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KASHMIR'S POV
Ain't no way that I'm wrong for blocking Hasaan but I can't help but to feel like I am. Am I tripping or was he on his motha's dick too much?
He was always on her side even though she made it clear that she didn't care about his feelings or our relationship. And it's funny how she didn't want us together in the first place and now she was living with us, how you gon try to tear us apart and then move in with us like you've just been a big support system all along? To be honest, I don't even give a fuck anymore. As far as I'm concerned, Fatima is not my concern but as of right now, her son isn't either.
Hasaan was stopping money from being made anyway, first he didn't care and let me get it by any means then all of a sudden when his motha moves in, he wants to know where I am, where I go and what I'm doing. Why does all of that shit matter?
I'm out here making money to put you through college so that you can get your degree and never have to work under another motherfucker in your life, going out and risking my life over you, over us and this is the shit you do. You turn your back on me because ya motha told you too? As long as we been together and you still let her boss you, twenty years old and you stilling letting your mom tell you what to do, how to think, how you should go about our relationship. Like what bro? It was like I was in a relationship with a little ass kid.
I sigh and look down at my phone, slowing scrolling through me and Hasaan pictures. Everything was good and we used to be so happy until that fucking demon he calls a motha came around. I can't really be too mad though because even after all she has said and done to me, she still let me stick ma dick in her son for the past four years. Even after I put a daughter in him she still let us be together, but she made Hasaan get rid of the baby. Which means she allowed him to make it full term, let him have our baby and forced him to give her away. We had to make sure she carried no ties to us, she couldn't have my last name, when she grew older she couldn't contact us and she would have no way to trace her family roots.
Fatima made sure of it.
I guess I understand Fatima wanting Hasaan to give our daughter up for adoption because he was only sixteen and I was seventeen so maybe she figured that we weren't fit or old enough to be parents yet. But the same time, this was our daughter and her granddaughter so how could she do this to us? I already didn't have a good support system, when I met Hasaan he became just that. But then a kid was added into the mix, that made things between us that much more serious to me. Like I said, for the first two years I wasn't really taking him serious but then that happened and it changed my perspective of things and how I acted towards him.
In a way, Fatima was right about me. Yeah, I sold drugs and was gang affiliated but I gave her son the one thing she couldn't seem to. Love.
In the back of her head she had thoughts of me dragging Hasaan down this long, dark path with with drugs, sex, betrayal and lies, but I could neva. Would neva, will neva. She's hurt her son more than I ever will. More than I'll ever get the chance to. I would be a fool to sit here and lie and say that I didn't love Hasaan, but things happen in relationships that cause people to grow apart.
That thing being his motha.
"Why you sittin right hea lookin stupid?" Kieran questioned causing me to jump a bit, I sighed heavily before turning to face him. I scrunched my face up.
"You don't know how to knock?" I asked as I began looking him up and down, this nigga looked like a whole bum out this bitch. Like he had just got into a fight or some shit, I know he better not had been out on the streets like that. Not about to embarrass me, I'm not going for it. I leaned forward and sniffed him, almost instantly pulling my head back.
"The fuck nigga, you smell like cheap cologne and bologna! Get ya nasty ass outta hea, on me go take a shower." I held my nose as I stared up at him. He just pissed me off coming in the house smelling like this, I'm surprised my mom ain't say nothing. I know he had to walk past her, maybe she's just getting tired of him and left him alone like I'm about to do. This was my first time seeing the nigga in two years and this is how he's looking when I see him.
"Don't do allat, I was wit Dominic. I stayed the night as his crib last night," Kieran smirked, "if you couldn't tell, he ain't want me to leave."
I narrowed my eyes at him, I really couldn't help but to stare at him blankly. I would hate to be a snitch but if he says anything else like that to me, I'm telling and I don't care. I didn't want to hear that shit plus Kieran was too young to be doing shit like that. Oh wait, Hasaan was sixteen when we met...but we didn't start fucking until over a year later. Kieran is only seventeen and if any female tries to trap him then that's on him. My brother wasn't exactly the ugliest nigga in the world so I really wouldn't put it past nobody to pop one out on him.
"Who the fuck is Dominic? I know ha?" I asked, pushing myself up and off his bed. Kieran sucked just teeth and huffed.
"I know you heard me say his crib. Fuck outta hea." Kieran waved me off. I raised an eyebrow. I didn't know this little nigga was gay. I opened my mouth to speak but Kieran raised his hand at me, cutting me off before I could do so.
"Before you start allat bein gay talk, I don't got no label. So bein strictly gay not apart of my agenda." I folded my head and held the bridge of my nose and I let out a deep breath. Now, I didn't hit kids but I think I could make an exception this one time. Nigga gon cut me off like he knew what I was gon ask, I don't give a fuck if I was going to ask if he was gay or not, you let me ask my question and then you respond. Don't cut me off before I can even say anything.
"But straight ain't on ya agenda either, so.." I trailed off. Kieran shrugged before nodding.
"Exactly. I said ion got a label. Don't have one, won't eva have one." Kieran plopped down on his bed while I stared at him, he unlocked his phone and chuckled briefly before turning his phone towards me. I squinted my eyes at the screen, damn I'm getting old.
"Listen to the song I made for Dom for Christmas."
Cheery background music began to play being followed my the chorus to Kieran's song only mere seconds later. "Here's the season to get naked, pop pop pop that booty, baby you's a freak!" I quickly push the phone away from my face while Kieran begins laughing at my reaction. "Delete that dumb ass song and throw ya phone away afterwards." I mumbled, getting visibly annoyed. You see how childish this nigga was? He reminded me of a less hostile, goofy, dumbass version of Fatima.
Fatima. Aw shit.
I feel myself start to grow irritated again and I suddenly remembered why I was back at home in the first place. I furrowed my eyebrows and sat down on the bed beside Kieran as I remembered that I probably wouldn't be able to go back to my real home for a while. I was really having a hard time trying to decipher who's fault it actually was. The more I thought about it, the more angry and bad I felt.
I didn't feel bad about what I said to Fatima, but I felt bad about the situation itself because it made me get so out of character. She made me get out of character which pissed me off even more because now she knows that she can make me mad like that and get underneath my skin. Why the fuck did I let her do that to me? She already thinks I'm not good enough for Hasaan, I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm weak now too. Had me running to get away from her in my own apartment.
Type shit is that? I'm a grown ass man, running away from a damn near fifty year old because of her insulting me.
"Why you ova hea in the first place? you don't live hea." Kieran glanced up from his phone and looked up at me. I shrugged. I was debating whether or not I should tell him, he's never met Hasaan's mother so he probably wouldn't understand where I'm coming from. Plus me and him have never had a real conversation since I'm like four years older than him, I figured that we wouldn't be able to anyway. Especially since I've been out of the house for four years.
I bit the inside of my lip, I probably won't be able to go back home so if I'm going to be staying here I might as well tell him. Who knows, maybe he'd be able to give me some good advice.
"I got into it wit my boyfriend's motha and she pissed me the fuck off so I walked out." I said simply. I really wanted to keep it at that, but I knew Hasaan would ask questions especially since he's never met Hasaan let alone his motha. I straightened my posture in an attempt to prepare myself for any questions that he might ask.
"You got a boyfriend?" He questions tilting his head a bit, "that's why you had left? Cause you got a boyfriend?" Kieran narrowed his eyes at me as he slowly pushed himself up while staring at the left side of my face. I shook my head, this nigga was worried about the wrong thing. He knows damn well I didn't leave home because of Hasaan, I love Hasaan and all but he's definitely not anybody that I would leave home for especially not with the way things went between us when we first met.
I decided to leave Kieran's question alone. For one, it sounded dumb to me. For two, Kieran and my mother both know that I left home because of her. I didn't have no good support system growing up and me and my motha barely even talked, she didn't watch me as a kid so I was basically free to do anything I wanted. Which wasn't always a good thing. I did bad shit but for a good cause.
I was thirteen working the corners because my motha couldn't provide for us, she had been sick for as long as I can remember but it had recently gotten worse. For some reason, part of me was mad at her because she never even attempted to have a relationship with me. She just let me do whatever, say whatever and go with whoever. She hadn't met Hasaan either, but do you think she cared about me enough to at least try to get to know him? Nah.
All that mattered was that I was paying for her treatment and her hospital bills. I was also in the process of paying off her house which was funny because I could barely keep up the rent on my own. It didn't help that Hasaan's motha was living off of us even though she had it like that and could easily purchase her own house. She just wanted to insert herself into our lives as much as she could so she acted like she was grieving her husband's death to push her way into our home.
I openly scoff at my thoughts, Fatima really played us like that. Whole time she has a new boyfriend that she openly admitted to taking my stuff for. She was so quick to call me broke but was taking my soap, cologne and shit out of my bathroom and trying to wrap it for whoever the fuck the nigga was that she was seeing.
I snap myself out of my thoughts by turning around and damn near coming face to face with Kieran, who lifted his arm and pushed me back slightly. "Igh bro, igh." He said turning his head in disgust. He scooted to the end of the bed and stood up, tucking his phone into his back pocket before stretching briefly. He yawned and shut his eyes tightly before sighing and scratching the back of his neck.
"I gotta go, I'm tryna go see Dominic again. Tell Ma I love ha." He said making his way out of the room before I could respond.
I remember when me and Hasaan were like that, I thought he was the most annoying nigga ever until he put a spell on me and I couldn't stay away from him for long. I sighed, maybe I should just go back and apologize to him. But if I apologized to him, his motha was gone have to apologize to me. If it came to me and her getting into an argument again, I was just going to kick her the fuck out of my house.
If Hasaan had a problem with that then he would be going with her. Ain't gone be no discussion.
FATIMA'S POV
I don't understand the logic behind apologizing for having an opinion.
Kashmir was wrong and we all understood that. He couldn't handle the fact that he was wrong and so he ran away like the little bitch he was. Probably back to his mothers house, but I can't fathom why he would do that. His mother didn't have anything just like he didn't have anything, two poor people under one roof is not the ideal life. But then again, him and my son were down on their luck at the moment. While most people would think that I'm in the wrong for not helping them, but they always forget one thing. I don't have to do shit for Hasaan and I damn sure don't have to anything for Kashmir.
I sat down on Hasaan's couch and propped my legs up on the coffee table, Hasaan was in the kitchen cooking while I sat and relaxed. I had done too much for too long for him to not cook for me or do anything for me. I deserved queen treatment and he deserved to treat me as such. But I couldn't enjoy myself because he constantly brought up his little boyfriend, saying that I needed to apologize to Kashmir even after I told him that I wasn't.
Even after the fact, it was as if I didn't make myself clear because he wouldn't stop asking if I would apologize. The question is, why would I apologize if I was simple defending my son? I was merely protecting him from the likes of someone like Kashmir and unfortunately my warnings and foreshadowing didn't seem to help him much in the past, but the good news is, everything was falling into place as it should be. No more fighting, no more late nights, no more drugs, no unholy sexual pleasures that those two share and best of all, no more Kashmir.
With that heathen out of the picture I could now show Hasaan what real love should look like and he could not achieve that look with a man or what was left of one at least.
I was going to plan a date for him and some nice young woman since he didn't want Nylah, what a damn fool he was. Nylah's family had money, they had power. Both of which he's never had on his own, he's always needed me for those things and while I have my own riches and my own power, my son is severely falling short. He could have had the ideal life if he hasn't so called fell in love, he was blinded by Kashmir because Kashmir was unfamiliar to him. He took interest in someone that he couldn't relate to, that he couldn't think like, that he couldn't act like. Someone he himself could never be. And it pained him deeply that while he was sitting in our home, at our beautiful white clothed table and eating a nice hot meal, Kashmir was elsewhere doing God knows what.
All of this time, Hasaan thought that I despised Kashmir because he was poor or didn't have what we had. But in reality that was quite the opposite back then, however, it most certainly plays a role now. When my son was sixteen, him and Kashmir began a relationship, a relationship that I denied, that's ai disapproved of but for good reason. What mother would want to see their child with someone like Kashmir? Always in and out of the house at all times of the night, running the streets, selling drugs and was heavily gang affiliated. I wanted what was best for my child and Kashmir was definitely not apart of those few options. He was not about to drag my child down to hell along with him, Hasaan is innocent. Was innocent. Until he met Kashmir.
I glanced over to see Hasaan standing near the island, slowly cutting what looked to me like onions. Aww, my baby was still upset about his little boyfriend. Ex boyfriend. Soon, I'd pair him with someone that he could learn the true meaning of love from. All he knew was that fairytale bullshit that Kashmir put into his head.
"Hurry Hasaan, I'm famished." I fanned myself as I felt the heat inside the apartment begin to take over. Hmm, if they were going to live in an old, rundown apartment they could at least have gotten one that had decent heat. The heat in here was overwhelming. Hasaan sighed heavily and turned around, dropping the onions into the pot. I smirked. That's right baby, service mommy like the boss she is.
"It's almost done, Ma."
I hummed. If Kashmir were here we wouldn't be eating for a while, I scoffed lowly to myself as I began to curl my lip up at the thought of him. Hasaan always allowed that anorexic bastard to dictate everything around here when he should have had no say so in the beginning. He wasn't paying for anything in regards to the apartment but he assumed that just because he was putting Hasaan through school that he could say whatever he damn well pleased. That's not how this is going to go.
"Ma?" I pulled myself up a bit and gave Hasaan my full attention as I placed my head in my hand. I pursed my lips watching as he sighed and placed the knife that he was using onto the counter.
"Can you please just apologize to Mir?" I furrowed my eyebrows just as he held up his hands to gender me from responding, "I-I know that he was wrong for some of the things that he said, but in a way you was too." Hasaan leaned over the island and clasped his hands together as if he had just done something effective. See, this behavior is why I refused to help either one of them. My own son allowed his boyfriend to speak to me any kind of way while he just stood and watched. And now he was taking his side in the matter when all I did was come to his rescue.
I shifted on the couch as I started to feel a bit uncomfortable, I really couldn't understand why Hasaan was so into Kashmir. Like I said, it was bad enough that he was gay but he had the option to be gay with anyone else in the world and that was who he chose. A good for nothing bum who hadn't held more than a couple hundred dollars in his entire twenty-one years of living and a majority of that money came from Hasaan.
I bit the side of my lip, pushing myself closer to the She of the couch. Maybe I was being punk'd. I've explained to Hasaan on numerous occasions that I don't apologize to anyone that I get into quarrels with. I'm always right and that fact needs to be understood, on both ends.
"You have one more time to ask me if I'm going to apologize to that son of a bitch! What am I apologizing for, huh? Name one thing that I said that's was wrong. That boy is a thug! A liar, a cheat, a snake, a heathen, an addict! And he's going to drag down to hell if you don't pull yourself together, I am trying to help you. I tried to help you then and I'm trying to help you now, can't you see that? Kashmir Perez-Garcia is not who you think he is," I push myself up and off of the couch, fixing my skirt.
"And while it may be true that he loves you and would never do anything to hurt you, he already has. He just doesn't know it and neither do you. Why would you want to be with someone who can't take care of you? He can go out and get a job while you sit here and cook, clean and take care of the house but that's just not how things are, are they?" Hasaan leaned up from his position on the counter and gulped. I knew that I had him right where I wanted him.
Hasaan began to fidget with his fingers and he looked down at his feet, "Kashmir does have a job, Ma. He's puttin me through school." I quickly hold my hand up in irritation. School. That's what this was all about? A damn school?
I chuckled humorlessly to myself, "Well well well, look at that! The boy is putting you through school and what exactly does that mean? He certainly doesn't do anything else so he has no choice but to put you through school. And you talking about he has a job," I laugh at how naive my son sounds. This was damn funny to me, "That boy," I say through laughter. "Ain't got no job. That boy is out there selling dope, he ain't got no real job. Now you just answer me this, what kind of a mother would I be if I let you stay with someone like him? Hm? If my friends at the bridge club heard about this, they would shun me for all eternity." I placed both of my hands over my heart, attempting to fake a sincere look. If this didn't work then I wasn't exactly ruling out a more aggressive approach.
"This boy done took you away from friends, made you move away from family, hell he done even made you stop working. And for what? So he can go sell dime bags on a corner somewhere?" I took a step towards him, "If you ever thought my problem with you was that you were gay," I shake my head no, "Not entirely. I've struggled for all of these years to come to terms with your...abnormal dealings, but you are still my son and I still love you. I firmly believe that this...gay thing will pass and you will return back to normal, baby. You can even pack your things right now and we'll be out of here, starting you a new life with a nice, respectable, gentle young woman." I said smiling over at Hasaan who just stood there.
"Maybe you and her can give me a grandchild some day." I squealed as if I was a little kid, Hasaan's father would be proud of what I'm trying to do. But unlike me, he supported Hasaan's..abnormalities. I'm sure he didn't want his son to grow up and be gay because no parent wants that, certainly not one of the standard where we come from. Nonetheless, Michael gave in to his sons desires and wants, he rollt Kashmir in with open arms. I didn't, I wouldn't and I couldn't. And I never will.
I like to think that Michael would appreciate the fact that I'm trying to guide Hasaan in the direction of right because for the past four years, he's been living heavily in sin and was on the wrong path. But now? Now that Kashmir was finally gone, he had the opportunity to get back right.
Hasaan but the inside of his cheek, "I gave you a grandchild already, rememba? A granddaughter? The one you made me give up at birth. Or you don't remember that?" I rolled my eyes and scoffed, waving Hasaan off. He was still on that? I already told him when he first announced to the family that he was with child, I would never make him get an abortion because I don't support that but the thing about that was, I also didn't support my son being careless and getting knocked up by some thug from the hood criminal who didn't make enough for himself let alone a family of three.
I intertwined my fingers, resting them in front of me. "I don't talk about her. Neither should you or her father. She's a thing of the past, we all have a new life now. Kaylia who? My granddaughter who? I'm sorry sweetheart, I've never had a granddaughter you know why?," I smiled tightly, "You've never been with a woman in order to give me one." I watched Hasaan's face drop in dread while I continued to smile.
Him and Kashmir made my life a living hell for four years. Now it was my turn.
KIERAN'S POV
I rolled my eyes as I stood in Dominic's closet.
Dominic was always being sneaky about me which I didn't understand since his parents knew we were together, I mean I would assume they don't know about us having sex because I would have been done for a long time ago. But that wasn't the point, each time this niggas dad came home and we were fucking, he would push me off of him, throw my clothes at me and shit and push me into his closet. Speaking of his closet, I'm thinking about going to the car wash and getting one of those scented trees so I can hang it in this bitch. Got me in this hot ass, stank ass closet. But he don't gotta worry about it, when he sees a box of those trees and air fresheners, he's going to be mad.
"Who you in hea talkin to?" Dominic looked around nervously as he searched for an answer while his father stared down at him with folded arms.
The fuck, nigga if you don't get me out this nasty ass closet and say that you were talking to me. He's literally not going to be mad because he knows about us, so I didn't see the point in hiding me. Aw shit. I'm saying all of this and I don't even have any clothes on. Oh well, if he sees my dick then he sees it. I was two seconds away from pushing open this closet door. And he had the closet that had shudders that you could see through? Aw yeah, if I pushed this door open I was gone scare me an old nigga today. Scare the grey hairs out that nigga beard real quick.
"Yeah aight. If I catch somebody in hea, ima shoot the nigga in his ass because you told me that you didn't have nobody in hea which would mean whoever I hear in hea had to sneak in...I wouldn't want my son getting hurt, now would I?" His father asked cheekily as he gave him a sarcastic smile. Now, I wasn't scared of Dominic's father or anything but I was allergic to gunshot wounds so I guess staying in the closet would be my best option until this nigga left.
Dominic's father took a quick glance around the room and I mentally cursed at myself. If this nigga didn't hurry up and get the fuck out, bro I didn't even get my nut yet and I was starting to get irritated.
He walked out of the room and shut the door behind him as Dominic rushed to went and go lock it, he waited a few seconds before walking over to the closet and opening it. I smiled brightly. "Ya fatha' nosy as fuck but it's all good, you can make up for his nosiness by gettin back into that position you was just in." Dominic sucked his teeth and smacked my arm causing me to scrunch my face up. Why the nigga hit me but he ain't hit his fatha for barging into his room like he was crazy? I dead ain't even say anything wrong.
"Nigga no!"
Dominic looked over at his door before continuing, "If he comes back in hea then what? I don't want him to shoot you, nigga are you crazy?" I sucked my teeth and sighed heavily, he did have a point but look if that were to happen, at least I got my nut first. I wouldn't be going to the hospital on brick and that's all that mattered to me.
"You gotta go." Dominic whispered, "I'll call you tonight." I raised an eyebrow. I know this bitch wasn't about to send me home without letting me finish. No handjob, no head, no nothing? I ran my hands down my face, Lord please tell me why I started fucking with a nigga that was scary to take risks. Please tell me why I had a hard time just hitting and dipping. Because if I wanted to move onto the next nigga or bitch, in all honesty I could. I was just like that, I had it like that.
"I ain't leavin shawty, sorry."
Dominic sighed heavily and mumbled a quick 'oh my God'. Yeah nigga, oh my God you not letting me get my nut. Yes, this shit was that serious to me because ai knew if he didn't do it then I would find somebody else who would and he knew that as well so I don't know why he's sitting here playing. It's not like I wanted to do that to him, but if I absolutely felt the need to then that was that. It would be solely up to him whether or not he decides to stay with me after that. I scratched the back of my head as we both stood in silence, narrowing my eyes at the view of him. If I left, it wasn't going to be without him.
"Ima leave on one condition." I said shrugging. Dominic nodded. "If you come wit me." Dominic's eyes damn near bulged out of his but I didn't understand why. He acted like this was the craziest idea he had ever heard before or some shit. Running away from home wasn't bad if you found the right person to run away with. I was the perfect person.
"Nigga I can't run away from home with you! I'm only fifteen, where would I go? Where would I live? What money am I gonna have to eat?" Damn if I knew he was going to be pestering me with these dumb ass questions I would have never brought the idea up in the first place. This nigga was talking to me like I didn't have money, like I didn't have a place to lay my head. The answers to those questions were simple. We could lay low at my house for a few days before we start looking at some apartments. I could get Kash to act like our dad or something and he can help me pay for whatever we need. Dominic's parent rarely checked in on him as it is, them niggas won't notice that he's gone until a month from now.
"Don't worry bout all that, you must have forgot who ya nigga was. All you need to do is sit and look pretty, I got you beloved." I said putting my hands on his waist and pulling his closer to me. He relaxed himself in my arms.
"What about my stuff?" I leaned over and looked behind him. I mean to be fair, he didn't have a lot of stuff to begin with. So..what stuff? Nigga the blanket off your bed? The lights off your wall? The air like what? Notice how I didn't even say clothes because I rarely saw him with them on anyway, what did he need clothes for? And he didn't go outside so like I said, what does he need clothes for? When we move in together best believe I'm keeping him in the house and locked up. Ain't no nigga looking at what's mine, I'll by antifreeze and consume it before I let another nigga think he can take Dominic from me.
I was fucked up in the head like that but Dominic didn't need to know that. At least, not yet.
"Leave that shit hea, you don't need anything that reminds you of ya past." I said letting his waist go and grabbing onto his right hand, dragging him towards his window. I felt him tug on my hand slightly so I turned to look at him. "Are you sure about this, bro?" He questioned. I could tell he wasn't sure about leaving with me but oh well. The only way I was leaving is if he came with me, if not I was just going to have to get shot in my ass. Now, we could make this easy and he can just come with me and everything would be cool. Simple as that.
I shrugged, "Kash ran away from home when he was seventeen, that's one year olda than I am right now. He found love along the way and ran with it, he got a nice apartment, he's making money, all of that. He's out hea livin his best life so why can't we? You know I got you foreva, Dommy." I said as Dominic leaned in to give me a hug. I left out the parts about Kashmir being at my house now because Dominic didn't need to know all of that, he would find out eventually if he ran into Kash at the house. He definitely didn't need to know about Kash's boyfriends mom. That wasn't his business, right now his job was to just put faith in me. I placed a kiss on his forehead and took a step back.
"Just trust me."
SOOOO what y'all think about this chapter?
i hope that you enjoyed it! <3
do y'all think that Kashmir was wrong for blocking Hasaan?
now y'all know that there was a baby involved. 💕
do y'all think fatima was wrong for making hasaan give the baby up?
i hope y'all start to like kieran cause y'all gone see him a lot more. but what do y'all think? should dominic trust him?
what are your thoughts on hasaan?
kashmir?
fatima?
kieran?
if y'all couldn't tell, kieran is showing early signs of being a manipulator or a controller. he's not doing it intentionally, he just doesn't like when things don't go his way.
I love y'all! ❤️
— miya ♥︎