Draft #102 - Eggs
It has been speculated for quite some time that the color of one's egg reveals the true nature of a Vokkrus.
Unlike the Vokkrus themselves, who typically range in warm-colored hues, eggs are a variety of shades. Of course, warm colors are quite commonly seen - red, yellow, and orange being the most common - but there have been no limits to the shade an egg can develop.
Nohkka's was a light silver, nearly translucent. Thruul's egg was a cheerful yellow. Mine and Rukka's were a combination of blue and red, shifting into purple where they met. Warm colors typically denoted strength and bravery, while cool colors meant calmness and wisdom.
I have always wondered, back before I had promised myself that I would never become a father, what my hatchling's egg would look like. I have now decided that I do not really mind. It will be beautiful in any shade.
***
Kohgrash looked at them with perfect confusion. "Okay, so... you guys just go to some place, pick out an egg, and bring it back here? That's how you have eggs?"
"Yes, Kohgrash, that's what I just explained," Rulshkka said for what felt like the thousandth time. "Are you sure there is no fur in your ears, too?"
"It's hair, you lizard," Kohgrash said reflexively, leaning back. The couch nearly swallowed him up. "I'm just having a hard time understanding."
"Obviously," Rulshkka said dryly. "It's quite simple."
Kohgrash squinted at him like he was just waiting for him to surprise him with a 'just kidding!' and explain how eggs were really made. But he was telling the truth!
Eggs were kept in the deepest part of the planet, where the edges of the core could keep them warm for all eternity. No one really knows how they got there - some had speculated that the Spirits had nestled them in there, and Rulshkka agreed with them - but they were there all the same.
All the eggs that ever have and ever would exist lie in that room. It was largely known as the nursery, though some just called it the egg room. Rulshkka has never been inside, but he knew it was located underneath the Sanctum, deep below the Mirror's room. It was heavily protected, guarded fiercely by Vokkrus and the Spirits. To even enter the room, they were briefly judged by the Spirits. If they found less than pure intentions - anything less than wanting an egg, that is - they were cast out.
No one understood how the eggs came to be; many Vokkras over the years have attempted to keep track of the eggs, but the fabric of reality seemed to shift inside the room endlessly. One year's audit may differ vastly from the next. The eggs shifted in the room, never staying in one place. Their number dipped and rose as it pleased, never keeping to a pattern.
Very simple, really. Rulshkka didn't understand why Kohgrash couldn't understand it.
"Okay, whatever," Kohgrash grumbled. "I have questions, though." Rulshkka gestured for him to carry on. Kohgrash took a deep breath.
He peppered them with questions. Will your hatchling share your blood? Yes, it would. When a pair picked out their egg, they shared genetic material with it. As of now, every egg within the nursery was essentially an empty shell, only hosting the barest sparks of life inside. How long will it take to hatch? It depended on the hatchling - some developed rather quickly while others took their time. In the case of hatchmates, they both emerged at the same time, and one was usually a bit bigger than the other. How do you take care of the egg? Kohgrash had the idea that they'd sit on them, which was commonly seen on his planet. They explained that one of the parents was taken by the Need to protect their egg.
"The hell is the Need?" Kohgrash asked, scrunching his nose in confusion. "Need to protect the egg? It's not like you guys are out in the wild."
It was hard to explain, and Thruul did end up giving Kohgrash some books to read - though, Rulshkka often found him struggling to work through them - but he attempted his best effort. "The Need is something that's given to a parent at random when they get their egg. It's meant to bond with the egg. Your senses get heightened at the expense of your mind. A Vokkrus is rarely capable of speech or thought until the egg hatches. No one really understands why it started or why it still happens. It's said that the Spirits wanted to give Vokkrus a reminder of where they came from - to show them how far we have come."
Kohgrash mulled it over. Rulshkka knew most of this stuff - Spirits, the Need, almost everything they had encountered - was hard for him to swallow. There weren't too many supernatural events that occurred on Earth unless one was into that sort of thing. There was no concrete evidence of a higher power there, evident by the many gods that have cropped into existence during Earth's lifespan.
"So, you'll be like an animal? All protecting your babies or die trying kinda thing?" Kohgrash asked. Rulshkka shrugged, sharing a glance with Thruul.
"It differs for everyone, but essentially... yes. Whoever gets it will be protective of the egg. Some Vokkrus do not even let their mate in the room where they have hidden the egg," he explained.
Kohgrash glanced between them. "Then, who will get it?"
That was what worried Rulshkka. If Thruul were to get it, they'd need to appoint someone as de facto head chef. If Rulshkka were to get it...
"We do not know," Rulshkka murmured, standing up to pace around the room. Kohgrash hopped to his feet. He stared at him, mulling it over. "I must ask you a favor."
"Of course," Kohgrash said without hesitation, looking over to Thruul for reassurance. "I'd do anything, Vok'Rul, you know that."
"I do," he affirmed. He walked over to the human, dropping onto a knee and clasping him by the shoulders. "If I were to get taken by the Need, there would be no one to act in my stead as Vokkra."
Kohgrash frowned. "What about Rukka? Or Thruul? You guys are family. Royal families on Earth do the whole 'relative is next in command' thing."
Rulshkka shook his head. "That isn't how it works here. Rukka is part of the Council, and until our egg hatches, Thruul is just my courting partner, not my mate. There is only one person who would be able to lay claim to my title until I am out of the need or the next Competition rolls around."
"Who?" Kohgrash asked with confusion. Rulshkka's claws tightened on his shoulders, and realization flickered across his face. His hands came up to clutch at his wrists, digging his fingers slightly into the soft spots of his joint. "Oh, no, Vok'Rul. No fuckin' way. I cannot lead your entire planet."
"It might not even happen," Thruul reassured. "I might be the one to get the Need, so there's no sense in worrying about what might be."
Kohgrash and Rulshkka locked eyes, both aware of the fact that they held the worst luck in the universe.
"Please, Kohgrash," he whispered. "I would not ask if I do not think you could do it."
Kohgrash's mouth firmed into a thin line as he clenched his teeth. "Fine," he sighed explosively, dropping his hands from his wrists. "I do most of your paperwork, anyway. It's not like there's going to be any major events happening, I guess. When... are you guys going to get the egg?"
Rulshkka looked at Thruul with a bashful, half-hearted attempt at a smile. "Well..."
***
"Why are you hesitating, brother?" Rukka asked, a week and a half after the conversation with Kohgrash. Her words were quiet in the loud atmosphere of the dining room, but everyone seemed to hear them regardless. The noise hushed almost immediately, and Rulshkka felt very much put on the spot.
"I've no-" Rulshkka started. Rukka's fork scraping against her plate made him stop and wince.
"Don't play me a fool," she huffed. "I know you are stalling."
"Rukka, really," Thruul began, ever his savior. "Rulshkka and I are... taking it slow."
"How slow is too slow?" she questioned, cutting into the steak with her fork. "When will 'I am ready' become 'I have already waited this long, what's longer more?'"
Kac interrupted, "Rukka, relax; they do not need to feel pressured to have an egg."
"Uncles are having an egg?!" Nohkka shrieked, excited. Kohgrash winced, slapping his hand against his ear.
"Nohkka, Spirits above," he complained. Nohkka gave him a slice of her meat, and the human promptly forgot about his griping.
"We're thinking about it, little one," Thruul said sweetly, glancing at Rukka guardedly. His sister did not look too pleased. He cornered her when dinner was over and the others were in the kitchen, helping clean up.
"What is it with you, Rukka?" he demanded of her. Rukka's face twisted into a shadow of a snarl.
"Is it wrong to want the best for you?" she said snidely. "I thought my opinions were of value, unless I was wrong about that, too."
Rulshkka had to close his eyes against the wave of irritation that washed over him. "Not when you are pressuring me into committing to something that I am not even sure I will be capable of committing to!"
"Tell that to Thruul, then," she said nastily, shoving at his shoulders when she got up in his space. A growl started to form in the back of her throat, and Rulshkka matched it, lifting his lips in a sneer. "Tell your mate that you are not ready for a hatchling."
"I did not say that," he hissed, voice tinged with desperation. "You are putting words in my mouth, Rukka. I'll be ready when I'm ready - there's no speeding that up."
Rukka squared her shoulders, staring up at him with such fury in her eyes that he was surprised she hadn't attacked him yet. "Then you are just as Mother always said - weak and pathetic."
Her throat was under his claws before he knew it. A furious shrieking filled the air, burning his throat raw. Claws sliced into the side of his face, splattering blood across both their faces. Rukka snarled wordlessly up at him as he pinned her to the ground. He squeezed, slamming her skull into the hard floor beneath them.
An unexpected weight struck him in the side. He lost his grip on her throat as he collided heavily with the floor.
"STOP!" Kohgrash screamed right in his face, voice loud enough to make him wince. He panted heavily, unable to look his friend in the eye.
"Get off me," Rulshkka said quietly. His arms were trembling, heavy with rage. "I do not want to hurt you."
"So you'll hurt Rukka, instead?!" Kohgrash yelled, slamming his fist right into Rulshkka's chest. It knocked the breath right out of him. "Pull your head out of your ass, Vok'Rul. Get it together."
Rulshkka shut his eyes, focusing on breathing. He could hear the faint cries of Nohkka and something like regret filled his chest. Then, he remembered Rukka's nasty words, and he growled, feeling fury replace that grief. "Get off, Kohgrash."
"No," was the steadfast reply. Rulshkka let out a yell of frustration, knocking Kohgrash off his midsection with ease. Kohgrash was back on his feet before him, standing in front of him with anger simmering in his eyes. "Calm down. She's your family, Vok'Rul."
"Unfort-" Rukka began, obviously no less calm than he. Kohgrash whirled around, and it was only then that Rulshkka saw that Kac was supporting her. Thruul was holding a wailing Nohkka, standing in the kitchen with a blank expression on his face.
"SHUT UP!" Kohgrash roared. "Both of you! Shut up! You two are family whether you like it or not. You've gotten this far with each other - some egg is not going to change that!"
He jabbed his finger at Rukka, "Telling Vok'Rul to have a kid is going to make him less likely to have one. He needs reassurance, not whatever 'tough love' you're trying to come up with. You are the one sounding like Korrashkka, not him!"
Rukka visibly recoiled, struck speechless. Kohgrash turned back to him, and Rulshkka saw that there was red blood running down the side of his face. "Korrashkka does not define you, Vok'Rul. Get that through your thick, fuckin' skull."
Rulshkka's anger evaporated, and his shoulders slumped. He felt listless and empty. He backed up until he reached the wall behind him, sinking onto the floor in a heap. He did not say anything, even when Rukka took her leave with Kac and Nohkka. The siblings did not exchange words - they only briefly met each other's eyes.
He heard Thruul and Kohgrash muttering in the kitchen. "Are you sure you're alright?" his beloved asked.
"Yeah," came the muffled murmur. "Yeah, I've had worse. I just need some sleep."
Thruul nor Kohgrash did not speak to him, and soon, he was left alone in the dining room as they both retreated to their respective rooms. Rulshkka's eyes soon adjusted to the dark, and he only knew it had been several hours that passed by the ache in his tail.
Weak and pathetic rang around in his skull, along with Korrashkka does not define you.
"Doesn't she?" he asked the empty room in a whisper. It didn't answer.
He could hear Kohgrash tossing and turning in his bedroom hours later, murmuring frightened, unintelligible words. He was opening the door before he even registered getting to his own two feet.
"Kohgrash, wake up," he called quietly, hesitantly placing his claws on the human's shoulder. A fist punched into his gut a split second later, making him stumble back in surprise.
"Fuck," Kohgrash groaned, voice confused and sleepy. "What-?"
"You were having a nightmare," Rulshkka told him guiltily. He had no doubt it was due to his doing.
Kohgrash stared at him in the darkness before he blew out an annoyed breath, turning onto his side so that his back faced Rulshkka. "Go away."
He deserved that. "How's your head?" he asked tentatively. His own wounds from Rukka's claws were untouched, but they had congealed, and he was no longer at risk of bleeding out. That didn't matter to him, though. He felt terrible for accidentally hurting Kohgrash in his anger.
"Throbbing. Leave," he replied grumpily from the pile of blankets. Suddenly, he sat up, wavering slightly. "Actually, I have something to say to you."
His voice was tight with irritation, and Rulshkka nervously awaited what he had to say. Kohgrash turned to him, eyes narrowed. "Go read those fuckin' books Kac gave Thruul. They've got good stuff. Stuff I think you need to read."
"Alright," Rulshkka agreed quietly. He hovered in the doorway, watching as Kohgrash bundled himself back in the blankets. "Kohgrash, I am-"
"Save it, Vok'Rul," was the grumpy reply. "Read those books and think about what happened today. Korrashkka is dead. Don't let her get the last laugh by letting her influence you like this."
The books were unseemly on the end table upstairs, but Rulshkka stared at them like they were the most venomous Ghhorrah he's ever seen. Finally, he gathered the courage he needed and picked up the first one. He opened it, watching as the holographic display flickered to life.
How to Not Parent Like Your Parents stared at him, and with a fortifying breath, he started reading.
The books were all similar - intensive guides on how to break the cycle of abuse. As he read, Rulshkka realized that these must have been books that Rukka had bought, as there were small annotations within the margins of the holos, neatly typed in bolder text than the print. Under a particular section about managing anger, written in the margin was "take deep breaths and walk away if possible."
Rulshkka snorted a bit derisively. He gripped the book tighter until he felt something crack underneath his claws.
Despite his reluctance, the books gave some good tips. There was reassurance - the first step in successfully not being like your parents were to acknowledge the beliefs one held and try to change them. Rukka seemed to have done that until he remembered the cruel things she spat at him in her anger.
He jumped when Thruul's claws settled on his shoulder. The soft light of the lamp filled the room a second later, and Rulshkka kept his eyes steadily on the book. Thruul's claws dropped from his shoulder silently, and he felt his stomach twisting with guilt as his beloved went into the bathroom, only to return with a healer's kit.
The couch dipped beside him, and Thruul's gentle claws were prodding against the claw marks Rukka had left him. Numbed with guilt, Rulshkka barely felt a thing.
Thruul only spoke up when he was finished dressing his wounds, "Were you lying?"
The question startled him enough that he brought his eyes to his beloved's. "I would never lie to you," he said firmly.
"Why would you say you were ready, then?" he asked quietly. Rulshkka wavered, staring for a long moment before he dropped his gaze back to the book in his hands.
"I'm scared," he admitted. That was all he could say. He was a stupid coward. Thruul deserved much better than he.
He thought he had gotten over it, but fear was sticky. It clung to him in all sorts of places, rearing its ugly head when he least expected him. He wanted an egg. He wanted so badly to have something with Thruul because he loved him. He wanted to show Thruul that he was good. That he wasn't a mistake.
"I'm scared, too," Thruul's confession surprised him.
"You? You can't be," Rulshkka scoffed disbelievingly. "You- you are perfect, Thruul."
"No one is perfect, my love. Everyone is terrified to become a parent. We will do this together. There is no you or me in this, only us, right?"
Rulshkka gripped Thruul's claws. The fear lessened.
***
Rukka called the next day to apologize. Rulshkka apologized in turn. That was all they really needed to say. His sister continued, likely urged on by Kac, who was no doubt listening to their conversation.
"I did not mean to push you," Rukka said slowly. "Or be so brash. I just- well, when Nohkka entered my life, I realized how much... happier she made me. It was not perfect; I was still angry with Mother. Angry that she had stolen something from you and me that I could give to Nohkka. It- it healed me, I think, to see my own hatchling living in a way that I always wished I could."
Rulshkka heard her take a breath, then, "And I just want that for you, too, Rul. You're so... distraught over her still. Having a child won't solve that. Nothing really will."
And that was the worst part, he thought. That this wound he had would never heal. He gripped the phone tighter in his claws, seeing Rukka's tiny form waver.
"You're not weak, Rulshkka," Rukka told him, and something loosened in his chest. "I'm not talking about physical strength, either. So many Vokkrus would have succumbed to illness and death if they had gone through what you did."
After nearly an hour of speaking on the phone, saying nothing and everything all at once, Rukka hung up with a, "Don't let anyone, even me, influence your decisions. Do what you want to do."
Kohgrash was not as angry with him as he had suspected him to be. Rulshkka still made sure to apologize despite that. He felt terrible seeing his friend in black bandages. Kohgrash waved him off, though.
"It's really nothing, Vok'Rul. I'd take them off now, but I think Thruul would cook me up if I tried," some of the old humor had crawled back onto his face as his lips lifted into a smirk. "Just don't make me break up a fight between you two again and we're square."
Rulshkka was not a quadrilateral, but he figured out the sentiment eventually.
In between his duties, Rulshkka spent most of his time reading. He practiced techniques, both Vokkrus and human, to manage his anger, his fear, and his worries. It would probably never be enough to completely assuage him, but he tried his hardest to better himself. He wasn't alone - Thruul read with him, practicing the same things. They did it together.
He could do this whole parenting thing. No matter what Korrashkka had told him.
His fear could always hold him back if he let it. He had no intentions of doing so.
It was one early morning that they decided. He woke up with the courage he needed and quietly told Thruul that he was ready. On the way to the nursery, he tried not to let second thoughts take over. He barely said a word the entire trip, and multiple times, Thruul had to remind him to breathe.
"Why am I here, again?" Kohgrash yawned, rubbing at his eyes. They had taken one of the larger vehicles, so he was sprawled across the seat directly behind Bhrak. He looked half-asleep. Rulshkka couldn't understand how he could even think of sleeping - he felt as though he had been injected with the most powerful cognitive enhancer. He was alert, buzzing with nervous energy.
Rulshkka couldn't even open his mouth to explain. Thruul had woken up the human, dragging him out of bed to accompany them. He'd probably explained it all to him, but Kohgrash had likely only been half-awake by the time he had finished.
"Just in case Rulshkka gets the Need," Thruul said. "You need to be there in order to stake your claim over his title while he's indisposed before anyone else gets the chance to do it."
"How do I do that, then?" Kohgrash asked, slowly becoming more alert. He sat up in the seat, at least.
Rulshkka finally found the words to explain. All that needed to be done was state his intention to do so as a Lord of A1-308. He reassured Kohgrash - and himself - that it likely wouldn't be necessary.
Conversation in the car was stilted, nervous and excited at the same time. Rulshkka wondered what their egg would look like. How big would it be? What foods would his hatchling like? What games would they like to play?
Something struck him, then, and he turned to Thruul with a dreadful sort of horror brewing in his gut. "Thruul," he whispered, feeling as though something was gripping him by the throat.
"What?" Thruul asked, alarmed by the expression on his face. "What?"
"We- we forgot to discuss names," Rulshkka gasped.
"Jesus, thought you were having second thoughts," Kohgrash huffed out a laugh, relaxing back into his seat. Rulshkka shot him a glare.
"This is not funny," he defended himself, feeling the urge to start moving. He shifted uncomfortably in the seat, patting his pockets for any sort of pen or paper. He pulled out multiple treat bags, which Kohgrash promptly grabbed, some clips for his documents, and a crumpled orange flower. "Paper! Do you have paper, either of you?"
"If you had a better phone, you could write it on there," Kohgrash said in between bites.
Thruul grasped his arm firmly, "Relax, Rul. The egg isn't going to hatch for a while - we have plenty of time to think of a name."
"I cannot relax," he grumped, tail twitching at an uneven tempo. He took a deep breath. "You are right. We can think about it." He hoped he could choose a good name.
He felt as though they arrived at the Sanctum with no time passing at all. The presence of the Spirits made him a little ill, even though he knew they'd have a part to play in this pseudo-ceremony.
"This way," Thruul said lightly, grabbing him gently by the elbow and leading him toward the entrance of the Sanctum. Instead of going to the Mirror, where his feet wanted to take him, they went the opposite way instead, descending a few flights of stairs. "You'll have to stay out here, little lord," Thruul told the human apologetically when they got to the entrance.
The door was unassuming, flanked by two guards that held electric prongs. Rulshkka saw Kohgrash eyeing them warily. "Alright," he conceded. "One of those kinds of things I'll never get to witness, huh?"
Rulshkka wished he could, but since he was neither a Vokkrus nor a parent-to-be, he would not be allowed in the room.
Thruul pulled him to the door, and Rulshkka quietly thanked his other half. He would not be able to step forward if it were not for him. "Ready?" he whispered.
"I am," his voice was not as shaky as he thought it'd be. It bolstered him, just a little.
The guards looked at them oddly, bowing slightly at the waist in respect to him. It was not common to see a Vokkra at the gates of the nursery. He believed that he would be the third Vokkra to decide to become a parent during his term. The previous two did not become with Need. He wondered if he was about to be the first.
He both hoped and dreaded for it.
The guards let them in. They opened the door and a gust of warm air blasted them right in the face. He could feel the Spirits' attention suddenly shift and come to a pinpoint on his head.
you come for an egg? they questioned almost blankly. They seemed to realize it was him after a second because the usual amount of emotion was suddenly in their voice. you will find a good one. good luck, vokkra and mate.
They were left in silence, and both Thruul and Rulshkka jumped as the door shut behind them with a clang. They shared a startled glance, and Rulshkka couldn't help the nearly hysterical giggle that bubbled out of him.
"We should start looking," he decided, finding the strength to speak. He was the one to pull Thruul forward, now.
He had never been inside the nursery before, and he drank up the sights with a sense of awe. The room was dimly-lit, something almost unnatural about the sources. They seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere. He swore the light came from the eggs themselves, but they could have easily come from the walls, the ceiling, or the ground.
The eggs... there were thousands of them. They were piled closely together, oblong and textured. Soft materials surrounded them, ensuring their warmth and position. Some were smooth as silk, while others were rugged and bumpy. He saw blues, greens, reds, yellows, and oranges. His gaze bounced off of them as if pulled away by some other force.
The Spirits' presence was strong but not overbearing, like it was in the Mirror's room. Thruul was able to walk without crumpling to the floor in a heap, which was a relief. He had been slightly worried that the Spirits would have been detrimental to this whole endeavor.
He could feel their push, urging them in certain directions. It was faint - so incredibly faint that if Rulshkka hadn't been working with them for fifty years, he wouldn't have noticed it in the first place.
They walked around, stepping carefully over eggs when needed. They were in there for well over twenty minutes before Thruul spoke up.
"What if..." he started quietly. The room was so silent that his voice sounded absurdly loud in the room. "What if we do not find an egg?"
"We will, Thruul," Rulshkka assured. "Didn't you hear the Spirits?"
Thruul looked confused. "Did they speak with you?"
It was Rulshkka's turn to be confused. "Yes? They said we will find a 'good one.' Have faith, my love. If we were not meant to have an egg, they wouldn't have let us in."
you'll find one, bounced around his skull in a whisper. Rulshkka squeezed Thruul's arm in reassurance.
But still, after another twenty minutes had gone by, circling the never-ending room with little success, Rulshkka began to wonder if they were just being played. Then, a sudden swelling in his chest.
"Rul-" Thruul said abruptly.
"I feel it," Rulshkka confirmed, turning toward the source. The pair crept closer, feeling the pull as surely as one would feel the star's heat on their face. He felt smugness that was not his own for a brief second before it disappeared with a jolt. The Spirits were gone.
And in their place, as soon as Rulshkka laid eyes on the most beautiful egg he's ever seen, was the undeniable, oppressive aura of the Need.