Moon isn't made of cheese," Nadine said.
"How do you know?"
"Because I saw a Moon rock inches away from my face before the world ended for the first time, for one."
"Oh, right. So, maybe it isn't cheese."
"Wow."
Klaus breathed out a sigh. "Okay. Um, I think we all know that I'm probably the worst person ever when it comes to comforting people. I mean, most of the time, I either sit there awkwardly or end up dragging them into a situation even worse than the one that got them upset in the first place. But you're one of my best friends now—and probably my only friend that isn't homeless, my sibling, or a dealer—so I'm at least going to try."
Nadine turned away from him. "I don't need your comfort, Klaus. There's nothing you can do."
"Hm. Probably not. But I don't want you sitting around here like a gloomy goose, either. So, let me at least try. Why are you so bothered about Harlan?"
Nadine closed her eyes. She'd known the question was coming, but it still stung like a slap to the face. It reminded her how badly she'd fucked up. It brought her failures back to dance in front of her face.
"I don't think an innocent person should die just so we can work with the Sparrows," she said eventually. "I mean, even if they were really good people and not sociopathic assholes who literally just tried to kill us, even if I knew that teaming up with them would save the universe... it's just too high of a price to pay. It's murder, Klaus, even if we're not doing the killing."
"I know. Look, Chosen One, it's not like I was exactly jumping for joy at this idea. I'm not too keen on being haunted by Harlan like Casper the Not-So-Friendly Ghost, but what other choice do we have? You know that in the grand scheme of things, to save the universe, it's the right thing to do. Don't you?"
Nadine's hands shook in her lap. "Tell me something, Klaus. If someone objectively bad starts committing heinous acts, then we call it villainy. But when the hero that faces them does the exact same thing, can we really call it valour? Or does the hero start to become a villain, too?"
Thin fingers curled around her wrists, and she opened her eyes. Klaus had reached over and held her, preventing her from continuing to tremble. And his face had changed, too. His eyes had softened, his mouth contorting into a frown. A line had appeared between his brow, and in it, Nadine could read his empathy. It shone there clear as the Sun's rays, and Nadine was reminded that, no matter what the others claimed, her friend really was one of the most selfless members of the group. He slipped between walking in other peoples' shoes like he was attempting to find a new pair. He never, not once, ever disregarded anyone's pain.
"It's the Commission," he said. It wasn't a question. "You brought it up before, to Lila. You're reminded of your own shooting, aren't you?"
"Of course I am." A tear streaked down Nadine's cheek. She hadn't even realized her eyes had begun to water. "It's the same fucking thing. They wanted to kill me to ensure the world ended. You guys want to kill Harlan to ensure the universe survives.
"The Commission didn't care who I was. They didn't care that I had thoughts, and fears, and ups and downs and highs and lows. They didn't care that I was a person. They just saw me as a statistic, a variable in an equation. My life was worth nothing more to them than whether or not I would be able to solve for X.
"You guys are doing the same thing with Harlan. He's a person, too. He grew up on a farm and loved his mother and cared almost as much about Viktor, too. He has hobbies—Viktor told me he likes to listen to ambient noises, like the buzzing of bees. He's got hopes and dreams. He's old, but he's in no way done living. And he saved our lives.
"I'm not even sure if I like him or not. What he did to Jayme and Alphonso—well, it really freaked me out. But it doesn't matter whether I do, because he deserves his life. He deserves to be... to be fucking recognized as a human being. Otherwise, how are we any different from the guys we've spent years fighting against?"
Klaus bit down on his lip, his own eyes watering. "...I know," he said.
Nadine blinked. "What?"
"Believe me, this is the last thing I want to do. Look, Nadine... It's been a long time for me—around four years, now—but I... um. I still remember what it was like when..." he swallowed. "When Hazel and Cha-Cha had me."
Nadine leaned forward, her heart thudding. Klaus hadn't spoken of his captivity since the night Nadine found him crying on the floor. She didn't even think the others knew the true extent of what he'd gone through. If they even did at all. It was obviously a sore subject for him, even with it overshadowed by what immediately came after—the time travel, the Vietnam war, the death of Dave. Even now, his jaw trembled.
"You don't have to talk about it," she said, because she knew being forced to divulge your trauma could be as painful as pressing your hand to a hot stove.
"No, I want to." He took in a shuddering breath. "I could've had it worse. What those masked freaks did to me... well, it wasn't really that bad, in the grand scheme of things. But while I was their hostage, I could tell they didn't really care if I lived or died. You should've heard the way they spoke about me..." He attempted a laugh, to soften the blow of this, but it almost sounded like a sob. "I was just a means to an end for them. A way to get information about Five, or to get Five himself. They didn't care about who I was. Not that it was much, anyway."
"Hey," Nadine said. "Don't say that. You're... you're amazing Klaus. And you're probably one of the strongest people I've ever met. I mean, you've gone through so much shit, and you just keep getting up. I really admire you for that."
He wiped his eyes. "Oh, don't get sappy on me, Chosen One. Then I'll start crying, and you'll start crying, and we'll both become a weeping mess."
"I'm not joking."
"I know." Klaus slumped back into his seat. "But, um. Anyway. You're right. What we're doing to Harlan... it feels a lot like something the Commission would do. And I don't like it. But... what other choice do we have?"
"We could just... keep going by ourselves," Nadine said. "We don't need the Sparrows. Even if the kugelblitz is in their basement." She shrugged. "It's not like we're actually going to kill it."
He raised his eyebrows at that. "Since when do you give up?"
"Since a universe-eating monster started devouring everything in its path," Nadine responded. "Face it, Klaus, we're screwed. Sparrow Academy or no Sparrow Academy, we're not gonna win this one."
"That's not true. We—come on, Nadine. We're superheroes! We're the Umbrella Academy! We've saved the world twice—even if that's just to fuck it up even more than it was before. There's nothing that can get in our way. Certainly not some German bastard in the same place Mom kept her dresses."
Nadine managed to chuckle a little bit. "Aren't you German?"
"Well, technically I was born in Pennsylvania—or, I guess, not born? You know, this paradox thing really is exhausting. But, hm, I think my mother was born in Germany. She was Amish, you know. Can you believe it? Amish! Imagine little Klaus growing up in suspenders and slacks and milking the cows. I wonder if I'd get high off berries I found in the woods."
Nadine laughed again. Klaus really was good at that.
Her friend's smile was falling, though. "That's not the point," he said. "The point is that we have a chance to beat this kugelblitz thing. Maybe it's minuscule, practically microscopic, but it's still there. And shouldn't we do everything in our power to take that chance?
"Look, maybe there's another way we can do things. Maybe, if we tell Harlan exactly what he's walking into, and the stakes of it all, he'll want to do it. Maybe he'll willingly walk in there in order to help us save the universe. I mean, wouldn't you?"
Nadine took a minute to think about it. Would she give up her life if it meant the universe would continue on? Would she look into the eyes of her loved ones and walk, open-armed, into Death's embrace, knowing it was for a purpose? Would she give up everything she was for others?
She realized that yes, she would. It was a revelation that surprised her—she'd always thought that she was selfish, worthless, the reason everyone around her ran away eventually—but it also made sense. Nadine may have been reluctant to open her heart, but when she did, she opened it completely. She loved with every ounce of her being—her father, the Umbrella Academy, Molly. She loved the whispers the wind made when it rustled through the leaves of a tree. She loved watching sunsets chased with pink and gold. She loved the waitress from Griddy's who'd given her coffee and good advice, and her coworker at La Petite Montagne who'd held the door for her every day without fail. She loved Dijon, she loved France, and she was even starting to get a taste for America. And she would give her life without question if it meant that all of that remained.
But that didn't mean it was a fair trade to make. Why did she need to die in the first place? Why couldn't the world go on spinning with her in it? Why could everyone else be happy while she was doomed to take her last breaths?
Plus, there was one thing Klaus wasn't considering.
"What if he says no?"
"He wouldn't," Klaus said, waving that aside.
"But what if he does? What if he doesn't want to die? We're going to throw him to the wolves, anyway. I mean, I doubt the others are going to take no for an answer."
He sighed. "They're not. I just—I just don't know what to do, Nadine."
"I told you," Nadine said. "There's nothing you can do. Harlan's going to die, and maybe it's going to help, or maybe it's going to make things worse. And I'm going to have to face the fact that I couldn't do anything for him."
"Nadine, don't say that—"
"It's true. Everything I've done is for nothing. I might have helped save him in 1963, but it's only prolonged the inevitable. That seems to be what I'm best at," she added bitterly. "Just delaying something that's meant to happen."
She got to her feet, ignoring Klaus's protests. "I'm going to go lie down," she said. "I could use a nap, anyway."
"Nadine—" Klaus tried again.
"Bye, Klaus."
And with that, Nadine moved away from Klaus and made her way upstairs.
She'd resigned herself to her fate. There was nothing she could do. The cards had been handed out, and Nadine had found herself with the worst in the deck. Her loss had been unavoidable from moment one.
Well, almost. Because there was something she wasn't thinking about. Something that might turn a hand of Jacks into one of Aces.
It was quite simple. Even with the odds stacked against her, Nadine had been playing by the rules. She'd let these laws dictate her every move, even when it ended up hurting her in the end. She ignored the fact that the others had been privileged from the beginning.
But, in such an unfair game as this one, when there is no way to win by following regulation, one must use other methods.
Which is, of course, learning how to cheat.
ULTIMATELY, IT WAS VIKTOR who ended up going to Nadine with the idea first. Perhaps because, as someone who'd grown up in a family where the rules had always been made against him, he was more prone to the idea of breaking them. Or maybe his closeness to Harlan had made him consider every option—even the ones he knew would get him in trouble. Either way, it was he who came to Nadine first, instead of the other way around. And it was he who would guide her to deceive the others and do what was right.
After the conversation with Klaus that had gone sour, Nadine had, indeed, retired to her room, where she promptly got into bed and pulled her covers up to her chin. It had been a long day, and she wanted nothing more than the temporary oblivion of sleep to take her over. Even if it was the last thing she'd ever experience before the kugelblitz swallowed her whole.
But she ended up only getting a few minutes in bed before a knock sounded on the door. Fortunately, she figured it was Viktor. This was his room, too, but he'd made a habit of knocking before entering, just in case Allison or Nadine were in the middle of something. It was quite courteous, and another reason she so appreciated him. Allison, in the mood she was in, would've probably just walked right in.
"Come in!" Nadine shouted, reluctantly slipping out of bed. A yawn stretched her lips, and she ran one hand through her mussed hair. At least Viktor would understand how upset she was over Harlan's fate.
And indeed, when the doorknob turned, it was her friend who entered. Viktor's face was predictably solemn, but there was something else there, too. A little bit of hope glimmering in his eyes. Given the utter disparity of their current situation, this surprised Nadine. She halted in her tracks.
"Viktor," she greeted. "Hey."
"Hi," Viktor replied, rubbing at the back of his neck. "I wasn't sure if I'd find you here. I thought maybe you'd go for a run or something."
Nadine shrugged. "I really wasn't in the mood. This is the 'lie in bed in your pajamas' kind of bad day, not a 'go out for a run and drink a smoothie after' kind. Basically, I'm fucking exhausted. And angry. And I just want to sleep."
"I totally understand that. I mean, everything's been so crazy, lately."
Nadine nodded at him. "So, what's up? After what happened downstairs, I doubt you're just here to exchange pleasantries."
"You got me." He gave her a guilty smile. "Not that I wouldn't enjoy it. Talking to you is never a chore."
Nadine ignored the way her heart sped up at that. "Same to you, Viktor. But, seriously, what's up?"
Viktor breathed out a sigh and moved forward, sitting on the edge of his bed. "This whole Harlan situation," he started. Then he said nothing more, as if the words had evaded him.
"Is fucked up, yeah." Nadine filled in the blanks, wrapping her arms around her midsection. "Klaus just tried to talk to me about it. He means well, but there's nothing he can say that can justify sending Harlan to his death. But... ehm. It kind of seems inevitable, now."
"Not completely." Viktor looked down at his feet. "God, Nadine, you don't know how much I appreciate you standing up for me downstairs. I really thought that the entire family was going to go against me."
"They almost all did." Nadine sat down beside him. "But what are you talking about when you say 'not completely'? Is there something I'm not thinking of that we can do?"
"Well... yeah." he chewed on his lip. "I'm not sure you'd be for it, though."
Nadine took him by the shoulders, staring imploringly into his eyes. "Tell me."
"Well..."
"Viktor. If there's anything we can do to save Harlan's life, then I'm all for it. He doesn't deserve to die, no matter what he did to the Sparrows. I wholeheartedly believe that."
"I know," Viktor said. "It's just... well, I was thinking... you probably won't like this."
"Viktor. You're talking to the woman who used to sic imaginary snakes on homophobic boys at my elementary school. No suggestion is beyond me."
He glanced up at her, meeting her eyes. Her chest twinged at this. "Even when it involves going behind everyone's backs?"
Oh. Oh. That was Viktor's idea.
Nadine took in a deep breath, contemplating this. She'd never gone against the Umbrella Academy before. They were a team, now, real and true. And though they occasionally argued, they were still a unit. Before now, Nadine wouldn't have even entertained the idea of betraying them.
Because that was what it would be: betrayal. If Nadine said yes, she would be sabotaging the team's plan in favour of her own. She would be deceiving the people she now considered her family. And that couldn't be taken lightly.
But throughout the past couple of days, Nadine hadn't liked the direction the Umbrella Academy was moving toward. The torturing of Sloane in the bathroom, the accusations of treachery against Luther, the constant disagreements. They weren't the well-oiled machine that had taken on the apocalypse in 1963. No, this timeline—whatever it was about it—was beginning to cause them to falter. And, if it continued this way, they might just fall apart.
Deciding to kill Harlan was just the final straw for Nadine. She couldn't just sit back and let this happen. She couldn't be complicit in the taking of a (somewhat) innocent life.
This was why, when she met Viktor's gaze again, her own eyes had hardened with resolved. "You want to sneak him out," she said. It wasn't a question.
He nodded, looking away. "Look, it's not just that. Ever since I saved Harlan from drowning and accidentally gave him some of my powers, he's been miserable. He still can't control them, and they hurt. He loses control, like what happened with Jayme and Alphonso, and ends up doing things he doesn't mean to do. And it's all my fault."
"Viktor, no, it's—"
"Let me finish, please." His tone was firm, insistent. "It was my fault. If I'd had better control of my abilities, this wouldn't have happened. So I would do anything to take this burden off of him.
"I know I tried to take his powers back in 1963, but Harlan thinks that if we both work together, the transference will be a success, this time. And if I absorb the rest of his powers, he'll be ordinary again. The Sparrows won't be able to blame him." He squared his shoulders. "They'll blame me."
Nadine's eyes widened. She still hadn't told him about Kadence's snarled threat—that she wanted to go after Viktor. In fact, they'd barely discussed Nadine's skirmish with her at all. There had just been too much going on.
But... oh, God. The idea of the Sparrow Academy targeting Viktor and Viktor alone... it made Nadine sick. She didn't want to think about what they'd do, the many ways they'd end his life. She couldn't—she couldn't lose him. And especially not to those assholes.
"No," she said, shaking her head. "Absolutely not."
"Nadine, we might not have any other choice."
"Bullshit. There is another choice. Help transfer Harlan's powers back to you. Let him leave, and return back and tell the Sparrows we lost him. I'm not getting them to take you instead. There's no way."
His eyes glistened with tears. "You shouldn't care so much about me."
"But I do," Nadine said. Unconsciously, she found herself moving closer to him, until she could see every pore in his face. The cut on his cheek seemed long and particularly jagged, now. "God, Viktor. Of course I do."
He sighed, leaning into her. His head rested against her chest, precisely where her heart pumped. She wondered if he was listening to it. Counting the beats, making sure she was still alive.
She let him do it for a moment, almost wishing she could do the same to herself. She didn't feel quite like a ghost, like the phantom she'd been after she'd gotten shot, but as her imminent demise grew closer, it grew difficult to remind herself that she was still here. She was here, and, even if her essence dissolved into molecules, she knew it wouldn't go completely. Even in a new, kugelblitz world, pieces of her would still remain.
"Let's just get Harlan out of here," she whispered. "Before the others haul him away. Let's get him away, and we can figure out what to do next from there. But, Viktor, I promise you, whatever we decide, we're going to decide together. I'll be with you every step of the way."
"Thank you," Viktor breathed. "Shit, Nadine. You're just—you don't know how much you mean to me."
You don't, either, a part of Nadine whispered. At least, not completely.
"I'm with you," she said. "I'm with you, Viktor. Every step of the way."
And, as long as she existed, she always would be.
⋆*✧･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:
HAVEN: and that's the end of act one!! onto act two, featuring new povs (viktor, allison, AND luther!!), kadence going through some shit, power upgrades, and... potential confessions??? hm. i guess you'll have to see. i hope you're hyped, though!!
thanks for reading <333