"Congrats!" I greeted Maeve with a hug when I saw on YouTube that she had 950K Subscribers. I am so proud of her!
She started vlogging with my camera because her parents didn't want her to buy a camera, then I will help her edit the video and upload it with her. Time goes by so fast. Parang kailan lang nangyari 'yon.. it was our vacation after she graduated from JHS. Mag-o-overnight pa siya sa amin para lang makapag-vlog, magtatago kami kapag may kumakatok. I'm so glad that I was probably by her side from the beginning, I saw her improvisation, her interest in what he was doing. Gosh... I witnessed it all.
Maeve hugged me back, hinigpitan niya iyon. Nadala siguro nang pagkatuwa niya. "Hindi ko ine-expect 'to, Nad!" excited na sabi niya sa akin.
I put a smile on my lips when I saw her crying with joy. Euan hugged her so I left there for a moment, let me give them time for each other first. Lumabas na lang ako ng Tyler's at ni-romanticize ang traffic sa Katipunan. I don't have a boyfriend so that's what I always do, romanticize everything.
Kahit nasa traffic ako, iisipin ko na lang na okay lang 'yun para hindi ako ma-bad mood. But it's really annoying to think that Kiel and I haven't talked for two days, he doesn't even have a story on his Instagram so I don't know what's going on with him! And I don't even know why he doesn't talk to me... and I don't even know why I'm waiting for his message. Duh! It's just him, I don't care if we don't talk.
We have our own lives. But... I hate to admit but I kinda miss his presence. Ang boring ng buhay ko lately, we're not talking. Ang tahimik na ulit, my phone doesn't ring every minute when I'm doing something. Wala naman akong naiwan sa condo niya para bumalik doon. Wala akong excuse!
Ugh, nevermind.
I leaned against Maeve's car and opened my Instagram. I immediately saw that Pat had a new story so I clicked on it to see. My mouth turned an 'o' when I found out he was on Pop Up right now, following his story was a photo of them together; Pat, Jaethron, Fritz, Mav, and Kiel. Ngayon ko lang ulit nakita na kasama nila si Mav, usually not.
From: Ary
Nad!! Let's hang out! Pop up! Right now!! Busy ka ba?
Kumunot ang noo ko nang mabasa iyon.
To: Ary
sure! i'm with maeve and euan rn kasi, is it okay if isama ko sila?
From: Ary
Oo naman! Punta na 'ko ng pop up, sunod na lang kayo! Ingaaaaat 💗
Bumalik na ako sa loob at naabutang naglalandian na 'yung dalawa. Tapos na ba 'yung celebration?
"Where's the element?" I asked them, Maeve and Euan. Element ang tawag ko kina Andrei at Rafi, element because they cannot be separated from each other. Inseparable naman kay Euan at Maeve. Swear, these couples are never separated and are together every time! Of course, there's me. The single one or the pangbansang fifth wheel.
"Punta raw sila Pop Up, eh. Punta ba tayo ro'n?"
I shrugged and took my things. "I'm about to said that. Let's go," as always, I'm sitting in the back. I leaned my head against the window and thought about the lessons I needed. Ugh, napapagod na ako kahit iniisip ko pa lang! "What?" sagot ko kay Maeve na tinawag ang pangalan ko. Malapit na kami sa park.
"Someone said na nandoon si Syed. Tutuloy pa ba tayo?" She looked at me. I didn't answer for a minute and cleared my throat before sitting up. I nodded. "Sure ka?"
"Yeah," I gave her a smile to reassure her. What happened in the past will remain in the past, the present cannot change that. All I need to do is accept it, grow for myself, and leave all the fear of no destination. And after many years of abandoning myself in the dark, I have found hope to turn on the light again. There is a pain that comes inside me every time I remember that or see or remember Syed, but what is the reason for me to shed tears?
Everything is over.
I accept everything.
I will meet the new me.
The bolder version than before.
And I learned to open my heart again.
For me.
"Heeey! What's up?!" I greeted Ary when I saw her. Kasama niya rin 'yung ibang friends niya. "Oh, hi!" binati ko rin si Kiro nang makita siya sa tabi ni Ary. Oh my goodness! Did he finally confess? Are they already dating?
I saw many people I know so I just greeted them. Andrei and Rafi have also arrived, they haven't ordered beer even though I said I'll pay. Ako pa ba 'yung o-order?
Nahagip na rin ng mata ko si Kiel at Syed. I noticed that Syed looked at me more often, but Kiel didn't even take his eyes off me. What the fuck is his problem? It seems like only a while ago that we were still together! Gano'n ba talaga kapag friends lang? May mga times na hindi nag-uusap for days?
I hissed.
Tumayo na ako at ako ang nag-order pero biglaan akong nakaramdam nang kamay sa balikat ko. "What do you need again?" hinampas ko 'yung kamay ni Kiro kaya natawa siya at tinanggal iyon.
"Will you buy your drink? I'll join you," inirapan ko na lang bago bumili ng drink. "Isn't that your friend? He was the one you approached when we were in UST, wasn't he?" Kiro secretly pointed to Kiel while we were returning to our table.
"Oo,"
"Why don't you approach him now?"
"Urgh! Stop being chismoso, we ended our friendship." Matigas kong sabi bago ilagay ang bote sa table namin.
"Oh? Why? Has he confessed his feelings to you? It's obvious that he likes you," Kiro shrugged kaya tinulak ko siya nang mahinahon papalayo sa akin. I don't want to talk about Kiel right now because my blood is boiling! And what? He likes me? Even if I ride in a jeep, Kiel will never like me. Well, the feeling is mutual! I will never like someone like him. Yuck but not yuck.
My friends and I danced when the music got louder again and there were more party lights. We ran out of one case again so I bought another one, nabunggo ko si Syed pero hindi ako nag-sorry. Hindi rin naman niya napansin, and even if he noticed, I still wouldn't say sorry. If I don't get an apology from him, he doesn't deserve to get mine either. Bangga lang 'yon!
Because I probably only slept for two hours earlier, I immediately felt dizzy even though we hadn't even finished the second case of beer. I sat for a while and put my hand on the table and put my forehead on my hand. I felt my head hurt so I became even more dizzy, I feel like I'm going to throw up what's in my stomach at any moment. I also heard Andrei laughing at me because he thinks I'm giving up.
I stayed in my position but raised one of my hands and raised the middle finger for Andrei. Fuck, I can't stay up. Tumayo na ako at kinuha ang gamit ko. I left a thousand on the table so if they want to buy something they can buy it. But I don't think if they have something to buy there.. oh yeah! Candy? One thousand is the new one peso right now.
"Hoy! Paano ka uuwi?!"
I heard Maeve's loud voice when I said goodbye. I looked back, "I'll walk!" I joked. I don't even know to go home rin! Wala akong car! I waved again and walked away from there. Bahala na sila. I need to go home. I bowed my head and walked slowly, I badly want to sleep. May kailangan pa akong aralin ngayon! And I have a morning class tomorrow! Why did I decide to drink now, huh?!
I'm so so stupid.
"Sue,"
But the person who called my name is more stupid.
I didn't look back because I knew who it was. From him calling my name and from his voice, walang pagbabago. If I just look back, I'll just be wasting my time.
But I still wasted my time to give Syed when he pulled my arm. "What the fuck is your problem?!" I couldn't control my emotions and voice because of what he did. Pilit kong tinatanggal ang pagkakahawak niya pero mas lalo niyang hinihigpitan 'yon. "Take your hand off me, Syed!"
"Let's talk, Sue. Please-"
"Talk?! For what reason, Syed? Huh?!" ginamit ko ang isa kong kamay para tanggalin ang kamay niya sa akin but it didn't work.
"About us. Let's go back together, Sue," ang kapal ng mukha niya para sabihin 'yang mga salitang 'yon. About us? Why? What do we have? Get back together? For him to hurt me again? To make me a pig again? To turn me into a money-issuing bank again? To turn me back into a rag that can be wiped anywhere? To turn me into trash and just throw it away?
That will never happen again.
I learned my lessons.
I smirked. "You are so dirty and you think I will come back to you? Oh, gosh, Syed! Wake up? Hellooo?" I snapped twice in front of his fucking face. "You look like a dead nail to look back on. So, stop and go back to where you belong-"
Syed cutted me off. "Ang laki ng pinagbago mo. Natuto ka nang lumaba-" he tightened his grip on me so that my blood increased even more.
He didn't finish what he was going to say when I slapped him with all the anger, pain, memories. Carrying all the memories he caused me.
He touched his cheek. "Yeah, of course I will learn to fight because of what you did to me! Bakit, Syed? Do you think I'm still the girl you used to know? You think I'm still weak when it comes to you? Tangina..." my voice cracked. "After you fooled me a few times! Fuck you!" he let go of me.
"Your words-" he was about to punch me but I just blinked and saw Kiel who was the first to hit Syed. Hinawakan ni Syed ang gilid ng labi niya at tinignan nang masama si Kiel at inambahan na suntukin pabalik si Kiel kaya hinarangan ko si Kiel.
"Try to lay your hands on him and I won't hesitate to open a case against you with everything you did to me." My whole body trembled as well as my voice while saying those words.
Hinatak ko na si Kiel papalayo roon. "You okay?"
I took a deep breath before looking at him. I nodded. "I'm fine. How about you?" My facial expression changed from angry to worried when I looked at him. "Sorry about that." I apologized.
"Mine is not important to me, it's good to know that you're okay. Are you hurt?" tinignan niya 'yung braso ko na namumula. Umiling ulit ako. "Pauwi ka na ba?"
"Yeah, I will walk from there! My condo is far away," tinuro ko 'yung direction papunta sa condo ko.
"It's cold. Wear this and let's go," binigay niya sa akin ang hoodie na kanina niya pa hawak. It was color cream and had a big 'R' on the back. I'm not like this to other people but I followed what Kiel said and followed him wherever he went. Nakita ko ang kotse na umilaw at doon kami pumunta, it's his car. He opened the door for me so I went in there, I avoided talking or making noise because I was getting more and more dizzy.
I don't know what time I got home but when I opened my eyes the sun was rising so I stood up quickly, causing my vision to darken for a while. Naramdaman ko ring mabigat ang katawan ko kaya bumagsak ang balikat ko, I'm sick sick sick! My class was early so I put aside the heaviness of my body and the pains in my body, I took a shower right away even though I was feeling weak but I had to attend my class.
Hindi na ako kumain ng breakfast. Meron ding note na nakadikit sa ref pero hindi na ako nagbigay ng oras para tignan 'yon. All I did was hurry up and go straight to my class. I don't have the energy to talk to anyone but I need to socialize during class, Even though it's hot outside, I still feel cold and I didn't notice that I got a different hoodie from the bed earlier.
Kaninong hoodie ba 'to?
I don't have a hoodie like this.
Hinayaan ko na lang at sinuot iyon. I leaned against the wall while waiting for my next class. I'm tired, I want to rest.. but I don't have time to rest. When I rest while there is work to be done, I remember the expectations of me. Parang illegal na ang magpahinga ngayon.
Natapos ko na ang classes ko for today kaya bumalik na ako sa condo. Pumaok kaagad ako sa kwarto ko at humiga. I hugged a pillow and felt tired, I didn't even realize that there were tears that fell from my eyes. I wiped it and stood up again, "All eyes are on me." I said to myself before leaving the room again and going to the kitchen. I was about to open the fridge but I remembered the note so I looked at it.
Drink your medicine
From his handwriting, I immediately knew who it was so I took my phone and messaged him. Nakita ko na rin 'yung gamot sa lamesa.
To: Ralpkiel
hi. you probably wrote it. i just want to say thank you for the medicine. i appreciate it a lot, ralpkiel.
I-o-off ko na sana ang phone ko but he replied.
From: Ralpkiel
Hi! Nadeleine, diba? Sorry, tulog pa kasi si Ral. At normal lang yang ginawa nya, kahit sakin ginagawa rin nya yan haha. Wag ka sanang mag-assume na gusto ka nya dhil dyan :)
Bla, bla, bla.
I don't think Ralpkiel likes me! Bakit naman niya sasabihin 'yun? Nilapag ko na lang sa table ang phone ko at kinuha ang mga gamit ko. I studied in the kitchen because I would accidentally close my eyes when I was in the bedroom. I looked at the things I had to do and the endless storms I would face.
You can do this, Nadeleine.
I started studying the lectures that I didn't study because we went to the Pop Up, I chased every detail there, memorized something and took down notes. I looked at the time and it was getting dark again, I looked at the refrigerator for a moment. Wala akong oras para magluto, marami pa akong kailangan gawin.
Kumuha na lang ako ng water at uminom ng tubig. Nakakailang inom na ba ako ng tubig ngayong araw?
Two? Three? Yeah, three times.
I let out a laugh before taking a deep breath. I'm hungry, I'm dizzy, I'm getting weak, I'm running out of water. Tinignan ko ang mga gamot na stock ko pero ni isang medicine na kailangan kong inumin ay wala. The medicine that Kiel left was a different kind of medicine. Hindi 'yun ang kailangan ko.
You are a Vienaiaz, Nadeleine.
Tumingin ako sa itaas upang pigilan ang mga namumuong luha sa mata ko. If I don't have time to do what I need to do for my health, do I still have time to waste tears? No. Bumalik na ako sa pag-aaral. I still managed everything even though I knew where I was going to fall.
My eyes slowly opened when I heard someone move and a hand landed on my forehead. Nakatulog na pala ako habang nag-aaral. Ano'ng oras na ba? I still have to study, I can't sleep. When my vision was clear, I saw the man with his back and cooking something.
"Hey," mahina kong sabi. I recognized his back so I knew him right away. "What time is it? Why are you here? Paano ka nakapasok?" I asked him as I rubbed my head with one hand while looking at him.
Tumingin na siya sa akin. "You're sick and you're still studying?" naglapag siya ng bowl sa table, it's porridge. Tinanggal niya ang apron niya at hinila ang upuan na nasa tabi ko para roon siya umupo. Hinila niya rin 'yung upuan ko papalapit sa kaniya.
"I have no appetite, Ralpkiel," iniwas ko ang tingin ko sa kaniya at kinuha 'yung phone ko. He had texts and missed calls that I didn't answer because I fell asleep, it's almost eleven o'clock at night. I still need to study. "How did you get in here? You don't have a key." I asked him. Nakatingin lang siya sa akin nang seryoso.
"The door's unlocked, Nadeleine. Come on, look at yourself..." his voice softened. "It's obvious from your look that your stomach has nothing but water. Your fever is high, can't you feel it?"
I shook my head. "I'm fine, it's okay-"
"Kakain ka sa ayaw at gusto mo."
I just rolled my eyes when he said that. Uh, did I really forgot to lock the door? What is happening to me? I am far from myself.
"You don't want to stop studying for your future, but how will you reach your future if you don't take care of yourself? Get a grip on yourself, please, Nadeleine. Just eat, drink medicine, and go rest. I'm begging." I can feel Kiel's sincerity in every word he says. It was obvious from his voice that he was begging me to follow what he was saying.
Kindness visited me so I sipped the porridge in the spoon that Kiel was holding. I was too lazy to talk and move so I followed everything he said, pagkatapos kong kumain ng porridge ay binigyan niya ako ng tubig na warm at medicine. I also drank that before entering my room to sleep.
Ginigising lang ako ni Kiel kapag kailangan kong uminom ng gamot. I never thought I would end up in this situation, I always act early. Ngayon lang ako nahuli. I never thought that I could neglect myself. Will Mommy be happy when she finds out what I'm doing? Mom can't worry about me and she can't take care of me. She's... too busy to do that. I don't want to be disturb her.
So, thanks to Ralpkiel. I don't know how to repay him for everything, at the very beginning, that he did. He is the one who is always by my side when Maeve isn't around. He is the first to catch me when I fall.
When I woke up, I felt normal again. I took the thermometer that was on the side of my bed. My temperature has dropped so it's probably just sinat. Tumayo na ako at ginawa ang skin care ko every morning. Hindi ko alam kung umalis na si Kiel pero mukhang hindi pa, I saw his back again while cooking.
"Morning," I started. I was even impressed when I saw all the papers arranged on the table, next to my iPad and phone. "Wow, thanks," I smiled as I took the papers. Ibabalik ko lang sa kwarto.
Kiel pressed his palm to my forehead, causing me to disappear for a moment. "Malapit na 'to maluto, uminom ka ng gamot pagkatapos mo kumain."
"Pst, are you the same with others? To your friends," I asked without looking at him, naalala ko lang 'yung message ni Nikki.
"To be honest, no."
"Eh, bakit sabi ni Nikki ganiyan ka rin sa kaniya?"
"That was when I still like her, Nadeleine,"
"So, you're doing this to me because you like me?" tinapunan ko siya ng mapang-asar na tingin at ngiti.
He removed his apron and brought his face closer to mine. "What if yes?" He smirked, taking revenge.
Inirapan ko siya at iniwas ang tingin ko. He's so gwapo, I can't handle it. "Anyways, why didn't you talk to me for two days?"
"Why? Are you waiting for my message?" he teased again.
"What if yes?" I mocked his words.
"Kidding aside, thought he was your boyfriend."
Nag-iba kaagad ang expression ng mukha ko nang marining 'yung sinabi niya. "Who? Syed?" Nandidiri kong sabi.
Speaking of Syed.
I just remembered what happened last night.
"No. Si Kiro. If you act when you're at the bar, it's like you're dating. I thought wrong, Nadeleine. I'm sorry, I won't do that again, it won't happen again. I promise," and he's speaking like he's my boyfriend.
"Next time, ask first. That's what I hate the most, mag-iisip ng bagay na hindi naman totoo. That's why I don't want anyone to see us that we know whenever we go out. Just eat there too," it's only morning but my head is getting hot right away! I run out of patience when that happens. "And, uh, Syed is my ex-boyfriend."
After we ate, I took the medicine. When I stood up, he immediately told me not to fight with him and that he would clean the plate. All I should do is keep quiet and rest. Tinalikuran ko na lang siya at pumasok sa kwarto para mag-aral, after lunch pa naman 'yung class ko.
May pasok kaya si Kiel?
I just read my lectures on the iPad and then I left the room. My door was just open from earlier in case Kiel wanted to come in. "May class ka?"
Napunta ang tingin niya sa akin, may ginagawa siya sa laptop niya at may sinusulat. "After lunch, how about you?" umupo ako at uminom ng tubig.
"Same,"
We both decided to eat lunch at UPTC and as usual, we sat at the end because I didn't want anyone to see us. Kumain lang kami 'tapos hinatid niya ako sa SEC A. Sabi ko sa kaniya hintayin ko na lang siya mamaya sa gate 2. He'll pick me up daw, eh.
My energy is back, I'm cheering on anyone I know again. Nakatanggap pa nga ako ng text from Ralpkiel, ang sabi niya ay magdahan-dahan lang daw ako baka mabinat. And I just said 'okay'. Thanks for reminding me!
We ate at gonzaga when the professor wasn't around for a few minutes, then we went back to being stressed out about what we were studying. Ayoko na! I'm tired of being a Biology Student! Just a little kembot and I'm going to shift courses! Ugh, I hate my course so much! Gusto ko na lang mag-Psychology.
Dali-dali akong tumakbo habang dala ang gamit ko papunta sa gate 2, nandoon na raw si Kiel! Mas unang natapos 'yung class niya kaysa sa akin kaya maaga siyang nakaalis sa UST. Fortunately, the campus was clean and there weren't too many people in the direction I was going.
I immediately saw Kiel's car on the side, I hurried to go there again, when I got inside, I caught my breath and drank some water. Pagod na nga ako course ko, pagod pa ako dahil sa aga ni Kiel!
"Sabi ko sa 'yo huwag kang magmadali," Kiel scolded me. Sinungitan ko siya kaya hindi na niya ako pinansin at nagmaneho siya. Hinayaan ko lang siya magdrive habang ako ay nakatutok sa phone.
thomateneans
Andrei:
oo tas pinagkakalat daw ni jana na nagloko ung jowa nya ket hindi naman HAHAHAHA
Maeve:
e nakita q nga yan si jana may kakiss na lalaki
sa morayta
Rafi:
Jana's bf is a crimonology, right? Poor him.
Andrei:
tama babe!!! bait din ng pamilya nun tinanggap si jana tas wala rin tong babae
Nad:
who’s jana
Rafi:
Nads, I saw you earlier pero you look like
you're in a hurry so I can't catch up with you
Nad:
really ba? sorry guys huhu nasa priv rs na ako :(
Maeve:
potah malala na 'to hahaha @Andrei ireto
mo na kasi si nad sa friend ni kiel ezchavez
Andrei:
Kay fritz? Yung nagtanong kung single ba si nads hAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
"Oh," sabi ko nang mabasa 'yung message ni Andrei. I closed my phone and looked at Kiel. "Kanino mo nalaman na hindi ko boyfriend si Kiro? Did your hunch say that too?" Mapang-asar kong sabi.
"That was last night, while you were talking to your other friends and then I told Fritz to approach Andrei and ask if that man is your boyfriend. Masaya ka na?" nakasandal 'yung siko niya sa may window ng car at ang isa niyang kamay ay nakahawak sa steering wheel. He's looking at me, stop light kasi.
"You really have a crush on me, my gosh!" I joked, hinawakan ko 'yung ulo ko at hinimas iyon nang dalawang beses. "Anyways, I missed your filipino accent. You are getting too used to english again," binaba ko 'yung sun visor mirror at tinignan ang mukha ko. I applied a little liptint and combed my hair, humahaba na ulit 'yung buhok ko!
"Salamat,"
"Cringe."
I just heard his soft laugh after that. Time passed and I only knew we were in Antipolo when I checked my location on my phone, ano'ng gagawin namin dito? Sunset na nang makarating kami sa restaurant. From where I'm sitting, I can see nature and the sun going to sleep. I smiled as I inhaled the strong wind, it was the rest I needed. The view I needed to see.
Woah, it's a great escape.
I just had the experience of eating at this restaurant again that has a great view and is far from the people I know, so I feel comfortable moving around. I don't need to think that anyone can see us. Parang ligtas ako ngayon.
We also bought coffee after we ate, I don't know where Kiel was going because it was late and dark. Mayroon namang ilaw 'yung sasakyan pero nakikita niya pa ba 'yung daan?
Bumaba ako sa kotse at namangha ulit sa view na nakita. City lights. This is the event that I really want to do but I can't because my schedule is strict. The air was cold as I leaned against Kiel's car, I looked at Kiel's hand, holding a jacket. Bakit ba palagi na lang siyang mayroong dala na jacket? Palagi ba siyang nilalamig?
Pinasalamatan ko siya at tinanggap iyon. Binigay ko sa kaniya saglit 'yung coffee ko upang isuot ang jacket. Ang bango ng perfume niya.
We were both leaning on his car and watching the lights of the city. At first, I wanted to do it alone but I didn't think I had anyone to go with. I took a deep breath and put my life thoughts aside, ako muna. Kailangan ko ring piliin sarili ko. I will let myself have a free life first.. for now.
I placed a smile on my face. "Thank you for bringing us here, Ralpkiel. My hope just increased again, somehow I felt rested." I just kept looking at the view, admiring them.
"You deserve this." He looked at me. Hindi pa nagtatagal ang oras nang magsalita ulit siya, dahilan kung bakit bigla akong kinabahan at napatingin sa kaniya, "Nadeleine,"
My smile dropped a little. "Yeah?" I asked, nervous.
"Is this all we've got?"
Everything I felt changed, as well as my whole inner being. My shoulders slumped when I heard his question but my smile waned. Right now, I don't know what to feel. What did he mean? What is he trying to get here? Does he still want something else?
"W-what do you mean? Do you want to raise the level of our friendship to being best friends?" I pretended to laugh at what I said, I was just trying to joke because I wanted to get out of our awkwardness here. Bumigat 'yung presensya naming dalawa. Lumayo ako nang kaunti sa kaniya.
"Hindi 'yun- uh, sorry..." iniwas niya na ang tingin niya sa akin at uminom siya sa coffee niya at pumikit. It seems that he just accidentally said what he said earlier with emotion, maybe he wasn't sure of what he said. Mukha siyang nagsisisi ngayon.
Silence visited us, the only thing we could hear was a sound I didn't know where it was coming from but it seemed to be coming from the tree. I just looked at the lights again and thought of a decision. But instead of making a decision, questions came to my mind.
Am I really ready again?
Can I really do it again?
Is it time to try again?
What if it happens again?
What if...
What if really fucking sucks.
For me, I am fully aware of the fact that it will never happen again if I do the right thing. I know I won't experience that if I risk it with him. This fucking Ralpkiel, the man I've known all my life who has more goodwill than my father. From the first time we met, I immediately felt that there was goodness in him. From the way he approached me, from the way he talked to me and handled my situation in the hospital.
When we were talking about our lives, I saw how he talked about his family and his dream. He has a bright future. Then it's just like that... he will meet me with a very dark inner life. He also immediately made me feel the things that I wanted to experience before, ginawa niya lahat 'yon even we're just friends. He did everything I was looking for even if I didn't say it.
Then, Nads, why can't I accept someone like him because of a man who doesn't treat me right? Because I was basically blinded by what happened before. Tangina. It's been years but I'm still scared until today, I know it's hard but it's not that easy for me.
Yeah, that's what I always say that there is no change. Hanggang salita lang naman kasi ako. Back to Kiel, I know he's a really good person who reached the point where he couldn't do such a thing. Sasayangin ko pa ba 'to?
"I already know that, Ralpkiel." I spoke out of time. Humigop ako sa coffee ko at nilagay ang kanang kamay sa pocket ng jacket ni Kiel. "I knew it all the time, before I heard it sa condo mo. Matagal ko nang alam, Kiel, sorry," I said.
"What do you mean?" I saw from my perspective that he was looking at me, may halong pagtataka 'yung boses niya.
"Do you remember when we went to the mall? When I went to the restroom then while you were waiting for me outside, I heard your voice talking to your mother.. ano ba ulit sabi mo?" tumingin ako sa langit at pilit na inalala ang salita niya. "'I am with the girl I like, Ma'. Yeah, that's it." I explained it to him.
"I'm sorry-"
I glared at him and didn't let him finish what he was going to say. "Sorry for what? Sorry because you like me?!" he's hurting my feelings!
He defended himself, "No! That's not what I meant. I'm sorry because I had feelings for you... kahit alam akong hanggang kaibigan lang tayo," he gave me a small smile, causing my heart to tingle for a moment.
This is one of the reasons why I don't want us to have a relationship!
I knew for myself that Kiel couldn't hurt me but I... I could hurt him. Even though I don't want to do that, I feel destined to hurt him. I was destined to hurt myself.
Pareho kaming napatingin sa bulsa niya nang tumunog 'yung phone niya. He looked at me for a moment so I nodded to say that it was fine for him to answer that. Bakit ba siya nanghingi pa ng permission sa akin? I'm not his girlfriend or what... He answered that in front of me, it was his father.
"What?!" pati ako nagulat nang makita 'yung mukha ni Kiel. "Why did not you tell me, Pa? I'm going home, I'll hang up now." He ended the call and looked at me, inunahan ko na siyang magsalita.
"It's okay. It's getting late na rin, we can go na. Mukhang may emergency pa sa inyo," I smiled at him and went straight into the car.
Even though I feel like he can't stop moving, it looks like there is an emergency, he still manages to drive safely and calmly. Nakarating ako sa condo nang ligtas. Ni hindi ko na siya nabigyan nang maayos na paalam kanina.
I sent him the photo of us earlier on Instagram.
nadeleine: thank you for today, and always. get home safely, ralpkiel. i will think about it. good night, sweet dreams.
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