This chapter might have triggering parts
In Luke's point of view
I don't know what happened,maybe I was boiling down to another relapse of maybe finals where stressing me out but know I have a sobbing cat sitting in my passenger seat of my car at 2:47 in the morning on a Friday well now Saturday morning.God I'm so fucked up.Please let me explain.God let me explain.
Earlier this morning,8:23 Am
"You think people really like iggy azalea?or she shi like apart of the illuminati type shit" this was actually what someone said in my fucking english class.we where having open debates and for the first time Bat raised her hand to go against the "smartest" kid in class when really he steals the answer sheets .It was dead silent as she raised her hand,people where noticing her.She walked up the the podium pulled up the chair and sat down .The chair was high enough for her to still rest her hand on it .My teacher said "the topic for your discussion will be." He shuffled through many cards and said "oh this will be good it's abortion,should it be legal or illegal" he said everyone was being dead silent.This is more than likely the first time they have ever heard her speak.I admired her heather grey skirt and her light pink sweater and the white doc martens she was wearing "my stance is illegal" Nathan te guy said he smirked thinking he was going to win all of this "my stance is legal" she said her voice through and calm.It held this sort of confidence and power." Ok debate starts with Nathan,you have three minutes for an opening claim"
"Abortion should be illegal in all states as if it murder and if I remember murder is illegal"he said so sure of himself it was still silent.
"Yeah murder is illegal but don't you know that abortion cannot happen after 3 months of pregnancy and is not considered a baby until that time furing the first 3 months the unborn is considered an embryo than a fetus you are not killing something" she said and I considered it a good argument he just stared at her probably not expecting her to actually try to fight back
"Why have an abortion when there's no many couples who can't have children and are wanting to adopt children?should they be denied"
"No they won't be denied because there's thousands of children inside the US that can be adopted and haven't because they will be denied by a child that was forced to be born" people where starting to take note she continued
"Look I don't want to be up here for a long time so I'll just put in my opinion;you as a father do not have as much ownership as the mother.If a women is raped should she be forced to carry her monsters child? Do you know how traumatizing that can be?you don't even understand the issues that can happen during pregnancy that child could kill her.The fetus doesn't have emotions and a cognitive mental state yet but that mothers does"
"Well...." Nathan tried saying something he was searching for an answer "having an abortion is like saying human life is like...disposable " she gave a condescending chuckle and said "first off I think human life is,you know how many people we send into war knowing they'll for surely die.Ive heard you tell people to kill themselves you to believe human life is disposable neither of us are in the safe " she said my teacher looked amazed by her responses "well you're just a suicidal bitch" he spit back see even in elementary school Nathan could never take being wrong he never liked anyone correcting him ,He probably just said that because he felt embarrassed about loosing so badly in front of everyone.I was still pissed actually.I was raging that shit wasn't funny why would he say that in front of everyone who the hell does that,satan? Everyone stopped breathing for a second trying to have how she would react "just like you're brother"
he said the teacher stood up and Cat flipped her shit she pushed down the podium and walked up to Nathan who was starting to understood he fucked up I immediately stood up making sure she was okay people where watching and mumbling things about what was happening she was getting closer she grabbed a sharper pencil and held it tightly saying something like "I'm going to stab you ,you Fucking ignorant prick" I got to her before she could do it though.She threw the pencil at him and hit him in the eye "can I leave?" She asked the teacher he nodded and she left I followed her out of the classroom and to the front doors she stopped turned around and said "don't get too close to me Luke I'm not worth the pain that'll come just leave me alone for a while please" he voice cracked a bit and she started running and i watchers her run and she kept going till she was out of sight.I can't tell you why I let her go like that and I don't know why.I decided I didn't need to stay in school so I went back to my classroom where Nathan was being yelled at by multiple teachers I grabbed her stuff then my binders and everyone looked at me and I said "I promise she's normal there's nothing wrong with her everyone's just ignorant" and with that I left and went to my locker put everything away and grabbed my keys and jacket.I then went to Cats locker and got her coat and left to my car.
Michael should be getting back soo the fucking prick had been skipping all week.I got in my car turned my music up and drive to her house.I didn't know what to expect from ashton or what to say really I don't think 'yeah she had a breakdown because a kid said she a suicidal bitch...like her brother' I started having a bad feeling in my stomach."oh god" I said and pressed my foot a little harder on the gas until I pulled into the circle driveway and went into the house I knocked for a solid 5 minutes until ashton came to the door.He looked rough his knuckles still bleeding and he had a cut lip" it's been a. Rough day I just had to shoot a guy in the le-aren't you suppose to be in school?wheres cat?" He asked and shit he let me inside and I stood there and said "I'll explain" we went to his room and then his bedroom and he started washing his hands and face ."well we where having a debate and well like she volunteered and kicked his ass in it then he was like "well you're a suicidal bitch just like-" he stopped moving turned off the water and walk into his room and started throwing shit around and he stopped suddenly and said "just like who?" I stared at him blankly and said "like her brother"
I didn't know she had a brother but I don't think the guy knew her well enough to know she doesn't have a one .Ashton stopped an sat on his bed he was startled and said "Oh god,where is she now" I looked at him and said" I can't even tell you that" he nodded and started pacing back and forth mumbling shit incoherently "fuck Lucas I have shit I need to do and even though she's my all the time priority if this isn't taken care of we can all be killed so I need you to check all the bridges in Sydney along with the park on west elm and Sutter road please she should be there just keep calling and if you can't find her in a few hours call me and I'll send Calum" he said "ash...how often does this happen?" He looked down for a while and said "She's in a lot of pain right now and the sad fact is she'll probably be in pain for a long time and in the last six months she's done this 9 times counting this one,It's a coping mechanism but I fear she'll loose it one of these days when we least expect it you see I didn't want to talk her this but her parents are in the US where she was born because this town just...Has too many bad memories but them being away makes a my job a lot harder than it use to be so its hard for me to make sure she completely okay so just...watch out for her please" he said that and started to Chang his clothes so I left and went to my car and probably spent a good 15 minutes contemplating my life choices up until this point and they could have been better and worse.
I need to know the whole story of her and why she's so mentally unstable.I want to know things about her she's scare to tell the world.I started with calling her multiple times and she didn't pick up once soho let that go.I checked the park she wasn't there it was like 4 in the afternoon and I decided to take a break.I pulled out a cigarette and went to a little side park and smoke it in under 7 minutes which is good for me.I haven't smoked all week so yay go me I'm not as addicted as I use to be .I told ashton she is want home and he sad he would call Calum.I wanted to know how she knew Calum and what their whole relationship was like with him.I could see why she would date a guy like him he was cool but damn I think I like her and it's scaring me so damn much you don't even understand.hell I want to be able to call her mine.I drive around for another hour and then another until I went home and literally walked past my mom and brothers and to my room.
They didn't even question me anymore.I lost 7 pounds over the last 11 days and they haven't even noticed that shit.I listened to some Arctic monkeys then some green day and went down stairs "luke sit down and eat" my mom said pointing to where some pasta was places next to my brothers on the table."no thanks I'm gonna go" I said looking around for my keys "if you let me weigh you and you eat you can go" she said.Fuck she plays hard ball "if I eat can I go?" I asked trying to avoid the weight thing it was embarrassing to shave it brought up in front of my brothers.or anyone I guess"no lets go" so I followed the crazy bitch to the bathroom where the scale was.I slipped off my black vans and stepped on avoiding the numbers and staring straight ahead.She sighed heavily.The numbers weren't good I guess."you've lost 9 pounds since last time" she said I nodded and stepped off and put my shoes on and followed her out to the kitchen"luke if this is getting to be a problem again I can have your father talk to you and you can go back to the doctors and please take your pills" I was livid my father couldn't do shit he was never around "like the asshole knows what's best for me" and she gasped and jack and Ben stopped eating their utensils clattering on the plates "yeah that whole divorce thing is the reason I'm so fucked up so sorry you have to deal with me until I go to uni then I swear I won't come back I'll help you guys just make it easy and say I never fucking mattered anyways" I don't know why I was so offended maybe because the whole weight thing and then the dad thing just set me off "Luke don't even fucking try to blame anyone else you're the one who just loves the Fucking pity and attention you get from everyone just man up and act like an adult you're fine" Ben said standing up he looked at me .I felt numb and like I was a little kid and I- fuck I can't feel anything anymore it's like my arms are filled with cotton.I did something I never though I would i lifted my sleeves and showed them the scars.I should've had stitches for about half of them and I had one vertical sit I swore I was going to bleed out from but sadly didn't.bens expression turned a 18o and he frantically started to apologize my mothers was flipping out I just grabbed my keys and looked at them and said "I'll make it easy and leave,sorry to have been such a nuisance I'll try to stay out of your way" and walked out my mom started yelling about how I was "mentally unstable and suicidal" I was never suicidal I just hated being numb.I left my sleeve rolled up I was out looking at the bridges it was around 9 maybe ten by then time I got to the first one.I just wanted Cat I didn't feel so messed up when she was there.It was like 11:30 or twelves when I went to the zen of and so on until I got to the last and final bridges the one o had first seen her on.It was around the same time to,2:13 am.She was shivering wiping tear tracks from her cheeks.I parked the car next to where she sat and I stepped out of my car and walked to where she was.She didn't say anything neither did io picked her up and put her on the solid ground and hugged her until eventually she spoke and said
"I'm sorry they fucked with you when you where younger ok
I'm sorry your dad had sex with your art teacher
I'm sorry your brother care more about their girlfriends than you
I'm sorry you don't have any friends
I'm sorry your sad all the time
I'm sorry you don't know what to do with yourself anymore"and he'll that hit me hard I just whispered "I'm sorry life's fucked with you so much and she starting inhaling fast and just got in my car so I drove her him and at the time when I was in front of her house and she was almost sobbing I realized I still found her beautiful even knowing how messed up she was .i picked her up and brought her inside where Calum was along with ashton .Their faces immediately lit up then darkens when seeing the state she was in.
"Calum walked up to me and grabbed her saying "I'll take her to her room,Luke you can come up later just get something to eat of whatever.I looked as he carried her away."thanks kid,you're really good for her" ashton said he looked and sounded tired "is cal going to sleep with her?" I asked he nodded and said "he normally does after these episodes he calms her down.i went upstairs to a spare on the same floor as her room and changed into the clothes ashton have me.My mom and brothers kept calling but I ignored them.I was slightly offended by what they said.I fell asleep wondering how I had gotten this deep with a girl like Cat.