I don't own the rights to Alex. Or One Direction, unfortunately. But here's me pretending I do:
Alex wasn't sure what exactly woke him up, but his shirt was sticking to his back in sweat and his abdomen ached with dull, pulsing rhythm, shooting discomfort all up his spine and into his neck, making his temples throb. The room was pitch black, and when his eyes adjusted to the darkness, the teen could make out two other figures on the beds next to him.
Alex attempted to sit up and a blinding pain stabbed through him, causing him to fall back against the pillows, body tense and throat constricting with a held-in scream. A slow whine escaped his lips, and his vision went white, the sudden pain making him lightheaded.
"Alex." A voice came out of the darkness. "You okay?"
A bed-side lamp was turned on, and an unknown face peered at him in concern.
"Alex." It was a deep voice, British, and it sounded like home.
"I-" Alex swallowed his throat dry and swollen, the pain making it even more difficult to speak.
"Water...please."
"Of course." The man smiled nodded, his brown eyes a little confused and went over to his SAS issued dufflebag, pulling out a bottled water.
"Liam?" The other figure sat up, his voice scratchy with exhaustion, eyes blinking tiredly in the soft glow of the lamp.
"Shh. Sleep, Fennec." Liam replied, speaking gently, before uncapping the water bottle.
"Do you need s'm help?" Fennec pressed the heel of his hand into his eyes, looking more sleepy by the second.
Liam sighed before answering, his tone less dismissive than before. "Could you come help Alex sit up?" He smiled apologetically at Alex. "Sorry, but you probably can't do it on your own right now."
Alex just nodded, teeth still clenched, his scar throbbing in time with his heartbeat. He had so many questions, starting with who in the world these people were, and how he got here, but before he could ask anything, he needed some water.
Fennec came over, dark circles under his eyes, but he gave a small smile to Alex. Gently, the man put his arms under Alex's shoulders, and lifted him up, just enough for Liam to put pillows behind Alex's back and head. Blood rushed to Alex's brain, and his eyes involuntarily rolled back into his head, his body breaking out in tingles.
"Woah." Fennec's voice came through the roaring in Alex's ears, and he blinked several times, trying to clear the black spots in his vision.
"Alex. When was the last time you had something to eat?" Liam asked, the frown on his face going in and out of focus.
"I'm not sure." Alex replied, suddenly feeling very drained and empty and unable to speak louder than a whisper. His entire body ached.
Liam lifted the bottle to his lips, and Alex gulped down the lukewarm water, a shaking hand coming up to hold the bottle.
"Careful." Fennec warned, a hand still steady on Alex's back. "Liam, don't forget about the medication."
Wait.
Medication?
What was going on?
Who were these people?
Could he trust them?
Was he safe?
"Wait." Alex gasped, pushing away the water. "Where am I?"
"An hour outside of London, with the units assigned to protect you." Fennec quickly responded, almost as if he was sensing Alex's oncoming panic attack.
"Who took me here? I wasn't here last time... Last time, I was-" The breath caught in Alex throat and a sudden sense of complete uncertainty overwhelmed him. Falcon was gone. Fox was gone. He didn't know any of the men now pressing in on him. He couldn't trust anyone.
He was so hot, and his chest was tightening, the room suddenly feeling so much smaller.
"Alex. Alex, it's okay, you're safe. You're safe, I promise. Try to regulate your breathing." Liam took over, gently pushing Alex's shoulders down, trying to keep him from moving too much.
"What do you think you're doing?!" Another vaguely familiar man stood in the now-open doorway, his face angry.
"He'll tear his stitches and then we'll have an even bigger problem!" Fennec hissed back, his eyes now flashing a sharp, cold blue.
"Get out of the way." The agent, for Alex recognized the familiar stance and attitude of an agent, in the way that he held himself, and the way his body was always prepared for a sudden attack, shoved Fennec aside and bent down to Alex's level. "It's okay. No one's going to hurt you here. Just breathe." He demonstrated, puffing out his chest before exhaling dramatically. "I found you on the side of the road, and put you in my car, after receiving direct instructions from Mrs. Jones to do so, along with your description and where to take you. I'm the replacement agent for Falcon, and the two idiots next to you are members of the second Unit from Brecon Beacons, D-Unit, sent for backup and extra security. K-Unit are in the room next door. You're safe."
Alex recognized the voice from the discussion he overheard between Snake and this man, and his body automatically began to relax, although his breathing continued to be labored.
"Idiots?" Liam said it cuttingly, the word obviously holding more impact for the three men than it did for Alex.
"You don't remember how Niall used to get like this? He hated you crowding him, and yet here you are, doing it to Alex when he's dealing with the same issue. Gosh, it's like you didn't know him at all." Zayn scoffed, his face turning back to Alex's. "Just breath with me. In...and out. Count for four, like I'm sure you've been taught to do."
Alex didn't bother telling him that taking care of his health was something he'd never been taught to do, something he'd had to teach himself. Through experience. Lots of experience.
"How can you say that when you're the one who left us, left him, when you knew how much he was struggling.? How much we were all struggling." Liam shot back, his voice no longer bitter, but something deeper, a sad longing that clung to his words.
"I was struggling too Liam. You know how much touring was killing me." The agent responded, smiling gently at Alex as his breathing began to come easier.
"It didn't at first." Fennec said quietly, almost as if it was just a passing thought, his hand tightening for a moment on Alex's shoulder.
"It was never supposed to last four years, Louis." The man hissed out the name, frustration dripping off his words. "You know how much we put on ourselves, how much was expected of us. People wanted to know things about me that were the last part of me that still felt real, that were still mine. And I was tired."
"We were all tired, Zayn. You knew we were going to take a break. And you still left. There's no excuse." Liam said quietly.
"Just so you know, it was Niall that found your empty room the next morning. You know, the room that you snuck out of in the middle of the night, rather then talk to your best friends about it? Yeah." Fennec (Louis?) scoffed. "That was an experience I never want to have again."
"He never thought you leave us, you know? He was so sure you'd come back." Liam sounded absolutely crushed. "I've never seem him so upset."
Zayn swallowed, and Alex the words affected him more than he wanted, as the agents turned to hide his face from the other two men. The teen watched him closely, his breathing somewhat regular by now, and confusion instead of panic now governing his thoughts.
"You know each other?" Alex's voice was rough with disuse and his throat ached painfully, but it wasn't anything he wasn't already used to.
"We met in high-school. Made plans to go backpacking around the world, see the sights before settling down with a real job with real responsibilities." Zayn sounded sad and reminiscent. "Things didn't exactly go to plan."
Fennec scoffed again, but Liam shushed him, looking to Alex instead, seemingly desperate to change the conversation. "Now that you've calmed down a little, would you like something to eat?"
Alex frowned and shifted uncomfortably on the bed. "Not particularly."
"You have to eat, Alex. You're practically nothing but skin and bones."
"I'm just not hungry." Alex shrugged, but his stomach betrayed him, growling loudly.
Liam raised an eyebrow.
Alex just closed his eyes.
"Please, Alex. Why won't you eat?" Zayn asked, his tone leaving no room for argument.
"I don't know." The teen responded. He was necessarily trying not to answer, he just felt so tired and didn't really want to hash all his feelings out right now. Plus, he wanted to see how far he could push the limits of these three men.
"Alex." Now they were getting a little frustrated.
"I don't feel hungry. I have no appetite. I just don't see the point in eating. Not when..." Alex broke off, and turned onto his side, opening his eyes and gazing at the window on the other side of the room. The heavy blackout curtains made it nearly impossible for Alex to ascertain that it was still dark outside.
"When what?" Liam prodded gently.
"Falcon and Fox are still missing. Everyone is just assuming that they're dead, but I know they're not. I... I want-" He stopped again, frustration rising up in him. Why was it so hard to explain? So many things were in his head, and he couldn't find the words to get them out.
Sometimes it felt like he was drowning.
"Do you want to find them?" Zayn prompted and when Alex finally met his gaze, his eyes were unreadable but kind.
"Ideally yes. But realistically, it would never work." Alex replied heavily, and looked away again, closing his eyes. He just felt so exhausted.
"Why not?" That was Fennec and Alex gritted his teeth. Why did they have to keep asking him questions? Surely if they cared enough, they could figure it out for themselves. So he refused to respond.
"Are you...are you purposely not eating or trying to get better so that MI6 can't use you again?" Liam's voice was hesitant.
Alex was glad his eyes were closed for that moment so that they couldn't read the surprise in his eyes. He hadn't thought that it was such common knowledge around here, who his employers were.
"Alex. We're not letting them get to you. I promise."
"You don't know what you're saying." Alex countered, the bitterness probably seeping out into his voice. "You don't understand how much power they have over me. Over you."
"Alex, listen. If, hypothetically, we could manage to keep you from MI6"-Alex scoffed-"what would you do?" Liam was persistent.
The teenager paused, the question catching him off guard. He'd never really had freedom before. "I'd find the others, and kill whoever hurt them. Then, I'd go into hiding so no-one could ever find me again. But it would never work, so what's the point? I've learned it's better to never have hopes. That way, you're never disappointed."
"We're men of our word, Alex. If you don't want us to make assumptions about you, don't make assumptions about us. We're not letting MI6 get to you again, not if we can help it." Zayn spoke this time, his voice steady and a little reprimanding. "So start getting your strength back. According to you, we've got people to rescue."
Alex didn't bother with a reply.
******************************
Zayn knocked on the door to Wolf's room, and stood waiting. He felt a little sorry for waking Wolf and probably his entire unit, but there were some things that needed to be discussed. And while they could probably wait until morning, Zayn just didn't feel like doing that, when he knew he wouldn't get any sleep anyway until he had answers. Even though he'd been awake for over 24 hours, he didn't feel as tired as he usually did.
"Is something wrong?" Wolf opened the door, his eyes blinking in the harsh hallway light.
"Not really. Alex woke up a few minutes ago, and we've covered a few topics with him in conversation that I think need to be addressed. Also, Alex brought a condition of his own to the table. About leaving MI6." Zayn replied, his voice matter-of-fact but not loud.
Wolf raised his eyebrows, and glanced into the dark room behind him, before nodding towards the stairs, leaving the room and closing the door softly behind him. "Let's talk downstairs."
The two men walked into the dimly light kitchen, a single light over the sink still on. Wolf put the kettle on the stove and turned to Zayn, a question in his eyes.
"No thanks." he answered, trying for a smile, as he sat down at the small bar.
Wolf shrugged. "Suit yourself. Personally, I can't do much without a cup of tea, but it must be your youth." He paused. "You're not a coffee person are you?"
"I'm not picky." Zayn shrugged again, and Wolf shook his head, before joining Zayn at the kitchen table.
"So."
"Alex hasn't been eating. He's far too underweight."
"I know."
"When we asked-"
"Who's we?" Wolf interrupted Zayn.
"Sorry. Bear, Fennec and I. We asked Alex why he wasn't eating and he just avoided the question, saying something about how he didn't see the point when the others were still missing and probably suffering. Bear asked him if he's purposely not eating so that MI6 won't be able to send him on missions, and he stayed quiet, which is basically the universal sign-"
"Of agreement, I know." Wolf exhaled long and slow.
"Bear asked him what he'd do if he was out from under MI6's thumb, and he said he'd find the missing team-mates and then go into hiding where he could never be found. So, here's my idea. If we all agree to try our best to get Alex out, we have to promise him that we'll help him find the others. He can't do it on his own, and he needs to know that he's not alone. To be honest, I don't think he's in a good enough mental state to be alone by himself to begin with. I have a friend in MI6 who's pretty much on our side concerning Alex, and he might be able to help us find places to hide, and assist us with the search."
The kettle interrupted Zayn, and Wolf got up to pour himself a cup of tea.
"I don't know. I don't know if I can really trust anyone in MI6 after what they've done to Alex." Wolf sighed, his shoulders slumped in exhaustion, his back still towards Zayn.
"I understand that. I just thought I'd let you know, and see if you had any plans for getting Alex out, if indeed everyone agreed to it, which I don't see why they wouldn't." The black-haired agent shrugged, fiddling with his fingers.
"That's what Snake said too. What makes you so sure?" Wolf chuckled, finally turning towards Zayn, his eyebrow lifted. "Not to change the subject, but you don't really seem to get along with the others."
Zayn felt his face harden, and he looked down, pursing his lips. "Whatever they think of me does not affect their capabilities. They're good men, and I have no doubt that at least two of them will be completely on your side by morning. I can't say for the others; I don't know them." he said, indifferently.
Wolf nodded, and sipped his tea, the room going quiet for several minutes.
"This is none of my business, and you don't have to answer, but what exactly happened between the three of you?" Wolf eventually asked, meeting Zayn's gaze at the end, at which the agent looked away.
Zayn closed his eyes, flashes of smiling faces, laughter and the brush of a hand against his own nearly overwhelming his senses. "Let's just say that I did something to make sure I lived to see another sunrise and Scorpia will probably give your friends back before mine ever forgive me."
"You still consider them to be your friends?" Wolf asked, his voice surprised and a little confused.
Zayn opened his eyes, and his vision blurred, his eyes burning with barely repressed emotion. "I never stopped considering them my friends." He swallowed, trying to force the lump in his throat down, and looked at the table. "When you go through something like what we did, you never stop thinking about the other people. When you spend the amount of time together that we did, you never stop hoping that they're okay. You never stop turning around to tell them something, only to find that they're not there. You never stop feeling the ground drop out from under your feet, because they're not there anymore and you haven't spoken to them since the night you left without telling anyone." Zayn broke off, and harshly rubbed at his eyes, trying to force the tears back inside.
"Why do you think they won't forgive you?" Wolf was quiet, almost as if he could sense that Zayn was at the edge of a three-years-late mental breakdown.
"Because I hurt them. Because they'll never understand the why. Why I had to leave, why it was killing me to stay, why it killed me to leave, why I still feel like I'm drowning because even after all that, I still need them in my life and not having them there suffocates me." His breath caught in his throat and suddenly he couldn't breath.
"Hey. Panther. Look at me." Hands were touching his wrists, a general safe-spot, and Zayn forced himself to meet Wolf's eyes through the tears that had made it out, despite all his desperate attempts to keep them in. "Bonds like that are never one-sided. Your friends are hurt, they're angry, they're bleeding, but give them more time. Reach out. Try to explain why you left the way that you did and show them how much they mean to you. Tell them everything you told me just now if you have to. They need to hear it. And if you try your best to fix this, and they still want nothing to do with you, then it's not on you anymore. You've done all you can. You've extended that olive branch, and it's up to them whether to take it, or slap your hand away. And if they decide to slap your hand away, then you have to accept that and move on. Don't linger in the past. In time, if it's meant to be, if you keep trying and trying, it'll all work out. It's gonna be okay."
Zayn welcomed the hug, despite usually having an aversion to strangers hugging him, clutching at the other man, his breath catching in his throat as the emotions ripped their way out of him.
Why couldn't life be simple?
Why did it hurt so much?
Why? Why? Why?
******************************
Louis backed away from the kitchen, the unfamiliar sounds of Zayn crying following him back up the stairs, and into the bedroom, where Liam was speaking quietly with Alex.
"Fennec? Where's the food I asked you to get for Alex?" Liam sounded a little exasperated and very confused.
"Zayn's in the kitchen crying." Louis blurted out, his mind still whirling over the words he'd overheard.
"I never stopped considering them my friends."
"What?!" Liam's voice sounded far away.
"I hurt them... but it was killing me to stay... it killed me to leave."
"What do you mean, he's in the kitchen crying? Is he alone?"
"I feel like I'm drowning because even after all that, I still need them in my life and not having them there suffocates me."
"Fennec?"
All this time...he was hurting too.
"Louis!" Okay, now Liam sounded irritated.
"Wolf's in there with him. They were talking." Louis was aware that his voice sounded weird, too soft and disconnected, but he couldn't care less. He still couldn't get over the fact that for all his hard exterior, Zayn was hurting just as much as they were, and that knowledge made guilt rise up in Louis' throat, burning like acid.
"Why was he crying?" His mate's voice was softer now; Liam could probably tell that Louis was a little shaken and caught off-guard.
"They were talking about us. Our past." Louis replied, sitting down on the bed opposite the one currently holding Alex and Liam, his legs shaking. He could feel Alex's eyes following his every move and it was a little disconcerting.
Liam said nothing, so Louis continued.
"He said he's hurting. He said he couldn't stay because it was killing him which he's already told us, but that leaving just made it worse." Louis scoffed, his voice getting thick. "I could have told him that. If he would have just told us instead of running off, we could have done something, and he wouldn't have had to leave." Louis wiped angrily at the tears the had slipped over and fought to control his emotions. "He says that he wants us back in his life, but that we'll never accept him."
"Well, that's not exactly wrong is it?" Liam asked, sending a heavy, meaningful glance to Louis.
"He needs to apologize and admit that what he did was wrong. He ruined everything, and it was a selfish decision." Louis wrapped his arms around his knees, trying to make himself smaller, as if to protect himself from the painful memories.
"He was in pain, Louis." Liam reminded him, but his voice was quiet too, obviously remembering things.
"Yeah? Well, guess what, we all were." Louis bit back, a little surprised by the rush of anger.
"Not like that. You know what I mean. He was depressed and sick and unhappy and just all around miserable. It was better for him to leave." Liam said. Louis thought it sounded as if he was trying to convince himself.
"Give him time." Alex spoke up, his voice scratchy and quiet. Louis and Liam both turned to look at him, trying to not let their surprise show on their faces. The lad blushed under the sudden attention. "Think about what you want. What you need. Then make your decision." He shrugged and looked down at his lap, breaking the small eye contact. "That's what I would do. If your friend really wants to fix things, he'll come to you. Life is short. Why waste it hurting yourself and other people?"
Louis remained quiet for a moment, trying to figure out how he felt about Zayn's betrayal, a little caught off guard by Alex's words of solid advice. "I just don't know if I'm ready to forgive him. Or if I even can." He whispered the last part, an ache settling deep in his chest, the weariness flooding back ten times more powerful.
"Let's get some sleep and think about this again in the morning." Liam said. "As for you Alex, I won't make you eat now, but you will eat something later, with the rest of the crew. It doesn't have to be a whole meal, it can even be just a few bites. But you will start eating again. You're not good to the rest of us if you're half-dead."
Alex nodded, and his shoulders slumped.
"Now. I'm going to give you the medication Mrs. Jones sent for you for your abdominal trauma." Liam went and grabbed the bottle from his bag, opening it and taking two pills out, handing them over to Alex. The boy reluctantly took them, and popped them in his mouth, washing them down with water.
"Excellent. Now let's you get comfortable so we can all sleep." Liam motioned Louis over, and the two helped Alex back under the covers. Louis watched with an aching heart as Liam almost unconsciously brushed the hair off of Alex's forehead.
For a moment, he was lost in memories, lost in a time where the same hand brushed blonder hair off a paler forehead and a gentle Irish accent had whispered goodnight, a smile ever-present in the voice, even though the heart was broken and the body weak.
"Goodnight Liam." Louis whispered after the lights had been turned out. He didn't expect a response, so Liam's soft answer of "Love you too" made him smile through the heartache and he closed his eyes, ready for some rest.
And he would need it, because things were about to go very, very wrong.
Here's yet another chapter... I'm so sorry it took two months... it really didn't feel like that long, and then the holidays are here, so it's going to be either really rocky these next couple of weeks, or I'll be writing like a fiend... it depends LOL.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this one. The dialogue gets annoying, I know, but it was important and it's going to pick up soon here, I promise.
Feel free to leave a comment if you so wish; I enjoy reading them and it reminds me to write when I'm so busy with life that I've totally forgotten.
Over and out,
AgentAlexxRider
"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you." - Ephesians 4:31-32 (NKJV)