Lan Zhan had nearly lost control.
He knew it.
Wei Ying knew it.
And the worst thing was, Lan Zhan didn't know how to fix it.
The most important part of all this was, Lan Zhan had not bitten Wei Ying…but it was close.
They had been kissing on the floor of his bedroom (and that image was going to stay in his head for all eternity, rent free), and then, Wei Ying had sucked on his tongue…it was so easy to lose control.
One second, they were both lying and down and the next, Lan Zhan’s hunger flared so strongly, all he could see was something to bite.
While he still had the ability to think, he flipped them around and pulled himself off Wei Ying, retreating as far as he could go. He closed his eyes and bit his lip quickly, extinguishing the flames of his hunger as fast as it rose.
When he opened his eyes, that's when he saw the wounded look on Wei Ying’s face.
It was gone in a flash and Wei Ying plastered a smile on his face…but it didn't quite reach his eyes.
Only when Lan Zhan thought he was fully in control, then he went to help Wei Ying up, but Wei Ying brushed him off.
"So…what do you need, clothes-wise?"
And that had been the end of that.
Lan Zhan collected everything he thought he needed, nightwear, shirts, trousers, cardigans and the all important underwear. He filled up a holdall, folding the socks too so nothing would wrinkle.
And all throughout, Wei Ying didn’t look at him once.
He just sat on the edge of Lan Zhan’s bed quietly, looking at his hands.
It was unnerving for Lan Zhan too, because Wei Ying had never been this silent. It was simply…too odd.
Only when they got to the door, did he think of something.
"Lan Zhan…you know your brother?" Wei Ying said.
They were by the front door, putting their shoes on.
"Mn?" Lan Zhan was only relieved that he was talking again.
"Well, I just wondered…wouldn't he have seen our shoes? Yours…can be explained away…but he would know if you owned something like these, right?" Wei Ying looked at the cheap trainers on his feet.
"Xiongzhang has his own drawer." Lan Zhan explained.
He demonstrated by going to the other side of the wall and pressing an invisible button which made an identical shoe rack come out. His brother's shoes were on display, all of them far more expensive than Wei Ying had ever owned. The gap between their circumstances was even more apparent with everything Lan Zhan showed him.
Wei Ying nodded.
The way back to the bus stop felt frosty and awkward.
This was new for both of them, and neither wanted to start a conversation on a topic which could not be mentioned in public, let alone discussed in depth.
Lan Zhan rested the holdall in his lap when they managed to find seats.
He felt antsy and nervous because he wanted desperately to talk about what had happened between them in his apartment…but it wasn't a good time. He had seen disappointment and a longing in Wei Ying's eyes too, because he tried to say something several times during the ride home, but he'd catch himself and shake his head as if telling himself to wait.
Wei Ying checked the time on his phone as they got off the bus. He still had about an hour before he would have to leave to make it on time for his next shift at the bar of Love Bites.
Good…because he knew he and Lan Zhan needed to talk.
They entered the building of Wei Ying's apartment, and climbed the steps up to his home, the silence now oppressive and heavy between them. Wei Ying pulled out his keys and was just turning the lock when his phone rang.
Wei Ying motioned for Lan Zhan to enter as he answered it.
"Hi…Wen Ning? What's up?"
Lan Zhan saw a flash of worry cross his face and he paused until it lifted, as Wei Ying put on a fake mocking telling off voice.
"I swear Wen Ning, he's got enough lego sets here and you bought him more??" He beamed into the phone.
Lan Zhan sighed internally.
That was a genuine smile, absent for the past hour and how he had missed it!
He went into the bedroom he was sharing with Wei Ying as the latter followed him in, still talking to Wen Ning.
"So his and your excuse is that the pirate ship has to be made tonight and that's why you're keeping my son?"
Wen Ning said something to make Wei Ying laugh more.
Lan Zhan was trying not to feel jealous…but it was hard.
They obviously had a great relationship because of the overly familiar way Wei Ying talked to them, and he would never, ever let his son stay somewhere where he wasn't comfortable with leaving him.
And Lan Zhan had already met Wen Qing.
It felt strange that Wei Ying had a whole other life that did not include him, one that had begun even before they knew each other.
"Alright…be good my little Radish! Love you!" Wei Ying gave one last affirmative before ending the call.
"A-Yuan said good night to Clever Gege." He smiled, plonking himself down on their bed. Then he noticed that Lan Zhan was just standing there. "Aren't you going to put your things away?" He sounded surprised.
"Wasn't sure where Wei Ying wanted me to put them…" Lan Zhan mumbled. His ears were hot again.
The only consolation if it could be called that, was it wouldn't be for much longer.
"Oh…anywhere you like." Wei Ying sounded embarrassed. He stood up immediately and threw the doors of his wardrobe wide open…
And that's when Lan Zhan found out why he was embarrassed.
Only three or four of the hangers had anything on them, otherwise the rack was empty. On the side were a few folded t-shirts and two pairs of trousers. There was a box which contained his smalls, and otherwise the spaces were blaringly empty.
"Lots of space." Wei Ying again, wasn't looking at him when he walked back to their bed.
"Please don't." Lan Zhan caught his upper arm.
"Don't…what?" Wei Ying rubbed his temple, tired all of a sudden.
"Please don't shut me out. I…I cannot bear it." He admitted.
Wei Ying stared back, his gaze softening after a while.
Lan Zhan tried to sort out what that smell was in his blood, however, he really couldn't tell.
Wei Ying came closer, and yet his approach was slower than it had ever been.
He hesitated for a long minute before wrapping his arms around Lan Zhan’s waist.
Lan Zhan had stopped breathing, not wishing to scare him away. When Wei Ying did that, his own arms came around Wei Ying’s body too, and they both sighed.
"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to shut you out." He whispered.
"Someone said we shouldn't apologise to each other." Lan Zhan kissed the top of his head, feeling Wei Ying smiling.
"Then that someone was very wise." He joked.
"Mn. But can we talk about…what happened earlier?" Lan Zhan asked.
The antsy feeling was back.
"In my defence, your concierge started it." Wei Ying pouted.
"Mn?" Now Lan Zhan was confused.
"He winked at you! Lan Zhan! Come on!" The pout became deeper. "That should be in our list of rules. First one of course is, no apologies, but number two definitely should be, no flirting with anyone, man or woman." He insisted, hotly.
Everything fell into place.
And Lan Zhan now had a name to put to that strange smell, the one that resembled anger but was just shy of it.
Jealousy.
He felt a little bit smug about that.
"No one has been jealous about me, before." He explained.
The smile just wouldn't leave his lips!
"It's not funny! You're my hottie…no one else's." Wei Ying burrowed into his chest, hiding his face.
Lan Zhan’s arms tightened and his lips kissed Wei Ying’s hair once more.
This was way better…Wei Ying smelled clean and his blood was happier.
Definitely an improvement.
"I am yours." Lan Zhan promised, his words causing Wei Ying to check his sincerity by leaning back to look into golden eyes dancing with amusement.
"I'm serious." Wei Ying flashed a dangerous smile. "I know we haven't talked about this, but I'm taking this chance to clear the air between us. I've always believed in true transparency and this goes between us too. If we're….if we're going to do this…then we have to be mutually exclusive. If we're dating, then it's just us two…no one else."
"Mn, I agree." Lan Zhan said.
But then his brow furrowed.
"I have a question for Wei Ying. But I must request that Wei Ying not be angry with me about it." He said.
This was a good way to talk about the things that were bothering them.
For the first time since yesterday, Lan Zhan felt himself relax.
"You can ask me anything." Wei Ying breathed out, in that whispery voice of his which Lan Zhan had come to realise meant he really wanted to kiss Lan Zhan.
As soon as possible.
Lan Zhan bit back a smirk, taking care not to accidentally bite himself in the process.
If he had the luxury of time, he would indulge in both, the serious talk and the intense kisses…but now he had to prioritise.
"Wei Ying hasn't promised." Lan Zhan insisted.
"Fine! I promise not to get upset with you." He pouted.
Lan Zhan decided to focus on just his eyes now, because there was no way he was going to last if Wei Ying continued to pout like that…with those pink…utterly kissable lips..
"Angry. Wei Ying must promise not to be angry with me." Lan Zhan insisted.
"Fine! Angry, then!" A silver fire blazed in those beautiful eyes, a direct contrast to his words.
"It does not count if Wei Ying is angry to start with. Promises have to be sincere." Lan Zhan knew he was pushing his luck but this Wei Ying was so much fun to tease.
"At this rate, I'll be the one to bite you!" Wei Ying stopped himself from saying those words aggressively and he smiled sweetly instead.
It did not make him any less threatening.
"What is Wen Ning to you?" Lan Zhan asked, just laying it out there.
He held his breath, waiting for Wei Ying to answer.
Wei Ying had gone blank.
Out of all the questions he expected, none of them included Wen Ning in any capacity, and the idea of Lan Zhan thinking there was something between them was so ludicrous that it stunned Wei Ying into gobsmacked silence.
And then…he started laughing.
And once he started, he began howling with it. Tears streamed from his eyes, and every time he tried to calm down, the mere mention of the other's name brought back peals of laughter again and again.
"Just wait…wait…until I…tell him….what you thought!" Wei Ying puffed his chest out to bring back some kind of peace to himself, helplessly giggling in between.
By now he was bent in half with his hands on his knees, desperately trying not to pee in his pants.
"Wait, wait…" he held up a hand when it looked like Lan Zhan was going to try speaking again. "Let me go to the bathroom first. We don't want any accidents here." And then as he hurried away, he called out, "Lan Zhan, have you ever thought about a career in stand up? Because you would totally slay!"
Lan Zhan heard the bathroom door close and he hummed to himself to politely drown out the sound of someone relieving themselves.
Out of all the reactions he had guessed at, he thought anger would be the one. Outrage at being accused of something…not hysterical laughter.
Wei Ying came back into the room, took one look at his face and disappeared around the corner once more.
"Oh my god, my belly hurts…" he accused. And then he came back in, staring at the floor. "If we're gonna do this, then I can't look at you for this conversation. No offence." He sat down on the bed and refused to look up.
"None taken." Lan Zhan was also trying to be serious…and failing now.
It was so good to see Wei Ying so helpless, completely letting go. Laughing like there was no tomorrow.
And it was…pleasing.
Since that meant Wei Ying wasn't serious about Wen Ning.
"I see Wen Ning as my younger brother. I've never, ever been attracted to him. Just so we're clear." He tittered. And then cleared his throat. "And Wen Qing is my JieJie. She's the same for A-Yuan." He waited for a few moments and then looked up. "Lan Zhan…do you believe me?"
Lan Zhan nodded.
He turned around and made light work of putting his clothes inside Wei Ying’s wardrobe.
There was something so intimate about doing this, he realises.
He was being allowed into Wei Ying's space.
Wei Ying was making space for him.
It was an honour.
One he wanted…and wanted to be worthy of.
He put away all of his things and stored away the holdall for when he needed it again. But it was better not to think about such things.
Not when it caused such a sharp pain in his chest.
So he ignored it and closed the door. Then he turned around and went to sit next to Wei Ying on their bed. He reached across and threaded their fingers together.
"Got any more jokes?" Wei Ying quipped.
"No…but I have a serious concern." Lan Zhan tried to give himself courage. Enough so that he could get these difficult words out, because right now they were stuck in his throat like a cornflake going down the wrong way.
He watched Wei Ying lift up their joined hands to his lips and kiss Lan Zhan’s side.
"I'll be serious, go on." He promised.
The twinkle in his eye did not diminish…but Lan Zhan knew Wei Ying was making a real effort and that made him feel better.
"You know when we were…in my bedroom? I lost control. It's no joke…I could have seriously hurt you." Gosh! It felt so good to get this off his chest.
"I guessed." Wei Ying said, after a while.
They were silent, each thinking about that afternoon.
"But…it is not the first time I thought of biting you."
Wei Ying’s eyes widened.
Lan Zhan thought he may as well get it all out.
"Since yesterday I have been wondering what is going to happen to me…when I am fully changed. I don't know what's going to happen…it could be bad."
"We…don't know what's going to happen." Wei Ying clarified. "We don't know what's going to happen…to us." He waited until Lan Zhan lifted his eyes to look at him. "Lan Zhan…with you…I feel a connection. I've never felt like this about anyone. And I'm the furthest thing from being an expert in relationships…but I feel like we have something special together."
Lan Zhan nodded.
"Sweetheart…didn't we talk about this?" Wei Ying climbed into his lap as if he couldn’t bear to be as far away as he was. "We said we're in this together…and we promised to take things slowly for now, right? But I think we should definitely be able to talk things out. I think it will help. If we know what the other is afraid of, if we know what the other expects out of…this." He gestured between them.
"But what happened today…it was too powerful. I couldn’t stop my-" Lan Zhan tried to protest, because despite his promises, Wei Ying wasn't taking this seriously at all.
"But you did! Lan Zhan, I am sitting here safe and sound because you did have control. You took yourself out of the danger zone…you never hurt me. I promise." Wei Ying smiled, and it was genuine this time.
"But you were scared." Lan Zhan insisted.
Out of everything, that was most abhorrent to him.
Wei Ying shouldn't be scared…and never, ever of Lan Zhan.
"That's what I'm most scared of." Lan Zhan said, earnestly looking back at Wei Ying. "What if..what if I want to protect you…but I cannot…not from myself. What then?"
Wei Ying cupped his face, his own full of sympathy now.
"Sweetheart…I already told you, I'm not going to be scared. Alright…it was a little bit frightening today, but that was because it's never happened before. Right? You've always been in control of yourself and I think…I think, I'm partly to blame. For today."
Lan Zhan’s eyes shot up to meet his silver ones.
He was already shaking his head.
"No…listen to me. I was thinking about it on the way home…just now. If I hadn't kissed you…I was teasing you on purpose…and I know…it's a fact that I cannot keep my hands to myself…not when it's you." Wei Ying leaned forward and kissed his nose. "So no more beating yourself up about that, okay? I forbid it."
Wei Ying was so cute sometimes…
Lan Zhan smiled back.
"I don't want to lose control…" A tear escaped from the corner of his eye.
Wei Ying watched it, fascinated by its progress. He caught it with the tip of his finger and shook it away.
"Then let's make a plan. Will that make you feel better?"
Lan Zhan sighed heavily. He didn't think that would be enough. But he nodded anyway, desperate to try anything.
"When you get hungry, we can make sure you've fed yourself. Or…if you don't want to wait until the last minute, we can start mapping out the time and make sure you have sorted yourself out before the hunger really hits you. Sounds good?" Wei Ying looked so proud of himself.
"It's a good plan." Lan Zhan admitted.
"And I shall try to be a better boyfriend." Wei Ying promised.
"You already are." Lan Zhan told him. "The best."
"You're so sweet to me…" Wei Ying sighed into a short kiss, cut that way because of his alarm.
They both frowned at his phone.
"The thing is…I wanted to talk to you about something too…something I couldn't help noticing this afternoon." Wei Ying stood up reluctantly. "But we've run out of time."
Lan Zhan also stood up.
"What is it?"
"Terribly embarrassing, that's what." He laughed awkwardly. "Nevermind, let's go."
"Wei Ying can tell me on the way." Lan Zhan pushed, now eager to know what was bothering him.
"We'll see. Oh, and before I forget…if you're coming with me tonight, you're going to meet my manager." Wei Ying made a face. "You might have to bite down on the urge to punch him…that's all I'm saying."
Lan Zhan was suddenly very interested.
*********
A/N
Dear Beautiful Readers,
Fourth update of today and now I've got to rest my eyes, but I'm really proud of myself.
It wouldn't have been possible except we had another power cut and had to come home early from work. No Internet either so I did an experiment on Google Docs and it worked!!
So, happy reading folks!!
Definitely hot chocolate weather though. It's minus six degrees tonight!
Charlie.