Feeling someone missing from your life means everything, but only to me.
You don't know my pain,
You don't know how my body literally aches every minute of every day and no talk, no hugs, not even your own experience with death can help me! I'm alone, my grief keeps me in prison, a prison I can't escape and in all honesty I don't want to escape.
I welcome my grief, it's my only true companion.
I sometimes leave grief behind, sometimes for a few moments, sometimes for a few hours but you see the problem with that is I then have two coming for tea. .. Grief and guilt...
They are my constant, they are my reminders.
There is the darkness, it's there everyday, it clings to me, engulfs me, I feel it on me, in me and around me. But in my darkness I see a beam, a bright beam of light.
The light goes forth and emanated like a fluorescent tube and when I'm close I can stretch out my arm and feel the light dissolving my darkness, what would happen if I stepped into the beam,where would it take me? How would I feel.
I retract my arm
I see you all in that beam, your laughing and dancing, you look like clowns. Your drinking Champaign, in my beam of light. My florescent light. I get closer and closer and I see it now. In MY beam that emanates MY darkness I see your eyes and in your eyes I see your all darknesses too, and in your darknesses I see your beam of light, and in your beam of light I see me.