Warnings:
swearing
death
description of death
James led Regulus down the hallways, the bat still in his hand yet absolutely useless in this situation, following the path he memorised in his mind. He was scared. For Remus and Sirius. For Regulus. Funnily enough, he held no fear for himself. He knew the other people in this house meant more to him that he did, and he knew he would protect any of them over protecting himself. The thought didn't scare him as much as he thought it would.
"Please don't hurt Remus or Sirius," James begged once again as he got closer to the end destination.
Regulus gave him a smile, brushing their hands. James wondered why, even after everything Regulus had done, James still loved the feeling of their hands touching. He didn't understand why he still wanted Regulus, why his body longed to be with Regulus's, but it did. What was wrong with him? Shouldn't James be throwing things, trying to kill Regulus himself with the bat in his hand for what Regulus did to all of James's friends? Why was James still fawning over Regulus, still wanting to protect him and love him? What did it mean? Was James does mentally ill? Or was what Regulus did excusable? Was he feeling like this because deep inside him he knew that he would never fall out of love with Regulus, and he would eventually forgive him for this?
"You'll understand everything soon enough," Regulus said.
That wasn't exactly comforting, and James continued on with a heavy heart, wondering if he was leading Sirius and Remus to their deaths. Or Regulus to his. Both thoughts were equally discomforting, and James tried to think about something else, but his mind kept straying to his current problems.
It felt like he was choosing who would live and who would die. Remus and Sirius or Regulus. Who should he choose? What should he do? Which lives should he take? It was confusing, and James was terrified of making the wrong decision, of choosing the wrong thing. He didn't want to choose between the people he loved most. Why couldn't they all survive this together?
James's breath hitched when he turned the corner and spotted Frank's body on the floor. He wanted to look at Regulus, to show him what he'd done and ask how he could possibly be okay with that, and yet at the same time he was terrified of what he'd find. He didn't want Regulus to be a monster. He didn't want his idea of Regulus to change, to become even worse, so he walked forward, not looking at Regulus or the body. He just continued walking until they arrived at the door to the room Sirius and Remus were inside.
"They're in here," James murmured, his throat dry.
Regulus looked at the door. "Why don't you knock?"
James really didn't want to knock, but he knew he didn't have much of a choice, so he did. After a moment of silence he turned the doorknob and entered the room, finding Sirius standing with his fists raised and Remus balancing precariously on one foot, tensed up.
As soon as they saw James both of their shoulders sagged, relief washing their faces. When Sirius spotted Regulus, he stiffened, yet he seemed even more relieved than earlier. James knew that his realisation had been right; Sirius did still love Regulus.
Sirius smiled, moving forward to embrace James, but then he noticed James's tense posture and wide eyes. He stared between James and Regulus and took a step back, angling closer to Remus.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
Regulus moved forward, pushing James behind him and giving him a warning look. Whatever happened next, Regulus was telling James not to intervene, and that was terrifying. Could James stand there and let Regulus kill his friends? No. Did he have a choice? Also no.
Sirius and Remus's eyes were trained on Regulus, both of them widening in realisation when Regulus took the knife out of his pocket and twirled it around in his fingers. Sirius took a step back, nearly stumbling, while Remus stayed very still, staring at the knife like if he looked away he'd find it in his stomach.
James watched as emotion after emotion passed over Sirius's face as he processed what he was seeing. That his brother was a murderer. There was shock and disbelief, which moved into sadness and grief, which finally ended up as anger. A dangerous, suffocating anger that blazed in his eyes as he stared at Regulus.
"Why did you do it?" he asked, voice rough.
Regulus, instead of answering, walked slowly towards Sirius. James tensed even more, fingers itching to do something, but he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. Tackle Regulus to the floor? Stand in front of Sirius to protect him from harm? Or grab Remus and Sirius and get the fuck out of there? He didn't know, and he could feel panic bubbling just below the surface, threatening to overwhelm him. He pushed it down.
James watched Regulus walked slowly towards Sirius, getting ready to jump in front of him, only to be caught off guard when Regulus turned at the last minute and grabbed Remus. Sirius and James both lunged towards him but then Regulus had his knife at Remus's throat and was yelling at them to step back.
They both did, staring at the silver blade pressed against Remus's neck. James was terrified. Truly, deeply, terrified. That wasn't how he was supposed to feel. Regulus Black, the love of his life, should not be making him feel like that. He shouldn't be making James panic and wonder if he was going to kill his friends.
Regulus was staring intently at the knife he had pressed against Remus's throat, as Remus let out a gasp, also staring at the knife. Sirius was looking like he wanted to murder Regulus himself, which James sincerely hoped he wouldn't because having two people he loved becoming murderers would only confuse him even more.
Regulus looked at James, then Sirius, then back at his knife as he spoke. "I killed all these people for James and me. So that we could be together freely, and not have to hide."
Sirius frowned, looking at Regulus to James in confusion. "What? What does he mean? James?"
James couldn't bear to look at him, instead staring determinedly at the floor. He felt shame creep up on him, a horrible feeling for a horrible thing. He shouldn't feel ashamed for loving Regulus, at least, before he became a murderer. Yet seeing Sirius's accusing gaze, the betrayal in his tone, was almost too much for James to bear. He hated it. He really, really hated it.
"You're dating my brother?" James still didn't look up. "James, look at me."
Reluctantly, James brought his gaze up from the floor and onto Sirius's face. A face so full of betrayal and confusion. A face that James loved dearly and never meant to hurt. A face that may never look at James the same way again.
"Yes," he admitted. There was no point in hiding it now. "I'm dating him. I've been dating him for the past year." Sirius looked horrified and James hurriedly continued talking, desperate to get Sirius to understand. "I love him, Sirius. I love him so much."
That was the wrong thing to say. Rage flickered behind Sirius's eyes, a dark, hateful feeling that James could practically feel. He could feel Sirius's anger, just like Sirius could feel his desperation. They were connected, their hearts beat in sync, they were soulmates. They were breaking each other's hearts.
"You love him? You still love him? You love this thing? This monster that he's become? You don't care that he murdered our fucking friends? You don't care that he's crazy? Psychotic?"
James's eyes were wide. "That's not what I meant- "
"You don't fucking care that he's got my boyfriend at knife point?" Sirius yelled, jerking his head in Remus's direction. "That at any moment he could slit his throat and kill him?"
James stared at Sirius, feeling his heart break with every harsh word that came out of Sirius's mouth. James loved him; he hated hearing his best friend, his brother, verbally tear him to shreds. He hated the disgust in Sirius's voice when he talked about James's feelings for Regulus. He hated that Sirius would have never accepted James and Regulus's relationship, not even if Regulus had never murdered anyone.
"This is why we had to hide," Regulus continued, grabbing everyone's attention, "because of you. Because of how you'd react. You stopped us from being completely happy. You stopped us from being able to properly love one another without the fear that we'd be found out. We loved each other in secret because of you. We had to hide it. Why should you have the person you love, when I'm not allowed to have the person I love? Why should you be able to flaunt your romance around the school while James and I are forced to sneak around you, in constant fear of what you'd do if you found out. Why do you get to have Remus, but I'm not allowed to have James? Doesn't seem very fair, does it?"
James realised too late what was going to happen. He surged forward, almost at the exact same time as Sirius, but they were too late. In one smooth motion Regulus moved his hand and a line of blood appeared on Remus's neck, growing bigger and bigger as every second passed. Regulus stepped back as Remus fell to his knees, hands going to his throat that was now gushing blood. He looked up at Sirius who had tears in his eyes, staring at his boyfriend that was dying right in front of him. Remus tried to say something to Sirius but ended up choking on his blood, only quickening the process of his death. Everyone knew what he tried to say, though.
I love you.