-Boas perspective-
The worried look in Casey's eyes hadn't left since I said that. I could tell the guilt was really eating at her. I sighed and reached out, resting my hand on her head.
"Listen, Enchilada. I really think you should just go talk to him." I said and kneeled down to her. "He cared a lot about you. But he's not having an easy time with all the stuff going on. The Acolytes, the wolf attacks, apparently his mom came back…"
"What!?" She squeeked.
Man, I'm really just opening my big fat mouth too much here…
"I'm just trying to say you shouldn't blame yourself for his mental decline lately. He's got a lot going on that isn't about you. But I think, he'd appreciate a friend right now."
She nodded and slowly pushed herself up. "It's late now, so I'll make him something and bring it to him tomorrow."
I smiled. "That's the spirit."
Casey then walked over to the edge of the forest and grabbed a small plastic bag and ran it back over to me. "And I know Orion would love some yummy lunch too."
"Thanks Enchilada." I said and grabbed the bag from her. "Guess we both have some cheering up to do!"
…
I walked through the bustling halls of the hospital and hurried my way down to my sister's room. My heart raced a bit as I walked, there was so much going on. Salem's still knocked, Orion probably still hates me, and any little mistake can maybe cripple my sister forever. Yeah, I definitely wish I was drunk and on tour instead of here. As the thought came, Nyx's face came to mind. I can't imagine the stress that kids going through right now, facing his demons head on. I really need to do the same.
Soon I got to the door and opened it up. Finding Orion in the room, his face was burried into a book. My eyes immediately went to my sister though. Then my heart stopped, her skin, it had color again! I dropped everything in my hand and ran over to her bedside.
"Oh my gosh!? Orion look! Salems peach skin is back!" I cheered and ran my hands over her cheek and through her hair.
He chuckled and took a breath. "I had a little break through, it's nothing to completely repair everything. But I've cleared somethings away to help her heart out a bit."
"Oh my gosh I could kiss you!" I laughed and stopped mid way. Oh crap did I just say that!? To him of all people!?
I glanced over and saw his face was still buried in the book. For a moment, I saw the old him. Sitting back on the couch and reading away about spells and treasurer, while I laid up against him and watched a horror flick.
"I'm sorry I'm taking so long. I promise you, I'll figure this out. I won't rest." He said.
I stood up straight and looked toward him. The scruff of his beard was becoming a bit wild, and his clothes looked a bit rough and stained. Has he even moved from this spot since the last time I saw him?
"Orion, can I ask you something?" I asked.
He lowered his book and slowly shut it.
"Yeah, sure, what is it?" He asked.
"Why are you trying so hard? Not that I don't want you too, I just. I didn't think Salem ment this much to you."
He leaned back and scratched his beard. "Well, it's a lot of things. For one, Salem is a friend. She helped me out a lot in the past. I owe it to her to do my best. Not only that, but this is a real test of my abilities, the abilities of my lost people. It's a challenge to see if we can rise from all of this." He took a breath and looked up at the ceiling. "It's like, if I can't figure this out. I lose to the guardians again. They already took my family, my history, and now there trying to take away and torture my friends. I don't wanna lose anymore, it's like, I'm always losing."
My heart twinged a bit as he said that. The face he made when he found out I was sleeping with his friend barged into my head. And suddenly my body ran cold. Yeah, I definitely didn't help with him losing everything did I?
"Here, why don't you take a break?" I kneeled down and grabbed one of many bags. I walked over to him and set a bag of his food on top of his book. "I picked up some grub on the way here. Your favorite actually…"
He blinked a few times and smiled. "Fajita bowl?" He asked.
"With extra Mexican rice, just how you like it."
"I'm surprised you remembered. You can barely remember the names of your familiars." He chuckled and started to take his bowl from the bag.
"Hey! I've gotten better! I just name them after albums or rockstars I like. Makes it waaay easier."
"Yeah, I can totally see you naming your kids Metallica."
"Would that not be a dope!?"
"He's so gonna get bullied."
"He? That's definitely gonna be my daughter's name. Metallica and Iron maiden, twins."
He rolled his eyes and started to fish his fork through the steaming bowl of food.
"Yeah, it amazes me Nyxs name wasn't like. Green day or rolling stones."
"Pfft, Salem was gonna name him Zeppelin. But apparently." I made air quotes. "Came to her senses."
"I'm sure when you meet the right person you'll come to your senses too." He chuckled and started to eat.
My eyes lingered on him for a bit. His strong jaw, his pristine white hair, his almost glowing turquoise eyes. I bit my lip and just stared at him. How can someone look so perfect doing something so mundane? He was just eating. His eyes glanced over and met mine and my heart started to race. I quickly looked away and sat down next to him.
"I also got you something, a sorta, thank you gift." I grabbed the gift Casey helped me get and handed it over to him.
It was just a small little box in a big plastic bag. He took it and set it over his food and immediately started to open it up.
"You don't have to open it right now!" I said. "You need to eat."
"But now I'm curious." He said and just continued to unwrap, until he got to the little box. He opened it up and found the little galaxy charm bracelet.
My cheeks grew hot and I just looked away from him. "I didn't know what a grand wizard could use. So, I thought maybe a cute little bracelet would be nice. I remember our dates watching the stars together. You'd always love to tell me about all the stuff going on. Even though I'd never understand a thing you said, I'd love to see how enthusiastic you got talking about it."
He chuckled a little and I heard the jingling of the bracelet as he picked it up. "I'm surprised you'd even remember nights like that…"
I looked over and saw him smiling down at the bracelet.
"Of course I do." I said and he glanced back at me. "Sometimes, when I feel really alone. I'll go find a hill or a roof, and I'll just, stare at the stars. That was probably the only time in my life, I really felt full."
"Stop saying things like that…" He mumbled.
"What? What are you talking about?"
"You're just trying to be nice, you don't have to fake it for me."
"Orion, I mean that. Every word. You're, like home to me."
"Enough." He said firmly. "What game is this? When we first met you called me a dilf, and flirted, and now you're giving me this? And telling me I feel like home? What? Do you just want to sleep with me? See how the years have changed me?"
My heart really started to pound against my chest. "N-no! Orion, I'm not lying. About anything."
"Like how you weren't lying about you Dunia?" He snapped.
My body shook and I sank back into my seat. I see, my sins are still there…
"Orion I'm-"
"Don't say it again. I've heard it enough. All of your I'm sorrys, your excuses, your jokes. Just be honest with me. Why did you do that to me? And what do you want now?"
I took a heavy breath and bawled my fist.
"Orion, listen to me, and listen to me well. I love you, I've always loved you. Every Day, every hour, everytime I'm with someone else. It's never been filling. Because you're always in my mind, in my heart, in my head. Not a day has gone by that I haven't looked at the stars and cried feeling so alone.."
Orion bit his lip and took off his glasses. Tears were running down his face. "Why should I believe you? Why did you betray me then? You were my best friend Boa, and you hurt me so bad…"
"Orion I'm so sorry!" My voice cracked and I felt the tears running down my face. "I'm so, so sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. I was just so scared."
"Scared of what?"
"Of dreaming like that. All the what ifs came into my head, and I panicked…"
"Why couldn't you just say you were scared?"
"Because I didn't want to just reject you. At the time it just felt easier to just…distance myself. I didn't even like Dunia, he was bad at everything too. But he was a good enough distraction, a good enough wall."
"What kinda thoughts did you have?" He asked.
I sniffled and wiped my eyes. "Like, like you'd leave me eventually. I also thought about having kids eventually too and I was terrified to be a mom. After all, my dad left me and my mom was a psychopath. Two screw ups can only make another screw up right? And you were so…perfect, I thought I'd just be holding you back."
"Boa, I was in love with you. Your bold and brash decision making. The way you always could make any mundane task feel like an adventure, how deeply you cared about the people you loved. You would've been a great mom, and my perfect bride…" He mumbled.
The tears really started to burst from my eyes. I buried my face into my hands. I ruined it! I ruined everything! If I had just talked about my feelings! If I had just trusted that Orion loved me I'd still be able to see the stars with him. Dammit Boa! Why do you ruin everything you touch? Why do you always hurt people? Why are you such a monster?
"Dammit…" I cried and leaned into my hands some more.
"Boa." Orion said.
A hand rested on my shoulder and I jumped away. I looked up and saw Orion reaching out.
"Don't! I don't deserve it! I know I'm crying I'm sorry, I just can't hold it back. I hurt you, I hurt Salem, I hurt Nyx, I hurt everyone." I sniffled and bawled my fist. "I'm terrible, so please, don't take pity on me. I don't deserve it. Even now I can't even hold back the tears so you can let your feelings out."
"Boa I don't want that!" He demanded and his voice made me shake. "I've always wanted you to talk to me. That's what caused everything to go wrong in the first place, you not talking to me. Stop holding everything in. Stop trying to be alone, stop running from me."
"I have to! Or else I'm gonna just hurt you again. I'm gonna hurt everyone again. I always do, it always happens…"
He walked over to me and I bit my lip. My whole body was shaking and I couldn't hold myself back from panting. He's gonna tell me off. I deserved it, but I really didn't want to hear it. As he got closer I closed my eyes and more tears came out. Then, suddenly everything froze. There was a warm grasp around my bawled fists. I slightly opened my eyes and saw Orion holding my fist.
"Boa, you're not the same person anymore. You've made mistakes, but those are in the past. Let them rest there." He said softly.
His eyes looked deeply into my own and they had care and love in them.
"How can you say that? After what I did?" I whispered.
"Because, we can't grow as people if we refuse to let go of the past. Our past lives, our past dreams, our past mistakes."
"Who says I'm different? Who says I won't just hurt everyone again?" I asked and stepped closer to him.
"You don't know that. All you can do, is your best." He said and pulled me closer. "I know for sure. Nyx wouldn't be happy if you were gone. I wouldn't be happy if you were gone."
I took a heavy breath and rested my head on his firm chest. "Can you forgive me? Can we start over? Please snowflake?"
I felt his big rough fingers now combing through my hair. He gave me a hearty laugh and nodded. "Yeah, we can start over. Back from Zero."