Picture of Alex Pettyfer who plays Callum.
Where are you? And I'm so sorry.
I cannot sleep, I can't dream tonight.
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time. ~ I Miss You, Blink-182
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As I sit on the couch of Oli's apartment, watching the news on TV intensely, I feel Oli's hands start massaging my tense shoulders.
"Relax, I'm sure it's nothing big." He assures me. I nod, agreeing with him that everything is fine, but deep down I know that it's not. What's going to be on the news?
"The suicide of a teenage boy has put his family into shock and deep sadness." The news reporter says suddenly. I feel Oli's hands stop massaging my shoulders and my breath catches in my throat. A picture of Mac flashes up on screen. He has a grin on his face and his arm is around me, but I've been cut out of the picture. I remember that day. It had been a sunny afternoon when the photo was taken. We had gone for a picnic in the local parklands. We got a stranger to take the photo for us. We had had one of the best times, laughing and mucking around.
And now he was dead.
Dead. Gone. Forever. Never to return. I won't ever here his voice again. Never hold his hand again. Never feel his arm around my shoulder as we lay in bed together, talking softly as we drifted off.
I was feeling something a tad worse then when I'd lost mum.
This was something beyond pain. This was brutal excruciating heartbreak that included speechlessness and non-comprehensiveness.
This was finally it. I was finally tipped over the edge. I was slowly falling apart before, but this has now shoved me down the mountain. And I was going to wind up dead down the bottom. I felt Oli sit next to me, taking my hand in his. I just stared blankly at the screen, my mouth parted slightly.
"Mackenzie Hastings, 18 and from Melbourne, walked into the local police station, managed to give a statement about having something to do with the death of Ryan Brooks, brother of Amber Brooks who was a beloved friend of Mac's, before he wrenched a gun off a on duty police officer. He then said these words, "I have done wrong and no one will ever forgive me for what I have done. Please tell Amber that I love her and that I am truly sorry and I hope she understands," before he pulled the trigger, killing himself there and then." She explains.
"But I don't!" I yell. "MAC, I DON'T UNDERSTAND!"
"Police officers are now being taken in for questioning and one police man and police woman have been taken to hospital with trauma and shock. Mac's parents are asking for anyone and everyone to pay their respects to him by coming to his open funeral on Saturday at 11 'o'clock at AAMI Park, as that was where he wanted to play with his band. Thank you." She finished and the weather segment began.
"Amber?" Oli asks. I just look at him hopelessly. Mac had done wrong but he didn't deserve to end his life. Nobody deserved that. My eyes well up with tears and I feel my bottom lip tremble violently. Before I can start crying, Oli's arms encircle me and pull me onto his lap. I don't care about the stabbing pain on my side from my stitched wound not do I care for the stinging pain in my shoulder either.
"This wasn't supposed to happen." I sob. I feel him stroking my hair and I hear his heart beat racing.
"I know, baby. I know. He didn't deserve this, at all." He says quietly.
"I don't won't to live anymore." I wail. Oli squeezes me tighter.
"Don't say that."
"But it's true."
"Amber, promise me won't try to kill yourself." He says, releasing me and taking my hands. I shake my head.
"Amber." He presses. I hesitate, looking into his eyes as tears roll out of mine. He means it. He looks like he's going to start crying himself.
"Fine." I lie. He nods and pulls me to him again, just as more tears flood my eyes. He holds me for the whole night, his grip not faltering once. It gives me hope. At least I have one person to live for.
~
I wake the next morning, my back stiff and still in Oli's lap and still in my clothes. I had a restless sleep. I'm surprised my mind let me sleep for those three nightmare filled hours. Oli slept most of the night, occasionally waking up to check I was still with him and that I was okay.
I quietly get up and walk over to his small kitchen. I pull the camomile tea down from the higher shelf and make myself a cup quietly. Oli stirs and then stretches as I sit back down on the couch next to him, pulling a blanket over my crossed legs. His eyes flutter open and he smiles sympathetically at me.
"Don't." I say shortly.
"Good morning to you too. Don't what?" He asks.
"Don't smile sympathetically at me. I hate it. It's like you're trying to sugar coat it for me and I don't want that." I snap. He lets out a sigh and gets up, stretching again. I sigh and hang my head.
"I'm sorry. I'm just tired," I pause, "and cranky and upset and depressed and I don't know what to do now."
"Well, giving me a kiss would be a start." He grins. I shoot him a look and he puts his hands up in surrender. He sits, cross legged, in front of me and looks at me. He takes my cup out of my hand and takes a few gulps.
"How are you?" He asks seriously.
"Shit." I laugh half heartedly. "I feel like I made this happen. That if I hadn't been that mean to him or I hadn't cut him off, he wouldn't have killed himself."
"Please don't think that. It wasn't your fault. He felt bad for something that he did. Not what you did, not his family, not anyone else."
"The funeral is Saturday. It's going to be huge. AAMI Park was where he wanted to eventually play with his band, Screaming Roses." Oli nods.
"Sweet name." He smiles, handing my tea back to me. I drain the rest of the tea and put it on the coffee table.
"Let's do something to take my mind of this shit." I say, shaking my hands out. I stand up and grab his keys as I start towards the door.
"Well, I can think of something that will take your mind off this." Oli says in a tone that makes me shiver.
"Good, then let's go." I open the door, but Oli shuts it and pushes me against it, his hands at my waist.
"I had something else in mind." He smirks. He puts his lips millimetres from mine, his breath tickling my lips.
"This could work." I say before he kisses me properly. He laughs against my mouth and I feel him lick my bottom lip, asking for entrance, which I grant by parting my lips partially. His mouth is warm and inviting. I like kissing him. I feel his hand lift me up and I wrap my legs around his waist as he walks over to the bed. He gently places me down and climbs over me. I feel like I've been dunked in fire and then ice. Shivers run down my spine as his teeth graze my bottom lip. I feel him smile against my lips and he does it again, making me shiver again. He lets out a small laugh and rolls off me, our lips breaking for a moment. But not for long as he pulls me on top of him roughly and he brings my head down to his, our lips connecting again. I'm straddling him as I sit up, pulling away from our kiss as he takes off my top. I take off his and then we continue kissing.
"Wait." I say, sitting up. "Wait. I don't know if I can do this."
"It's easy, babe. I'll help you. You just-"
"No. I know how to do it," I pause, "I just don't know if I'm ready to do it with you."
"Naw, please. You're lucky I haven't already asked. You can't do this to me." He whines.
"Do what?"
"Get me all... hot." I laugh and get off him. I place my hands on the counter in the kitchen, close my eyes and think. I feel Oli's bare chest and stomach against my back and I then I feel exactly how hot he was getting. My eyes widened and I tried to move away from him, but his arms boxed me in and his body held me against the counter. I feel his lips brush my neck and a shiver runs down my bare spine.
"I could take you right here on this counter." He whispers, his lips brushing my ear lobe. I was getting hot all over. No. I can't do this with him. Not yet, anyway.
"We can't." I turn and face him. His jeans are off and he kisses me as he starts undoing my jean buttons. Maybe we could do it... He pulls down the zipper and helps me step out of them before he starts kissing me again.
"Yes we can. We can do anything we want. Come on, baby." He whispers. "Counter or bed?" He murmurs, as he starts kissing my neck, nibbling on my soft spot.
Ah fuck! The soft spot gets me every time.
"Bed," I say, closing my eyes as shivers run up and down my body. He picks me up and puts me onto the counter, his fingers raking up and down my thighs. He keeps kissing me for a bit before he picks me up and puts me onto the bed gently. Our kisses get deeper and more desperate. He pulls away from our kiss and slots up the bed to the small side table. He pulls open the bottom draw and forages around for a bit before he slams it shut, cussing.
"Shit." He sits back up and looks at me. "I don't have any protection."
"Oh. Okay." I say, rolling onto my stomach so I can look at him properly. "Um, well, what do you want to do?"
"Make love to you."
"Not what do you want to do do, what do you want to do about it?"
"I'll check in the bathroom." He leaps off the bed and bounds into the bathroom. Man, this guy was seriously eager. He comes back out with a frown on his face.
"Babe, I don't have anything in there." He pauses to think. "I could just use the pull out method?"
"No fucking way. That never works. You'll get me pregnant."
"A way to keep you mine forever."
"Whoa! Fuck no!"
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding!" He laughs, clutching his stomach.
"Well, got any other suggestions to suggest?"
"You could just suck me off." He says simply. My eyes widen. I've done that one too many times on Dylan. I don't know if I could find the courage to put my mouth around his d.ck... I mean Dylan was big and it proved a challenge, but from the looks of it... Oli was fucking huge!
"I don't know." I chew the inside of my lip, still lying in my stomach. He climbs onto the bed and hovers over my back. I feel his d.ck against my butt and my eyes widen even more. He starts kissing my neck, again on my soft spot. I flip onto my back and kiss him. I feel the corners of his lips curl up in a way that only tells me he now knows how to get me each time. He starts to deepen the kiss but I pull away. He looks at me a small frown tugging on his lips.
"What's wrong?" He asks.
"We can't. I won't. I'm not entirely ready for all this." I tell him. Oli nods curtly and climbs off me, all of the warmth from his body leaving mine and I shiver.
"Okay." He says simply. I let out a long sigh and climb under the covers. He joins me and his arms wrap me up, keeping me warm. I love how warm he keeps me. I love the feel of his arms holding me. I love the way his breath tickles my neck as he breaths against it. I love the way his skin feels against mine, the thin fabric of my briefs and the thin fabric of his boxers is the only thing stopping anything from happening. The thought makes me shiver, but it also makes me smile.
"What are you you smiling about?" He asks.
"Nothing." I say as casually as possible. He gives me a cautious smirk.
"Nah, you're clearly thinking about something. C'mon, spill."
"It's nothing!" I laugh.
"It's me, isn't it. You're thinking about how good sex would be with me." He grins and wriggles his eyebrows suggestively.
"No, that's not it." I lie.
"Has anyone ever told you that you are thee worst liar ever?" He chuckles as he kisses me.
"I'm sorry we can't do it." I say. "But I haven't been completely honest with you." The smile on his face falters a bit and he raises an eyebrow inquisitively.
"What's wrong?" He asks. I hesitate. I was about to tell him something that I just admitted to myself only a few minutes ago.
"I-I'm not over... Mac." I say. It sounds weird out loud.
I never really admitted to having feelings for Mac. He always said he liked me. When he kissed me, it confused me. But now I have feelings for him, and the kiss all makes sense.
Oli is still silent. Then he speaks.
"So, like you still like him?" Oli asks. I nod. "You like a dead boy?"
"Don't say that." I snap.
"Well, he's cold dead in the ground. I don't understand why you still like him."
"Wow. You don't need to be a dick about it."
"Well, sorry, but I thought you liked me."
"I do. I don't know. It's tripping my mind. I just... I'm just not over Mac."
"What? So when you kiss me you imagine kissing Mac? When we're making out on the couch, you're imagining that I'm Mac?"
"Um..." I pause. F.uck. That's exactly what I've been doing. In the back of my mind, that is. "Yes." I say quietly.
"Great, just f.ucking great!" He exclaims. Oli throws back the covers and I lose all warmth I had before. He pulls on his jeans and t-shirt before sitting on the edge of the bed.
"I'm sorry." I say in a whisper.
"It's not all right. No. I have a half-naked girl in my bed who is drop dead gorgeous and I want to f.ck her. It's not all right for you to just pull that on me. Jesus, Amber! I'm actually falling for you. Do you not feel the same feelings for me?"
"I don't know."
"Well, maybe you should figure it out before you start kissing me. Because that's complete and utter bullshit. Did any of those kisses actually get imagined with me or did you just stick Mac's face on mine for every single one?" I stay silent. "Wow. Okay. F.uck. Why don't you grab a hammer, I'll pull out my heart and you can smash it into millions of pieces? How does that sound? Let me just grab my heart- oh- wait, it's not there. It's in the dirt in billions of pieces. God I knew something wasn't right when you were trying to back out of us doing stuff."
"I'm sor-"
"Don't fucking apologise! It means nothing!" He goes silent and the silence is deafening. "Can I just ask you one question?" I give a few small nods. "Does it hurt? Does it hurt you too?" I give a curt nod. "Good, I'm not a wimp."
I chew my lip, suppressing the tears that want to flow down my cheeks. I've fucked up. I prop myself up on one elbow so I can look at Oli who has his head in his hands as he shakes it.
"Get out." He says quietly. Tears well up in my eyes. I heard him loud and clear yet I still ask, "What?"
"Get the f.uck out of my apartment and don't come back."
"Oli, please don't do thi-"
"Get! Out! Right now!"
"Oli, my dad will hurt me! Please, just let me stay!" I sob, sitting up. He just points to the door. I hesitate before throwing back the covers and picking up my clothes. He starts pushing me to the door before I can put them on. As he opens the door, the bitch of a girl, Cara, from yesterday is about to knock. She puts her hand by her side, gives me one look up and down, pausing at the clothes, before she smirks and pushes past me then she starts lip-locking with Oli. Oli pulls away for a moment to shoot me a glare and slam the door in my face. I sink to the floor, tears streaming down my cheeks.
This can't be happening. I've just lost my best friend and the one guy who I thought was there for me, just kicked me out and is now undressing his ex. What. The. Fuck. I hear a small moan creep under the door and I jump to my feet, pulling on my jeans as I run down the stairs. I trip and fall onto my hands. The skin is scraped off the heels of my hands and I get to my feet slowly, pulling on my t-shirt. Then I get the hell out of there. Usually I'd go to Mac's, but I can't. If Mac wasn't available I'd go Ryan and bawl my eyes out to him, but obviously that's not going to happen. And Oli had made himself someone to go to, but it wouldn't be that exactly sensible seeing as I'm trying to get away from him. Dylan... I could, but he'd probably just try to get me back with him.
It's a Friday, I think, just find a party and get drunk. Forget everything and everyone. It's not late enough! Well kill time and then go find a party.
And with that I take off down the street.
I run to the warehouse and my breath catches in my throat when someone who looks like Mac walk out of the door just as I'm about to open it. He gives me a wink and wolf whistle, nudging his friends as I push past him and run into the warehouse. My eyes immediately try to find my angel. It's still there on the far wall, but people have slightly gone into her wings, but other then that, she's looking like my mum when she was a teenager. Still looking over me. I grab someone's black can of spray paint as I run past their bag and find Oli's large painting of a guy holding out his heart. I rip the cap off the can as I shake it. I know exactly what I have to do. In big bold letters, I begin spray painting the words that define him perfectly.
Greedy Heartbreaking Bastard!
In smaller letters I write: Go fuck another slut and then if you're still desperate and hungry, go fuck yourself!
I hear a few people "ooh" and another few shout out "burn" and I smile sadistically to myself. I feel hands clap me on my back and a few clap. Once everyone has cleared away, one guy stays beside me, looking at the vandalism I had just accomplished.
"Oli really hurt you, didn't he?" He asks.
"Yeah, but I hurt him as well, so this makes us even." I explain.
"This sounds interesting." The guy turns to me and takes my hand. "Mind if I take you somewhere quieter?"
"Lead away." I shrug. He takes me to some stairs that lead to the roof. We plonk down and I chuck the black spray paint can over the edge and watch as it clatters to the ground.
"I'm Callum." He says.
"I'm Amber." I reply.
"Nice to meet you, so what did you do to him and what did he do to you?"
"Do you want to hear the worst first or last?"
"Last."
"Okay then let's start with what I did to him. I just told him that I wasn't over my friend who just killed himself."
"Mac Hastings. Good guy."
"You knew him?" I exclaim.
"Yeah, he was a good mate."
"How?"
"Went to one of his small gigs and met him backstage then we became mates and I linked him to a small producer."
"Oh, cool. He's my best friend. Was. Well, anyway. I realised about half an hour ago that I finally liked him. But I guess now it's too late to tell Mac. But whenever I kissed Oli, I kinda imagined that I was kissing Mac. And I told Oli, hoping he'd understand and give me some time to figure it out. Instead he kicked me out. And yelled at me and just as I was leaving, his ex, Cara, appeared at the door and he started making out with her, before slamming the fucking door in my face. A minute later I heard a... moan come from the room and so I ran here with all the anger against him and so I think I just ruined his best realistic artwork he's ever done. But right now I do not give a shit." I finish. Silence envelopes us and we both stare at the setting sun.
"Woah." Callum says.
"Yeah. I'm in deep shit." I say exhaling in a shaky laugh.
"Well, he was the one who fucked up. He shouldn't have brought Cara into it. That he's twentieth girlfriend or something."
"What?" I ask, my blood running cold.
"Yeah, I think she was twenty, you would've been twenty-one."
"What the fuck? He said he'd only ever been with about five girls."
"Ah shit. I'm sorry, he tends to lie when he wants a girl."
"What an asshat."
"Yeah. Um, so I'm about to head off to a party, do you wanna come?"
"Fuck yes."
"Okay, well, I'll just quickly finish up my painting and then we can get going." He smiles, taking my hand as we stand up. We walk back into the warehouse and Callum runs to his artwork and quickly finishes his painting of a guitar before he pulls his backpack in and takes my hand again as we walk out of the warehouse.
"Ever been on a motorbike before?" He asks as we exit the premises through a the hole in the wire fence.
"No, why?" I ask.
"Because that's how we're getting to the party." He grins.
"Oh hell no."
"All you've got to do is hold onto me. Easy." He gets onto his matte black motorbike and waits for me to get on before he starts the ignition. He revs the engine a few times before giving me his helmet.
"Wait! You need one too." I say. He shakes his head and pulls his hood up.
"Don't worry. Now wrap your arms around my stomach or you'll fall off." I hesitate, but then wrap my arms around his as he accelerates forward.
We reach the party soon enough and my jaw drops open as I see the house. Or should I say mansion. It was a mansion. And it was huge. Callum cuts the engine and gets off, taking the helmet from me and helping me off.
"Who owns this place?" I ask.
"My mates parents. They're out for a month in Tahiti and so he decided to throw a huge party." Callum explains. I nod, looking in awe at the mansion. I feel him link arms with me and we walk up the marble stairs onto the front porch that's nearly as big as my room at home.
"This place is huge." I say,
"Just like me." He grins, winking at me. I hit his arm.
"Really? Sexual jokes?" He chuckles and his arm snakes around my waist as the door opens and a by with a beer in one hand and a girl under his other arm appears in the doorway. He grins at Callum and shakes his hand after passing his beer into his other. Then his gaze shifts to me and he looks me up and down, taking in my black clothes and black hair and dark makeup and piercings, before he pushes the girl who was under his arm out of the way. He leans against the doorway with a smirk on his face.
"Hey, baby." He says. "I'm Benji, are you thirsty? I'll get you a drink. Follow me." I look up at Callum and he looks back down at me and shakes his head ever so slightly. I nod and look back at Benji.
"Hi. Amber. And no thanks. I'll just get a drink with Callum." I tell him. He shoots Callum a glare as we push past him and walk into the house.
"Just call me Cal." Callum tells me. I smile and nod. We make our way to the drinks table. As Callum pours me a drink of whatever it is in the bottle, I see Benji making his way towards me. Girls try to talk to him, but he's ignoring them and walking straight to me. He stops in front of me.
"Hey, Amber, isn't it? Do you want to go somewhere more... secluded?"
"How about no?"
"No. No isn't good enough."
"Well it is for me. Goodbye, Benji." I turn away from him and take the cup from Cal's hand. I take a big gulp from it before wincing as the burning alcohol runs down my throat. I cough and shake my head.
"Man, that is strong."
"So am I." I hear Benji whisper in my ear, his hands on my waist. I feel him kiss my neck.
"You seriously won't take no for an answer, will you?"
"Nope." He says quietly as he nips my soft spot, making me let out a small scream. I try to get out of Benji's grip, but I can't. He is strong.
"Dude! Get off her!" I hear Callum hiss and Alex is ripped off my back. I take a deep breath and hug Callum. His arm stays around my back as I pull away and we make our way to the dance floor, Benji in close pursue, not giving up. We dance together. Callum and I. Not Benji. Although he does try to steal me away a few times but only to get a punch in the stomach. Eventually he slinks off to flirt with another girl, and Callum and I are left alone to dance. I drain my cup and grab another one off a tray that coming around. I feel extremely tipsy and stumble around on the dance floor. I feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket and I pull it out. Reading the caller ID, I want to throw my phone across the room. Oli. Instead, I just decline the call and keep dancing. I trip over my own feet and screw my eyes shut as I wait for the impact of the ground to hit my body. Strong muscly arms catch me before I hit the ground. Callum's arms. I grin up at him as he helps me stand. I drain the rest of my cup desperately then turn and start kissing Callum. He hesitates for a moment but in a split second his hands are around my back, pressing me closer to his body as he kisses me, deepening the kiss every second. I feel him pull away and I open my eyes and look at him. He grins down at me and pecks my lips.
"Do you wanna get out of here?" He asks. I smirk and nod and stumble towards the exit, Callum not letting go of my arm once. Just before I reach for the handle to the front double doors, Benji places his hand on my wrist.
"Where are you going so soon?" He asks, not even acknowledging that Callum has his hand in my other.
"I'm going withCallum." I manage to slur out. "Andyou can't stopme." I frown as I yank the door open and walk out, Callum punching Benji one last time on the arm. He hands me the helmet as he sticks the keys in the ignition.
"Wait!" I exclaim. "I'm not sober, but I'm smart enough to know that if you can't walk in a straight line, you can't drive."
"Fine, I'll walk along the road line." He walks a perfectly straight line down the road line and then gets on the bike.
"C'mon." He whines. I laugh and get on as he starts the engine up, revving it a few times as I wrap my arms around his waist tightly. Then we're off.
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Oli:
I hear her sobs outside the door as Cara kisses me with so much tongue I could've choked on it. Cara pushes me onto the bed, chucking her purse onto the couch. The couch that I took photos of Amber as she laughed. And the couch that she was on when she found out that her best friend had killed himself. The best friend who's face she imagined on mine as she kissed me. Agh! I watch as Cara strips her tight fitted dress off. She's in a black and red lacy push-up bra and matching underwear. She climbs over me and starts kissing my neck. Then she kisses my lips, biting my bottom lip and tugging it roughly. She grinds into my crotch, moaning, and I find my hands settling on her waist. She's wearing way to much makeup and her boobs are definitely fake, but I just want to forget about the things Amber did.
"Ooh. Babe, you feel so hard!" She moans, closing her eyes. I don't say anything as she starts pulling my top off and does the same with my jeans. But the moment her hands slip under the waist band of my jocks, I sit up and scoot away from her.
"No. I can't do this. I won't. This isn't right." I say, grabbing my tee and pulling it over my head while making my way to where my jeans lay over the couch. I pull them on, pick up Cara's bag and dress and hand them to her.
"Please leave." I tell her. Man! Kicking two girls out of my apartment in the space of five minutes. I'm the douche of all douches. She looks at me, mouth open, but takes her stuff from me. She puts her dress on and slings her bag over her shoulder. She puts her heels back on and walks towards the door of my apartment. Before she opens it, she turns to me.
"I hope you have a good life." She pauses. "And I really hope you make things right with that emo girl, because she really seemed to like you." Her voice is sincere and true, I almost can't believe my ears. I nod and give a small wave. She opens the door and leaves, slamming it behind her.
The moment she's gone I run my hands through my hair and my breathing is uneven and panicked.
What if Amber gets hurt? What if Dylan finds her and rapes her? What if she's going to kill herself? What if? Shit! I've fucked up big time!
With that, I grab my keys and run out the door. I leap down the stairs and jump into my car. I cut in front of another car as I pull out of the garage and speed down the street. I'm going to the place where I'm hoping she'll be.
Mac's.
As I pull up out the front she doesn't seem to be there. I get out of my car and walk up the path to the front door. I knock. I think it's the mum who answers. She gives me a strange look with puffy red eyes.
"Uh, hi. I'm Oli, Amber's," I pause. What was I go her? A friend? A boyfriend? I settle for friend, "friend. I'm looking for her, have you seen her? Or is she here?" I ask. The woman shakes her head.
"No, I'm sorry. I haven't seen her. Maybe try her boyfriend's place?" She suggests. I nod.
"Okay, thanks. And I'm so sorry to hear about-" but I'm cut off by her wailing and sobbing. I don't get to finish as she shuts the front door. I jog back to my car and get back in. To Dylan's it is.
I park in the drive way of Dylan's big house and run to the front door. I bang on it continuously until I get an answer. I'm pretty sure it's Dylan's brother.
"Hey, uh, is Dylan home?" I ask.
"Dylan!" The guy screams out. I hear steps running downstairs and Dylan appears in the doorway. The other guys walks away and Dylan smirks at me.
"What do you want?" He asks.
"Where's Amber?" I demand.
"Not here. Otherwise I wouldn't have come downstairs, if you know what I mean." He snickers. I would punch him there and then, but I had more questions.
"Don't be a dick, man." He shrugs at me.
"How's she dealing with Mac shooting himself in the head? Could you imagine being Mac? Imagine that sharp burst of pain going through your head before everything went black and he collapsed to the ground. Imagine being a police officer there and having to witness it." I let my lunch go and punch him across the jaw. He lets out a small cry and clutches his jaw as he turns back to me, a smirk plastered on his lips.
"Are you asking for another one?" His smirk disappears.
"Look, I don't know where she fucking is, so just leave. Got it?" I flip him the rude finger in anger and walk away. I get back in my car and let out a long breath, closing me eyes. Then it hits me. Just call her!
I rummage around in my pockets and all the compartments of my car, before coming to the conclusion that I forgot my phone in my apartment. I slam my hands into the steering wheel in frustration. But the real thing I'm feeling here is fear.
Fear that she is about to kill herself. Fear that she is going to hurt herself. Fear that I'm going to lose her. Fear that she's found another guy who's just like Dylan. Fear she's found another guy in general.
I start the car and decide to go to Amber's dads. Hopefully she'll be there.
I park directly out the front and as I get out, something pinches in my chest. I don't know what and I don't know why. I ignore it as I step onto the rickety old wood front porch. I know on the doors few times. There's a few moments of silence before a yell comes from inside: "It's fucking open!"
I push the door open and am immediately greeted with the string smell of alcohol. I almost choke as my eyes water.
"Uh, mr. Brooks?" I ask.
"In the lounge room! What the fuck do you want?" He yells with a gruff voice.
"I just wanted to know if knew where your daughter was?"
"Why the fuck would I know where she is. The little shit ran off with the Mac kid who just killed himself."
"Oh, okay. Well, that's all. Thank you mr. Brooks."
"Yeah, yeah me whatever, just get outta here." With that, I turn around and speed walk out of the house. The moment I've slammed the door behind me, I gasp the fresh air. It was disgusting in there. Dirty, smelly and down right revolting. Still, I wasn't any closer to finding Amber. And the sun was nearly gone. With that I decide to get home and call her.
As I rummage around my apartment trying to find my phone, I stumble across her suitcase under my bed. I pull it out and look at her clothes. Black, black, black and more black. I like her in black. I can't imagine her in anything else. Her permanent straightened black hair that always manages to look amazing. Her 19 piercings. Her heavy eyeliner. Her gorgeous blue eyes. Just her. I want her back.
Fuck! I've fucked up big time!
It's been half an hour since I've been looking for my phone and it's probably about 8:30 pm. I hear my phone vibrate and dive towards the couch. It's in between the cushions. I immediately unlock it and dial ambers number. It's rings a few times before going dead. She declined my call. Shit!
Then it hits me. The warehouse.
I run out of the house, phone and keys in hand, and leap down the stairs. I get in my car and speed to the direction of the warehouse.
Just as I turn the corner into the street of the warehouse, my phone explodes with noise. I fumble with it before answering, not bothering to look at the caller ID.
"Amber?" I answer. I can hear yelling coming from the other end of the line.
Don't try to fight it, you'll only end up hurt." He hisses.
"Callum!"
"Amber! Hold on! I'm coming!" I yell, stepping on the accelerator.
"Callum, please, just let me go! I said NO! Get the fuck off me! I hate you!" She yells. I hear a fist connect against skin and Callum lets out a growl and hits her.
"What did I say, sweetheart, don't fight it or you'll end up hurt. And you've just tried to fight it. So guess what?" I can hear the smirk on his lips. "You're fucked."
"Callum! Help! Someone help! Callum get off!" She screams.
"I don't think I'll be able to drag you to my room unless I knocked you out. But that'd be no fun. You wouldn't be able to scream in pleasure. I'll just do it here." Callum says. That kills me. I step on the accelerator harder and zoom down the small streets, towards Callum's place.
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Amber:
We reach his place in no time. He parks the bike in the garage and jumps off. He walks towards me and removes the helmet from my head then kisses me softly. The garage door starts to slowly close as he helps me off the bike, our lips not breaking contact for a second. I hear the garage roller door shut and Callum quickly opens the wooden door that leads to the hallway of his house. The moment we're through the door, he slams me against the door and kisses me roughly. I pull away and when Cal tries to kiss me agai, I turn my head. He starts kissing my neck.
"Callum." I say, trying to get him to stop. He continues kissing me neck. I put my hands flat against his chest, but it doesn't faze him.
"Callum!" I say sternly, trying again to stop him. I feel him nip at my neck and I shove him off me with such force, and also thanks to the alcohol, he stumbles backwards a bit.
"Naw, c'mon babe. Let's just do it. Let's have fun. I'll let you take control." He winks, smirking as he walks towards me. I'm still against the door as his hands return to my waist and he starts kissing my neck again.
"Callum get off!" I yell. "Get off! I don't want to do anything with you. It was a mistake. I'm sorry I kissed you, but just get off!"
"I don't like the sound of that, so I'm just gonna stay right here, pressed up against your body. Thanks for the offer though." He could not get anymore jerkier then this. He was an asshole, and here I was thinking that he was one of the nicest guys I've ever met.
"Please, Callum! Get off me!" I yell, tears brimming my eyes. "Please." I plead. His hands trail up my top and start fiddling with my bra clip.
"I wanna do all kinds of things to you." He whispers in my ear, ignoring my plea. I manage to push him off me, buying me enough time to take out my phone and call Oli. I drop my phone, wincing, as Callum shoves me against the wall aggressively.
"Don't try to fight it, you'll only end up hurt." He hisses.
"Callum!" I hear a small voice coming from my phone. It's Oli's, but I can't make out what he's saying.
"Callum, please, just let me go! I said NO! Get the fuck off me! I hate you!" I manage to land a fist against his cheek and he lets out a growl and hits me. I flash back to every time Dylan hit me. It's too much and tears fall down my cheeks.
"What did I say, sweetheart, don't fight it or you'll end up hurt. And you've just tried to fight it. So guess what?" He smirks. "You're fucked." An idea hits me. Maybe if I yell 'Callum' enough times, Oli will understand where I am and come and find me.
"Callum!" I yell. "Help! Someone help! Callum get off!"
"I don't think I'll be able to drag you to my room unless I knocked you out. But that'd be no fun. You wouldn't be able to scream in pleasure. I'll just do it here." He snickers. I try to kick him as he pulls off my top, but fail as he throws my top across the hall.
I close my eyes. I'm crying now. My head is starting to throb and spin from all of the alcohol I've consumed. I'm hurting all over from being shoved into the wall numerous times. And I think I have a black eye developing. But I don't care. I'd prefer if he killed me here and now, than live another sad day of my fucked up life.
The sound of the zip of my black ripped skinny jeans coming down snaps me out of my daze and my eyes snap open. I slide down the wall, to the floor and he roughly pulls my jeans to my ankle where he then removes my shoes and then my jeans fully.
I want to scream. I want to fight. I want to run and hide. But I can't find any motivation in me to do so. So I just slump there as Callum takes of his jeans and top. Tears run down my cheeks freely and silently.
I'm done with life, I think. There's nothing more to do. Nothing more left in my life. The one guy that could protect me isn't coming because of what I did to him. My father is an alcoholic. My best friend is dead. My brother is dead. My mother is dead. And, worst of all, I'm dead. Inside I feel like nothing makes sense at all. Why was I born if I was going to get this shit life.
My eyes feel heavy under the influence of the alcohol. I let them close. My shoulder is in pain and as I clutch it, it feels wet. I take my hand away and look down at it. It's covered in red. Blood.
Shit.
Well, I guess bleeding to death is better than being strangled or suffocated to death. I shrug to myself and hear banging coming from down the hall. Maybe it's a flat mate of his, telling me to shut the fuck up. I hear yelling. The voice sounds familiar...
Oli.
He came. He doesn't hate me. He finds something in me. I hear the door burst open and heavy footsteps down the hallway. My eyes open and I see Oli looking down at me. Then his gaze shifts to the guy who was trying to rape me. Callum looks terrified. Good, I think. Callum quickly pulls his jeans back on and then he pulls his white t-shirt over his head, messing up his hair. Oli looks like he's about to go crazy. I watch as Callum takes a few steps back and Oli takes a few towards him.
"You should never trust me with the location of your spare house key." Oli's eyes full of anger, a sadistic looking smirk on his lips. "You're gonna die tonight." He says through clenched teeth. He lunges forward, arms outstretched, hungry to be wrapped around Callum's neck. I watch as Callum goes down, straddled by Oli. Oli then starts punching the shit out of him. Cal's noes starts bubbling blood and he cries out in pain as I hear the sickening crunch of bone. Oli stops another fist from flying toward Callum's face and glares down at him.
"Tell anyone I did this to you and I will hurt you so bad that you won't be recognisable." He snarls. He glances at me. "Touch her again and I swear you will never see the light of day again. Got it?" Callum nods fast and short, fearfulness lighting his eyes like wild fire. I see Oli bend down and feel his arms wrap around me as he picks me up and carries me out of his house, picking my clothes up on the way. He rushes to his car and puts me in gently.
"Shit!" He cusses under his breath. "You need stitches again."
"No, I'm fine." My head feels light and heavy at the same time.
"I'm such a dickhead. God, Amber, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. I can't..." He cants find the words his looking for instead he just lets out a growling yell and slams his hands against the rim of the steering wheel.
"Shh, shh. I'm fine. Just get me home."
"No. We are going to the hospital and that's final. Amber if we don't stop the gash from bleeding, you will have severe blood loss and I don't want to run the risk of losing you again." He says. "Fuck," he says on the exhale of a breath. "I think I'm in love with you. No. I know I am. And fuck me because I couldn't fucking protect you! Amber, please, please forgive me." I ignore him.
"Just drive. I'm in so much pain!" I groan.
"Shit! Right. Yeah, um. We'll be there soon. Just stay calm." With that he puts the key in the ignition, starting the engine, and steps on the accelerator.
We reach the hospital in minutes and Oli parks his car in the emergency area. He quickly jumps out of the car and runs to my side of the door. He shrugs off his jacket and places hit around me as he picks me up bridal style and starts jogging into the hospital. The moment we're in he starts shouting for assistance.
"Nurse!" He shouts. "Please! Someone help!" Everybody is looking at us, and me especially. I'm only in my bra and underwear with Oli's jacket around my body.
"Somebody help me now!" Oli demands. A frantic looking doctor comes running up to us, takes one look at the blood seeping through the jacket before taking me from Oli's arms. I immediately start panicking and Oli starts protesting that he should be the one to carry me. I let out a cry as my shoulder starts throbbing in pain. I recognise the doctor as I open my eyes. It's Ben from last time I was here. I cry harder as Ben puts my small body back into Oli's arms. I look up at Oli as he starts following Ben down the hallway. He looks tired and his brilliant green eyes are grey like colour and full of worry. There's a crease between his brows and he walks fast and frantically. Both Ben and Oli's mouths are moving but the words are muffled. Pain continues lancing through my body and soon numbness begins spreading around my shoulder. I let my eyes close.
I feel myself put on a bed and someone taps my cheek. I open my eyes and see Oli standing over me. He takes my hand in his.
"They're going to keep you here. They need to put stitches in again and then they're putting you on some sort of life support." He says and I hear him clearly. I nod.
"You've lost a lot of blood." He tells me. I nod again and my eyelids feel so heavy, it's a struggle to keep them open. I let the close and I feel Oli's grip on my hand tighten.
"Amber, you have to keep your eyes open. Promise me?" He asks.
"Promise." I croak out. He doesn't let go of my hand when Ben returns with a kit of some sort. He prepares a syringe and injects it into my already numb shoulder.
"So, Amber, do you remember me from last time?" Ben asks. I smile weakly and nod.
"That's good. Now, out of ten, how much pain are you in right now?"
"My shoulder is numb." I tell him. He nods and prepares a needles and thread. Just before he starts threading it into my flesh, he notices me staring at my wound.
"Ah, you may want to look at your boyfriend." He tells me. Oli begins to explain that we aren't actually together, but I just squeeze his hand and look up at him. He sits on the bed and pulls the blanket over my bare legs and stomach. Oli glances at my wound and his eyes widen and he looks back at me. I chuckle softly and smile at him as I feel his thumb start to trace circles on my hand.
Ten minutes later and my shoulder has been stitched up again. Ben stands up and takes off his gloves.
"Now, I know this is an annoying question, but how did this reopen?" Ben asks. I look up at Oli, searching for help. He smirks down at me and then looks at Ben.
"Well, Amber and I were getting a bit... frisky. And I got a bit rough and I accidentally slammed her into the wall to hard and it reopened." Oli explains. My jaw drops open.
"Then that also explains why you're in your underwear and bra." Ben chuckles. Oli joins him and I feel like slapping both of them across the face hard.
"Well, Amber, you'll have to stay over night, just so we can get more blood into you." He says. I nod and thank him as he leaves. Once the door is closed I shoot Oli a glare.
"Thank you for the help." I hiss.
"You're welcome, Cosy Girl."
"Fuck off. I don't want to see your annoying face."
"Okay, I'll pick you up tomorrow." He says turning and heading for the door. Just as I hear the door open I yell his name. He closes the door and runs towards me, jumping on the bed. I let out a squeal and wrap my good arm around his neck. Just as I do that, everything comes rushing back and I take my arm away. He knows what's wrong and he runs his hand through his hair.
"I'm so sorry. Nothing happened between me and Cara. She actually hoped that I'd make things right between us." He says. "I kicked her out and the moment she was gone, I felt terrible about what I'd down to you and so I went looking for you, everywhere. Yet I couldn't find you and I was about to look for you in the warehouse, and then I got that awful call that made my heartbreak and I sped for Callum's and just in time too. God, Amber. I felt sick and frustrated and afraid and lost. Without you I couldn't think straight. I was hellbent on finding my Cosy Girl." He finishes. There's silence between us. And then: "I'm sorry." I say, bursting into tears, and immediately I feel his arms wrap around me gently and hold me close. "I don't like Mac, know I don't. I like you. You're the one who cares for me and I don't ever want us to fight like that again. It killed me that I wasn't in your arms and that Cara bitch decided to take my place. I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry."
"It's not your fault. It's mine, all mine. And I won't ever be able to forgive myself for not protecting you." I shake my head and cry harder. "You're safe now. You don't have to worry. You're here in my arms, and that's all that matters."
I nod and my eyelids feel heavy again and I finally let them close and so does Oli. He pulls me on top of him gently and he lies down. I drift off, snug and warm in his arms.