Archie sat on the sofa in Bailey's office, staring blankly at the wall in front of him. Bailey herself was sat at her desk, having given her surgeries to Richard or postponed them so she could stay with Archie and wait for Arizona's call about whether or not Archie could visit his mama today.
"How long has it been since they got to mama?" Archie asked.
Bailey checked her watch.
"Well, they got there for nine, so, half an hour?" Bailey asked.
"How long will it be before they know anything?" Archie said.
"I'm sure it won't be long," Bailey said.
Archie nodded. Bailey sighed, opening one of her desk drawers and grabbing a file. She closed the door and walked over to the sofa, sitting beside Archie and holding the file out.
"What is it?" Archie asked, taking the heavy file.
"That is a copy of your mama's first ever surgery that she invented, the Quinn method for fetal heart surgery," Bailey said.
"I've never read the files about it, before," Archie whispered, opening the first page. "Mama made this with aunt Addison, didn't she? When she was upset because of a bad man?"
"She did," Bailey nodded. "Made it in about two weeks, as well. She performed it shortly after becoming a resident with Addison, Alex and a few other surgeons. The patient and her child survived. There's other cases that have used the method in there, too. I've been keeping tabs on the success," she said.
"Mama was robbed of the Harper Avery that year," Archie said, looking down at the words on the page eagerly.
"She was," Bailey chuckled fondly.
"She's had no losses with the method, either, has she?" Archie said.
"Your mama made three different surgical plans for one method so that there was less of a risk at death for all parties involved. And it's worked well. Nobody has ever died with this method because of the three different ways to do it. The first way is for less severe cases, and the other two are plans for any complications that may arise. Your mama is somewhat of a genius," Bailey said.
Archie smiled, looking up at Bailey with pure pride on his face.
"She's the best mama and surgeon I know, and I know a lot of them. I wanna be just as good as mama when I grow up," Archie said.
"You'll have to work very hard, but I think you could do it. You're just as smart as your mama was at this age, I imagine. Richard always mentions how much you're like Erin as a kid. And Meredith says it a lot, too," Bailey said.
"What was mama like? When you met her?" Archie asked.
"She was... a disaster," Bailey chuckled. "Meredith pushed her into a wall on her first day, by accident, and I had to give your mama some stitches. I knew she was going to be my favourite intern from that moment. And she proved me right. She went above and beyond in every case. She was a good surgeon, an even better friend to everybody around her. I was so proud when she passed her intern exam with full marks. She's Tuck's godmother because of how much I adore her, and how much she adores me. And I made the right choice. Tuck loves her so much, and so do I," Bailey said.
"Everyone always says mom is like sunshine. And she is. She's always so happy. But mama is like sunshine, too. She always makes other people happy. She's my best friend. I don't want mama to go. I'm not ready to grow up without her," Archie whispered.
Bailey pulled him into her side, kissing his forehead and rocking him gently from side to side. Archie closed his eyes, clinging to Bailey tightly.
"I'm not ready for your mama to go, yet, either. We're going to do everything we can to make sure that doesn't happen. Your moms, both of them, are sunshine, and everybody needs sunshine," Bailey whispered.
Her phone vibrated against her hip and she moved her hand, pulling it out of her pocket.
"Is it mom?" Archie asked, wiping his tears off his cheeks.
"Aunt Maggie," Bailey said.
She answered the call and put the phone to her ear.
"How is she?" Bailey asked.
"They've ran scans and she's showing up fine on everything. She's got brain activity and her pupils are equal and reactive. She's still on the vent, but they're hoping to ease her off it today or tomorrow. They said she can have visitors, so, you can all come up a few at a time from ten until five," Maggie said.
"And she's okay?" Bailey said.
"Holding steady. We're just waiting for her to wake up," Maggie said.
"How long will that be? Do they have any ideas?" Bailey said.
"Not really. It's a waiting game. They're not sure if there's any brain damage, either. None is showing up on the scans, but, still, the scans could miss something, so, we won't fully know until she wakes up and can talk to us," Maggie said.
"Okay. I'll tell the others. Is Archie allowed to visit?" Bailey said.
"Yeah. I can come and pick him up or someone can drop him off. However you guys want to do it. We're probably just going to be here all day and we'll have to figure out what we're doing until she's awake," Maggie said.
"I'll text you with the plan. Thank you, Maggie," Bailey said.
"Bye," Maggie ended the call.
"Okay, your mama is okay," Bailey looked at Archie. "They've ran scans and they all look good. She's still asleep, but there's brain activity and her pupils are equal and reactive. She's on a vent to breathe, but they're hoping she'll be able to come off it today or tomorrow. You're allowed to visit, so, we're going to page everyone else to meet us and make a plan," Bailey said.
"Okay," Archie said, sliding off the couch quickly to run to the door.
"Stay with me, okay?" Bailey said, following him to the door.
"Yes, mama B," Archie said, taking her hand and tugging her outside as she fiddled with her phone with her other hand.
After much discussion, it was decided Jo would take Archie to the hospital first with Addison. Richard was in surgery as he was helping cover Bailey and Meredith's patients, Alex's dick boss in the clinic wouldn't let him leave, even when Bailey demanded it, and Bailey had to stay at the hospital to rearrange the schedules for the next few weeks before she could visit Erin later.
So, it was Jo, Addison and Archie going. They'd come back later and Richard would go with Alex on Alex's lunch hour, so Jo and Alex weren't crossing too much with the DeLuca drama going on.
The drive to Seattle Pres had been silent, Jo driving while Addison stared out of the window and Archie fiddled with his woolen bracelet he'd made with his mama a few weeks earlier. They'd arrived and found Maggie waiting in the lobby to take them up, the four of them getting into the elevator.
"She's on a normal ward, now. Out of the ICU, which is good. She's still on the vent and connected to a lot of tubes and wires," Maggie said, looking down at Archie. "You have to be really gentle, okay?" she said.
"I know," Archie nodded.
The elevator beeped and the four of them stepped off, Maggie leading them past nurses and other rooms towards Erin's room. Amelia was waiting outside, the curtains drawn and the door closed.
"What-" Maggie started.
"It's for privacy. We figured things might get a bit emotional," Amelia said quietly.
She knelt down, taking Archie's hands in her own and smiling weakly at him.
"Hey, little man," she said.
"I want mama," Archie said.
"I know. A few grown up things first," Amelia said.
Archie pouted, but nodded.
"Mama is on a vent. She has a tube down her throat to help her breathe. She's connected to a heart monitor and has an IV to give her medicine to make it hurt less. She has some of her hair shaved and there's a bandage on her head, and she has a few other bandages from the surgeries. You have to be gentle because mama is really sore," Amelia explained.
Archie nodded, slowly trying to build a picture of what he thought mama would look like based on the patients he'd seen on surgical tapes and in the hospital and the photos in medical textbooks of the equipment. Still, he couldn't really put the image together in his mind.
He knew he'd visited mama in the hospital after aunt Lexie died in the plane crash. He knew he was only a baby and he didn't remember it. He remembered seeing mama in the hospital when Rue was born, but she was smiling, and she was smiling when she had the twins.
He'd seen aunt Mermaid when she'd been hurt by that patient a while ago. She was awake when she saw him and couldn't talk, but he hadn't been scared because she still looked like aunt Mermaid and she still gave him the same hugs she always gave him, and she got better, so he wasn't scared.
But aunt Mermaid wasn't his mama.
"She's going to look really different than normal. I just want you to prepare yourself for that. She's okay, though. We're just waiting for her to wake up," Amelia said.
"Okay. Can I see her?" Archie asked.
"Of course," Amelia said.
She opened the door, stepping in first and moving aside to let Archie, Addison and Jo step inside.
Archie barely made it a foot into the room before he had to stop, his eyes resting on his mama in the hospital bed. He didn't even notice aunt Mermaid or his mommy watching him from the chairs at the side of mama's bed. All he could do was stare, the image of his mama looking so small and sick and sad cementing itself into his mind.
Archie swallowed roughly, pushing the tears down as he forced himself to move forward. He didn't register Jo and Addison's quiet gasps of shock behind him when they saw his mama. He just kept walking, moving to stand at the side of mama's bed where his mom was.
"Hi, baby," Arizona said quietly, smoothing his hair down. "You can touch her. Just be gentle," she said.
Archie lifted his hand, gently taking his mama's fingers in his own until their hands were resting against each other. Her skin was warm, but her fingers didn't move to tickle his palm the way they always did when he tried to hold her hands. She always intertwined their fingers after she heard his laugh, giving him that smile that made him feel like it was just the two of them existing.
Archie knew his moms loved all four of them equally. He also knew that, try as they might to avoid it, parents did have secret favourites. Mermaid was grandma Ellis' favourite, if you could even call that a favourite. He knew uncle Derek was his grandma Carolyn's favourite. He knew aunt Mermaid favoured Zola more than Bailey and Ellis because she was the only one old enough to really remember and grieve her father.
He also knew he was his mama's favourite. He was her rainbow baby, her Kermit, her baby boy. They'd had three whole years together before Rue was even born and he'd watched every home movie from those three years. He'd watched his mama cry when he said mama for the first time, when he'd walked and said mommy for the first time, watched her laugh when he'd cuddled up to her pregnant belly to babble nonsense to Rue before he was born.
And mama adored Rue and the twins. She did. He couldn't deny that. But he was her first baby that she actually got to raise after mama lost baby Quinn and that bond was unique. It was their bond, Erin and Archie's, baby Grey and baby baby grey.
"You can talk to her, you know? She can hear you," Amelia said, tears in her eyes as she watched her nephew stare blankly at his mother's unmoving hand.
Archie moved his hand, intertwining his fingers with his mama's. He squeezed three times, leaning down to kiss her hand gently.
"Hi, mama. It's me. Archie," Archie said quietly. "I miss you."
She didn't reply. She didn't move. Her heart rate didn't even pick up on the monitor. Archie stared at the moving lines for a few seconds before looking back at his mama. He studied the bags under her eyes, the cheeks that had slowly become hollow and sunken in over the past few months, the hair that was still tinted with hints of copper blood stains.
She didn't look like mama. She didn't feel like mama. Maggie said there was brain activity, which meant that mama was still in there, but she wasn't in there because she didn't even know he was there.
Then he wondered if she did know he was there. Maybe she couldn't wake up because the surgery had gone wrong. Maybe she was screaming at herself in her head to just wake up and breathe over the vent and smile and hug Archie and tell him that she was okay, and the smile wouldn't be a pretend smile this time because she would be okay and with him.
Archie rocked on his feet for a few seconds as he watched the mechanic rise and fall of mama's chest with the vent. The wheezy breathing sounds and the heart monitor beeping drowned out the quiet chatter from the adults.
All Archie could feel was a terrible pressure on his chest, his mind empty except for one thought; he was scared.
Archie swallowed roughly, letting go of his mama's hand and moving away from the bed to sit in the empty chair. He pulled his knees up to his chest, moving away from his mom's outstretched hand to curl up against the armrest, shaky breaths stuck in his throat and tears burning in his eyes.
They didn't fall, though. He wouldn't give his mom anything else to worry about when mama looked this sick. Things must be really bad if everyone was this worried and stressed and emotional. Things must be really bad if she wasn't awake.
Archie was the big brother, the oldest, his mama's mini me. His mama was the strong one who kept her wife sisters together. Archie had to do the same for his brother and sisters, for his mom and his aunts and his uncle Alex. He had to be brave and pretend he wasn't scared.
"Baby," Arizona started.
"What are you telling Rue and Zola and Bailey?" Archie asked, voice quiet.
"I don't know, yet," Arizona sighed. "I'm probably gonna stay here with mom tonight. I think it might be better to wait until she's awake before we tell Rue and bring him and the girls to visit," she said.
"Rue was asking for her this morning," Archie said.
"I know," Arizona said.
"And Zola and Bailey wanted to know where Meredith was," Archie said.
"We told them you were busy working," Addison said, moving over to the bed to look at Erin properly.
"Alex is coming with Webber on his lunch break. Bailey's coming up later and Kepner and Avery are going to stop by today or tomorrow," Jo said quietly, chewing on her thumbnail as she glanced between Archie and Erin.
"How are her surgical sites?" Addison asked.
"We haven't seen them, but Dr. Lewis said she's good," Maggie said, closing the door behind them.
"How long until they expect her to wake up?" Addison asked.
"They're not sure," Maggie said again. "Everything looks good on her scans. It's just a waiting game until she wakes up and we can figure out if there's any damage," Maggie said.
"Well, Bailey has arranged everything for a transfer to Grey Sloan. I'll be stepping in to handle any OB/GYN issues, we've got Richard and Bailey for any general, and we've got Riggs for any cardio issues," Addison said.
"Neuro?" Maggie said.
"Avery's got a doctor friend local to Grey Sloan who has offered to perform any surgeries if she needs them," Addison said. "He made the phone call when Bailey told us all what was going on."
"When are we moving her?" Amelia asked. "Are we moving her?"
"Of course we are. She should be with us in her own hospital. We can take better care of her," Addison said.
"It's not up to us," Jo said. "It's Arizona's decision."
Arizona didn't move or react. She was still staring at her wife, face blank of any expression except pure exhaustion.
"Well, we shouldn't move her yet, anyway. Not until she's off the vent, at least," Maggie said.
"How long are you staying?" Amelia looked at Addison.
"As long as I have to," Addison said, her eyes on Arizona. "Arizona, have you eaten today?"
"She hasn't. She skipped breakfast," Archie said. "I made her toast and she gave it to the twins."
"You shouldn't be messing with the toaster, little man," Maggie said.
"I do it with mama all the time," Archie said, tone snappy. "I made the girls' bottles this morning, and the coffee. It's our routine."
Arizona moved her hand, putting it on Archie's knee and squeezing a few times.
"Be nice," Arizona said softly.
"I am being nice. It's mine and mama's routine. Aunt Maggie would know that if she spent time with mom," Archie said.
"I do spend time with your mom," Maggie frowned.
"Not enough, or you would've noticed her pretend smiles," Archie said.
"Hey, little man, why don't we go for a walk, huh?" Jo said, making her way over to Archie and crouching down in front of his chair. "Blow off some steam?"
"I don't want to go for a walk. I want mama to wake up and be okay," Archie said.
"That's gonna take time," Jo said.
"I don't want it to take time. I want her to be okay now," Archie said.
"You know that's not how it works, kid," Jo sighed, squeezing his hands. "Come on. I've got a lot of dollars and we can raid the vending machine. Mama is probably gonna want candy when she wakes up," she said.
Archie huffed, but stood up and followed Jo out of the room, pulling his hands free to cross his arms over his chest. Jo closed the door behind them, leaving the other adults.
"Pretend smiles?" Maggie said.
"I don't know," Arizona whispered, shaking her head as she ran her hands through her hair. "This is the first I'm hearing about pretend smiles."
"Kids see a lot of things we think they don't, and Erin hasn't been doing the best lately. He's probably noticed that," Amelia said.
"He noticed it and we didn't?" Maggie said quietly.
"Well, of course you didn't," Meredith spoke up. "You barely know her."
"She's my sister," Maggie said.
"She's my sister, too," Meredith said.
"Yeah?" Amelia said quietly. "Did you notice it? Or did you choose to ignore it because you're the reason she's been a wreck?" she asked.
"Guys, can we not fight-" Arizona started.
"Did you notice?" Meredith fired back at Amelia.
"I noticed more than you did," Amelia snapped. "In case you forgot, I didn't abandon her when Derek died and have to play catch up when I decided she was convenient to have around."
"I know I messed up-" Meredith started.
"Alex? You answer Alex over your own sister? Over the woman you raised? Over the woman you almost died for at that ferry boat crash, over the woman that got shot twice and almost died when she went to get your husband some blood? You answer Alex?" Amelia said loudly.
"Amelia-" Addison started.
"All of you, shut up!" Arizona said loudly.
The room fell silent, the only sound being Erin's breathing through the vent and the steady beeping of the heart monitor.
"Meredith, Maggie is Erin's sister. Stop being such a bitch about them having a good relationship because your relationship with Erin is a mess right now. Amelia, you're right, Meredith fucked up when she didn't answer Erin's calls, but she is well aware of that and I'm sure she's torturing herself, so, you don't need to make it worse," Arizona said.
The three sisters shared a look, Addison keeping her eyes on Arizona. Arizona took a shaky breath, shoulders shaking and hands trembling as they reached out to hold Erin's hand again.
"Fighting isn't going to help. Everyone is stressed and tense right now and Erin needs a calm environment to wake up to. If you want to fight, do it away from her. She does everything for the three of you. Give her the same respect and be good sisters before you make things worse than they are," Arizona said.
The room stayed silent. Maggie wiped her tears from her eyes, moving to sit in the seat Archie abandoned and squeezing Arizona's shoulder gently. Amelia did the same, wrapping Arizona into a hug from behind.
Meredith stood up, but she didn't join the sisters. She didn't even look at them, or Addison, or Erin. She left the room, closing the door behind her as she disappeared from view.
Addison stared at Erin for a few more seconds before looking at the others.
"I'll go and get some coffee, find where Archie and Jo went," she said.
"Thank you, Addie," Amelia mumbled.
Addison nodded, leaving the room with a heavy heart and a feeling of guilt deep in her stomach. She'd done everything she could about the accident. She'd shown up when it mattered the most. But she and Erin weren't close anymore, not as close as they used to be. Their daily texts turned to weekly texts and their weekly facetimes turned into fortnightly facetime calls because life got in the way.
But, even then, Addison hadn't noticed the pretend smiles Archie was talking about. She hadn't noticed anything going on with Erin that worried her, and she felt guilty because she had known Erin inside and out, once.
She'd known that something was going on with Rob. She'd helped Erin have a breakdown after losing Quinn and helped put her back together. She'd helped get Rob arrested and had celebrated with Erin when Rob went to jail. She'd known all the signs of Erin being bad, back then.
And now she felt like she barely knew Erin. Addison was blaming herself. They could've had something beautiful, in another universe, but their friendship was one Addison cherished more than some of her others, and Addison still barely knew the woman Erin had become.
She didn't know if that was more terrifying or sad. She didn't know the signs anymore. She didn't know how to fix this.
Addison didn't know if anyone knew how to fix this. This might be the one thing that Erin Grey never came back from, and Addison knew that the guilt would destroy everybody else because they hadn't noticed, either.