Tessa
Everything that had happened with Levi weighed on my mind as I made the trip back to Raleigh for Colin's birthday. His confession about last summer still stung, but it's hard to ignore my feelings for him that never went away.
He's hard to forget, especially when he's making an effort to make things up to me. After his surprise appearance in Surf City, I took time to clear my head and sort through my ever-evolving feelings for him. My heart is still set on Levi Daniels, but my head keeps telling me to be cautious.
I started to let him in again, texting him to show that I was open to communicating, talking to him nearly every day since, and making my decision that much harder. What if I let him in again and things go wrong? What if he changes his mind about us?
I'm not sure if my heart could take it. Loving Levi is the scariest thing I've ever done, and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to stop, even if it hurts, even if it shatters what's left of my heart.
I wasn't lying when I told him I was excited to see him this weekend. I am. More than I probably should be. The closer I get to Raleigh, the closer I get to him, I start to feel a familiar tingle. It's a mix of excitement, nervousness, and elation- something I haven't felt since last summer.
Levi called me last night just to talk. We stayed on the phone for over an hour, just sharing how our days had gone, hinting that we should catch up when I'm back in town. When I spoke to him last, I still hadn't decided where I was staying. I didn't make that choice until this morning, and I'm still not certain it's the right one.
Guess I'll find out after this weekend if it was a mistake or not.
The drive went faster than I expected, probably because I was so lost in my head to notice the time ticking on my dash. I know Levi is expecting an answer from me about what I want to do regarding our relationship. I'm still not sure I have one.
Part of me is hoping I'll get clarity after this trip. Maybe seeing Levi will spark something in me that will make it obvious what I should do. Or maybe I'll leave here more confused than I already am. I hope it's the former. My nerves can't take much more of this back-and-forth that's warring inside me.
I pull up outside the familiar building, hoping I made the right choice in this at least. I park my car and grab my bag, making my way up the path. Before I raise my fist to knock, the door opens, and I'm met with a smiling face.
"Welcome home, sweetie."
A wide smile curls over my lips as I lean in for a hug. "It's good to be back. Thanks for letting me stay here this weekend."
Mom drops her arms, smiling sweetly back at me. "There's always a place for you here, baby. You know that."
I nod as we step inside. The house looks like it always has, with pictures of us on the wall and lines inside the doorframe leading to the kitchen, marking Jason's and my heights each year. The air smells faintly of vanilla from one of Mom's candles, and I can hear the sound of a game playing on Dad's TV in the den.
Yeah, this was the right choice.
I bask in the familiarity of the setting as Mom tells Dad I'm home. She shuffles past, squeezing my hand before dipping into the kitchen to start making lunch.
A strong hand spins me around, pulling me into a bear hug as the familiar scent of my dad's cologne wafts over me. "I'm glad you're home, kiddo."
My arms wrap around him as I let myself sink into the safety of his embrace. "I'm glad to be home, dad. You have no idea."
After chatting with my parents, I climbed the stairs to my old bedroom to drop off my bag. It still looked the same as it did years ago. My bed and the rest of my furniture were still where I left it, the posters I had hanging on the wall were still there, and the window seat that overlooks the backyard was still decorated with a mountain of throw pillows.
I set my bag down and headed over to the window. Over the years, I spent a lot of time on that bench, reading, daydreaming, and stealing peeks at the cute neighbor boy when he was outside. There are countless pages in my old journals filled with my rambling about how handsome Levi was or how much fun we had that day.
My lip twitches at the memories. Levi was my hero back then. He was all I ever dreamed of- my knight in shining armor, the Romeo to my Juliette, the Prince Charming to my Snow White.
Back when things were simpler.
A hand slides over the cushion's worn fabric as I reminisce. If only we could go back to those days.
Something flies by my window, grabbing my attention. I watch as a bird settles on the wooden structure on the edge of my parents' property- our old treehouse. A smile tugs at my lips as I look down at it.
We loved that thing. Every day Jason, Levi, and I would race home to play on it after school. Charlotte joined us after they moved to town, and the four of us would stay out as long as we could, being young, wild, and free.
Even as we grew older, the treehouse was still our sanctuary. When something happened at school, we could hide inside to escape for a while. Over the years, many jokes were told in that treehouse, laughter was shared, tears were shed, and seeds of love were planted.
One night, in particular, comes to mind when I look at that treehouse. I was in high school and had had a terrible week. Nothing seemed to be going right; I nearly failed a test, sprained my ankle in gym class, messed up my lines in the school play, and started my period five days early. I just wanted to be alone in the quiet solitude of the treehouse. So, that's where I was when Levi found me.
It turns out he needed some peace as well. His grandfather was ill, and things were looking murky for his recovery. Levi was just as shocked as I was to find me in the sanctuary so late.
He offered to go somewhere else and let me have the place to myself, but something in his eyes told me he needed company more than he knew. I asked him to stay, and he did. We sat in comfortable silence for a while, staring up at the stars, lost in our thoughts.
He was the first to break the silence, asking what was on my mind and why I looked so upset. I shared what was going on, telling him I felt overwhelmed and needed a minute to breathe. Levi tried to cheer me up with encouraging words, telling me everything would get better; he just knew it would.
His words helped, but the hug he gave me was what made me relax. I remember melting into his side, letting his warm embrace me. I asked why he was so sad as I rested my head on his shoulder. He told me what was going on with his grandfather and how worried his family was that he wouldn't recover.
I wasn't sure what to say, so I gave Levi what I could. I pulled him closer, tightening our embrace, showing him he wasn't alone. When his arms tightened around me, I knew I'd given him exactly what he needed.
We sat quietly for a long time, holding one another until we grew too tired to stay out. We said goodnight, but the words we didn't say, the ones we shared with just a look, said so much more- thank you, I needed that, it meant the world to me.
I should have told him then- those three little words.
I know they were true. It was terrifying thinking he didn't feel the same. That's why I never admitted it back then. I thought he only saw me as his best friend's little sister, his friend, the girl next door.
I wish we could go back to that. Back to before last summer, before our misunderstanding, back to when things were so simple. Everything would be so much easier.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I knew who it was before I answered his call. "Hello."
"Tessa, you better be ready to party because we're coming to get you!"
I chuckled, stepping away from the window, letting the memories of years gone by fade away. "Happy Birthday, Colin. I'll see you soon."
"That's right, you will! Your ass is mine tonight, Tess. And don't worry about changing. Leah has clothes for you."
I laughed, shaking my head. "All right, whatever the birthday boy wants."
"Uh, duh. We'll pick you up in ten."
I resisted the urge to look outside, knowing I'd only fall back down memory lane. And that would make tonight even more confusing. The Levi that I knew back then had changed. He's grown up and done things I'm still trying to forgive.
I know if I run into him tonight, he'll want to talk about it. He's going to want an answer. I'm not sure I have one for him yet.
A/N:
Okay, be honest. Who thought she decided to stay with J and Levi? And who else is screaming for her to forgive Levi already?
*Raises hand*