The afternoon goes by uneventfully after we leave the tiny classroom. I file this legilimency attempt as a success, having done no damage to Drax, and entering his mind effortlessly. At dinner my mind is is still brewing plans on how I can help Drax with his crush in any way, when I notice my precious potioneer staring at me with such intensity, his eyes might fall out at any moment. What's with his weird behavior these days? He shows jealousy of anyone related to me whenever we meet, and he can't seem to accept the idea of me not participating in his class, although I'm doing perfect work on his subject. It's more like he wants my presence in his class, rather than my completed assignments. But why? All I did to him was tease, play pranks and humiliate him during class, so why on earth does he want me back to potions? He knows I fancy him. He promised he will keep my secret if I do good with studying, and I'm doing exactly that. What more could he want?
I finish my dinner and head back to the dorm, it has gotten quite late, and I start to feel tired after a week of constant studying, healing and reading. I plan on going to bed early, feeling my eyelids drop as I go down the now dark hallways lit by only the fire dancing in the torches on the wall. Brushing my teeth and putting on my nightwear consisting of black silky long pants and a wavy shirt with mid-sleeves, I climb into bed and as my head hits the pillow, my conscience is knocked to the back, and dreamland unrolls its red carpet for me to walk over, and sink in a resting, peaceful night...
Or so I thought.
A loud explosion rattles me awake, and I jump out of bed, realizing the sound came from outside. Running to the window with my roommates to see what caused the inhuman level of noise, we see milky fog covering the outer side of the window, my turbulent colleagues and I don't have such a good view. All of a sudden two blurred black spots come into vision, one coming from the side entrance of the castle, and the other appearing from the dark forest's direction. Driven by my impatience and a very bad gut feeling, I grab my cloak and sprint out the dorm entrance, heading exactly towards the dark forest, out in the darkness.
„All students are to remain calm, and stay in their dorms. The situation is under control, the teachers are already out to avert the temporary inconvenience." I hear Minerva's firm voice through the speakers.
„Inconvenience my ass." I mutter to myself as I take turn after turn, running to get to the side entrance faster. This is no flimsy inconvenience. At least not according to my sixth sense. I am drawn to the scene where everything goes down at the moment, and based on my past experiences, I must listen to my gut feelings, they are never wrong. My heart beats in my throat, and as I approach the big gate, already seeing colorful flashes of light, indicating a duel taking place. I stop at the door, peeking out from behind it, revealing only the tip pf my nose. My heart sinks in my chest as I see Snape with his back to me, facing a tall, hooded individual with a mask on his face, resembling a white skull. A death eater? My parents told me about them when dad got attacked, mom described them to me, and the description fit perfectly here. I hear other battling noises from all around the castle, which means this jerk is not alone. They attacked Hogwarts. But why? Snape throws spell after spell from his wand, forcing the guy in black towards the forest, but in the meantime, he has to be quick with protective spells too, seeing this hooligan is super fast with his attacks. They move away from me step by step, the potioneer relentlessly sending attack after attack, arm up-offense, arm down-defense and repeat. The rhythmic flashing and crackling of dangerous magic are deafening, all the sounds mixing in from the other directions too.
Suddenly the death eater turns around and makes a run for it, prompting Snape to chase him right into the dense sea of trees. My feet are not made of led either, I follow them quickly, trying to remain hidden to the best of my abilities. Concealing my presence behind a tree I push my back flat to the bark, and keep one eye on the two strong wizard. The forest has a threatening atmosphere, the chilly air and the impending doom creating goosebumps on my skin. Everything is dressed in a dark grey color, the soft mist above the ground adding to the eerie mood.
„You have betrayed us, Severus." growls the man behind the mask.
„I don't see how I could have betrayed you." answers Snape with pure hostility.
„The Dark Lord summoned us, and you were the only one not present at the meeting! You know very well, now is the time to give him our greatest support, since he's so weak! But you turned your back on him!" he spits, pointing his wand at my dear professor, and the blood in my veins start to boil. What the hell is he talking about? Is this retarded potatohead saying Snape is a death eater too? No, that can't be. Simply impossible.
„Yes, I sensed the call. But the Dark Lord knows exactly, my position doesn't allow me to disappear for a gathering. I thought you were also aware. But judging by your behavior, I doubt they informed you properly." hisses the potioneer, insulting the myrmidon. My thoughts freeze in their course as I hear the potion master's words. I can't believe my ears. I must be having a nightmare, maybe I didn't wake up entirely, because I refuse to believe this shit! Snape? A death eater?! What the fuck!
I stand behind the tree, mortified, as I listen to the conversation between these two. How on earth can he belong to the dark society, and play the entire school so slyly? How can he patrol Hogwarts' corridors when he's against everything good we stand for? I clench my hands into fists as I'm battling with myself over what to believe. Is this man truly evil? I've never seen him do anything particularly cruel to children, besides the fact that he's constantly a grump ball, but that's just part of his personality. Something smells fishy here. I'm instantly yanked back from my thoughts as I hear the death eater yell at Snape in the most threatening voice,
„I will not let a traitor walk among us! If you cannot show yourself when the Lord calls, then you're as good as dead meat! You don't deserve to wear the dark mark!"
Snape doesn't even have time to react, a slashing curse is launched at him, cutting in his flesh at his left upper arm, and ripping his limb off, separating it from the body. My heart stops as time seems to slow down around me, elongating my suffering of having to see the person I care for being defeated. I hear the blood curdling cry, and said limb falling to the ground, disappearing in flames, and the next moment blood splashes everywhere. The bastard throws a stun at the teacher for good measure, Snape losing consciousness in the same second, and the dark wizard is about to deliver a final blow to the potioneer, when I finally break out of my stupor and step out from behind the tree, surprising him.
„Reducto!" I scream from the top of my lungs, with tears streaming down my face, witnessing the magic disintegrating the wizard in the blink of an eye, leaving nothing but dust and ashes behind. I run to the potion master, concern and horror squeezing my heart, it hurts like hell, I'm barely able to breathe as I kneel down to him, trying to examine his state.
„Professor! Professor, talk to me! Oh dear Merlin..." I choke out as I lay my head on his chest to hear his heartbeat.
The tears block my vision, I only see the crimson liquid flowing out of his open wound, just a nub remained below his left shoulder, the bastard tore his upper arm in half! I tear my robe apart, acquiring a longer piece of cloth, which I use as a tourniquet, tying it tightly around his nub. Grabbing his other arm, I struggle to lift him up, and place him on my back, heading back with him to the castle as soon as possible. The panic makes me forget that I could use levitation, and the adrenaline in my veins give me strength to carry him back inside. Each step with him puts a heavy stone on my heart, my tears flowing relentlessly, and I whimper to the starry sky to keep him safe and alive, Merlin's name like a mantra falling from my lips, asking nothing else in this world but to give me enough power to save him. Tears mix with small droplets of blood on the dusty ground, every step I take closer to the wooden gate, I remind myself that there's just a little distance left, encouraging my devastated body to lift my leg up and keep walking.
By the time I get to the gate with his unconscious body, complete silence is around the school, which makes me assume the teachers already defeated the other accomplices. I hear a set of footsteps as I walk down the hallway, and Drax appears in front of me, almost jumping down the stairs.
„Drax! Thank Merlin you're here, help me!" I exclaim between sobs, and as the boy looks at me carrying Snape's body covered in blood, terror washes over his face.
„What the hell happened?" he asks running to me, taking out his wand and levitating the potioneer in the air. We sprint down the halls to the infirmary, while I explain the attack to him in a nutshell. I practically kick down the hospital wing's door, barging in, Poppy already taking care of a few minor scratches on Remus and Minerva. They both look at me with wide eyes, as if I was some alien landed freshly on the school grounds.
„Madame Pomfrey! I need assistance! Now!" I shout urgently to her, as Drax places the bat onto the nearest bed, and I hurry to the cabinet, taking out some disinfecting liquid and gauze.
„Severus!" McGonagall gasps as she gets a closer look on the roughed up man.
„His arm was ripped off, heavy bleeding, weak pulse. Dark magic is involved, please start neutralizing the curse immediately!" I explain to Poppy and instruct her, as I pour the liquid onto some cotton wool and clean around the wound as best as I can.
„What on earth were you doing outside your dorm, young lady? I demand an explanation!" says Minerva behind me with reproach, but I raise my hand to her, concentrating on Snape. The apocalypse itself would not be enough to make me leave his side now. Don't even try, Minerva.
„I'll give you plenty explanation later, professor, now please let me heal this man!" I cry out fighting my tears, tending to his bleeding nub with trembling hands, adrenaline still racing inside my body. Poppy says the incantation, and I feel the dark magic gradually leave his presence. As if Poppy heard my thoughts, and knew exactly what I needed now, she addresses Minerva and Remus.
„Professors, I finished tending to your injuries, I must ask you to leave us to our job, this will prove to be a difficult one, and we need our undivided focus here.
„But-" begins Minerva, however, Remus steps in. „We understand Poppy, thank you for your help. Come Minerva, let us leave the ladies to save Severus' life." says the DADA teacher escorting the old witch out the door, Drax following them with a sad look on his face. I know he knows how I feel now.
Now that we're alone with Poppy, I whisper her a small 'thank you' and immediately guide my strings into Snape's nape. I close up the blood vessels, stopping the bleeding, and pull the wound together to the best of my ability, trying not to leave even a small part open. The nurse hooks him up on a blood IV, and I collapse on the chair behind me, endlessly grateful that his life is not on the line anymore. However, I don't retract my strings. Slouched on the chair I slowly realize that this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity at my hands. My body is not under the influence of great fear and panic anymore, on the contrary, relief gives my mind energy to start wandering places, evaluate options. I turn to the matron with a kind smile.
„I'll graft some extra skin patches for him, just in case his wound might open up, you can go rest up, I'll do the finishing touches. Thank you for your help, you saved me and him too." I summon the most innocent face I possess, and after a few moments of consideration, she asks,
„Are you sure you'll be fine alone, my child?"
„Yes, the rest is daily routine. I'll manage." I say with confidence, and point my wand towards the cabinet to prepare some painkiller potions for the professor when he awakes.
„Alright then. Don't forget to change his IV before you leave. Good night, dear." and with that, the door closes behind her.
Showtime.
I sit on the bed, beside him, feeling the warmth his body radiates, and I bask in the feeling that I have Snape all to myself, unconscious, open... vulnerable. My strings are still attached to him, so I close my eyes and manifest the mini-me before his memory bank and notice that his gate is way different than Drax's. The gate is made of black iron, with several locks on it, and the doors themselves have a thick tendril covered in thorns grown over them. I start to move the pointy plant out of the way, but I'm only able to do it by getting lots of cuts and pricks. Since he's unconscious, the locks on the door seem open, and luckily, I can enter with a little strain on pulling the door slightly open, just so my body fits in.
Once inside, I see the never ending archive as a much darker place compared to Drax, the air here having an eerie vibe, and the shelves looking more punk-like than healthy wood. I ignore the books for now, and hurry all the way to the back, where the rows of metal cabinets stand, although they look a bit old and have some rust on them. Each cabinet is tagged with a a word that incorporate a series of memories, usually related to each other, the keyword being the link between the memories. I'm searching for one specific information for the time being, and I remember the chapter I read in the morning about searching methods when we know what we're looking for. So I pull up my wand and say the incantation:
„Ostendo The Dark Lord."
A tag starts glowing softly in the distance, and I hurry my steps to it, placing my hand on the rusty surface, allowing the memories to flood my own brain. As I watch the memories, I find the information I was looking for, which makes me sigh in relief; he only was a death eater, Snape is truly loyal to Dumbledore, he's nothing but a spy among them. Which fills my chest with newfound concern for his safety and life. And a lot of questions come up naturally. Like, why did he become a death eater in the first place? If those fuckers ever find out about him, he will be in great danger. As I look around more, I see one single metal cabinet painted in the deepest black I ever knew. Curiosity moves my feet over to the odd-one-out, and I hesitantly place just a finger on its surface. I see Snape standing in front of a house, then walking up the stairs inside the house, he passes a dead man with glasses nonchalantly. As he walks further, entering a baby bedroom, he sees a dead woman with red hair on the ground, and collapses to his knees next to the wall. In this moment I can physically feel his pain, my chest feels like its punctured by a million needles at once, and it's like I'm underwater, I'm not able to breathe. In his memory, I stand in the doorway behind him, and just watch him cry in the most heart wrenching way. My own soul is shattered to pieces and when I see him gathering this woman in his arms, wishing for his own death with every ounce of his being, I force myself to tear my finger away from the cabinet. Dear God. I think I need a minute to process.
My knees give out, and I fall to the floor heaving and sobbing, the memory provoking an intense reaction inside me, bubbling up an ocean worth of sadness and grief. I turn and lay down on my back, watching the grey fake sky in the headspace, and question my own life. Compared to this, my whole entire life was a five-star vacation. I've never experienced such deep sorrow and such great wish for your own death! Standing up after a few minutes of much needed horizontal meditation, I walk down the path, passing a few cabinets, and I see a quite weird tag, reading Moony, Padfoot and Prongs. As I look into the memories I see poor Snape being horribly bullied by three boys, and if I'm not mistaken, I see the same man with the glasses as a teenager, and I see Lupin too! What a discovery! So Remus was one of Snape's bullies in the past. This makes me feel horrible about my own bullying towards my dear professor, and even though mine could not be compared to the three boy's (since mine was based on affection toward him), I am still left with a remorseful vibration inside me. But setting all this aside, Dear Merlin, did this man have NO nice memories in his life? I mean the only nice memories I've seen so far were with Lily.
And I think I got the answer to my question. Lily. Everything happened because of Lily. He became a death eater because of her, he excelled in potions to show her he was worthy, and Dumbledore still, to this day, keeps him at his potion teacher position to remind him of Lily, and with that, the bright side of him! Fascinating, how this man can love so deeply, and literally sacrifice his entire life for someone dear to him. Standing here, witnessing the depth of his love, I truly, from the bottom of my heart wish he loved me like that. I ruffle through more of his past memories, look through his childhood, his years in Hogwarts, and the time when he joined the death eaters. I go through every memory I am capable of viewing, treating them as if I found gold on an abandoned island.
When I deem I have seen enough, I walk to the front where the shelves are, and I raise my wand again, between the books. I say the incantation, but this time, with my name paired to it. Several shelves glow up, and I go to the emotions section of the last few weeks, not the memories. Taking out a few books, words like 'annoying'- 'cheeky'- 'miss'- 'mildly amusing' - 'good company'- 'desirable' come up. Hold up. What? Desirable? Me?! You must be joking. I wouldn't believe my eyes if I didn't have Snape's personal emotion-book in my hand. I go to another shelf with a fast pounding heart in my chest. Alright, let's see something else. I take out a book which contains the memory of Snape sending me the book about healing potions, and to it, a warm, caring feeling is attached. Curiosity lights my feet on fire, and I search for the memory of our extreme detention. It's archived in a quite thick volume, and as I turn the pages, I see my punishment on the paper, my fantasy, and he reading my needy thoughts. This whole memory for him has two emotions attached, called want and lust. He was fucking aroused the whole time.
I close the book, and place it back to its place, mild shock dancing on my face. Well, this is new. I was certain that Snape knew about my attraction towards him, but he didn't act on it because he wanted to keep me safe as a student. Bullshit! He was drooling over me the same way, but his guilt was so strong he didn't allow himself to slip out a single sign that could lead me to believe he thought about me like that. I hit up every single detention I had with him, and each and every one has some form of care or slight desire laced on it.
Oh boy. Severus Snape, you're about to be driven to the point of madness as soon as you recovered.
I slip out of his memory bank, fading back to reality around me, and I look at the clock. I spent roughly an hour inside his head, and now it's quite late. I should go to sleep, and process all the information I was just hit with, and start making my plans for the future. Time to work out the strategy for our rematch, professor.
I find it hard to stand up from his side, especially after the heart attack he put me through today. His body heat soothes my skin as I touch his hand, lifting it up gently, slowly entwining our fingers, experimenting with new, bold movements and sensations, seeing how they feel. I trace my eyes over his laying form, stopping my gaze at his face, his silky hair laid out around him on the pillow, his long eyelashes giving him a feminine taste. I wander lower, and find myself enthralled by his slightly plump lips, pale in color, partly because of the blood loss, and partly because this was him, Snape in his glory.
A naughty thought pushes my body forward, I find myself zoning out from reality, the only thing in my vision are those delicious lips, and the overwhelming need to taste them, to press them against mine, to see what would my first kiss ever feel like. I slide my hand to his face, cupping his cheek, and inching my mouth closer and closer to his, all the while having a tiny bit of fear of someone walking in on us, or worse, he waking up, exactly as I'm about to kiss him. Well, my instinct says now or never, so I press my lips to his, euphoria rushing through my veins, the sheer thought of me snogging my professor lighting my body on fire. His skin is a bit dry, but oh so warm and as I breathe in his scent of musk and herbs, I lose myself into the kiss. I don't want to be separated from him again. Slowly parting my lips and peeking out my tongue I taste him, the exquisite taste of darkness and power; and the fact that I'm kissing a man with such authority without him knowing, tingles my insides, and I become restless. I interrupt the kiss, although I desperately don't want to, and I gently press my forehead to his. I'm panting slightly from the sensation, this kiss gave me more elation than I expected. And it was only one-sided. I can't imagine how it would be if Snape pinned me to a wall and plunged his tongue directly into my mouth... oh Merlin. I have to go. I have to go, before I lose my mind completely here, next to him.
I change the IV, and walking towards the door, I look out the infirmary's only stained glass window in the back. The room has several ordinary windows, but opposite the entrance door, there is a giant stained glass window, picturing a dark red flower, surrounded by lighter red pieces as background. Winter came early this year, I see the first flakes of snow gingerly falling from the sky, in the middle of November, the stained glass painting every single frozen drop in a red hue. The greatest smirk plants itself on my mouth, as I turn to Snape,
„See professor, I proved you wrong. I did get into your head before the red snow fell."