Luciano
There are several theories on how the universe would end. One stood out to me the most.
In one million trillion trillion trillion years, with the death of the last sun, the age of starlight will come to an end. No planets, no stars, no lingering stellar remnants for life to cling to. All the things bright in the world, would cease to exist. That's when the black hole era will begin. Leaving a seemingly endless, black and quiet void.
I believe everyone lives in their own little universe. With their own stars, planets, moons, and suns. I have one too. I had my own stars. Some bright enough to give me warmth, some rotten from within that it sucked the warmth from me. But no matter how many stars or moons I had, there was only one sun in my universe. The brightest of them all. But the shine didn't last long.
When my sun died, it was like she took all the stars with her. All that was left was a void. A devastating, black void. I felt empty. The stars tried to lend me warmth but I refused. I wanted my sun back. With it's full glory, to help me out of this darkness that I had been trapped in. I was stubborn. Perhaps, I didn't want to believe my age of starlight had ended.
But as time went, my eyes adjusted to the darkness and I found solace in solitude. I found warmth in the dark. But it wasn't the same. It will never be the same. Living the last 14 years in the same darkness proved that.
_
I walked away to my room after greeting Luca, my eyes back on my phone, checking updates on the shipment set to arrive. Last night my system picked up a text sent out by a member stationed at the docks, to an anonymous number. The text was all sorts of shady. I had to take care of it before the shipment reaches the coast.
I could hear footsteps behind me, making me sigh internally. I knew my greetings to Luca weren't filled with warmth but I didn't care. I imagined what Serena would've done if she were here. She would slap me on my head and tell me to be kind. She would tell me that he is our little brother who has come back home after 14 years and that we should welcome him with love and care and help him settle down. Then she would plan all the ways we could torture the people who took him away in the first place. But that was the thing. She wasn't here, was she?
I entered my room and left the door open for him. Walking to my messy table, I pick up my laptop and open the file that needs to be printed. My back is towards the door but I can feel him standing in the doorway, looming like a dark cloud. I wait for it to print and look out the window behind the table. My eyes stray towards the little trail to the south of the land.
"It's not his fault. Don't treat him any different than you would your other siblings. It would help him get comfortable." His voice snaps me out of it. The lack of anything but indifference irks me. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who misses her.
"I didn't see you crying with joy or peppering him with kisses either, Michael. Maybe you should take your own advice." His silence was warning enough that I was treading on dangerous waters. The papers were printed and I kept them in a file and closed my laptop. There was a pause and his firm voice repeated, "It isn't his fault Luciano." I knew that. "I know. But it's not fair." My voice was a mere whisper as my eyes went back to the trail on the land leading to the place of my miseries. There was silence again. A beat passed before he spoke.
"I know." This time his voice had a hint of something that was indistinguishable. I turned around with my laptop and file and walked towards him. His eyes were searching mine, trying to find what I was thinking. "I have something to take care of." I walked out towards the living room. "Be there for dinner. It's important." He called out. "Don't worry, I will be." That was the end. With Michael, the conversations were short and to the point. No beating around the bush.
By the time I walked to the main entrance, everyone had gone to their own rooms I guess. So I walked out to the garage, intending to leave and take care of the job first. But I stopped and looked towards the lush trees on the far left. It was luring me in. I looked back at the house and saw no one. After a second of contemplation, I slowly walked towards the treeline and followed the familiar trail. A few minutes of walk and I reached the small black gate.
I place my palm on the iron gate and feel the coldness seep into me. Pushing it open, I walk through and pass the many graves of our ancestors, including my great grandparents. Every grave was built like a tomb, each fenced by iron railings and path made of cobblestones. A bit further and I reach the secluded area. There lies three graves. I stride past the first two, my grandmother and aunt, and reach the one at the end. It was like a throne. The most important tomb, a shrine, made of white marble. I feel the cold marble with my hands and swipe away the few dry leaves fallen on the stone, inscribed with her name.
Serena Andruzzi Giada Esposito
27 Aug 2003 - 22 May 2008
Loving daughter, sister, niece and granddaughter.
I sigh and sit on the stone that I used as a chair all these years. The grass inside the fencing of each grave is trimmed, but everything else is a bit unkempt. A shiver runs through me and I look around.
The family cemetery of the Espositos. It was an untold rule that in the Esposito family, you are born and buried here. This estate houses the living and the dead. Only exception was Luca. He was born in a private hospital rather than at our medical wing in the casa, and had to be kept there for 3 months since moving him would have been dangerous for a premature baby.
At the reminder of Luca, I look back at the grave. I lift my finger and trace the small dinosaur on the side of the tomb that I inscribed with my knife a long time ago. "Hey piccolo sole. I know it's been a while and I'm sorry for that. It's- It's been a little hard lately. To get out of bed, to work, to study. To live. But I'm trying. I just wish-" I sigh at myself and the silence is heavy before a small smile graces my lips. "On a pleasant note, we got him back. Luca is home. I know you would've loved to be here. I didn't talk to him much but he looked healthy and happy." I don't know why everytime I talk, I expect a reply from her. I know that she's gone and that it's ridiculous for me to come sit here but sometimes I feel like I'm talking to an empty grave. Like she's not here. Like this is all wrong.
"I just wanted you to know that he was back and I wanted to be the one to tell you first. I have to go now but I'll come back soon and I'll bring your favorite flowers too." I kiss my fingers and place them soflty on her engraved name and smile one last time.
Getting up, I pick the file and laptop and leave to the docks, to take care of the bastard that dared to betray us.
_
Walking towards the dining hall, I can already hear the chatter, making me sigh. Everyone is already seated except Luca and Dante. I take a seat and browse on my phone while listening to the conversation.
"Dante has been with him since afternoon. I think they are getting along well." Uncle says with a chuckle and I hear two footsteps coming towards the hall. I and Angelo are sitting nearest to the door so we can clearly hear them bickering.
"Oh suck my dick." I hear Luca mutter with exasperation.
"Your non existent one?" Dante asks and I hear an offended gasp from Luca. Angelo and I look at each other and he smirks with amusement.
They are getting along so well.
Dante comes in first with a beaming smile and a small prep in his steps and Luca is standing at the doorway, still staring at Dante and contemplating something. He slightly shakes his head and walks towards his chair with a smile too. He greets everyone and looks around the table but as soon as he makes eye contact with me, he looks away. I look back at my phone but still listen in.
"How are you feeling Luca?" I hear uncle ask. "Oh I'm great. Why do you ask?" I can hear the smile in his voice. "Nothing. You don't have any allergies do you?" Uncle asks after a pause. "No. Not that I know of. I have tried almost all kinds of dishes and I don't think I have any but I strongly dislike broccoli. Yeah, I have an allergy for broccoli." Luca scrunches his face in disgust and a few chuckle at him.
Soon the food is served by a few maids and Luca thanks the woman with a smile. She pauses in surprise for a second before regaining her composure and with a nod she walks away. I can't blame them. We aren't kind and polite most of the time. So Luca is a pleasant change for them I guess. It's silent as we start eating but Luca starts talking.
"Um, dad?" The word rolling off of Luca's mouth rather weirdly. Uncle Vincent's eyes snap towards Luca and he releases a shaky breath before answering him with a smile. "Yes Luca." Luca hesitates before speaking, "About school. When am I starting?"
"Well, I thought you would need some time to adjust to everything. But you can start next Monday if you want." Luca nods, "Yes I would like that." A question has been bugging me for some time, so I ask it.
"Your adoptive mother died 3 days ago. You don't seem sad. Why?" I stare straight at him. He looks up at me in surprise and I can feel multiple glares on me, but I keep my eyes on him. "Luciano." My father warns me. To my surprise, Luca chuckles. "It's fine Uncle." He looks at my dad with a reassuring smile and then looks at me. "Her name was Sofia Davies. And we weren't that close. I'm grateful she adopted me and I had a great life but we never had that kind of relationship. She was always busy with work and I barely saw her. I sometimes think she's not even real." He chuckles at the last sentence. I pick up on a bit of nervousness by the way he gulped after speaking, but he isn't lying. I nod slowly, my eyes still on him, feeling something off.
Alessandro breaks the tension. "Well, we got your school records transferred a few hours ago. You skipped a grade and have a great academic and extracurricular record. You play basketball too, right?" Luca grins showing how proud he is. "Yeah. I've been playing for 3 years and I like school. So I can't wait to join." My dad snickers and looks at me. "Atleast some of our kids don't hate school." I barely hold back the eye roll threatening to come. Luca looks at me with a frown. "You hate school? Why?" Now everyone is looking at me. I still at the sudden change of attention towards me and I glare at Luca. Everyone is amused, I can say.
"I just do." I curtly reply and go back to eating. He doesn't ask further questions. "Is the issue taken care of Luciano?" Grandfather asks and I look at him. Micheal must have told him. "Yes. Won't have any further problems." He nods with approval. Luca looks at us but doesn't question it.
Everyone goes back to small talk and I finish my food. I glance at the empty chair next to me and my mood worsens. I always leave an empty chair next to me. Dad tried to help me move on. But I don't want to. The hope that someday she will sit next to me is the only thing making me wake up everyday. I'm living on false hopes, I know that. But this is the only thing keeping me sane. Reminders of her are the only thing holding me back.
Serena made a promise to me when we were kids. She hooked our pinkys together in the darkness of our shared room, lying on our bed and promised me that she would protect me till her last breath. That no matter what, she wouldn't let go of me. And now it's me trying to keep the promise. Trying to hold on to something that's been gone for a long time. I can't help it. She said she wouldn't let go of me.
Now, I can't let go of her. I won't let go of her.
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