It took three days for the media to christen Tim with a heroic name. He wasn't surprised when it turned out to be terrible because apparently, he couldn't have nice things.
In all fairness, given the sheer amount of heroes and villains running around it was only a matter of time before they started running out of names. And it wasn't even the media's fault this time. No, it was one of the people Tim helped out who was to blame. So really, Tim thought he could do worse than Dark Shadow. Even if it was painfully redundant.
He was starting to wish he'd just come up with his own name and announced it like so many other heroes. It really was the only way to guarantee a good hero name. It was just too bad Tim had been too lazy to do so. Tim consoled himself with the knowledge that he wouldn't have to hear the stupid name for very long.
Still, he didn't appreciate Lina laughing at him when she found out.
"You can stop laughing any time now," he said, watching as Lina clutched her stomach from her seat next to him. "Yep, any time."
"I'm sorry, it's just such a shitty name," Lina said once she'd finally regained control of herself. She wiped a tear from her eye and failed to repress a grin, but thankfully didn't laugh again.
"You don't say?" Tim said in a flat tone. Lina snorted and Tim wondered why they were friends.
"Hey, at least you only have to put up with this for a bit longer. Then you can forget the whole thing until I remind you of it for a good laugh." Tim couldn't say he appreciated Lina's honesty.
Though he did appreciate her saving some food for him to eat once he returned from his temporary hero gig. It was tiring work, beating up petty criminals.
At least Tim was able to relax in the now empty lounge thanks to everyone being asleep.
"By the way, has Penny come up with any new plans?" Tim asked before taking a bite of his sandwich.
"Nope, we're pretty much just sticking to robbing the warehouse while Penny tries to find herself a nemesis," Lina said while stealing a potato chip from Tim's plate. "So, you still have two whole days to do something amazing to make you a worthy opponent."
"Uh huh, there's no way that's gonna happen." Tim scooted further away from Lina in an effort to protect his precious meal.
"Why not? I think that's plenty of time."
"It's two days. For most heroes it takes ages."
"Well, you're not most heroes. And we don't need you to be all over the news, just slightly higher up than a total nobody."
"Well, I have an official name, so doesn't that count?"
"It really doesn't." Tim had seen that coming. "But don't worry, I'm sure we'll figure something out. In the meantime, try to be heroic in more public places. If the people from the news get a good shot of you that'll be good to promote your image. Maybe we should print out shirts for the fans."
Tim sighed and couldn't help dropping his face to his hands.
"See, this is why I'm quitting," Tim said, voice muffled. "This life is insane."
"Hey, at least it makes things interesting," Lina argued with a shrug. "Why are you quitting anyways? You can go to school and stay on the team. Penny probably wouldn't mind."
"It's not that," Tim said, sighing tiredly as he leaned back on the couch. His back cracked and he figured that was probably why heroes didn't last long. Saving people wasn't good on the joints. "I just want to do something else with my life, or at least have a backup plan. Not gonna lie, being evil is fun and all, but realistically I can't be a goon until I'm sixty."
"I don't know, I mean, you could probably work in accounting," Lina suggested. Tim leveled her with a look that clearly conveyed what he thought of that. "Or you could figure out a retirement plan like Benny."
"We have no money. Where is Benny even getting anything for his retirement?" Honestly, Tim was already wondering where Penny would get the money she'd promised to give him when he left. Granted, he'd taken that deal with the expectation that he'd get conned, but still.
"Penny has a retirement fund for us," Lina said. Tim wasn't as surprised as he probably should have been because they also had a fund for healthcare—which was actually necessary given how often they got hurt.
"Huh," was all Tim could say to that.
"Anyway, I'm going to bed. I have scheming to do and places to rob tomorrow." Lina stood and stretched, pausing to look down at Tim. "You should think about it though, staying with us."
She walked off after that and Tim sat there for a while longer as he finished the last of his chips. Despite it all, he did end up thinking about his talk with Lina. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing to work with Penny and everyone else for a while longer.
Tim chalked that thought up to exhaustion and headed to bed soon after.
# # #
As it turned out, Lina hadn't been joking about making shirts for his fans. The problem with that was that Tim had no fans. He got tired of pointing that out soon enough and decided to just let his friends do whatever they wanted. Sometimes, Tim just had to accept that there was no arguing with their insane plans.
He also blamed Penny because she should know her lackeys required constant supervision. And speaking of Penny. . .
"Hey, have you guys seen Penny?" Tim asked Vic and Alex. They were sitting in the kitchen, playing poker with a bunch of crackers in place of chips because that's how broke they were.
"I think she's crying in her office." Alex didn't even look up from his cards.
"Yeah, she's been doing that a lot lately," Vic agreed with an absentminded nod.
"Huh. Thanks." Tim stole a couple crackers and hurried off towards Penny's office, ignoring the protests coming from Alex.
As they'd claimed, Penny was in her office. Tim didn't know whether she was crying or not because her face was resting on her desk, and she looked like she had given up on life. Tim could relate.
"Hey, Penny. Still alive?" It was kind of sad that Tim even had to ask.
Slowly, Penny sat up, and Tim could see why the other henchmen had been making her go to bed so early. She looked paler than usual and there were dark circles under her eyes. Clumps of hair stuck out at odd angles. All in all, Penny was a mess.
The board off to the side with clipped news articles and stickies with hastily scribbled notes pinned onto it gave Tim a hint on why this was the case.
"So, how's the search for a nemesis going?" Tim knew perfectly well it wasn't going well, but honestly, what else was he supposed to say?
"I'm ruined," Penny said in a hoarse voice. Apparently, she had been crying. "There's not a single hero I can beat Tim. Not one. What am I going to do now?"
Tim inwardly sighed because he'd never been the best at comforting people. It was usually Benny or Sam who did that. But he had to at least try.
"Come on Penny, I'm sure we'll find someone in time. And besides, you still have this weekend's plan. Maybe that'll get us some points."
"It doesn't matter. Unless I actually beat a hero there's no way we'll get invited to the jamboree." Penny looked and sounded nothing short of defeated. That was probably why Tim said what he said next.
"How about that new guy. The Dark Shadow." Just using the terrible name hurt Tim on a spiritual level.
At least Penny seemed to perk up a bit.
"There's a new guy?" She looked so hopeful Tim knew there was no going back now.
"Yeah, he was on the news yesterday. Hasn't done anything big, but he's not taken so maybe you should give it a shot."
There was a gleam in Penny's eyes and a small smile was taking form on her face. Tim figured he'd done a good enough job at cheering her up.
Even if he'd screwed himself over in the process.
# # #
The problem with making it big as a hero, Tim had realized, was that people didn't give a fuck until you almost died trying to save someone. Because Tim wasn't really committed to the fight for justice and all that junk, it was very unlikely he'd get many people's attention.
That was probably why their shirts weren't selling well. Also, they were cheaply made.
If Tim weren't on such a tight time limit, that wouldn't be such a big issue. Unfortunately, he only had one more night to win over the—as Lina put it—hearts of the people. Tim was painfully aware of how unlikely it was for that to happen.
Lina seemed to realize this too. That was probably why she, along with Alejandro, dropped Tim off in front of a mini market that was currently being robbed. The problem was the robbers were armed.
Tim didn't think his taser would do much against a couple guns. His first words upon seeing the situation before him made it abundantly clear what he thought.
"Fuck no."
With those simple words, Tim attempted to get back inside the van. If he'd been smarter, he would have just run off down the street.
Lina stopped him from getting back into the vehicle, instead pushing him back towards the crime in progress.
"Oh, come on, Tim. Don't be a wuss. It's just an armed robbery."
"You say that like getting shot isn't a big deal."
"You're not getting shot," Lina said unconvincingly. "Besides, you have a bulletproof vest."
"Yeah, but I don't have a bullet proof helmet and that's kind of a bad spot to get shot in," Tim pointed out rather sensibly. Lina just rolled her eyes. Rude.
"We'll help you out. We have a plan, see?" Lina said, waving a walkie talkie in front of Tim before glancing back at the shop. "Now hurry up or they'll get away." With that, she shut the door in Tim's face and Alejandro drove away. Not for the first—or the last—time, Tim wondered why he thought of those two as his friends.
With a resigned sigh, Tim made his way over to the store. He tried not to think too much about the fact that he still had no idea on what to do. Tim couldn't even make it in without the thieves spotting him and getting all trigger happy.
Of course, that was when the lights inside and outside the place shut off, leaving the surrounding area pitch black.
In hindsight, Tim should have known Lina had a plan to help him not get killed. Still, Tim credited the lack of faith he had in people for keeping him alive, so that wouldn't be changing any time soon.
Tim managed to walk into the store without getting shot. He counted that as his first win of the night. The second one was knocking out one of the thieves with his collapsible baton.
The guy went down, taking a rack filled with chips down with him, and making a racket. His two buddies reacted by getting all trigger happy. Luckily, they couldn't see shit and Tim took a moment to thank Alex for picking black for his hero costume.
The second guy got a baton to the knee which, Tim knew from past experience, hurt. He went down while his buddy tried to get away.
And promptly tripped on the rack that had been knocked down earlier.
Tim tased him just for the hell of it. As he watched the guy twitch on the ground, Tim couldn't help but think that hadn't been nearly as difficult as he'd expected. Maybe the plan wasn't as impossible as they'd thought. Hell, Tim even got a free bag of chips as a thank you for taking down the crooks. Not that anyone had offered them to him, but he deserved those chips.
As he headed home later that night, Tim couldn't help but think that it hadn't been such a bad night after all.
# # #
Hey everyone! Hope you've all liked this chapter more than Tim likes his hero name. Anyway, thank you all for reading and I hope you're all having a great year so far!