Seeing my Dad stopped me in my tracks. The emotions swirling inside of me calmed and all I could do was look into his murky green eyes. I knew then that I had to know the truth, I wasn't going to avoid this and drag it out as if that would stop it from hurting. I wanted to rip this band aid off and my father's arrival gave me the perfect opportunity to do this properly.
When else would I get us all in a room together again without going out of my way to make it happen?
Something within me forced me to walk through the front door of my Mom and Peter's home. I loved my father and I've always idolised him. Yet, seeing him again with the idea of him not really being my father made it so much harder. I loved him, how could I not? But now everything he's done is being called into question. How could I not wonder if the reason he discarded me the way he had was because he'd lost his only daughter and I I wasn't his?
I froze in front of my Mom and Peter when we entered the kitchen. I didn't want to enter the room, but I felt compelled to by the presence of everyone around me. It was hard to look anyone in the eye right now let alone say something. My voice was gone and my blood had stilled.
Everything was too much.
My silence went unnoticed when everyone around me started talking. Harry's voice took an argumentative tone with Sebastian in the corner whilst my parents and Peter talked in hushed voices. Tommy stood besides me looking clueless, but there was nothing I could do to remedy this.
Like me, Harry was fighting the urge to storm off. The best way to make anyone sorry for hurting you was to leave them missing you. When you're gone, they appreciate you and you're seen. Yet, that doesn't mean you're seen for who you are. All storming off does is leave you returning with the other person far too occupied in why you left and less with the reason of why you felt like you need to leave. If I left without an explanation, my family would notice it. They wouldn't understand it. They had to understand me this time. They had to see me.
An air of confusion lingered in the air as everyone started to realise something wasn't quite right with anything. It wasn't until Sebastian walked over to my mother and whispered something in her ear that the clueless shifted into tension.
My mother's sky blue eyes paled once Sebastian was finished saying whatever he had said to her. She glanced at me with guilt swirling in her sky blue eyes before walking over to the fridge. She picked out an expensive bottle of red wine and paired it with one of her finer crystal glass'.
The action alone was enough to tell me she didn't think what Sebastian had to say was bullshit. We weren't reading between the lines. There was some truth to it.
We were right.
I crossed my arms over my chest and looked away from her. I couldn't look at any of them right now. Instead my attention went to the glass door that lead out to the garden. Briefly I wondered what would happen when I wasn't restrained by the four walls of my mother's house.
Who would I be when I was out of here? How would I feel?
"Can someone please tell me what's going on right now?" I heard Tommy say, his voice strained slightly as he looked around the room at us all ever so cluelessly.
Tommy looked like a lost puppy. What he didn't know was that he wasn't lost. He had just been deceived. Without a deeper understanding, both seem the same.
My mother let out an exasperated sigh like this was a conversation she had dismissed a million times before. She looked at us all like she was tired of us. I tried to keep my cool, but the callousness of her demeanour was enough for me to break down crying.
"I don't know what ludicrous you kids think you know, but I assure you, you have got it all wrong,"
My mother said, not even sparing me one glance. Her eyes drifted from each of the boys until they landed on Sebastian's. It was like she was giving him a warning. Little did she know it was too late not to go there.
I bite my tongue as I took in my so called family before me. I'd never felt so confused In their presence before. They were the people who were supposed to accept me for who I was, but how were they supposed to do that if they lied to me or had believed lies about who I really was?
"Ludicrous?" I questioned, looking straight at my mother. I knew how this sounded on the surface if it wasn't true, but when you looked for the details, they were there under the surface. There was nothing ludicrous about that. "Look at these photo's and tell me they're ludicrous."
I couldn't help myself. They needed to see it laid out in front of them and put the pieces together so that they could know I wouldn't take their lies at face value anymore. They'd sold me a story, but had missed out a whole story line. Details aren't always important, but they are when they make everything look different in a different light. The thing about this detail was that it showed me in a different light and no one knew how to feel about that.
My Mom took a sip from her wine glass and shook her head, refusing to look at anyone, but me in the eye. "I don't know what you're seeing, but I am seeing nothing of any significance."
I glanced at Sebastian who nodded at me like he was trying to tell me it's okay. My eyes diverted from him to Harry and Tommy. Harry was shaking his head, not looking at anyone in particular. More than anything he looked like he needed a drink, but he kept quiet. I knew Harry had a lot to say, but somehow he was keeping his composure now. Tommy, however, was a different matter. He was looking at all of us cluelessly as he tried to understand what was going on. I almost felt sorry for him, but I didn't have it within me to feel anything, but the hurt I was already feeling.
"Cut the crap, Daisy and read between the lines," Harry snapped, growling at my mother for the first time. I knew he wanted to skip the crap, but I never expected him to speak to my mother like that. However, that wasn't what surprised me the most. It was how he had suddenly decided to see if what Sebastian and Alice had suspected had anything under the surface.
"Harry, watch it." Peter cut in, growling at his son. He kept his eyes kept on Harry like his son's emotions were the only thing at steak here.
My mother sighed and looked at all of us, regions for to make eye contact with anyone in particular. "What exactly are you all expecting to get from this conversation right now? What is this?"
I felt my lips purse as I tried to think about wha to wanted, but I struggled to realise anything beyond the simple fact that I wanted the truth. I wanted to know if I was right. I needed to know if we were right. I needed to know if Alice and Sebastian had figured everything out.
"It's the chance for you to be honest with me," I began, glancing from my mother to Peter and my Dad. I wanted them to look me in the eye so that they could see how I knew they lied. "Alice and Sebastian figured something out and I discovered it. So do you want to dance around this or are we going to talk about it?"
I walked over to the kitchen table and sat down. Everyone else in the room was stood, gathered around like they didn't know where to be. Our parents remained still like everything didn't phase them, but I suspected they were masking their emotions.
"Charlie, you're not making sense right now," my mother began, walking towards the centre of the room. I sat back in my seat and watched her, barely believing how she was being so calm. "A lot has happened recently and it makes sense if you feel a little confused —"
"— don't dismiss her," Sebastian cut in, glancing at my mother with his hazel eyes simmering. "Answer the question. She's not confused, just be honest."
My heart skipped a beat as I registered Sebastian's words. He was really taking my side. It didn't feel real.
"I don't know what you're on about, Sebastian." My mother dismissed, not even offering him a glance of disapproval.
She turned to me with nothing, but a neutral expression. Was she treating me like one of her clients? Objectivity had its advantages in the professional world, but in the domestic, you need someone to understand your subjective experience before even thinking about judging you.
"Really?" I snarled, glaring at my mother. "You know, I used to think Alice had everything figured out. I'd just never questioned how much she had figured out. She made sure to shine a light on everything she had ever questioned. It's only now that I realise I was an equation she had tried to figure out. I just need to hear it from you now. Cut the fucking bullshit, Mom. Is Peter my biological father?"
My mom took a deep breath once the words had left my lips. Everyone in the room stilled like time had paused just waiting for everyone who had been lagging behind to catch up.
I didn't want to be right. I loved both my parents, despite their flaws. How could I accept they'd been lying to me my entire life about where I'd come from? If Peter was my father and he knew then he had chosen not to know me growing up. Sebastian, Harry and Tommy weren't apart of my life growing up. Yet, if we were related they should have been. They were really my brothers and we'd been deprived of ever knowing each other.
"It's complicated, Charlotte." My mom answered, finally meeting my gaze. "You don't understand."
I shook my head, refusing to believe her words until I had confirmation.
"Is Peter my father?" I asked, my voice far more shaky than it was before. I couldn't register anyone else in the room, I could only look at my Moms crystal blue eyes. I stood up, feeling like my feet were barely touching the ground. "Is he?!"
My Mom sighed and took another sip of her wine, before nodding. I sunk back into my seat, feeling empty. No one else in the room said anything, but I felt the urge to scream. Why was no one else saying anything? Why didn't they want to scream?
It took me a minute to collect myself. I hadn't realised it, but tears were falling down my cheeks. Tommy came and took the seat next to me and placed his hand on top of mine. I didn't say anything, but I was thankful for the slight reassurance. He was there for me.
"How could you hide this from me?!" I almost screamed, but my voice was faint and raspy like I had been talking non stop.
"It's complicated, char." My dad said, causing me to look at him. There was nothing, but regret in his green eyes.
"That's a load of shit!" Harry growled, causing Sebastian to grab a hold of his arm in an attempt to calm him down. "You all lied to us. Charlie is and always has been our sister and yet you all kept it from us for years. Don't give me some pathetic excuse about it being complicated."
Peter sighed and looked at Harry with a sorrowful look. "There was a lot going on, son. We all agreed it was for the best."
I stared at Peter in disbelief. Peter and my so called parents thought lying to me was the best thing they could do. Peter knew about me, but he didn't want me. His sons — my brothers — could have known about me, but our parents decided to keep us in the dark under the presence that it was complicated.
"Ignoring your daughter was for the best?!" Tommy said, his tone exhausted like he felt this conversation shouldn't have had to happen. "Charlie is your daughter and you decided you could just pretend she didn't exist?! Pretend we didn't have a sister?"
Peter sighed and met Tommy's eyes, but he still couldn't meet mine. No matter how much I tried to engage his attention, he couldn't look at me. I could only wish it didn't hurt as much as it did.
"It was complicated." Peter repeated, sounding deflated. Briefly, I found myself wondering what precisely the complications were.
"What about Mom?" Sebastian asked, his grip on Harry's arm loosening as he struggled against his emotions. "Did you have an affair? Is this why this happened?"
I felt myself feel sick suddenly. Was Sebastian implying he wished I never happened? Was that why he hated me so much? Was I the product of an affair between our parents?
"No, no." Peter stressed, frantically looking between Sebastian, Harry, Tommy and I like he would lose all of us if he didn't show us how much this conversation hurt him. "Your mother and I fell in love when we both became associates at a law firm after qualifying — before she decided to pursue a career as a legal researcher. But, we were in our mid-twenties when we first started dating and by the time we got married and had kids, we were different. Everything was different. After your mother had Harry, she declared she wanted some space from me. She took Sebastian and Harry to stay with her sister in England and did some researching work for the law commission in England. We decided we were going to split up because things weren't working anymore and although, I didn't want to give up, I thought it was the best option. We had you kids to think about and we put you first."
Peter sighed and looked at his boys like the was the worst thing he could ever tell them. He hadn't even looked at me yet, but I needed to understand what happened and how this had happened. It was the only way I could learn to live with it.
"Whilst your mother was in England with you, I was called into the city for this case I was working on. It was a clinical negligence case or something and Daisy was representing the defendant. We went to high school together and hit it off. We started dating after the case." Peter explained.
I shook my head in disbelief. If Sebastian and Harry had already been born then what about Alice, Tommy and me? Alice and Sebastian were the same age. Tommy and me were several months apart. How did this work?
"But Alice? Mom you and dad were together then?" I stated, not wanting to even consider the possibility my Mom had cheated on my Dad. "Did you cheat on dad?"
My mom shook her head, "no, me and your father had been together since high school. College and qualifying as a lawyer had strained our relationship. I was putting in long hours and by the time we had Alice, we were exhausted." My Mom sighed like she couldn't stand to admit it. "We split up a year after Alice was born then Peter and I started dating."
I ran my hand through my hair as I tried to comprehend all of this. It was mutual. All of it. So why did I still feel like my mom was the bad guy in this?
"I went back to the boy's mom when she called me, telling me she was pregnant with Tommy. She tried to keep me in the dark, but her sister called me. So I flew to England and we decided to try and work things out. I wanted to for the boys." Peter explained, meeting my gaze with the last sentence. Yet somehow, his acknowledgment wasn't enough. He'd discarded me as his daughter read he expected me to understand?
"What about me?" I questioned, not caring if I sounded self-indulgent. He'd left us for them. Did he even spare me a second thought?
Everyone in the room looked at me with similar emotive gazes. I half expected them all to criticise my selfish perspective, but for the first time they looked at me like they all had compassion towards my shortcomings.
My Mom stiffened and placed her glass of wine on the counter. She looked at me without disapproval. I could barely believe it.
"I kept my pregnancy from him until he moved back to Long Shore. They stayed in England for a couple of years. During that time, me and your father worked things out."
I stiffened, "did dad know?" I questioned, glancing between both my parents.
My Dad nodded, giving me the smallest smile he could manage. "I did. Your mother was already pregnant with you when we got back together."
"And you both decided to keep
It from our dad?" Harry questioned, anger seeping into his words.
My Mom straightened up and looked Harry straight in the eye like she was trying to send him a message that she wouldn't be judged for the decisions of her past.
"Your father returned to long shore a couple years later and I told him the truth when I saw him, but you've got to understand he had a lot going on."
Tommy's hand went cold on mine and he glanced up at my mother with anger in his eyes for the first time,
"You mean because our mother was dying of cancer?" He questioned, his voice sounding eerily as angry as Harry's.
Peter pinched the brim of his nose and met Tommy's gaze. "When Daisy and me saw each other again, your mother was going through chemo. You boys barely understood what was going on. I couldn't add to what you already had to deal with." Peter turned his attention from the boys to me, his suddenly going glassy, "you were in a loving home and your mother kept in touch. I knew you were okay, but the boys weren't. I had to think about them, but I also had to think about the affect everything would have on you."
My breath hitched in my throat and I felt myself standing up. I needed some air — everything was beginning to feel suffocating. I had the truth now, I had to understand how I felt about it before I listened to how everyone else felt about it,
Before I knew it, I was walking away from all of it. I couldn't breathe and it was all too much. I needed to think,
However, unlike every other time, I wasn't running away. I could pin everything down to the one basic truth that I was Peter's daughter, despite being lied to and for now that was what I had to understand, that was what I had to get to grips with from my point of view and that was okay. I wasn't avoiding my problems. This time I realised I needed some space to think about my perspective rather than everyone else's.
Next update will be Friday :) it will be a chapter you've all been waiting for so get ready
What do you think about Charlie being Peter's daughter? Where do you think it's going to go from here?