I awoke.
My body felt sore as if someone had piled encyclopedias on every joint I had, plus a few cinderblocks. My tongue felt hairy, my teeth brittle, my muscles stiff. A whimper would have escaped my lips if not for the stinging cuts that sliced the flesh of my vocal cords. I took another shallow, shaky breath, willing my organs to work, feeling the prickles slither up my legs with merciless vigor as they caught up to my mental state.
Where am I?
My body felt heavy as I blinked open, crusted lids to a dim light that still burned my retinas. A headache ricocheted around my skull, and I felt the curse hang in my throat, caught up by the discomfort of speaking. I coughed, leaning up slightly to better visualize my surroundings. The realization catching up to me like a B-52.
This wasn't my bathroom. The wood fireplace spat and popped, making me cringe at the crack. This wasn't my apartment.
My eyes darted around the poorly lit room in a panic. Absorbing every minuscule detail. I was in a large bed, the pillow mattress top sucking me down into it.
I clenched my teeth, pain shooting through my jaw instantaneously. A deep, shaky breath pulled through me as I tried to desperately clear the fog that plagued my mind. So groggy, like I had been asleep for far too long.
I peeled them apart again, letting my gaze drift to my left side, toward the door. I tried to sit up again, a tugging pulling me to a jagged stop. I twitched my wrist, testing the full restraining power of the straps holding me down. My spine screamed as I tucked my chin into my neck, looking down at the husk of a body below me. I was bare, excluding a silky cream chemise that drooped over my form. The skin underneath was translucently pale against the dragging brown of the straps wrapped around every movable joint in my body. I jostled again, pointless, but a gut reaction to the blind panic that quickly seeped into every fiber of my being.
Trapped. I was trapped.
I took another shaky breath, my chest pressing tight against the restraint across my torso, and closed my eyes again, trying to calm myself. Working on my exercises, the skills I had practiced to keep me calm– keep me alert when I had night terrors.
A small voice twitched in my head, foreign to me and the other voices that generally occupied the space.
This isn't no night terror, girl.
I froze, listening for anything. Any sign that someone else was in this home with me. Horrible thoughts spilled into my mind, the daze clearing as I remembered where I had last been. The state I had last been in. My arm wrenched, not entirely under my control, the panic building and stampeding over itself. The urge to scream was intense, but I held my tongue. The distinct creaking of a loose floorboard. I held my breath, bees blurring in my brain as I tried to pinpoint the distance, doing my best to keep my face calm and impassive.
A gasp choked out of me as there was a thunderous smash. Cosmic cymbals that rattled my eyes and made my nose bleed.
So loud.
Focus. He's coming.
I waited for that creak, trying to calm the tremor in my blood, the urge to sob and plead for help. I didn't want this. I didn't want anything like this. Whoever's home this was had wealth. Much wealth. And I couldn't for a second not think of my sleazy landlord. The one that had warned me about living alone when I moved in so many years ago. My breaths were coming in gasps, wheezing out of my cracked and bleeding lips. My mouth filled with bitter blood that left me gagging. Something off about the way it tasted... Confusion temporarily receded my fears.
A shuffling down the hall quickly stoked the flames. I looked back at the door, my neck searing in pain. My whole spine burned with the effort. Did I pay rent this month?
I know I did.
Who had I given my key to?
I didn't tell anyone my plans.
Who found me?
The steps were heavy, and I felt restless in my skin. The splitting in my mind caused my scream to halt in its tract. There was a smell. Sweet, tropical flowers and sunshine. The air suddenly felt solid in my throat, hard to swallow. The clicking of thick shoes, either a large man or boots. I pushed up again, pain slicing my throat as I grunted. The movement rustled the IV tube nestled in the crook of my elbow, causing the rack it was attached to jingle.
HUSH, GIRL. You're making too much noise.
What are you? I asked the ever-growing void in my head. That aching rage and hunger, whispering just beneath the surface of my psyche. I watched my legs wiggle under the confines, attempting to free a foot.
A friend.
This .... Thing was old, ancient. The words did little to reassure me. It grumbled in irritation, slamming my head so hard I thought I had lost consciousness again. Falling further away from the controls of my mind, the hunger elbowing me aside. The steps were growing louder, ringing down the hallway. I had freed my foot, the moment of primal instinct kicking in: fight or flight? The thick drapery in the room were all drawn, vintage, with gold tassel ropes. Assuming the building was old, it would have guard bars. I can't just lay here like some lamb to slaughter.
Then, do something about it.
The void wiggled in my mind, pressing with all its will into my legs as the chest band finally snapped, using my back like a crowbar. I was struggling to free my right arm, the one without a tube, when I heard their footsteps brush the doorway. I held my breath, frozen, like a deer caught in headlights, watching the knob as it turned, turned, turned and clicked. My eyes trailed up a deep navy suit, the embossed pinstripes leading me to the most beautiful man I had ever seen.
I felt my skin prickle in his presence, crooning for attention as his blue widened in surprise. A dark bushy brow cocking, accentuating the nick marked in it. Thick lashes squinting in a way that made me squirm, as if I had just been caught and was about to be punished.
Whatever the hunger felt as it ran and hid, I felt the direct opposite. He was tall. The heavy-footed perpetrator's broad shoulders took up the width of the door frame. The clicking of his shoes muffled on the rug that must have run around the room. His mouth was hidden in an immaculate beard that hugged a strong jaw, yet I knew he was frowning. His gaze ran over my skin like the water it was colored by, deep and calm, his focus aligning to the small hospital drip bag now fallen onto the ground.
The fire popped again, making me flinch, his head whipping to the small cast iron fireplace tucked in the corner of the room. The movement freed a dark strand from the tight pony he secured his hair with, framing his cheek. Crossing the room in quick strides, taking a metal pail, and dumping it over the fire with a loud hiss.
I couldn't breathe, watching him work. Setting the bucket back in the exact spot, he found it. Removing his jacket to fan the steam billowing into the room. It was like clockwork. Like he was run by some sort of invisible motor. He moved to the curtains, undoing the ties and draping them over the nape of his neck. It wasn't until he had cracked the window that I realized my relief came from the fire no longer being lit.
A rich green scent cascaded off him in billows, the room a mix of warm smells and crisp night air. My cotton mouth was salivating, all urges to leave suddenly vacant. It was like before with the hunger but in the most opposite extreme. And I wondered if there was something in the bag.
I eyed the unmarked pouch, now lifted in bronze hands, the liquid thick and red. He clicked. The sound the last puzzle piece made when placed. My gaze lapped at him hungrily from the swoop of his nose, slightly crooked, as if it was broken and never quite healed right. Across his throat, I traced his Adam's apple as it bobbed. He was speaking, but I wasn't listening, solely satisfied by his appearance.
"Good morning." Based on how he dressed, his voice was rustier than I had first pictured it. This was a man who ate from tiny spoons and always ordered valet service, yet his husky tone sounded almost strained with the effort of speaking. A man of few words. Words that I tried to prevent from making my toes curl. My eyes tore from his handsome face to the bag he now replaced on the rack. There had to be something dosed in there to make me this.... Complacent.
His gaze flicked down to my bonds, two straps now cast aside as listlessly as shredded tissue paper. Pretending to notice them for the first time. My arm was free, crooked against my side, propping me up, and I felt hot at how I didn't want to leave that gaze. Someone this perfect didn't miss a single detail. He was trying to comfort me as if I was a frightened bunny, not this carnivorous Thing that was eating me from the inside.
And I suddenly became acutely aware that we were alone.
I was alone.
Alone with a strange, beautiful man, half-strapped down, in a bed that wasn't mine. Yet, all my previous questions blurred as he squeezed the bag; the only shallow thought to remain was how I was embarrassed at my lack of attire compared to his prim and proper. His hand wrapped around my left bicep gently, a stray thumb tracing the dark vein that ran up from the injection site. The needle slightly skewed underneath my skin. He was cool to the touch, making me shiver involuntarily. The dim light caught on the rings that lined his knuckles, bulky but tasteful on his long fingers. I didn't dare breathe in case he recoiled.
"This must be so jarring for you." His fingers deftly fixed the needle with practiced ease. The splitting along my bones and behind my eyes ceased, if only momentarily, from the action. His cerulean gaze flicked back up to meet mine with my relieved sigh. My chest tightened as they traveled to the band now discarded at my side, a small tweak tugging his lips downward despite the groomed mustache trying to hide it. "You should conserve your energy; there is someone I must introduce you to first."
"W-Who are you?" I would never forgive myself for how my voice quavered in that moment.
"Rhazien. Rhazien Landau." He didn't extend a hand to shake, surely because I was still bound. He took a stool from nearby and pulled it closer to the bed to sit beside me without disturbing the IV. Each movement he made wafted another cloud of wonder to my senses, and I could not help but admire how the cobalt shirt accentuated his eyes.
"What did I do?" No matter how potent the drugs were in the bag, I couldn't help the blind and climbing fear that licked up my form. Springing tears to my eyes, sympathy was all I could try for at this moment, his body blocking a quick escape to the door. A door that I didn't know was unlocked. With his size alone, he could easily overpower me, yet he seemed to sit just a far enough distance that I couldn't grab him if I wanted to.
His lashes fluttered at the inquiry, taken aback by the whining plea caught in my throat, a dark flush brushing his tanned cheeks. "Y-You've done nothing... I apologize. I'm confused by the question."
I swallowed, the feeling like gargling glass. "H-How did you find me? W-What are you going to do to me?" The panic was building with each syllable, crushing my heart in its icy fists so hard I was afraid it would burst simply from my fear. "What did I d-do to deserve this?"
Something flickered in his eyes, an emotion with enough locks to keep even the most perceptible at bay from guessing. His focus pulled to the window, sheer curtains billowing into the room with the breeze, the light catching against the smoothness of his skin, removed of all imperfections, excluding his scar. He seemed to ponder the questions, marinating an answer that might satiate me. A sigh moved through him like a raven, shoulders first.
"You haven't done anything ... I promise you, you are in no danger..." He looked back to me, something hardening over the deep of his eyes, reserving them, "If you follow my instructions exactly."
I shivered, unsure if it was from the lack of proper attire, the fear, or how he looked at me. I recalled my numb friend settling her over me like a wool blanket, doing my best to comfort my anxieties. The ringing of my circumstances loud as I shoved them down, trying to focus on one problem at a time. River, you're in a strange room with an even stranger man. Play in so he lets you out. I swallowed my anger like a bile threatening to spill, forcing my stiff neck to bob softly once.
"I also promise to answer all your questions. Once you've answered my own. Is that clear?"
I bobbed again.
"What is the last moment you remember?" His gaze sparkled, inquisitive, eager to observe every ounce I could give him. Almost intimidating if it weren't slightly flattering. That void in my head buzzed as I tried to push it aside, attempting to propel my thoughts to my mouth, still not feeling entirely in control.
"I fell asleep in the tub..." I looked away from him, examining my arms, and how pale they were, my skin rough to the touch when ordinarily smooth. Rough like stone. "My boss was calling me..." I bit my lip softly, the half-truth stirring something in my chest that made my mind companion whimper.
He leaned back, the stool creaking in protest, his hands rolling around his sleeves to secure them at his wrist. I must have winced, for he reached to the plastic bag, giving it another squeeze. The stuff working magic as I felt it slither through the needle, calming the static in my muscles. "And how do you feel?"
"Like shit." The words left my lips before I could censor them, swearing internally at my carelessness.
A huff blew through his nose in what I realized was a laugh, the crinkles around his eyes delightfully pinching them. He couldn't have been much older than I, the effects of time just starting to grace his features. "96 months will do that to you."
The warmth in my blood stilled, crackling into ice, my breath but a whisper, "... E-Excuse me...?"
A flash of remorse crossed his features, Rhazien's expression hardening as he stonewalled me, "Your sight? Your hearing?"
"Rhazien.... Rhazien, what did you say?" He was getting blurry, my face hot as I shoved down the panic, welcoming the fear and anger.
"Your hearing, is it overwhelming you? Do you think if I supported you, you could stand?"
"Rhazien–"
"It might be loud where we are going, and I need to know you can–"
"Rhazien!" My voice choked on the bark, my free arm shooting out to grip his knee. The action caused him to flinch like my touch burned him, the needle slipping from my arm. The rolling hunger swept me up again in its clutches. I must have made a sound, though the whooshing in my ears couldn't hear it, the voices coming back twofold, arguing over each other to have control. The pain sliced through my nerves. I was gripping his pants hard, the creases underneath my nails the only thing to keep me grounded. The muffled sounds of him trying to resecure the drip falling away from me as that overwhelming urge to run grew. To run and run and run and run and run and run an–
The relief crashed over me in a tide, numbing and pushing back those angry villagers behind my lids. The ones threatening to burn it all down. Large hands gently pushing me back into the mattress. I couldn't bear looking at him, the words coming to me through a fog-filled filter.
"River, you are a medical marvel to this community. We were not sure if you would pull through..."
"How long have I been here?" The whisper was pathetic, meek like a kitten. I dared open crusted lids, the visage of him standing over me blurry. Rhazien cleared his throat, returning to his stool.
"You've been under my care for a little over 96 months."
96 months.
I did the math, double– and triple-checking that I was right. The answer seemed too absurd to even consider, "8 years..."
The smell of lotus flowers wafted over me as he nodded. And for a moment, all I pictured was the gangly boy he once grew from. "Yes."
I was thankful for the rain. Splattering the window with unbothered abandon. Mercilessly soaking those who may travel during its storm. The roaring of outside, so much better than the one in my brain. He cleared his throat again when I realized he had asked me another question. The drowning white noise in my ears screeching to a halt.
Rhazien repeated, "Do you think you could stand if I helped you?"
I felt stupid, stupid and useless. My mind filled with nothing but hatred for my decisions. Stupid, stupid decisions.
"River."
"What?!" I snapped, the anger bubbling faster than I could cap it.
Rhazien's eyes softened, "I'm going to undo your protective straps now, and then we'll need to leave."
A trill of excitement shot up my spine at the possibility of finally being able to move the creak in my joints. Though hesitation and distrust seeped into my flesh at the reason, "Why?"
He started at my feet, the left still bound in a cuff that brushed my ankles as I shifted. It was almost painful to watch the effort he went through to avoid touching my skin. As if I was something that could infect him.
"It's customary for you to be Presented." He sighed, moving to the first wide strap that ran along the thick of my thighs, "Under different circumstances, I would give you more time to adjust. But unfortunately–" I didn't enjoy the sharpness in his tone, the sound making my hair stand on end, "That reality doesn't exist. I will be there with you at the Court, you aren't expected to speak. Just let me handle everything.."
Court? Presentation? His words rushed like a flood. Throbbing my being. Shrinking my possibilities. He sounded too calculated, too rehearsed. Late-night Dateline Headlines popped into my head like popcorn.
Where would I go when they were done with me? In the canal? Like so many others before me?
Who was this Court? Was this Rhazien's home? Where exactly was I?
Too many questions, foaming and bursting behind my eyes.
Compliance.
Sometimes, the safest decision was to comply.
I betrayed myself with each vowel, "Okay."
Rhazien continued to undo the straps wordlessly, the clatter of the stool being set aside making me flinch. His nose flared as he thought, looking between my body on the bed and the metal post at my bedside. Offering a hand to me, patient. Ever so patient.
My whole body felt heavy, filled with molasses and dying hope. I took his hand, pushing on it to force myself into a sitting position. The room spun with the motion, and I gasped at the pain sparking up and down my back. So long I had been laying here, presumably, laying somewhere.
8 years.
I blinked back more tears that threatened to spill, Rhazien's words competing with the wasps in my skull, "Pierce the bag and drink."
I blinked at his other arm, his thumb brushing the back of my hand as he presented the red-filled IV bag to me.
My self-pity party came to a stumbling halt, "Excuse me?" I glared at him, snatching my hand back from his, my torso wobbling slightly from the movement, like my tendons were made of Jello. The blood draining from my head and, making it feel like it was filled with helium. Like hell, I was drinking something that was only strong enough to be intravenous.
You know what it is....
I ignored the voice, pushing it back down into its mental cage.
"You need the strength. Come. They felt you waken; He won't be in a better mood if we keep them waiting."
I hissed at Rhazien, heaving my legs over the side of the bed. Wincing at the pain that shot up my muscles, a rusty hinge between my shin and thigh. "I don't know what you put in there." I made little circles with my feet, rotating my ankles, the joints snapping and popping like firecrackers.
"It's nothing that will kill you. Come, stand for me, so I know you can." He raised an arm for me to take. I refused to look him in the face, my whole body hot as I took his forearm in my hands. Sturdy like an oak, pushing him to stand, IV bag still clutched in his other. Promptly squeezing to give me another burst of juice at the way I cried out. My feet instantly went numb, his arm barely shifting from the weight as I nearly collapsed onto my toes. Everything seemed to be working wrong. Like I needed an oil tune-up by a surgeon.
My knees knocked together, the joints squeaking like two pieces of chalk. The feeling vibrated in my teeth, grinding my molars to dust. I took a shaky breath to try and focus on where my weight was shifting on my feet.
"Atta girl..."
I shivered, his breath sweet, even from this far away, making my chest tight and my thighs shiver.
"You'll get some more rest on the ride over. But this should be fine for now.." He handed me the IV bag to hold, my dumb fingers taking it from him, clamping the plastic between my teeth so I didn't accidentally drop it. Without this, I surely would be unconscious.
"I'm going to pick you up now." His tone grated so close to me; I wondered if this was the most he had spoken in the time he was caring for me.
No. Watching me.
I eyed him suspiciously, dipping my chin into a nod. Ignoring the swarm growing in my stomach as he brushed a bicep beneath my thighs, deftly picking me up against him.
He easily shifted my weight against his chest as if I were nothing but a bundle of twigs.
A free finger came to gently tap me between my brows, "Sleep."
And I did.