"Yun, I heard that you were going to the wedding with the Huan King."
It was the next day, and somehow word had already gotten out that she was supposed to be his consort for the wedding.
Yun turned around, and saw that Jin was huffing as he rounded the corner from the large bell. His expression was pinched, which was very unusual of him.
"May I know who told you that?"
"So, you are going with him?" Jin's jaw dropped, looking on the verge of being angry. He clenched back his jaw and turned around, pinching his forehead with his hands.
"What's wrong?" Yun asked, a hint of concern dripping into her voice as she watched on. "You do not normally act this way."
"That's because I do not normally get jealous." He snapped, before his shoulders sagged and he sighed.
"Jealous?"
"Jin, what do you mean?" Yun's brows furrowed as she stood up and walked over to him. "Why are you jealous?"
The only way to describe jealousy, was the occurrence when you like someone. And to be honest, she had never had the feeling before, although it did make her quite uncomfortable when she experienced in her dreams.
"Jin?" She called out gingerly to him again.
"Yun, I don't know when this started, but I am done trying to run away from my feelings." Jin said, a steely resolve in his eyes as he turned around and looked at her. "I have never felt anything this strong before for anyone that I have ever met. And I can't bear the thought of not being able to express it to you any longer."
"I love you. Yun, I love you so much."
Her breath caught.
"Ever since the first day that we met, I thought you were different. I was intrigued, and I wanted to get to know you better. You are a mystery, so captivating to me that I could barely stand around you without wanting to learn about you. Then, somewhere, I think I fell in love with you."
"I love your wit, I love your determination, and I love your hardworking resolve." He said, stepping closer to her with each declaration he made. "I love everything about you that I have learned so far. I respect you, and I cherish you so much."
"I don't want a life without you in it." He finally said, reaching for her hands and clasping them together in his, the rough skin brushing over her smooth fingers.
"I- I never knew that you felt that way about me." Yun looked down at their hands, entwined. It was warm... and comforting, and her chest was blossoming with the feeling.
But suddenly she had a flashback of she and Yufan holding hands this exact same way, and they tightened.
"Yun, what's wrong?" Jin asked, looking concerned as she opened her eyes at him again.
"Nothing."
It came out as a whisper, but then Jin looked so happy and radiant, like the sun and everything that was bright and cheerful. "So, will you- will you, be together with me?"
"I-I.. I can't." Yun got the words out on the tip of her tongue. "Jin, we can't be together. In fact, I can't be together with anyone. I'm not supposed to."
Why are my feelings so complicated?
"I don't care about your identity, if that is what you are referring. Whether you are Lady Gu, from a noble family, or Yun, the girl that is Lord Xu's student, that doesn't mind. I love you for who you are, not what you have." His forehead pinched again.
"But if anyone finds out, Jin. It will be the heads of your whole family." She pulled her hands out from his, and cupped his cheeks. Tracing her thumb gently around his cheekbones. "I don't want that to happen."
"We could keep it a secret. I know we can."
"Jin, why won't you-"
"No, Yun. Why won't you understand?" He said, looking heartbroken within a matter of seconds. "I understand that if you would choose to be with other people, that is your choice, and you deserve the best, but why push me away when you care for me so much?"
Yun kept silent, her vision slowly starting to blur out. "I don't want to hurt you."
Her hands fell away, dropping to her sides. "But you're right, I don't understand. And I probably wouldn't want to, because that would mean I would be falling in love with you as well. And I wouldn't want that for you. It wouldn't be fair."
It wouldn't be fair if I made you love me and then leave. It wouldn't be fair if I continue to prioritize myself over you. And it wouldn't be fair if I were in love with someone else.
It wouldn't be fair for you to sacrifice so much for someone's who's not worth it.
"I'm sorry, Jin. But I can't."
She turned around before the first tear dropped, and ran back down the stairs, not looking back.
• ───────────────── •
"Yun, someone sent you a letter."
Yun jumped at that, and knocked over the porcelain jar that was sitting next to the table.
Sister Shu looked at it, surprised at her reaction. "Um, here it is. Do you need any help in cleaning up?"
"No. No." Yun stuttered, hopping over the jar shards to the door. "I can manage myself, thank you Sister Shu."
"You're welcome. Be careful with the shards though." She said, and Yun nodded, closing the door immediately after and leaned against it. Her shoulders relaxed slightly as Sister Shu did not asked her anything.
She brought the letter upwards, and realised that it was not a letter from Yufan. She exhaled audibly.
She flipped it over however, and saw that there was still a royal seal at the back of the envelope. Her fingers pried over the seal, and pulled out the letter. Reading the contents, her eyes widened, and she pulled open the door again.
"Sister Su! Would you please accompany me to a banquet next week?"
--
It was the day of the banquet, and Yun was in awe at the number of Immortals that were invited for the occasion.
"Yun, wait for me!" Su called out, her soft voice almost buried in the crowd.
Yun turned over and looked over the throng walking into the hall and stepped aside to wait for Sister Su.
"There you are." Sister Su's sigh of relieve was evident, as she finally managed to catch sight of Yun. "I was still looking for our healer robes before I realized we are both not in them today."
Yun looked at herself and smoothened out her dress robes with her palms. It was something she had buried in the depths of her wardrobe, and she was surprised at it being actually decent to an event as such. In contrast to her usual white and green, it was layered pink, and had a pale purple shawl going around her arms. "It does feel weird not being in them."
A horn blared from within the hall, and Yun immediately grabbed Sister Su's hand, pulling her into the hall to find their seats.
═════════════════
They were seated closest to the entrance, but Yun didn't mind. Her eyes were flittered around the place, feeling excited and overwhelmed at the same time. It was the first time that she had even been to an event like this, and there were so many Immortals sitting around, mingling with the Immortals next to them.
The only seats empty now were at the head of the hall now. And Yun knew that they were for the Royal Family. The glided gold thrones were seated on a dais, and the rest were silver, but still intricate in carvings and studded with precious stones.
The horn blared again at this time, bringing her attention back.
"Please, stand up for the arrival of the Royal Family." A voice boomed throughout the hall, and Yun stood up along with Su.
Her lips curved naturally upwards as she saw Yufan striding into the room. He wore a striking robe of white and gold today, which was more refined than anything that he had ever worn before. He had also wore a studded crystal barrette in his hair than the usual silver one that he usually donned. The sword by his side was missing as well.
Yun found him different, this way. Very much different than the side of him that she was used to seeing, but she liked it. He looked regal and powerful, rather than the usual modesty and down-to-earth feeling that he gave her. It suited him in a way that she didn't expect and she was glad that she got to see this side of him.
But rather than looking at her, he passed her without a glance. Her eyebrows pinched as she watched him walk across the room. There was something wrong.
He cape flew in a vigorous manner as he turned and took his seat alongside a few of his siblings. His jaw was taut, and he kept glaring at the ground. It made her confused and she wondered if it was his injury bothering him.
And then, the Immortal announced that the significant others of the Royal Family were allowed to take their seat. Which then, several Immortals rose and moved upwards onto the dais. So, the only one without a partner left was Yufan.
"And may I present, Lady Biyu from the Yuwen family clan as Prince Yufan's betrothed."
He has a betrothed?
Yun eyes blinked rapidly as a lady in the purple dress and long, curly tresses walked up to Yufan, sitting down next to him at his table. Her throat tightened and she felt like she couldn't breathe.
"I need to get some air." She told Su before she pushed herself up and ran outside the hall. Her feet pounded against the ground, mirroring the harsh thumps of her heart.
The chill bit into her thin robes, but she didn't bother. She wasn't going to go back into the banquet and see the scene with him and his betrothed together.
She ran, and ran, and ran. Taking down random turns at the palace until she burst out into a large balcony overlooking the edge of the Palace. It opened up to the wide cluster of stars twinkling in the sky, and the bright moon surrounded by them.
She felt numb now, her feelings slowly drying away. She took a shuddering breath, and stepped towards the balcony. Her hands gripping the railing tightly as she looked upwards and watched the night sky. The air made her feel... better. At least she could breathe again.
"Why are you doing this to me? Why do I feel like this for you?" She murmured, trying to make sense about what she was going through, about what she was feeling. "I don't even know you, and you don't know me."
"Maybe we're just not supposed to be."
She decided that she wasn't going to go back to the banquet after all. She was much better out here, much freer with the open sky and the stars and the breeze that enveloped her.
I don't need him anyway. And if he doesn't respect me enough to tell me that, then he doesn't deserve me.