Catherine's POV:
The hallways glowed dimly with the light of the torches placed on the walls in metal caskets. Xander took me through a passage where I have never been before and yet, it too was guarded.
He also made sure that I was not even an inch far away from me. Why is he so silent? He usually talks about something.
"I forgot to tell you," I whispered to him. "I liked your present earlier this morning,"
He did not respond to my statement. Instead, he stopped walking and looked at the ground in deep thought. Realizing that he did not wish to talk, I decided to keep quiet.
We resumed walking again in silence. I did not relish it at all. He barely smiled all this time which made me worry. At last, I was unable to hold it in any longer.
I stomped on my feet and walked forward to face him. He seemed stunned by my action and stopped moving.
"I can always tell if something is wrong with you," I told him stubbornly. "And I know that something is bothering you right now."
"Nothing is bothering me," he replied, avoiding my eyes.
I frowned and held his hands firmly in mine. Again, he avoided my eyes. Right then, the child in me kicked me with unusual strength. That further sparked my anger.
"You are making me very upset right now. Even our child can sense it!" I shouted. "What happened?"
His eyes quivered in fear as I mentioned our child. He looked at my belly, guilt flooding his eyes. His helpless expression, in turn, made me regret my tone.
"I...I am so sorry for upsetting you," he whispered.
"I might take your apology if you tell me what is on your mind," I reasoned, crossing my arms.
At this, he looked even more overwhelmed. It hit me like a wave as I realized that I was pressuring him. All he wanted was to take me somewhere which would cheer me up. I sighed and moved closer to him.
"Fine. If you do not wish to say it, I would not pry it out of you," I told him calmly, looking into his eyes.
This time, he returned my stare and nodded. Even that was done with no emotions.
Something was troubling him deeply. And the worse thing about it is that I can't even help him lessen it.
____________________________________
We finally reached a dimly lit hallway where there was a large staircase in front of us. I looked at them and bit my lip nervously, wondering if I was able to climb those many stairs.
Xander stepped on two of them before realizing that I was not following him. He turned back and looked at me with concern.
"Is there anything wrong, Catheline?" he asked me softly.
"I am afraid that I would not be able to climb all those stairs," I pouted, shifting my feet.
He looked at me apologetically and looked at the top of the staircase. I decided to jest about it for some fun.
"If my dear husband would carry me, I would be pleased,"
I grinned as he looked at me, expecting him to laugh. Instead, he looked at me, as if he had an epiphany.
Without warning, he stepped down and placed a hand around my shoulders.
"What are you- ah!"
Before I knew it, he already lifted me off my feet and held me tightly in his arms. I put one hand on my mouth to stop any further vocal reactions.
"I hope you and our little one are comfortable," his voice brought me back to reality.
"Yes, yes..." I replied while shifting and moving closer to him.
It felt exquisite to be so close to him. But he is not going to carry me across all those stairs, is he?
"Xander, I think I can walk on my own," I said softly as I leaned my head on his shoulder.
"I think not,"
____________________________________
I only made a sound when we finally made it to the top of the staircase. And that was when he opened the door.
The coldest of winds greeted me without a warning, making me gasp and tighten my arms around him. I have never been to the terrace of this castle before.
"Calm down..." I heard Xander whisper soothingly. "Do you still want me to carry you-"
"No!" I yelled, completely out of concern. "You must be tired. Would you put me down please?"
"If you want to," he replied, helping me to my feet.
I could not imagine the shame if someone saw us like this. Even if I was not afraid of being seen, would be bothered if everyone began gossiping about this incident. I pulled over my hood and looked around, only to find the dark silhouettes of towers around.
And above them was the most peaceful sky I had ever seen. It was supposed to be black and void like every other night. But today, it was filled with stars. And in the middle was the slightly luminous crescent moon. I could not think of another instance where I smiled so brightly at the sky.
"Good evening, Your Grace,"
I flinched at the familiar voice violently and turned around. By the time I realized who the person was, Xander was already thundering.
"You scared her, you idiot,"
"My apologies, Your Grace! I-"
"It's fine, Nathaniel," I told him while smiling.
After noticing that I was fine, Xander returned his attention to his aide.
"Did everyone leave?"
Nathaniel nodded seriously. "As per your wish, they did,"
"Who are they?" I asked softly while my eyes shifted between the two men.
"The guards that were stationed here, Your Grace,"
I frowned as I looked around the place. According to me, there was the least amount of threat from here. Thankfully, Xander clarified my doubt before I could even think of asking it.
"Anything is possible. I only wish to tackle every one of those possibilities,"
I nodded and took a few steps forward, looking around the vast area. Because of how less visible everything was, I could only make out a few shapes. Then, I saw the handrails, which probably showed the landscape around.
I moved forward, thrilled, only to be stopped by the conversation I was leaving behind.
"Your Majesty, you still haven't recovered from your injury-"
"Leave now,"
I turned around, as fear devoured my excitement. Any form of a positive feeling evaporated from my face. I found Xander's eyes on mine and he quickly moved away.
"I shall take my leave," Nathaniel said with a terrifying smile and quickly sprinted away.
I wanted to ask a thousand questions after we two were the ones on the terrace. Are you alright? Who hit you? Where were you hurt? Is it serious? Were you in pain when it happened? Are you in pain now? Were you in pain when you carried me through all those stairs? How did it happen? Where did it happen? Why didn't you tell me?
But no sound came out of my mouth, even if I forced it to. Even if I did ask, he wouldn't tell me. Just like how he is hiding something from me. I sighed and turned around, knowing that he would not feel comfortable sharing that tale.
"It was just a small cut. I was too distracted to concentrate-"
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I managed to choke a reply out of me.
Damn these mood swings. As soon as I thought of those words, my child kicked me, not in a kind way. I hissed before caressing the spot apologetically.
"I heard that you were..."
I turned around to find him a little nearer to me than a few moments ago. He seemed to hesitate and did not finish his sentence. My eyebrows curved in anger as I strutted toward him.
"You are not allowed to be this uneasy around me! I will not allow it," I told him off, right at his face.
For a moment, he looked as if he wanted to say something very serious. The wind blew over us again, making me clutch the cloak around myself tightly.
"As you wish, My Queen," he replied in defeat.
I smiled, feeling only half victorious as I should. That seemed enough for now. I put my hand around his elbow and forced him to move as swiftly as I did.
When I reached the handrail, I rested my hands on them. And as I expected, the view was breathtaking.
Down below, were the grounds present in the castle. But because of the trees, I could not see most of them. But in the distance, was the shimmery outline of the city. To be truthful, I have never been to the city much.
The only time I even got the chance to see it was when I arrived at Anthreal for marriage. And the time when I came out to be a Lady Warrior for the first time. That seemed eons ago now. I could even see the massive entrance which welcomed this castle to anyone who wished to enter.
"The sky is wide with stars and the moon," I heard Xander say, diverting my attention. "Yet why do you smile brighter than any of them?"
I gritted my teeth in embarrassment while he waited for my reaction. Why is he so... awkward sometimes? But I should not judge him, especially not on his first time. But I can't encourage it either.
"Are you...Are you not pleased by my words?" he asked, surprised. "I was only telling the truth,"
That made me blush at last. The fact that he thought that my smile was more beautiful than the sky that hovered above us was lovely.
"Perhaps you do not know how to convey your feelings in words yet..." I told him, trying my best not to hurt him.
My efforts turned out to be successful because he let out a smile and leaned his back against the wall in between the banister.
"If you are entertained, I could say a few more things," he offered quietly.
"Just be silent and enjoy the view with me," I offered back, stretching my hand.
He hesitated before grabbing it. At one instance, I noticed how sweaty they were. I was confused because it was windy around us. But then, it hit me.
He was...nervous?
I bit my lip as well as bit back the realization. Something was not normal tonight and as much as I wanted to know the reason, I had to stay silent. I exhaled softly before looking at the sky again.
"So..." I chuckled, wanting to begin a conversation. "Can I know how you had been injured?..."
My silly self knew that this was not the greatest time to talk about it. Yet, I blurted it out. I looked at him, only to find him staring into the distance. He looked void of any emotion.
"Sparring," he simply replied, as if that would be self-explanatory.
"Liar," I breathed out. "I got to know that you haven't left your room today,"
"I- Who said that I received it today?"
"I am only worried for you. Please stop with the excuses..." I turned to him sadly.
He finally gave in and whispered something that sounded like It was me.
"What did you say?" I asked, my heart beating faster.
"It was me," he said, after a pause. "I did it to myself,"
I blinked. And then, I blinked again. Everything seemed to fade away. I moved a little back, shocked by the revelation.
"Catheline-"
"Why!?" I cried. Tears were already out of my eyes, supporting my anger and dismay.
"Because of what I had done to you!"
I was shocked and did not reply. I moved forward and clutched his wrists in a death grip.
"Are you mad!?" I shouted, staring into his eyes. "Why are you this...this foolish!? How many times have you done this before!?"
"Catheline, please calm down," he begged but I paid no heed.
"This is not a joke!" I cried, banging on his chest with my fist as I punctuated every word. "You always find ways to hurt me!"
I regretted my words almost immediately. I placed my hand firmly on my mouth, not allowing myself to say another word. I didn't dare to look at him. Moments later, he turned around, and only then I looked up.
The soothing sound of the breeze was the only sound that was present between us for a long time. Even if I did feel guilty, I still wished to justify my anger.
"It's alright if you do not care for me," I told him. It was hard to talk and my answer came out shakily. "But you should never hate yourself to the extent of harming yourself. Just yell at me if you wish to extricate your anger. I won't mind it-"
Before I could finish speaking, he turned around and pulled me into a tight embrace. I was taken aback and did not respond. He was quivering. He held on to me as if his life depended on it.
"I can never bring myself to even think of being angry at you..." he choked and I realized that he was crying.
I slowly hugged him back, gently moving my body against his and trying not to hurt our child resting in me. I triggered his emotions too far and now, I must face them and help him with dealing with them.
"I am haunted by our past. The guilt itself is killing me. It's like a massive boulder is in my lungs. The pain is suffocating and I barely can even think," he spoke, every word etched in fear.
"Just let it all out..." I consoled, rubbing his back gently.
"You are the only one who treats me differently. That is the reason it scares me so much. I do not want to lose you too..."
"Xander..." I whispered, feeling teary myself. "I will never leave you,"
"And I do care for you," he said defiantly, managing to regain his composure. "For me, all that matters is you,"
"You do not have to force yourself to say those words," I smiled sadly.
He quickly pulled away and stared at me in shock. Slowly, he placed his hands around my shoulders.
"You think that I was forcing these words?" he asked, in the most betrayed way possible.
"You did say once that love can't be forced," I shrugged, trying not to burst into tears.
"Catheline," he whispered, taking my left hand in his. "I am speaking than from my heart,"
"Then prove it,"
My eyes pierced through his and for a moment, I saw the hesitation in him. I had the right to be angry and he knew it. To my shock, he did not use any words to express his reasons. Instead, he slowly leaned forward and kissed me.
The world stopped and we were the only ones who were in it who could move. Every other event, sound, or person disappeared. My heart was beating erratically, compelling my child to kick nervously.
I kissed him back with everything I had as he pulled me closer. For me, only he mattered. At that moment, I wanted to spend time in the present. I did not want to cry over the past or worry about the future. I just wanted him.
I snaked my arms around his neck, standing on my toes a little. He placed a hand behind my neck and it made me wonder how euphonious a kiss could be.
It was then I understood the meaning of love again. Different people have different ways of showing it. All you had to do was to find a way to see it. People hide their love for a reason they could not describe. But it is a feeling stronger than any physical strength.
I urged him to let me go as I ran out of breath. He complied with my silent request and loosened his grip on me. For a whole minute, all I did was retain my breath.
I did not want to imagine how red my face was or how red his face was.
"I shouldn't have done it without asking you," I heard him say nervously.
That made me jerk my eyes upward and throw at his pout. Why is he saying those words after he kissed me with tenderness?
"Don't ruin the moment, Xander," I warned him jovially. I rested my head on his chest lovingly, hoping that he would remain silent.
And he did.
____________________________________
We stayed on the terrace for what I assumed, an hour, until he persuaded me to return to my chambers.
And so, I was walking back, my arm curled around his and smiling madly until it hurt my face. Several times I caught him glancing at me and smiling. That made me smile even more and it just went on and on until we reached my chambers. Thankfully, no one was present at the door.
"I shall see you tomorrow then, my wife," Xander said, as he opened the door quietly.
"You don't plan to spend the night here?" I asked sadly, glancing at him.
"I told Nathaniel that I would be back..."
I puffed my cheeks in fury and let go of him. I pushed the door open and shut the door loudly. Then I waited, counting up to three numbers. Before I could think of the number one, I heard frantic rattling on the door.
I grinned mischievously and leaned my back against the door.
"Who is it?" I sang playfully.
"This is your tired and miserable husband whose only priority now is to see your well-doing," he replied sophisticatedly.
I opened the door and placed my hands on my hips.
"The first important rule in courting your wife: Do not put other things above her,"
He nodded obediently and I stepped back for him to enter. To reassure him, I spoke out calmly while shutting the door.
"Nathaniel will know where to find you if he wants to take you from me,"
I turned around to find him staring at me incredulously. He cleared his throat only to say something that was barely a whisper. I raised my eyebrow and strutted towards him.
"Dare you to say that out loud," I enunciated with a menacing look.
He quickly backed away, closer to the bed. Finally, he gave in and held my arms when I reached him.
"Possessive," he said silkily.
I blushed before shrugging and agreeing with what he said. I looked around to find Ferus sleeping peacefully on some straw.
"He tried to run away from me," I informed Xander as I sat down on the bed. I tried to unclasp the cloak carefully.
"Allow me," I heard him say as he sank beside me.
I turned around and let him remove the clasp on the cloak. After he was done, I took it off and carefully placed it on the bed frame. It was a present I would treasure forever. For me, it was just as valuable as Waterlight. I glanced at where it rested out of habit.
"Is anything wrong?" I heard Xander ask.
I shook my head softly and found his eyes where I was looking at. Maybe he thought I saw something suspicious.
"Do you want to sleep or do you want to talk?" I inquired, grabbing his attention.
"Whatever you wish,"
I bit my lips as I thought of what we could talk about. We already talked too much tonight. In me was not much energy left to use my words. But I was not sleepy either. I looked at him and placed my hand on his arm.
"What do you want to do?" I asked curiously.
He hid his face from me as if I said something tumultuous. I waited for him to recover and retreated my hand until he held my hand in an alarm.
"Will you be okay..." he said while trying to the words out of him. "If I say that I wanted to kiss you again?"
My eyes widened and I blushed almost in an instant. And so did he.
"Why are you asking me?" I said quietly. You needn't. And what he said broke me.
"From now, I intend to never do anything without your consent again." he sighed, stroking my hand nervously. "Your opinion weighs above anything else,"
It made me very much happy, more than he meant. I moved closer to him, never parting my eyes from him.
"From now on, I want us to only move forward and never look backward again," I told said while caressing his cheek affectionately.
His eyes sparkled with emotions and he placed my hand close to his chest, where his heart lies. Even the littlest of his gestures could warm my heart. I smiled and leaped into his arms, hoping that I would always find this solace.
"You bring out the best in me," he whispered as if he just realized.
I pulled back slightly and placed my hands tenderly on his shoulders.
"I am glad that I could-"
Before I could finish, he leaned forward and kissed me. Without hesitation, I kissed him back. He was a part of my soul and I could never think of a time I could live without him. Just like how an individual needs his heart to live, I need him to do the same.
He broke me beyond anything with his harsh words and insensitive behavior during our initial days of marriage. But now, he is trying to go up to any extent, trying to mend his mistakes. Being regretful is far better than being remorseless. I was glad that he did not turn out to be the latter. It showed that he was human and that making mistakes is the very nature of what we are.
We can never erase them, but we can try to amend them.
I and Xander spent the rest of the night, trying out all the ways one could kiss another. This was the longest time both of us kissed each other so willingly and passionately.
It was a strange night, but certainly not a bad one.
I would not mind if all our nights were like this.
____________________________________
Author's note:
🙂
:)
I hope you like this chapter! (Because I certainly do)
It might take me a while to update next time, my loves 💕 (So sorry 😭)
See ya next time~
Please comment and vote 💞