"Loving a wild thing is like having a lion for a pet. You know it's a creature of violence whose very nature and talent is murder, and yet it lies down at your side and purrs for your touch alone." - disillusionedhumanity, tumblr
•••
••• flashback •••
Martha Wayne sat in the early afternoon sun at a small table outside on the roof of one of her favorite restaurants. In the summer they always set up a dining area right under the sky and she'd called ahead to the popular eatery to make sure they kept a table open for her and her daughter.
It was the first time she'd be seeing her in close to a month. The last time they'd been together had ended in a miserable yet typical fashion; a fight.
Every single time Bird had met up with her parents after moving out on her own they always ended up in a fight. Usually erupting between Bird and her dad, who try as he might to keep the peace, proved over and over again unable to hold his tongue and not judge her for the criminal life she chose to lead.
She'd picked today for the lunch, knowing that Thomas would be going into the office and she could meet with their daughter alone.
Martha leaned back in her seat some, eyes closed and face tilted up towards the sun beaming down in the near cloudless sky from above.
It was a beautiful day. A rarity in Gotham. Even the bright days still seemed to produce clouds and shadows.
When she opened her eyes again she saw Bird had arrived and was making her way towards the table.
Dressed in her usual style of jeans, scuffed leather boots that went to her knees, a plain dark color top and a black leather jacket.
Her long, brunette hair hung messily in waves that left Martha questioning whether she'd bothered to brush her hair that morning.
Large dark shades covered her eyes and left her mother unsure about the mood she'd be in today.
"Hi, honey." Martha greeted with a wide smile as she stood to greet her.
"Hey mom." Bird said as she slid into her seat and left her mom wavering next to the table awkwardly, before Martha took her own seat again and realized a hug was wishful thinking on her part.
"How are you?" Martha questioned as her smile grew tight lipped over her teeth.
She was determined to have a pleasant lunch and conversation.
"Good." Bird automatically answered as she pushed her sunglasses up on her head.
Her mom's smile faded some as she finally got a look at her daughter's face.
Bird's skin was unnaturally pale. One might even call it pasty. She looked like she hadn't seen the sun in weeks.
Then again working nights a club, she probably hadn't.
There was a cut above her left eyebrow and a faded bruise on her cheek and beside her eye.
"Thank you for finding the time to meet me." Her mom politely said, "I know you're busy."
Bird cocked an eyebrow at her.
This would usually be the time in a conversation where the other person would say something to effect of; 'I'm so happy we could find the time to meet up' or talk about how much they missed the other back.
But not Bird.
Instead, she let out a low hum and reached for the glass of ice water that was on the table waiting for her.
"What happened there?" Martha asked, motioning to her eye.
"Work." Bird answered with a shrug.
Her usual response whenever she was asked about the injuries she always seemed to have.
It was nearly always the truth as well, but she never went into detail.
"I know." She nodded, "But really; what happened?"
Bird stopped in the process of taking another drink. The ice clinking into the glass cup as she moved the glass from her lips and asked, "You really want to know?"
Martha nodded and felt like crossing her fingers out of sight in hope that it was a story she really did want to hear and not something she'd want to forget as soon as she heard it.
"Oh, okay." Bird readjusted in her seat and sat her glass down on the table, so close to the edge that Martha had to restrain herself from reaching out to move it before it would sure get knocked over, "We had a guy who got a little too drunk and too handsy with one of the dancers on Wednesday-"
"Oh!" Martha exclaimed, "So you jumped in? Defended this dancer? Protected her?"
"I guess..." Bird breathed, shooting her mom a look, "Then he tried to grab me and that wasn't happening, so he took a swing at me-" She pointed to the healing bruise, "And then..."
"And then?" Martha pushed.
Eyeing her mom suspiciously, Bird admitted, "Then I slammed his face against the bar so hard he spit out some teeth."
"Oh." Martha couldn't think of anything else to say.
The word came out with a puff of breath like the air had been forced out of her.
That's where Bird saw the interest turn into disgust.
Her mom had seemed so hopeful for a minute that Bird had done a good deed. Protected another woman from something and done some heroic act.
But then she'd taken it too far and any hope her mom had -had about the situation gave way to seeing how far gone Bird really was.
With a sigh, Bird stood up, thinking the lunch was over before it had really begun.
"Wait!" Martha cried, "Where are you going?"
"Home or something." Bird shrugged.
Standing up she reached across the table and caught her daughter's hand in her own, "Please don't run off. Stay. Sit. Eat with me."
"Please." Martha repeated.
"Okay..." Bird agreed. Her eyes falling to where her mom was still holding onto her hand, "I'll stay for lunch."
Martha let out a relieved sigh, nodding and straightening out her dress before taking her seat again.
Bird shrugged out of her jacket and turned around to hang it over the back of her chair.
Her mom looked up and saw the outline of the closed switch blade knife in Bird's back pocket.
Swallowing hard she looked away but couldn't help wondering how much blood Bird had on her hands.
Was it just from injuring people or had her daughter really taken a life before? Maybe even more than one?
A part of her wanted to know and a part of her would rather be left wondering than have an answer she couldn't ever bleach from knowledge.
The waiter came and took their orders. Small talk was made over the salads and artisan bread served before the entrees.
Chit-chat about Wayne Enterprises and the upcoming Arkham Project they had in talks.
Bird learned that Bruce was on the honor roll -again. Not that she could ever remember a time when he wasn't at the top of his class.
It was a start, Martha thought to herself. One small meal that didn't end in an argument. Attempts on both sides to keep the conversation neutral and somewhat pleasant.
"Honey." Martha said once they were outside of the restaurant and on the sidewalk out front, reaching out she placed her hands on her daughter's arms and faced her, "You know you can always come home, right?"
"I have my own home now." Bird pointed out. Feeling a ball of anger starting to swell in her.
Sure, her apartment was small and not in the best side of town, but it was big enough for her. She paid her own bills and could breathe there.
Something that had gotten harder to due under rule at Wayne Manor.
"I mean, home." Martha repeated, "Your real home-"
"You mean Wayne Manor." Bird corrected her, "Back to shooing Alfred away from cleaning and moving things around in my room. Back to needing a five page long explanation every time I leave? I don't think so, Mom. I'm an adult. I have my own life-"
"I know. I know how grown you are and that you've got a job and you're managing on your own, but I just want what's best for you. I want you to be safe and happy." Emotion blurred her vision and she blinked to clear her line of sight, "Wouldn't it be great to be all together again? Be a family once more. Oh, Starling... this world is so uncertain and you never know what's around the next corner. I just want a chance for us to start again and fix what's become so strained between us."
"Yeah?" Bird asked, "And what about what I want? If you really wanted me to be happy then you'd realize I'm happier on my own than I was living under your roof and under your rules."
Bird regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth when she saw the heart-broken look in her mom's eyes.
Even if what she was saying was the truth, she should have worded it differently.
Heartless.
It wasn't so long ago her dad had hurled that term at her in the middle of a fight; now she considered maybe he was right.
"Mom. I love you." Bird cleared her throat and reached to the sides to pull her mother's hands from her arms, "But I'm not moving back home. Ever."
"Besides..." She breathed as she let go of her hands and crossed her arms over her chest, "With everything I've done, why would you even want me there?"
"Because I love you." Martha answered, "And there is nothing in the word that could ever change that."
"I wouldn't be so sure." Bird challenged, "You don't know everything I've done."
Martha looked down to the concrete sidewalk.
She couldn't say that it didn't matter what Bird had done. Of course it mattered.
But she loved her unconditionally and she knew nothing would change that.
Bird certainly didn't make it easy on her though.
Always hinting at something more. Teetering on the edge of secrets she swore her parents wouldn't forgive her for.
Challenging them to love her in-spite of it all. Always pushing and pushing them to see how much they'd really put up with for her.
It was exhausting for both her mom and her dad.
"You are not the worst act you've committed." Martha looked her daughter in the eyes as she spoke, "And you're not the worst act ever committed against you. You're so much more. Even when you can't see it."
With a sad smile and tears in her eyes, she reached out and cupped one of Bird's cheeks in her hand, not breaking eye contact as she added, "But you are the total sum of all your decisions. Keep that in mind moving forward. Both the good and bad decisions are shaping your life and you need to listen to me. Know that it is never too late to start steering your life in a different direction."
"Mom?" Bird's arms fell from her defensive posture where they were crossed over her chest to dropping limply at her sides, "What's going on?"
Her stomach started to turn. A sense of dread creeping in from all sides.
She remembered the time she'd come home from school and both her parents were waiting to greet her at the door. To sit her down and tell her that her pet fish were dead.
Apparently the glitter she'd poured into their water to make everything prettier and shinier had cost them their lives.
That's how she felt once more as she stood there facing her mother.
Like a little kid getting ready to hear bad news.
"Mom?" Bird repeated.
"I just worry about you." Martha admitted, pulling in a small gasp of air, "Sometimes I feel like every time I let you walk away from me it might be the last time I get to see you."
Reaching up she swatted a tear away from her cheek.
The worried look on her face gave way to another one of annoyance with thinking her mom was now sinking to trying to guilt her to move back home.
"You don't have to worry about that." Bird promised her, "I can take care of myself."
Martha struggled to smile and nodded.
Bird had taken it to mean that her mom was worried about her getting mixed up in something bad and winding up dead from it; and while that was definitely a concern and real possibility, it wasn't what Martha meant.
Lately she'd been thinking often about her mortality and how fragile life itself is.
Wayne Enterprises was an onion of sorts; a rotten one.
Every layer Thomas peeled back from the company that bore his family name was worse than the last.
So much corruption and criminal activity running rampant.
There was so much danger out in the world.
Especially in a place like Gotham City.
And as Martha watched Bird walk away once more, the same fear bubbled up inside of her like a toxic witches brew; that it would indeed be the last time she got to see her.
••• end of flashback •••
Bird looked over to where Jim was walking. Gun drawn at the ready in case they were surprised.
She didn't know if she'd made the right decision.
If he wasn't willing or able to let go of everything he was holding inside and being tormented by then he'd never fully move past this; regardless of if Tetch undid the hypnosis or not.
But life-long suicide watch wasn't an option either. That's no kind of life to live.
And while she'd made her decision based on both her trust and love for him, she'd also chose to help him escape because she knew if it were her; that she'd want the same.
A chance to face down Tetch. A chance to fix it on her own.
But as they spread out around various stacks of boxes and old carnival equipment, she couldn't shake the feeling that as he walked away it might the last time she saw him.
"There we go." Jervis smiled at his sister as he filled the last of five large syringes with her blood.
He removed the tourniquet from her arm, "All done."
Alice's chest rose and fell heavily. Her vision a little blurry. "What are you going to use that for?"
"Oh, I imagine I'll mix it into some public drinking fountain." Jervis chuckled, looking back to the last two members of the Tweed family he had left with him, "Create a few dozen monsters."
Alice pinned her eyes shut and let out a heavy and sorrowful breath, "Please don't do that."
Opening her eyes she got her brother's attention, "Jervis, please. I'll do whatever you want."
"You will now." His voice raised and he reached a hand out to graze her chin but she turned away in disgust, "Because you know other people will pay if you don't."
"I don't know what I'd ever do if I lost you. That connection. It keeps me sane... it always has." Jervis continued as he gently took hold of her chin and made her face him.
He smiled at her again and her stomach turned. Body tensed as stiff as a board.
Sane? She thought to herself. There wasn't a single ounce of sanity or decency left in her brother and now she was once again trapped with him.
Left at his mercy -or lack there of.
The thought crossed her mind that she'd rather be dead than live the way she had so many years before; before she'd fled and escaped from him.
She thought Gotham would be her safe haven. A place to lay low and hide out.
But Strange had found her, kidnapped her and held her as a lab rat
She'd tasted freedom for a few months after the Arkham breakout.
It wasn't much. A drafty room of an excuse for an apartment under a shady landlord who'd let her know money wasn't the only way she could pay her rent.
A job at a bar where she didn't make enough to cover her rent and bills. One where she'd duck into the kitchen every chance she got to eat some nachos or left over chicken wings at the end of the night if she was lucky.
She'd lived every day in fear that her brother would track her down. That he'd find her and hold her captive once more.
The small taste of freedom she'd had wasn't much; but it was enough to know she'd rather die free than live as a prisoner again.
"Tetch!" Jim called out when he caught sight of the madman, "Jervis!"
Ducking down in front of where he had his sister tied to the chair.
He laughed as he began to undo her bindings in a plan to escape.
The Tweeds, still under his mind control, cocked their shotguns as Jim, Bird and Bullock all came into view.
"Don't move!" Jim yelled at them.
Bird surveyed the room and then glanced down to her handgun, which wouldn't deliver a blast nearly as powerful as the shotguns pointed her direction.
"Mr. Gordon." Jervis called out from where he continued to stay crouched down and out of sight. Banking on the fact that they wouldn't harm Alice to get to him, "I can't say I'm entirely surprised." With a sigh he muttered, "So stubborn..."
"Let her go now." Jim ordered. Standing in place as Bird and Bullock moved further out to either side. Slowly and cautiously.
"You know I can't do that." Untying the last of her bindings, Jervis got to his feet and pulled Alice up with him, using her body as shield for his own, "But if you let me leave with my dear sister. My dear Alice. Then I'll free you from that nasty little impulse. Maybe you can live a long, happy..."
Jervis laughed and Alice gasped as his arm tightened around her, his mouth close to her ear as he continued to taunt Jim from where they now stood, "Well, a long life."
"Let her go and you live!" Jim tried to keep his voice steady and strong. But his hands were starting to shake. So much so that he moved his finger off the trigger of his gun so he wouldn't accidentally shoot, "That's the deal."
Jervis kept his eyes on them as he slowly started to back away towards the Tweeds. Planning on getting behind them and then disappear along with his sister with the sounds of gunfire at their backs.
Bullock took a step closer and Jervis tightened his hold around Alice yet again. So clearly believing himself to be safe behind his innocent human shield.
After all, how could they even think about hurting his dear Alice?
"Stop!" Bird yelled hand steady as she kept her stance still and aim at Jervis' face, "One more step and I'll shoot."
"You won't." He couldn't help but laugh, "You don't have a clean shot."
He started to back up again, but Bird stopped him, "Ah-ah-ah." She shook her head.
"You're assuming that I won't go through her to get to you?" Bird's lips curved up into a Cheshire smile as she informed him, "You assume wrong."
"Bird." Jim's voice was gruff.
"You wouldn't." Jervis grinned.
"And here I was led to believe you knew what was inside of a person's mind." She took a brazen step forward. A challenge.
"Bird, stop." Jim yelled, glancing over at her.
He wasn't sure if this was a tactic she was trying out to rattle Tetch or if there was some truth behind her words.
Jervis narrowed his eyes at her. Body tense as he kept a unrelenting tight grip on Alice and tried to determine if Bird was bluffing.
Finally deciding it wasn't the worth the risk to stick around and see, he nodded behind him to the Tweed brothers before Jervis turned his attention back to Jim and called out, "One question..."
While they had all been focused on him, one of the Tweeds had started a metronome they'd acquired just in case Jim found them.
The steady ticking started to affect Jim before Bullock or Bird even picked up on the noise.
"Do you hear that?" Jervis smirked.
Tick-tock.
Tick-tock.
Tick-tock.
As steady has the hands of time ticking by the seconds on the pocket watch Jervis had first hypnotized him with, Jim's consciousness started to fade from the present.
He couldn't hear Bird as she yelled out for him.
Or Bullock yelling at them both to get down when the Tweeds started popping off shots in their direction nor the loud shotgun blasts themselves.
Tick-tock.
Tick-tock.
"We both know what you really want." Jervis' voice was the only thing he could hear aside from the ticking, "I saw it in your eyes the first time we met. You want to be free. Free from the pain. And you can be."
Tick-tock.
Tick-tock.
"Stop fighting and let go." Jervis continued.
Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.
"Jim!" Bird screamed out, from behind the carved and painted wood sign for an old amusement park she'd ducked behind for safety.
Helplessly she looked over to where Bullock was ducked down behind some stacked up boxes.
He had the same expression she did.
Like they'd just made the worst mistake of their lives by letting Jim off suicide watch; and that was coming from two people who'd made more mistakes than they could keep track of.
Tick-tock.
Tick-tock.
The sound might not have affected them in the same way it held power over Jim's mind; but they were both aware of every single click the metronome made.
Felt every single second pass by far too slow and way too fast all at once.
But time was moving even slower for Jim.
Bullets were flying past him as Bird and Bullock returned fire on the Tweeds.
He was aware of life moving around him at lightening fast speed.
But he, himself, was stuck in slow motion. Like he was frozen in time. His every movement weighed down.
His peripheral sight started to grow hazy, ever darkening as time went on until his heavy eyelids closed against his will.
He felt a drop of water land on his forehead.
Then another one splashed on his cheek.
The coldness of the liquid was a relief to the heat of skin. Like he'd come down with a fever; a fire was spreading across his flesh.
His head tilted back, face upwards towards the sky until another raindrop landed on his eyelid.
Opening his eyes Jim stared up at the overcast sky. His conscious thoughts not moving fast enough for him to wonder how he got there.
"You're the new guy, huh? How you like Gotham so far?"
Jim followed the sound of the voice. Familiar. It was Butch.
"Well enough."
He heard the answer in his own voice, but he knew he hadn't said anything.
He still felt frozen in time with life moving on around him. Only it wasn't the present; it was the past. Memories. And he was standing there like a third party witness.
He could see Oswald with an umbrella in one hand and a blood stained bat in the other.
A broken and bloody man on the wet pavement of the alley outside of Fish's old club.
Then there was Bird. Dark jeans and leather jacket. Her long brunette waves damp and hanging out from the thin dark hood.
He remembered this day.
He'd gone with Bullock to follow a lead in the Wayne murder case.
It was one of the first few times he'd ever crossed paths with Bird -and the moment he realized she was tied in with organized crime.
Back before he really knew her; before he learned just how deep the corruption in the city ran and tangled everyone up int it.
"See you around."
He heard his own voice again and turned his head. He saw himself standing there that day.
Watched himself start to leave the alley, knowing there was nothing he could do to help the man on the ground as long as he wouldn't speak out against those who were hurting him.
Jim stood motionless and watched the memory of himself turn back to the group gathered on the alley one last time; his eyes going to Bird as he bid her farewell, "Miss Wayne."
"Detective." She gave a nod, before turning back to her friends and co-workers.
Jim blinked and he was he was no longer outside; but still not in the present either.
He was still very much stuck in his own head. A time travel of sorts. Flashes of memories.
-Both good and bad.
The ones he never wanted to forget and the ones he never seemed to be able to drink enough to lose completely.
Some moments flashed like an silent picture show coming in bits and pieces. Others felt more tangible; so real he could feel touch and hear voices.
"Trust me." Bird's voice sounded above all the others in his head, "I know the amount of harm it does to live with all that guilt and anger inside of you. You have to let it go."
"I..." He stammered shaking his head, "I don't know how."
"Even with the suicidal impulse gone, you'd still be full of anger and regret and guilt and all of those things open up a black hole inside you. You are the only one who can set yourself free, Jim."
Her voice was still echoing in his head when he closed his eyes again. The same words she'd said to him just before they'd went in the building.
So recent it was the most alive of all the thoughts and life moments bouncing around in his head. He could still feel her touch on his skin. The taste of her mouth when she'd kissed him. The determined look in her eyes when she told him she believed in him; that she loved him.
Standing out in the cold evening air it had felt so finalized. Almost like an ending.
And maybe it was on some levels. Saying what needed to be said. A last ditch effort before they walked into the line of fire to bring him back to his senses.
Only now it didn't feel like an ending -more like a beginning.
Like turning to a new chapter in a novel.
Opening up a brand new notebook with crisp untouched pages.
The past was the past and there was nothing he could do change that; but for the first time in a long time that thought didn't send him reeling.
Instead he felt a bit of peace with that. A sliver. But it was more than nothing. It was enough.
Enough of an anchor to hold to.
With his eyes open again he stared down to the gun in his hand. Back in the present.
Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.
His wrist twitched uncontrollably; his own bones and muscles trying to turn the weapon on himself.
"No!" He screamed out.
Tick-tock. Tick-Tock. Tick-tock-
The sound of a gunshot echoed through his skull. Painfully loud. He could feel the pressure on his eardrums.
The steady ticking stopped. His eyesight zeroed in on the metronome; it's polished wood stand splintered from the gunshot. The metal pendulum rod gone from the blast.
Silence.
Dead silence; for a few brief seconds.
A stunned look fell across his face with the realization that he'd been the one who fired the shot. He'd broken the trance; broken the hypnosis.
The spell might have been broken but Jim's mind was still struggling to get back up to speed.
There was an echo in the air as one of the Tweeds cocked a shotgun. Then Jim felt a hand on his arm -next thing he knew he was being pulled behind a stack of boxes just mere seconds before a shot gun blasted the air where he'd been standing.
His breath caught in his throat. Far too many close calls for one day.
He looked next to him where Bird was breathing erratically from darting out in the open to pull him to safety.
And there they were. Against all odds still standing.
"Hey-" Bird's voice was airy, her words coming out fast, "You with me?"
"Yeah." Jim nodded, his eyes meeting hers, "I'm with you."
His answer having more than one meaning when he spoke.
"Well, well, well. Mr. Gordon breaks my spell!" Jervis yelled out; laughing excitedly over the sounds of gunfire as the Tweeds and Bullock were still shooting.
"I dare say it's time we bid this foul city goodbye." Jervis said to his sister. His arm across her loosening some as he prepared to grab her and run.
"No!" Alice shrieked.
In a panic and with a strength she didn't know she possessed; she brought her arm back and elbowed him in the stomach. He stumbled back with a groan of pain.
"I'll never go with you!" She yelled, swinging her arms wildly as he tried to get a grip on her.
"Why do you say such things?" He demanded to know, "We belong together. You know that. I love you."
"You're insane-" She screamed in his face. Mustering all the strength she had left, Alice jerked her body away from him. Her arms out of his grip.
Propelling herself backward with such force the aged wood framing behind her gave way and the last sound she ever made was a high pitched scream as she went through the wood and fell.
Down.
Down.
Until her body landed on an tall piece of rebar from below. Standing upright from where the cement wall had crumbled years ago.
Her life ended as abruptly as her scream; her body impaled on the pipe in the middle of her free-fall.
The sound of bones breaking as it crush through her spine.
The wet slosh of skin bursting open and blood running.
"NO! YOU KILLED HER!"
Jervis screamed out in horror as he stared down to the body of his sister Alice; now just an empty shell of the one he'd loved so deeply.
By the time Bird, Jim and Bullock had made it out from their hiding spots -Jervis was gone. The Tweed brothers had pulled him from the building to safety.
Jim and Bullock ran in the direction they'd disappeared in, but Bird didn't follow them.
She walked to the edge where Alice had taken her final tumble and peered down on the corpse still suspended in the air on the rebar.
Her body bent back at an unnatural angle.
Bird shook her head. Her brunette hair falling into her face as she continued to stare at the gory scene below.
It shouldn't have been Alice who died. It should have been her brother.
Her thoughts were broken by the sound of sirens in the distance; steadily growing closer as GCPD raced towards the scene.
Bird took a few steps back from the edge as she looked over in the direction Jim and Bullock had went; then after one last glance at Alice's body, she turned and headed in the other direction.
•••
Bird's pace slowed to a near stop as she closed in on the end of the entry hallway in her townhouse.
Someone was there.
She could feel it.
Nothing looked out of place; nothing askew -but it was in the air.
The thought briefly crossed her mind that maybe it was Oswald.
After all the election was now just a few short days away and even though they were buying the election board to guarantee his win, her friend's nerves still had to be frazzled.
With those thoughts on her mind, she picked up her pace again.
But when she entered the main sitting room she saw it wasn't her best friend waiting on her.
Suddenly she felt foolish for thinking Oswald would be there in the first place.
She'd always been the person he'd ran to in times of distress. The only one aside from his mother who'd ever been able to soothe his soul.
But now he had Edward Nygma; seemingly at his beck-and-call.
Shaking the thoughts from her head, Bird looked at the old man sitting in one of the plush high-back chairs in the room and pulled in a deep breath before greeting, "Don Falcone."
"Evening, my dear." Falcone offered up a smile as he folded the paper he'd been reading and laid it down on the coffee table in front of him.
The room fell into silence.
The tip of Bird's tongue burnt from just behind her teeth with questions of why he was there.
How long he'd been back in the city and what he wanted from her.
"Are you alright?" He questioned. Readjusting in his seat but making no attempt to stand up. "I only ask because you look like you've been through quite the ordeal."
"It's been a long day." Bird excused. Keeping cool as she moved to the couch and sat down.
Pulling in a deep breath and straining a smile she added, "And I wasn't expecting company."
"We're family." He reminded her as he looked his biological daughter over again and wondered who she'd been fighting this time, "I didn't think a call-ahead was needed."
With her strained smile pulling her lips even tighter across her teeth, Bird pointed out, "We're not exactly on the best of terms."
"No?" Falcone cocked his head to the side.
"I welcomed you with open arms when you showed up in Miami." He wasted no time in reminding her, "I've been there every single time you needed me. Even when the only times you've reached out have been when you needed something."
"You lied to me." Bird shook her head.
She waited for a tell. A flinch. See if he seemed startled by the accusation. If he'd offer an apology or maybe even the truth.
But he conceded nothing.
Instead he sat in silence. Waiting for her to show her hand.
"You told me you didn't know who killed my parents." Bird laid her cards on the table. Not having the energy to play coy, "When I came to you months ago asking about the organization pulling the strings in Gotham you shut that conversation down so fast-"
"You have no idea what you're talking about-"
"No!" She silenced his interruption, "I was face-to-face with Kathryn. They killed my parents. They framed a low level thug for it. And you looked me in the eyes and said you didn't know who killed them. That framing Pepper was to put the city at ease when it was really covering your own tracks."
"I'm not a part of them." He tried to defend.
"Liar." Fire burned in her eyes, "Indian Hill? I remember the trade you made with Maroni for that toxic waste dump. Don't forget that I was there for that.:
"You mean back when you were plotting with Penguin to bring me down? To kill me?" He reminded her. Throwing the facts right back in her face.
"I saved your life at the end of all that!" She scrambled to her feet.
Fists clenched tightly at her sides.
Rising to his feet slower and much calmer than she'd done, Falcone asserted, "As I have saved yours. More than you know."
"You've been working with Kathryn this entire time. Part of that secret organization that killed my parents. That tried to kill me and Bruce."
"I am not a member of the Court of Owls!" His voice raised for the first time in the entire conversation, "I had an agreement with them. I operated separately and of my own authority. You have no idea what you're talking about, Bird."
"You framed Pepper." Bird reminded him.
"I did." He nodded, "And I did that at the request of the court. But only after Thomas and Martha were dead. I didn't know a hit had been put out on them until they were already gone."
"Liar." Bird accused again.
Her tone lowered but still venom laced.
"Aren't we all?" He reasoned before walking around the coffee table and closer to her, "But I'm telling you the truth about this."
"And I'm just supposed to take your word for it?" Bird scoffed.
"I think I've done enough to earn your trust." He sternly said. Speaking to her as if she were a child and he had any sort of paternal sway over her, "And that loyalty that you so willingly give away to others. We are family. You're my daughter. Blood is thicker than water, after all."
Funny, Bird thought to herself, that the very man who severely punished her in the past for being too emotional would now be trying to play on those emotions.
His tone grew even more serious when he added, "The court is not something to be toyed around with. You are meddling in things that you cannot begin to comprehend the dangers of."
Bird's eyebrows lowered.
To see Carmine Falcone appearing worried or even scared was a sight not many could say they'd witnessed.
Maybe he was telling the truth, she considered. That he wasn't a part of this cabal.
A clandestine organization that she now knew the name of; The Court of Owls.
"Stay away from The Court." He warned. Not as a threat from him; but as a warning from someone who knew how deep their reach was and just how fatal their cuts could be.
Bird's eyes dropped to the floor. She'd heard that warning time and time again now.
They'd threatened everyone's lives around her.
"I am steering clear of them." Bird cleared her throat and looked back up to his face, "Bruce and I reached an agreement with them."
Falcone stared her down. Giving a slow nod before pointing out, "I didn't say you should trust them either. Just stay in your own lane and off their radar."
"How long are you planning on staying in the city?" Bird questioned as a pointed change of subject.
"I'm not sure." He eyed her again, "Until after Mario's wedding, at least."
"Of course." Bird did her best to feign a believable smile.
It didn't seem to matter how far she'd come in her own life -or the revelation of them being related; it still only took minutes within his presence for her to feel like she was still fighting to find her place with him. To gain his admiration and respect.
Not as a father -but as a Don.
"The wedding date is getting closer." He reminded her.
"Yeah..." She blew out a breath, "I saw the church it's being held in. It's going to be quite the event."
The church was one of the oldest and grandest in all of Gotham. It was beautiful -but it all felt old fashioned to her.
She knew Falcone had insisted on footing the cost for the ceremony. And when he insisted on something there was no arguing with it.
If she had to guess, she'd bet he picked the location for the wedding and neither Lee or Mario had much of a say in it.
"Mario might not use my name, but it is a Falcone wedding after all." He nodded, "No expense will be spared. It's going to be a impressive event. As will yours when the time comes."
"What?" Bird nearly choked on the word.
Dark brown eyes wide as she stared back at him.
Regaining her composure she brushed the comment off, "I don't hear wedding bells in the near future. Besides, I went through the stress of planning a big wedding before... If I ever did get married, I'd probably just elope."
"No you will not." Falcone asserted.
As if she'd really have no say in the matter when that time came.
"Well..." Bird scoffed, "I don't recall you taking this much of an interest when I was actually engaged."
"To Dent?" He smiled.
Not a genuine smile nor a malicious one.
More like the kind of smile you give a kid when they tell you they're going to grow up to be an astronaut and you know there isn't a chance in hell of that dream coming true.
"That was never going to last." Falcone added as he gently laid an aged hand on her cheek and continued, "He put his hands on you. You're not the sort of person who'd keep putting up with that."
Bird's face twisted. Struck by a few thoughts all at once.
For one; she still so clearly remembered the time Falcone himself had backhanded her so hard across the face that the force nearly knocked her down. She remembered immediately spitting out blood.
Two; she had no idea he'd known how bad things had gotten between them.
It took a little longer for the third realization to strike her.
For so long she'd been convinced that Falcone had -had Harvey beaten so badly to keep her in-line. The same way he'd done with many of Fish's lovers to teach her a lesson.
But now she knew.
Now she understood that while that was surely part of the reason. He'd had Harvey roughed up that badly because of him putting his hands on her.
He'd always known more than he'd let on.
"We should catch up." Falcone let his hand slide from her face and turned to pick his coat up from where it had been draped over the back of the chair, "Over lunch? Or better yet dinner."
Bird gave a small nod. Unable to move or do anything else for the moment. She stood in place. Silent with no response as Falcone walked past her on his way and out and called over his shoulder, "Dinner with you and Gordon."
When the sound of his heavy, sure-footed steps faded and she'd heard the front door close behind him. Bird pulled in a breath and slumped back down into her seat on the couch.
He'd never let her forget that he still had eyes all of the city.
That even though he said she was free to make her own decisions; those decisions would still have consequences.
That as much as she tried to claim independence for herself and to live her own life; she still owed the Don for debts she'd racked up.
She'd made the decision to go public about their familial connection and since that moment he hadn't let her forget that even though she bore the Wayne name. She was still a Falcone and that association demanded a certain way of conducting herself.
And how oh so quickly the feeling of her life not being her own came flooding back.
•••
"Hey." Bird's voice came out a little hoarse as she looked up when she heard someone enter the room with her and saw it was Jim.
Clearing her throat, she diverted her eyes away from him and wondered how long she'd been sitting there.
Looking back up to where the TV was mounted on the wall, she tried but failed to register if it was the same show she'd been watching.
For all she knew it had been hours.
"Hey." Jim greeted back, "You okay?"
He lingered at the entrance of the room. Something felt off.
Bird looked startled despite the fact he'd called out for her as soon as he'd come in the door.
"Yeah." She blew out a breath and offered him a smile, "Besides, I should be the one asking you that."
"Well..." Jim walked closer before sitting down beside her on the oversized couch, "I thought I was doing better; but then you disappeared on me -again."
The comment elicited a small yet distant sounding laugh as she admitted, "I fled when I heard the sirens. Old habits die hard after all." She rolled her neck and glanced over at him, "Besides, I figured you knew where to find me."
"Hmm." He hummed with a nod. Looking down to the keys still in his hand he tossed them onto the coffee table and said, "Yeah. The key to your house showed back up on my key ring. Know anything about that?"
"Maybe." Bird smiled. This time the expression was more genuine. She felt more present to him than she did moments before.
"Sometimes I forget how quiet you are." Jim admitted.
The sentence having more than one meaning.
She was quiet. Able to move around undetected with a maddening slight of land. He'd lost count of the number of times she'd lifted his keys or something off of him without him having a clue.
He always considered himself more of a suffer in silence type -but still felt like he had nothing on Bird in that department.
She often had wars waging on inside of her while appearing calm on the outside.
Neither of them cared very much for talking about their feelings. By nature neither of them liked to show any sort of weakness.
But Jim had since realized that was part of how things went so wrong and fell apart.
Both of them fighting their own internal wars alone; worlds apart but under the same roof.
Something wasn't right with her and he knew it.
"Bird-" He began, but she'd spoke at the same time, "How'd you do it?"
They both fell silent. Waiting for the other to speak first.
"Break the hypnosis." Bird decided to go on, "How'd you do it. One minute you were just standing there in a trance and then you were back."
"I followed your advice." Jim admitted. Openness and honesty are two way streets after all, "You were right. I had to face it head on. All the things I didn't want to."
"Like what?" Bird pushed and he got the feeling she was purposelessly trying to keep the attention on him and off of her.
Deflecting.
"Like..." He pulled in a deep breath, "The things we didn't talk about because it was too uncomfortable. The messes I made and how I left things with Lee and the baby and..." He sighed, "All the things I kept trying to drown in booze instead of facing the things I've done."
"I get it." Bird empathized, "I spent too long trying to drown my own ugliness in whatever I could my hands on."
Looking back at him, their eyes locked and she added, "But you're not alone. You know that, right?"
"I know." Jim nodded. His hand finding hers as he echoed, "Neither are you."
Bird's eyes dropped to their intertwined fingers and she nodded, "I know."
"Good." Jim said. His hand sliding out of hers long enough to inspect her palm where he could see the deep, bruise darkened imprints of her own nails from where she'd sat with her fists clenched for a long time.
He reached for her other hand and she didn't fight; let him uncurl her aching fingers and reveal a matching set of indents from her nails on that hand as well.
"Then tell me whats wrong."
Bird looked at him again. Her eyes moving over his face as he wore the concerned expression he always got around her when something was off.
His head slightly tilted to the side. The pleading look in his blue eyes. Eyebrows angled up in the center with his mouth slightly open, but jaw tense as he struggled between waiting in patience and pushing her.
That face, she thought as she shook her head, how could anyone lie to that face?
There was much wrong at the moment. She feared she was losing her friendship with Oswald and she wasn't sure who she was without that connection and bond they'd always had.
She now knew the name of the of the cabal running Gotham City.
They called themselves the Court of Owls and they were bad enough news that Falcone looked scared.
Bird wasn't sure if she should share the newly leaned intel with her brother; she wasn't even sure she should continue looking into them. All she really knew was that anyone else who learned of their existence would be in grave danger and it was just days before that she'd found Jim on the ledge; literally.
She was suddenly struck by the answer to her own question as she continued to stare at Jim.
What kind of person could lie to that face?
The answer was someone as bad as her.
"Falcone made an impromptu visit." Bird began. A lie with a heart of truth always sold the best.
"It's stupid." She continued, "But just spending ten minutes around that man makes me feel like I'm fighting and clawing my way to the top trying to win the Don's respect. I guess it just makes it hard in those moments to remember how far in the rearview those days are."
Jim squeezed her hand. Complicated didn't begin to cover the strained relationship Bird had with Falcone and he knew it.
He'd seen it first hand.
The way she'd fold into herself in his presence.
Standing her ground but teetering on a knife's edge all at once. A power struggle he couldn't begin to understand.
"And..." Bird added, leaning in closer as she spoke, "He wants to take us to dinner soon."
"Oh..." Jim's expression twisted, "That'll be... fun."
Now it was his turn to strain through a smile and Bird chuckled to herself.
She thought about cracking a joke about how she was pretty sure Falcone was already planning their wedding; but she stopped herself. Not even going to go there as a joke.
"He talks like the plan is to head south after Mario's wedding. So fingers crossed, right?" Bird smiled widely.
Holding up his free hand, Jim showed her he'd crossed his fingers for luck as she'd suggested.
Then with a small laugh he pulled her face to his; his mouth claiming hers.
Bird smiled against his lips and tilted her head back just enough to say, "I'm just glad you're home."
Remembering the night he'd said the very same thing to her, his mouth curved up at the corners. His forehead rested against hers when he questioned, "You talking about the house... or you?"
"Both." Bird ended, the exact same way he'd said to her so many months before when they'd been standing in the kitchen and having the same conversation; only with the lines reversed.
She leaned in again, pressing her lips back to his before she pulled back and slid down some against the cushions as she leaned against his side. His arm found it's way around her, holding her snugly against him while she rested her head on the front of his shoulder.
They'd had far too many close calls in the last week and while things were far from perfect; for the moment life had regained some stability; a calm.
Jervis was still on the run, but Barnes had all of GCPD scouring to the city and turning over every rock to find him. But with his sister dead, they weren't sure he'd even have a reason to hang around the city.
He still wasn't entirely sure what he was going to do; still not feeling ready to go back to the police department yet.
But that didn't matter; not for the moment at least.
Sitting there, snuggled in together and watching a rerun of some show on TV felt like the most mundane thing ever. Especially after the day they'd had; but he couldn't think of anywhere else he'd rather be.
Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to the top of her hair.
He could smell the warehouse they'd been in on her. The dust and mildew.
Just another reminder of how close he'd come to losing his life yet again. How much she'd risked for him. Believed in him and stood by him.
As he stared down to the top of her hair; the dark brunette waves that still carried the faintest scent of her shampoo even with the musty smell from the warehouse, he was hit with the feeling that he'd never fully know what was going on inside of that head of hers.
She was somehow the most selfishly selfless person he'd ever encountered.
Capable of loving with an intensity he'd never witnessed before her.
With a streak of violence running through her that was unsettling to say the least.
Fiercely loyal and protective -while compartmentalizing the value of one life over another.
Impossibly strong while living on the verge of breaking.
He felt like he could spend a hundred years with her, at her side every single day of that time and yet still not fully know her.
Bird's mind was a puzzle to him; but one he'd never tire of trying to figure out.
"Earlier tonight, you said said something." Jim's voice was quiet, "You said you'd kill Alice to get to her brother if you had to."
"Mhmm..." Bird hummed, her warm breath going through the fabric of his shirt when she pressed herself closer to him, her arm snaking across his stomach.
Further entangling her body with his.
Like she were at the ready to wrap her body around his in such a way he'd never shake loose -not that he'd want to.
"Would you really have done that? Killed her just to bring Tetch down?" He questioned.
"What do you think?" Bird's voice was soft.
He couldn't see her face, but he imagined her eyes were closed.
"I don't know." Jim admitted.
With his other hand he grabbed onto hers again, turning her hand palm up to see the indents from her own nails were still deep in her flesh. Running his thumb over the imperfections he continued, "I don't know if you meant it or you were just trying to throw Tetch off his game."
Anyone else would have offended at that question, he thought. Either at the question itself or the insinuation that they would ever do something so heinous.
-But not Bird.
She didn't even flinch.
"I was trying to throw him off." Bird admitted, "I liked Alice and I wouldn't have taken her out just to get to her lunatic brother."
There was a brief pause as she opened her eyes and glanced to where he was still running his thumb across her exposed palm. Her breath hitched in her throat with the feeling of his flesh running along hers.
And then as if there was no filter between her brain and mouth; she said exactly what she was thinking in that moment, "But if you're asking would I kill an innocent person to protect you...then the answer is yes."
Readjusting her hand, she laid it flush against his, intertwining their fingers and holding on almost painfully tight as she admitted, "I'd do a lot of terrible things to keep you safe."
Jim looked to their connected hands, a hint of a grimace on his face as she continued to hold onto him so tight -Bird silently making it clear she had no intention of letting him go.
Not that she needed to, he thought as he let out the breathe he wasn't aware he'd been holding. She had him. In every way one person could have another.
He remembered when he was just a kid, his parents had taken him to this exotic animal expo that came through town and at some point one of the workers had presented a venomous snake in their bare hands.
Jim remembered thinking, even as a child, how reckless that was.
To hold something incredibly dangerous that close to you.
And yet, so many years later here he sat holding something -someone just as dangerous close to him and not making any effort to pull away.
Maybe, he thought, even with Bird being the walking conundrum that she was -maybe he did know her. Understand her motives and intentions better than he'd led himself to believe.
The real problem didn't lie in his trying to figure Bird out, but more so in accepting the darkness in himself. His own poison.
•••